Parish Life - Questions

[Marchmain1987]

Hello to everyone!
I suppose this is a good place to post my question in the forum.

My story:
I began our RCIA program at my local (small) parish in August. It has been a wonderful few months. I never knew how much anyone could fall in love with the liturgy! But my “problem” relates to parish life. I really do not want to be too deeply involved in the “inner workings” of the parish. My priest (and others) has hinted around for me to become more active and open within the community as a whole. Firstly, I am a shy guy. I cannot get around that. Our Lord did not make me a touchy-feely kinda guy. Secondly, I really do not want to become too involved parish politics. That sort of stuff makes me queasy.

My problem:
Everyone at my parish has been very kind. I really do not want to come off as a snob or something worse. But it is very hard for me to get into the “swing” of parish life.
At first I think Father thought I wasn’t that open to it because our parish has a large Hispanic community. I have the impression that his experience with most Anglo-Protestants (I am a convert) hasn’t been that warm given the politics of my area. Plus, he has been extremely busy with two missions churches and church construction. We are getting to know each other overtime and I think I have put that misapprehension to bed.

Like I typed: Our Lord did not make me a touchy-feely kinda guy.

Am I being a wet-blanket? Is my dread of politics normal?

 

[katolsk]

How about a quick chat with Father explaining what you just wrote here and asking for hs advice?

 

[Leegal]

Hello to everyone!
I suppose this is a good place to post my question in the forum.

My story:
I began our RCIA program at my local (small) parish in August. It has been a wonderful few months. I never knew how much anyone could fall in love with the liturgy! But my “problem” relates to parish life. I really do not want to be too deeply involved in the “inner workings” of the parish. My priest (and others) has hinted around for me to become more active and open within the community as a whole. Firstly, I am a shy guy. I cannot get around that. Our Lord did not make me a touchy-feely kinda guy. Secondly, I really do not want to become too involved parish politics. That sort of stuff makes me queasy.

My problem:
Everyone at my parish has been very kind. I really do not want to come off as a snob or something worse. But it is very hard for me to get into the “swing” of parish life.
At first I think Father thought I wasn’t that open to it because our parish has a large Hispanic community. I have the impression that his experience with most Anglo-Protestants (I am a convert) hasn’t been that warm given the politics of my area. Plus, he has been extremely busy with two missions churches and church construction. We are getting to know each other overtime and I think I have put that misapprehension to bed.

Like I typed: Our Lord did not make me a touchy-feely kinda guy.

Am I being a wet-blanket? Is my dread of politics normal?

I struggle with the same problem. I wish I had an answer. I vow to attend some social thing, and then find it’s a family social and my family is not nearby so I don’t go because I feel out of place. I was going to do the Our Lady of Guadalupe special Mass and rosary but my Spanish is poor now (but I could have done a rosary in Spanish) but then they were going to have Mariachi bands and [God forgive me], I don’t care for Mariachi music, especially not for Mass.

I’m also not touchy feely, and somewhat reserved.

I’m also in a Spanish and Korean Catholic parish. I’m neither Spanish nor Korean.

You are not alone. I’m hoping one day to just find some way of fitting in.

Good luck to both of us. I think I may be in the wrong parish.

 

[Kathryn_Ann]

Welcome and blessings to you in Christ!
It’s perfectly normal to feel as you do. You’re still in RCIA! It’s also normal for people to want to welcome you, and sometimes people go a little overboard in inviting you to their group, ministry or various things at the parish. I can’t tell you how many kind people asked me to join this or that group.

If you feel the Priest or others are doing more than “hinting,” and you feel you’re being pressured, I would simply say “Everyone’s been so kind in making me feel welcome, so much so that’s I’m a bit overwhelmed just now. I’d like to learn more and pray about everything before I commit to a particular ministry. I’ll certainly pray for discernment on this, but thank you for now.” Just something like that. :angel1:

And I agree, you could simply state this in your own words to your Priest if you feel any further pressure. All this welcoming is better than being ignored and feeling unwelcome, but yes, it can be overwhelming. You’ll find your particular “niche” soon enough, and some people are perfectly happy to focus all their energy on the Mass and in private prayer. God honors both the parish “dynamos” and those who are called to a more contemplative life. Remember the story of Mary and Martha: one was racing around getting the work done, and one named Mary was at Christ’s feet in adoration. God is patient with us all! We are not all meant to be the same. :heaven: Best wishes to you in your journey!:harp:
Many blessings!
Kathryn Ann

 

[Bartolome_Casas]

Now is always a good time to stop being a shy guy. Shyness is a great spoiler of life.

