Parish in Crisis

[FraPio]

My parish recently got a new priest, who was elevated to Parochial Vicar whereas our other priest was only in Residence.

Things started off fine, but now most of the women in our church dislike him. I ignored it until my wife had to call the rectory and he said it was too early to take phone calls, it was 8 AM and lied and said the Pastor was not awake (he was saying Mass)

Some have said he “just doesn’t like women.” Our Pastor is non-confrontational and we already have an office manager that is very rude and disliked.

After speaking with our Pastor on a personal family matter he came off surprisingly unsympathetic — and said “I don’t know why I bother to help.” He called later to sorta apologize.

Myself and and another family are considering leaving the Parish if not the Church altogether.

 

[Tablefor9]

Don’t leave Jesus over Judas.

How far away are the other parishes? I’d try that.

Prayers for you and your family. Others will have better advice, I’m sure.

 

[bitterhope]

My parish recently got a new priest, who was elevated to Parochial Vicar whereas our other priest was only in Residence.

Things started off fine, but now most of the women in our church dislike him. I ignored it until my wife had to call the rectory and he said it was too early to take phone calls, it was 8 AM and lied and said the Pastor was not awake (he was saying Mass)

Some have said he “just doesn’t like women.” Our Pastor is non-confrontational and we already have an office manager that is very rude and disliked.

After speaking with our Pastor on a personal family matter he came off surprisingly unsympathetic — and said “I don’t know why I bother to help.” He called later to sorta apologize.

Myself and and another family are considering leaving the Parish if not the Church altogether.

I was in a very similar position a few months ago. I was ready to leave the Church entirely. We switched parishes and it’s been a huge blessing to our family. It’s a long drive. In our area there aren’t many Catholic Churches. It’s worth the extra time and gas to get to where we need to go. Our souls gave never felt more home than they are now. I’ll be praying for your family. You can PM me if you want more info about our situation and how close we were to leaving the faith entirely. Things can get better simply by finding a new church with a better community.

 

[Vim71]

I was in a very similar position a few months ago. I was ready to leave the Church entirely. We switched parishes and it’s been a huge blessing to our family. It’s a long drive. In our area there aren’t many Catholic Churches. It’s worth the extra time and gas to get to where we need to go. Our souls gave never felt more home than they are now. I’ll be praying for your family. You can PM me if you want more info about our situation and how close we were to leaving the faith entirely. Things can get better simply by finding a new church with a better community.

It’s too long of a story to go into, but nearly 2 years ago now, I too switched parishes. I’m glad it happened. There are only two parishes in my area, so I’ve increased my donation each week to help this parish stand on it’s feet (We just barely broke even last year). If it should ever close down, I don’t know where I will go or what will happen.

 

[lax16]

I second what the other posters have said - try a new parish.

I was in a similar situation and found myself at a parish I wasn’t even considering. It’s been a wonderful change.

 

[ynotzap]

If something is seriously wrong in a parish go to the Bishop in charge of that district, and in a charitable way state the difficulties you and others are experiencing. A priest should not alienate his parishioners, but serve them out of Christian love. We know they are human with human faults, just as we, but their responsibilities is serious, and they will be held more accountable before God. The Bishop should also be concerned, but he too is human and can’t know of these problems unless informed. This is not to go against the priest, but to inform him of his administration to the parish, and his duties to it, and to eliminate the problem. The solution may be very simple. We should be able to dialogue with each other in a charitable way. When the parish can not approach the priest, then its time to approach the Bishop.

 

[Casilda]

… When the parish can not approach the priest, then its time to approach the Bishop.

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

 

[jimcav]

I feel a bit differently than other posters here.

Don’t leave this parish. (And certainly not the faith)

It seems to me you haven’t done very much to see this problem through or to help this priest become a better pastor. You might say that its not my job to do that, but maybe it is. I believe that sometimes we are called in life to fix things, to be the catalyst for change. If we were to leave our marriage, a job, or an organization every time we had problems, where would society be and how would that help us to grow?

Could God being calling you to help this parish? Possibly. Maybe he put this stumbling block in your path, and that of the other parishoners, to see it through and to fix His Church and help His priest. Think of the reward, and the spiritual growth you would attain should you be able to turn this parish into a thriving one again! That is exciting! Don’t follow the crowd that doesn’t like this priest. Stay away from the negatives, and bring out his positives! Be the light! Be the change! This is your chance to step-up and become the beacon of your parish.

