Parishioner's duty concerning pastor's behavior

[uselessbeggar]

I really need advice on this one. It is becoming a well known fact that our pastor has been keeping company with the parish nurse. Lately they have become careless and there is no doubt about their being together. At all hours of the day and evening, even when she should be working, his car is parked in her driveway. Other days she is seen picking him up at his house and driving him home. The Adoration Chapel entrance is on the road to his house so they are easily seen by people coming and going.

I feel as though I am mourning the death of my pastor. At first I felt shock, everyone else has known this, I just became aware of it myself. After the shock came denial. This could not be true but my own eyes can’t lie. Now I am angry. He used to say about preaching, “I only have to preach the stuff.” I thought he was jesting.

What is a parishioner supposed to do in this regard? I am mourning the loss of his soul. I go to daily Mass and from the altar, before he begins, he searches the congregation to see where she is seated. She plays games with him and makes him look for her and he does. Everyone in the congregation observes this.

What can I do? He is not a person you can confront. He gets abusive and doesn’t mind throwing you out of his office. Yet, he pours out his Irish charms on the majority who are blind to all that is going on because they don’t want to believe it. Of one things I am sure of because he often makes a statement from the ambo… is that he is in constant fear of getting a call from the bishop telling him he wants him to come see him.

Should I do anything,keep quiet or what is, in justice to all, the expected thing to do?

I know and take comfort in the fact that Christ is aware of all things and wants both their souls. They are on his mind. Sometimes he uses us as his instruments. It this one of those times? Please help me.

God bless you,
uselessbeggar

 

[CB_Catholic]

I really need advice on this one. It is becoming a well known fact that our pastor has been keeping company with the parish nurse. Lately they have become careless and there is no doubt about their being together. At all hours of the day and evening, even when she should be working, his car is parked in her driveway. Other days she is seen picking him up at his house and driving him home. The Adoration Chapel entrance is on the road to his house so they are easily seen by people coming and going.

I feel as though I am mourning the death of my pastor. At first I felt shock, everyone else has known this, I just became aware of it myself. After the shock came denial. This could not be true but my own eyes can’t lie. Now I am angry. He used to say about preaching, “I only have to preach the stuff.” I thought he was jesting.

What is a parishioner supposed to do in this regard? I am mourning the loss of his soul. I go to daily Mass and from the altar, before he begins, he searches the congregation to see where she is seated. She plays games with him and makes him look for her and he does. Everyone in the congregation observes this.

What can I do? He is not a person you can confront. He gets abusive and doesn’t mind throwing you out of his office. Yet, he pours out his Irish charms on the majority who are blind to all that is going on because they don’t want to believe it. Of one things I am sure of because he often makes a statement from the ambo… is that he is in constant fear of getting a call from the bishop telling him he wants him to come see him.

Should I do anything,keep quiet or what is, in justice to all, the expected thing to do?

I know and take comfort in the fact that Christ is aware of all things and wants both their souls. They are on his mind. Sometimes he uses us as his instruments. It this one of those times? Please help me.

God bless you,
uselessbeggar

I don’t know what to tell you, so I am bumping this thread to see what others have to say. I do know that one can’t assume that they are doing anything sexual without proof, but he is certainly giving scandal to the parish, even if they are not having an affair, and that is not a healthy thing for a parish. Perhaps the Bishop does need to give him a call, but how that would be accomplished and by whom, I don’t know.

I’m surprised he has so much time on his hands.

 

[Newbie2]

Contact the members of your parish council, or make an appointment to speak with him personally. Let him or them know that while you aren’t judging him, the appearance of inappropriate behavior is getting around, and it’s affecting the whole parish. It also wouldn’t be out of line to suggest that this be addresses at the parish level ASAP so the wrong impression doesn’t get back to the diocese if there’s no reason for them to know about it.

 

[Lainey63]

I wouldn’t have a problem at all writing to the bishop if I was completely sure of it. How many people are losing their faith because of this? Why be part of the conspiracy of silence? He needs to make a choice. I think the parish council should confront him. This is unacceptable behavior and he is not fufilling his duty and yes he does have a higher standard to live up to. I would be very angry that I would be expected to compromise my standards because he doesn’t have any. Would you have a problem if it was a cop who was doing this, while on duty. You see his patrol car parked at woman’s house everyday? And the circumstances were the same? I bet you wouldn’t.

