Parents

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Wow, what a charitable Christian way to solve the problem…:rolleyes: Threaten to put your parents in a nursing home and remind them of their impending death? Where in Paul’s epistles was that sage advice, again?😃 Or what was that quote from Jesus to the Beloved Disciple? Woman, behold your son. Son, behold your burden until you can find a home for her?
 
I agree it’s time to move out, and get a new job. Problem solved. 😉
 
At age 30, you should be on your own.

No decent woman will want to date a man who still lives at home at age 30!

It is time to grow up!
 
**Notice: **Please keep the charity level at a maximum or this thread will be closed and conduct action will be taken.

Mane Nobiscum Domine,
Ferdinand Mary
 
I have brothers who still lived at home and were working for our parents when they were 30, but they were fully functioning adults within the household. My parents would not have dreamt of telling them how to spend their money. These men knew what the house rules were and were content with them.

That is true of the brothers who stayed at home that long. The others were quicker to get to the point where they needed to be making their own house rules. They felt infantilized by the need to let their parents know where they were and when they’d be back. They wanted a life apart from the family business. They each had their own combination of reasons, but it came down to a man needing to do what a man needs to do.

I’ve seen a reasonably healthy family business, and I’ll tell you that a) it seems to be the exception to the rule and b) even in healthy family businesses, the majority of the kids get past the point where they’re comfortable with their place in the heirarchy way before they turn 30.

If I were dating you, I wouldn’t be alarmed that you were willing to work for and live with your dad. I don’t think that puts me in the majority. I would be alarmed that you were willing to take the treatment you describe. That puts me* far* into the majority.

I’d quit putting anything on my card if I were you…not because Dad hassled me about my purchases, but because I was quietly saving money with both hands in order to get out and live on my own. Also, if my dad weren’t someone I’d want to work for if he weren’t my dad, I’d look for other employment, too. If that meant getting cut out of the will, well, so be it. Fate or his whim could take his whole fortune in a day, anyway. To put your future in the hands of another’s whim is a recipe for bitterness.

Maybe it will take two years if you start today, but if you don’t start today, how long will it take? Go for it. You can do it. If you put effort into it, it won’t take anything like 2 years.

No restaurant menu has anything on it that tastes as good as adulthood.
 
Brian_C said:
Wow, what a charitable Christian way to solve the problem…:rolleyes: Threaten to put your parents in a nursing home and remind them of their impending death? Where in Paul’s epistles was that sage advice, again?😃 Or what was that quote from Jesus to the Beloved Disciple? Woman, behold your son. Son, behold your burden until you can find a home for her?
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No, no, it’s very charitable, it brings up important money mng’t principles, which his dad seems to be concerned about…Are the extra’s really worth it?

But all smart remarks to the side, it really is something important. What does happen if mom and dad get in a car wreck? Living at home and being that old, your probably going to be the point man for about everything, unless specifically deligated to someone else. What is the plan for the business? Do you know where the insurance papers are? Who has power of attorny to deal with finances? What about medical decisions? What are wishes if one does need to be placed in a home and is not in a state of mind to make those decisions? What are their wishes for a funeral arrangement? Is there a will?

If he’s worrying about each line of a credit card bill of his son, I have to wonder if he is such a micromanager that he discplaces eveyone else’s attempts at managing, that everyone won’t know what to do when he is gone?

I guess I cannot tell how independent of your parents you are Bones. I mean that even if dad is going through credit cards, such is life with a family. When babies come along, even if you aren’t living with the other, one might annoint oneself as all knowing expert of caring for babies, and tell you how to raise one. Sometimes one just has to listen to “blah, blah, blah,” and finish by saying “thank you, I’ll consider that.” They’ll tend to do it cause they love you. Sometimes you just have to put up with it, they put up with your irratating tendancies. The more important thing is though, if your house burns down, they be the ones trying to help the most. Or you kidney fails, and they offer one of theirs no question even needed to be ask.

But really what I started out with, is really important to know. Everyone needs to be ready, death tends not to skip anyone. If dad thinks you need his advice for caring about a credit card, what would I ever do without you, might be a smart remark, but it really is a very, very important question. If he is a control freak, he might actually need to be reminded that he is not always going to be around.
 
This is a no-brainer. You live with them.

Get a post office box, as somebody else suggested. Consider it the start on your independence, and your new “place” (easy to decorate and clean!😉 ). Have your mail go there. If the US Postal Service has a waiting list as they sometimes do, get a PMB at the UPS Store, where they run about $15-20 a month, $150 for a full year.