God will surely reward your efforts!

 

[FraPio]

I feel a bit differently than other posters here.

Don’t leave this parish. (And certainly not the faith)

It seems to me you haven’t done very much to see this problem through or to help this priest become a better pastor. You might say that its not my job to do that, but maybe it is. I believe that sometimes we are called in life to fix things, to be the catalyst for change. If we were to leave our marriage, a job, or an organization every time we had problems, where would society be and how would that help us to grow?

Could God being calling you to help this parish? Possibly. Maybe he put this stumbling block in your path, and that of the other parishoners, to see it through and to fix His Church and help His priest. Think of the reward, and the spiritual growth you would attain should you be able to turn this parish into a thriving one again! That is exciting! Don’t follow the crowd that doesn’t like this priest. Stay away from the negatives, and bring out his positives! Be the light! Be the change! This is your chance to step-up and become the beacon of your parish.

God will surely reward your efforts!

Thank you for your advice. I am on a few committees at my parish and have spoken to our pastor concerning this more than once, as have others, but no change.

 

[lax16]

I feel a bit differently than other posters here.

Don’t leave this parish. (And certainly not the faith)

It seems to me you haven’t done very much to see this problem through or to help this priest become a better pastor. You might say that its not my job to do that, but maybe it is. I believe that sometimes we are called in life to fix things, to be the catalyst for change. If we were to leave our marriage, a job, or an organization every time we had problems, where would society be and how would that help us to grow?

Could God being calling you to help this parish? Possibly. Maybe he put this stumbling block in your path, and that of the other parishoners, to see it through and to fix His Church and help His priest. Think of the reward, and the spiritual growth you would attain should you be able to turn this parish into a thriving one again! That is exciting! Don’t follow the crowd that doesn’t like this priest. Stay away from the negatives, and bring out his positives! Be the light! Be the change! This is your chance to step-up and become the beacon of your parish.

God will surely reward your efforts!

I tried everything before changing parishes. I really didn’t want to let it go. I cried. I had to give up teaching religious ed, seeing friends and familiar faces, my son is an altar server, my daughter a lector…

I spoke with the people in charge, including the pastor, and they were stuck in a place that was negative. (I found out later that the people I was struggling with are notorious for not getting along with others in the diocese).

During this time, I attended mass at my younger daughter’s school parish so that she could attend mass with her classmates as they were doing the readings that Sunday. I immediately felt comfortable there but continued to attend my other parish until little by little, I was able to make the move without question.

I just wanted to let you know my story. I really, really wanted things to work out in my parish but it just wasn’t happening. Maybe in the future.

 

[jimcav]

Thank you for your advice. I am on a few committees at my parish and have spoken to our pastor concerning this more than once, as have others, but no change.

I think, although I could very well be wrong, is that you are getting caught up in the negativity and gossip of the parishoners and are more troubled by that than anything the new priest might or might not be doing. They seem to be having a bad effect on you. Just because the women of the Church think the priest is anti-woman, that doesn’t make it so. I’ve known enough Church people that love to gossip and love to dwell in negativity and they pass that on to others. You have to stay positive and I believe that positivity will become contagious.

There must be some redeemable assets that this priest brings. Find them, and key on that. You must be able to come to a basic workable relationship and then you can build on that.

This might take time, perseverence and prayers, but in the end, I have to think the parish you want to see can become a reality, or a close copy at least.

 

[jimcav]

I tried everything before changing parishes. I really didn’t want to let it go. I cried. I had to give up teaching religious ed, seeing friends and familiar faces, my son is an altar server, my daughter a lector…

I spoke with the people in charge, including the pastor, and they were stuck in a place that was negative. (I found out later that the people I was struggling with are notorious for not getting along with others in the diocese).

During this time, I attended mass at my younger daughter’s school parish so that she could attend mass with her classmates as they were doing the readings that Sunday. I immediately felt comfortable there but continued to attend my other parish until little by little, I was able to make the move without question.

I just wanted to let you know my story. I really, really wanted things to work out in my parish but it just wasn’t happening. Maybe in the future.

Well, if you feel you did all you could, then you left with a clear conscious.