 

[puzzleannie]

if you have definite knowledge (and nothing related in OP amounts to that) by all means contact the bishop, and suggest that others who also possess definite knowledge do the same, but be very, very sure of your facts. avoid gossip with others inside and outside the parish like the plague. the vicar for priests of the diocese, vicar general or bishop are the proper people to tell. do it in writing, be brief, concise and to the point, and sign your name. report facts, not suspicions, deductions, surmises about character etc.

my car has remained in front of the rectory for hours more than once, even all night a few times–when it was disabled, when DH picked me up and we went someplace in his truck, when I was accompanying youth group on an outing etc. That is usually the only parking spot left when I come because of our geography regards to the school, and the only one where I could safely leave my car if I have to go someplace. If anybody made a surmise about us the laughter would shake the steeple off the church it would be seen as so absurd. that is largely because we are blessed with a holy priest who lives such a transparent life that no one who knows him in the slightest could entertain any suspicions about his character. wish all were so blessed.

we are obliged to put the most charitable construction possible on anything out of the ordinary we observe in the behavior of others, until such time as wrong-doing becomes obvious and threatens to cause damage.

 

[marthagreys]

We have a similar situation at our parish - and it’s gut-wrenching. Our priest, too, is a tyrant, so addressing the illicit relationship is out of the question -assuming it was appropriate for a lay-person to deal with it. The couple of people who actually have gone to the diocesan level (inc one from a religious order who immediately got transferred from our parish) have gotten kicked in the teeth. Since this priest came to our parish, attendance has dwindled alarmingly, and people have endured wounds so deep they’ll probably never heal. Having watched this for so long, I have come to a couple of conclusions:

1. There really isn’t much we can do except PRAY: Pray for the
   priest, pray for the parish, pray for the parishioners, pray for
   the community which is being hugely affected, and pray for the
   woman involved. Pray night and day if possible. This is huge,
   and with so many souls involved, it merits every possible counter-
   attack since this really is an attack from Satan to try to destroy
   the parish and everyone affected.
2. Be vigilant about your own relationship with God and the Catholic
   Church. For so many of us, and some have given in, the temp-
   tation is just to walk away. With no other parish available for
   miles, a person really has only two choices: endure what is going
   on, or quit attending church. For a while, I quit attending Mass,
   but all that really did was give Satan another foothold. The Bible
   tells us not to be “overcome with evil, but overcome evil with
   good.” I have made the conscious choice to do good at every
   opportunity in an attempt to overcome the plentiful evil at our
   parish.
3. Recognize that some cases simply have to be heard in the courts
   of Heaven. Some things will never get resolved here on earth.
   For whatever reason, God allows people their own free will, and
   that includes doing wrong, and sometimes hurting other people.
   We ALL will stand before Him, and answer for all of our actions.
   The priest will answer, his friend will answer, and we will answer.
   Keep that in mind. Since this started spiraling out of control at
   our parish, I’ve studied many of the situations in the Bible, both
   Old Testament and New, where God’s people have been led by
   unrighteous leaders at times. At no point does the leaders’ be-
   havior give a license to the followers to lower their standards or
   deviate from God’s commands. It certainly is more difficult when
   their is no leadership to provide a good example or good counsel,
   but it’s not impossible. You just have to rely on God more than
   ever for strength.
4. Read Ezekiel 34. I’ve read this chapter so many times that my
   Bible open up to it automatically. In this chapter, God at first
   addresses the “Shepherds” or priests who aren’t doing what
   they should. He acknowldedges that there are some bad situa-
   tions. But as the chapter progresses, He makes good on His
   promises to the faithful who aren’t sidetracked by the unfaithful. I
   strongly urge you to read this chapter and claim its promises.

Hope this helps!

 

[surritter]

You should talk to him, but without accusing him. Just say “Father, this may sound crazy, but some folks in the parish have the idea that you’re getting cozy with this lady, and while I have to presume that the rumors aren’t true, you should know how it’s perceived by the parishioners!”

Now, he may only take that as a cue to cover his tracks better, but at least he needs to know that the perception is out there that he’s not keeping his vows.