Goofy question: Are you inheriting the family business? I ask because if you’re not, it’s time to find a new job. If you are, it’s time to sit down with Dad or the company manager and better define your role and job description.

Whether or not you’re inheriting the family business, it’s time to get a place of your own. Start saving! Now! Set a goal, say three months maximum! Mom can always bring you over a casserole. Get a roommate if you must, but it’s time to quit living with the folks.

If you have not charged up your card to the max, you might want to think about a cash advance, if you can afford it, to help start your independence fund. Keep paying on the card as well as stashing away everything you can add to the cash advance to get out now.

I bet they’ll be glad to see you go, too. I know a guy who stayed on after college with Mom and Dad. He was very reliable. He mowed the lawn, cleaned the gutters, painted, kept up his room, bought groceries, was about the perfect son. And Mom drew him aside one day and asked him point-blank, “When do you intend on getting out on your own? Dad wants to know. It’s not good for you to live with your parents at your age. No nice girl will ever want you if you keep this up, and nobody will carry on the family name! And quite frankly, well, Daddy and Mommy need time alone. And you’re always here! You can still come once a week for dinner. But you have enough money- move!”
 
I just wanted to say in the OP’s defense that they’re times when one has no choice but to move back in with your parents for a while. I had to move back in after going into the Air Force and they ruined my back. I wasn’t able to work and had no income. I tried to work and was asked to leave due to many sick days due to back pain. I was 27 yr. old when I moved back in and stayed with them until I married at 33 yr. old because I had to apply for Social Security disability which took years to win. My two sister’s who got divorce were also left without any money by their ex’s and had to move in with my parents and they had children. They both have their own place now, but had to move in for years until they could financially live elsewhere. We don’t know the OP’s reason for living with her parents. My parents also did the same, not to me, but to one of my sister’s on her credit cards. They paid everything though for her and she did stay there rent free. I guess they had a right when she was spending too much. They wanted her to save so that she could one day move out if she wanted too, which she did eventually. Both of my sisters were in their 30’s when they had to move back home.
 
nana3 said:
I just wanted to say in the OP’s defense that they’re times when one has no choice but to move back in with your parents for a while. I had to move back in after going into the Air Force and they ruined my back. I wasn’t able to work and had no income. I tried to work and was asked to leave due to many sick days due to back pain. I was 27 yr. old when I moved back in and stayed with them until I married at 33 yr. old because I had to apply for Social Security disability which took years to win. My two sister’s who got divorce were also left without any money by their ex’s and had to move in with my parents and they had children. They both have their own place now, but had to move in for years until they could financially live elsewhere. We don’t know the OP’s reason for living with her parents. My parents also did the same, not to me, but to one of my sister’s on her credit cards. They paid everything though for her and she did stay there rent free. I guess they had a right when she was spending too much. They wanted her to save so that she could one day move out if she wanted too, which she did eventually. Both of my sisters were in their 30’s when they had to move back home.
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Sorry you had your injury. Your reasoning is well founded for you and your sisters.

However- This is a young man (right?). He doesn’t appear to be injured, as he is working for his dad.
 
As I think of it, my one response was rather smart alecy, but that was one of my first impressions and how to frame a reaction. I think my impression is that he is high strung and and with has a strong tendancy to micromanage. That impression can be wrong, but the generality of it reminds me of manager who work like that. If this is the case, you really might need to stand your ground and throw in a couple of hooks so to say.

Everyone is different and you need to frame a reaction to those differances. As a manager you might need to manage the relationships by being encourageing and given permission to take some risks, others you have to be harsh too, others you might have to be smart alecy, others sit down and explain. The same is pretty much for how to work with a boss.

Sometimes with high strung micromanaging people, I’ve scene what can work is really to hold your ground. If someone is weak and submissive, that person is going to come down hard. If you stand your ground and fight back a bit, they respect you and let you have your space. If he is like that, you might have to act in confidence and hold your ground. He might want to toughen you up.
 
bones_IV said:
Can’t afford that. At least not now. He says, “it’s my money your spending” since he pays me for working for him.
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Maybe if you didn’t charge so much you could afford to move out???

Believe it or not, your parents may be looking out for your own best interest. Many people today can not manage their money. That is why there are so many people filing bankruptcy… all they do is want, want & want!
 
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