I’m not sure the OP is at that point though…

 

[bitterhope]

I think, although I could very well be wrong, is that you are getting caught up in the negativity and gossip of the parishoners and are more troubled by that than anything the new priest might or might not be doing. They seem to be having a bad effect on you. Just because the women of the Church think the priest is anti-woman, that doesn’t make it so. I’ve known enough Church people that love to gossip and love to dwell in negativity and they pass that on to others. You have to stay positive and I believe that positivity will become contagious.

There must be some redeemable assets that this priest brings. Find them, and key on that. You must be able to come to a basic workable relationship and then you can build on that.

This might take time, perseverence and prayers, but in the end, I have to think the parish you want to see can become a reality, or a close copy at least.

I agree it is beneficial to try to work through things but there are times where that is never going to be possible. I had a terrible experience that was far beyond gossip and I assure you not all priests are truly men of God. Sometimes a bishop is not going to help. Sometimes there comes a point it is best to just walk away. I was to the point of no longer remaining Catholic. It was leave my parish or leave my faith. I should have left more than a year before I finally did but I really wanted to make things work. I was raised not to Church hop and that you don’t go to Mass for the priest but for Jesus. There are times however that it really is the right decision and a 65 minute drive to Mass is well worth it if it renews your faith.

 

[FraPio]

I think, although I could very well be wrong, is that you are getting caught up in the negativity and gossip of the parishoners and are more troubled by that than anything the new priest might or might not be doing. They seem to be having a bad effect on you. Just because the women of the Church think the priest is anti-woman, that doesn’t make it so. I’ve known enough Church people that love to gossip and love to dwell in negativity and they pass that on to others. You have to stay positive and I believe that positivity will become contagious.

There must be some redeemable assets that this priest brings. Find them, and key on that. You must be able to come to a basic workable relationship and then you can build on that.

This might take time, perseverence and prayers, but in the end, I have to think the parish you want to see can become a reality, or a close copy at least.

He’s been with us since July, I stayed neutral until my wife called to let our Pastor know a family member was sick in the hospital and the new priest answered, said it was too early and the Pastor was asleep, which our Pastor later denied. He also said a few others also have complained about the same thing.

 

[lax16]

Well, if you feel you did all you could, then you left with a clear conscious.

I’m not sure the OP is at that point though…

I have a clear conscience. But even if I left without putting so much effort into staying it would have been okay.

I think people should check out other parishes and see if God is calling them to make a change.

They shouldn’t be made to feel guilty. I did and it ate up a lot of my time and energy.

 

[lax16]

I agree it is beneficial to try to work through things but there are times where that is never going to be possible. I had a terrible experience that was far beyond gossip and I assure you not all priests are truly men of God. Sometimes a bishop is not going to help. Sometimes there comes a point it is best to just walk away. I was to the point of no longer remaining Catholic. It was leave my parish or leave my faith. I should have left more than a year before I finally did but I really wanted to make things work. I was raised not to Church hop and that you don’t go to Mass for the priest but for Jesus. There are times however that it really is the right decision and a 65 minute drive to Mass is well worth it if it renews your faith.

Yes, give another parish a try and it will very possibly renew your faith.

It worked for me as well.

 

[ynotzap]

I was in a very similar position a few months ago. I was ready to leave the Church entirely. We switched parishes and it’s been a huge blessing to our family. It’s a long drive. In our area there aren’t many Catholic Churches. It’s worth the extra time and gas to get to where we need to go. Our souls gave never felt more home than they are now. I’ll be praying for your family. You can PM me if you want more info about our situation and how close we were to leaving the faith entirely. Things can get better simply by finding a new church with a better community.

There are many degrees of conversion, and there are many situations that will challenge our degree of conversion. The reality of the devil is always working against us. He works through our weaknesses, through our feelings, and lack of knowledge, and weakness in our total conversion. When we state that we might leave our faith because of the uncharitableness of a pastor, or his lack of virtue, then our total conversion becomes questionable. Our total conversion is complete dedication to Jesus Christ no matter the actions of others. Our Church does not depend on any pastor, but on Christ. We all need a close encounter with Christ, and an increase of conversion. We have many nominal Catholics because they have been processed, indoctrinated, but not fully converted. So when some difficulty comes along, they feel their faith threatened. When we have Jesus, our Faith stands strong against any threat. We have suffered greatly from priestly scandal including bishops. One reason is that secularism and materialism has crept into our Church. Any time that the Church is not Christio-centric, the devil moves in and does everything to destroy God’s kingdom. After all Christ came to destroy his works. So don’t let any scandalous acts of any person influence you to give up your faith, if you do then your faith is questionable in the first place. Thank God that you were protected from leaving your faith. The Church needs the faithful to stand strong, and to be more out- spoken. Even Jesus advises us to settle things between us, and if we can’t go to a higher authority. (luke 12-58) The Priesthood is a precious and holy vocation and to see it marred has done so much damage to the Church, and I can’t help but think that those that do so do not fully realize the serious consequences to their own salvation. Jesus said it would happen, so pray for them, and ourselves.