But, at the same time, don’t get involved in volunteering doing things you really don’t want to be doing. No Catholic is really required to volunteer, strictly speaking.

Still, you ought to get to know some Catholic people on a personal basis, and not just get to know the Catholic liturgy and of course God. People, all those people in that parish, are very much beloved by God, and so, you should at least get to know some of them. Otherwise, the Catholic life can really be just too intellectual and conceptual. Now, all admit and see that a faith life must consist of some intellectual knowledge, and some high concepts. But that isn’t the whole of it, or even the most of it. The faith life really is a matter of RELATIONSHIPS, between you and God, AND between you and fellow believers.

If you are getting into the Catholic Church just for the liturgy or the theology or the history, then you are really preparing to miss out on a lot. Perhaps that is what the priest there is worried about concerning you.

But maybe you are thinking, “If I wanted to be all social and stuff, I would become a Baptist or a Pentecostal.” Ah! Well, they aren’t wrong about everything.

Yes, many or most parishes have elements of “politics” among the laity who are active volunteers. There are people with big egos trying to be big shots, and so on. No one denies that. That is just human. It happens in the U.S. Congress, in school board, in PTAs, and in parishes. But I am 100% you can find some activity or volunteer job in your parish that has little or no such “politics.”

You say you are not “touchy feely.” But aren’t good feelings really what make life feel good? Are you sure you really want to write off the whole being emotional thing?

Finally, I would respectfully ask you whether your shyness had really been a blessing to your life and to other people. If not, you can do something about that, correct?

 

[Marchmain1987]

If you are getting into the Catholic Church just for the liturgy or the theology or the history, then you are really preparing to miss out on a lot. Perhaps that is what the priest there is worried about concerning you.

You say you are not “touchy feely.” But aren’t good feelings really what make life feel good? Are you sure you really want to write off the whole being emotional thing?

Finally, I would respectfully ask you whether your shyness had really been a blessing to your life and to other people. If not, you can do something about that, correct?

You have a very good point. And I think that is exactly the worry the priest has. One can get too caught-up in the history (I certainly do). But then again that is one thing that drew me to the Church (at first).

I am trying to break-out of the reserved persona that I have. I think in the new year I am going to have to work harder at it.

Thanks for the advice everyone! And thanks Kathryn Ann for the practical advice!

I think one thing that has been a bit of an adjustment is coming from a very large Baptist church to a very small parish. Like Carole King wrote: “It’s Gonna Take Sometime.” I’ve been going to a larger parish (once a month) for the Extraordinary Form of the Mass. I do feel a bit more comfortable with all those “extra” people in the pews. But I think that is superficial on my part. Plus, it is a two hour drive from my rural location.

Another good example of that superficial itch is the King James Bible. I grew-up with its “sing-song” beauty (when read aloud). I sought out (on Ebay) the Knox translation. It fulfills the itch.

To Leegal: I understand what you mean about Mariachi music. I grew-up a Linda Ronstadt fan (due to my parents) and I could never get into the more traditional Spanish albums. As truly universal as the faith is, I think we all have certain cultural attachments that go along with our faith. My vision of Catholicism is always tinged a bit by traditional French Catholicism. That is hard to come-by in the United States.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Taking on some type of service at Mass (reader, altar server, usher) or helping with a parish dinner or CCD class, would not necessarily get you involved in parish “politics”.

Cleaning the hall after coffee hour, grading tests for another CCD teacher, or directing traffic out of the parking lot after Mass do not require touchy-feely" skills.

Talk to your priest and tell him that you are willing to help in the background, but don’t feel comfortable leading or being “touchy feely”. I bet he will be very thankful and that there are plenty of jobs you can do.