 

[jimcav]

There are many degrees of conversion, and there are many situations that will challenge our degree of conversion. The reality of the devil is always working against us. He works through our weaknesses, through our feelings, and lack of knowledge, and weakness in our total conversion. When we state that we might leave our faith because of the uncharitableness of a pastor, or his lack of virtue, then our total conversion becomes questionable. Our total conversion is complete dedication to Jesus Christ no matter the actions of others. Our Church does not depend on any pastor, but on Christ. We all need a close encounter with Christ, and an increase of conversion. We have many nominal Catholics because they have been processed, indoctrinated, but not fully converted. So when some difficulty comes along, they feel their faith threatened. When we have Jesus, our Faith stands strong against any threat. We have suffered greatly from priestly scandal including bishops. One reason is that secularism and materialism has crept into our Church. Any time that the Church is not Christio-centric, the devil moves in and does everything to destroy God’s kingdom. After all Christ came to destroy his works. So don’t let any scandalous acts of any person influence you to give up your faith, if you do then your faith is questionable in the first place. Thank God that you were protected from leaving your faith. The Church needs the faithful to stand strong, and to be more out- spoken. Even Jesus advises us to settle things between us, and if we can’t go to a higher authority. (luke 12-58) The Priesthood is a precious and holy vocation and to see it marred has done so much damage to the Church, and I can’t help but think that those that do so do not fully realize the serious consequences to their own salvation. Jesus said it would happen, so pray for them, and ourselves.

Excellent!

I especially like the bold faced part. It points out very well that we should always strive to deepen our faith and we must always work towards further conversion, so that our faith can never be shaken by the action of others…

 

[bitterhope]

I almost left the faith because that man told me he would not say a funeral Mass for my still born twins because they were never alive. If he, as a representative of the Catholic Church, is telling me my children were never alive even though children at earlier gestational age than they were, survive when born alive, were never alive than I wanted NOTHING at all to do with such a Church. How hypocritical to be against murdering children that apparently aren’t even alive.

Yes, switching parishes was the best move for my family. We should have done it before it got as bad as it did, when it was just favoritism and gossip. My faith would not have taken the nose dive it later did.

 

[ynotzap]

I almost left the faith because that man told me he would not say a funeral Mass for my still born twins because they were never alive. If he, as a representative of the Catholic Church, is telling me my children were never alive even though children at earlier gestational age than they were, survive when born alive, were never alive than I wanted NOTHING at all to do with such a Church. How hypocritical to be against murdering children that apparently aren’t even alive.

Yes, switching parishes was the best move for my family. We should have done it before it got as bad as it did, when it was just favoritism and gossip. My faith would not have taken the nose dive it later did.

It must have been very painful for you, and I understand. Your twins were alive from the time of their conception, how else would they have continued to develop as much as they did? And yes abortion is murder, taking the life of an infant is his developing stages. The Church can never be hypocritical, it is holy as her founder. It’s members can be hypocritical, or misinformed. Sandra Day O’conner a member of the Supreme Court, and Justice Kennedy both approved of allowing abortion, and they were both Catholic, what does that tell us? And now, same sex marriage, a slap in the Face of Jesus, where are their minds? Should we give up our Faith because of scandal? Ignorance is one of the consequences of Original Sin, and we see quite a demonstration of it in high-places. The Supreme Court is not so supreme, common sense is not so common, and self-evident principles are not so self-evident to some.

We humans are fallible, limited, and weak. We will make mistakes. Jesus tells us to forgive, and we must if we love Him, and love our neighbors, and it gets really tough to do this, but the will of God impels us. As a matter of fact we have had up to the present time 266 Popes. History records at least 10 scandalous ones. Jesus said scandal will happen, but that He would sustain the Church against evil till the end of time, so stay strong no matter what, and even hit back against the evil that prevails, be a good warrior. God love you, and pray for others and ourselves that we may not fall.