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Sarah_Sinner
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:clapping:
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Sarah_Sinner
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Yes it is creepy. And I’ve spent the lash few months trying not to let it creep me out, and as I said, when he left me I really did start getting my life together. Last night after reading this thread I got the courage to message him all the things I wasn’t happy about and I have him a choice: we part, or we see a priest about these behaviours. He didn’t respond. Today he went missing and I had to report him and the police located him and they were told: “I need some space”.
Then I get a message from him saying why did u call the cops as if u care. I replied saying I won’t bother you again if that’s how you feel.
So. There we are. Oh, and I forgot to mention he gets an injection every six weeks for schizophrenia :newidea:
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TarkanAttila
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He never told you he had schizophrenia?
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Sarah_Sinner
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Yes he did, a few months ago
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Allegra
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Unload this creepy guy. Then treat youself to some fancy new undies.
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Sarah_Sinner
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Crusader88
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this dude reminds me of buffalo bill from the silence of the lambs # messed up
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Sarah_Sinner
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Like I said last night, I messaged him telling him how I feel, and that I couldn’t change him but that if he wanted to change, and was willing to accept my help, I’d help him 100% and we’d need a good priest. No response. After having got a msg saying he was at the Airport and didn’t know where he was going or when he was coming back, I replied saying that running away wouldn’t solve anything and that he can’t escape from himself. After 12 hours and no word, that’s when I made contact with the police, especially since yesterday he has messaged: Forget about me, I’m better off dead.
They located him abroad via phone and then reassured me that he’s safe and well. However, this seems to have ignited fury in him coz he messaged me saying why the hell did u do that, u don’t care about me etc…and he said he was in a hotel getting drunk. Then he messaged: u won’t c me again and I’m changing my number. I replied saying that’s your choice, take care, good night.
This is how I get treated for offering to help him. I’m feeling emotionally scared coz he’s being abusive and he knows that I know all his secrets. I really don’t know how to deal with this, although I am seeing the counsellor today. Thank God this guy and I don’t live together
They located him abroad via phone and then reassured me that he’s safe and well. However, this seems to have ignited fury in him coz he messaged me saying why the hell did u do that, u don’t care about me etc…and he said he was in a hotel getting drunk. Then he messaged: u won’t c me again and I’m changing my number. I replied saying that’s your choice, take care, good night.
This is how I get treated for offering to help him. I’m feeling emotionally scared coz he’s being abusive and he knows that I know all his secrets. I really don’t know how to deal with this, although I am seeing the counsellor today. Thank God this guy and I don’t live together
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Rau
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If there is a degree of closeness and commitment between the OP and her “partner”, masturbation (let alone multiple times per week) takes on a new light.
OP, put aside your emotional attachment for a moment and ask yourself how happy you’d be with this man as your husband, and as teacher and model for your children.
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The_Bucket
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Well he was found abroad, yes? So you know your physical safety is pretty secure, at least for right now. Chances are he is as scared, if not moreso, than you are right now. Now someone knows about him and has said she won’t cover for him anymore.
I know you’re not going to tell everyone in the world about it, but he doesn’t, He’s probably terrified of the rest of the world knowing about his shameful behavior.
I’m not good at giving practical advice for a potentially dangerous situation from a physical standpoint; please consult counselors about that. But as for the reaction, I’m just trying to get the point across that he’s likely coming from a place of abject terror right now.
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3DOCTORS
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I would like to gently suggest that you yourself seek out counseling to help overcome a possible tendency to be attracted to, then overly desperate to hold onto, troubled people instead of more healthy people. Give yourself that gift. You can still pray for those who are troubled, placing them in God’s hands and trusting Him to look after them, but you don’t have to let them keep hurting you. But you seem as if you might need some training in how to recognize red flags, possibly how not to be addicted to the drama of a dysfunctional relationship rather than seeking a genuine, peaceful, Godly relationship, and other things that will help you grow and become a strong woman.
Peace be with you, and you will be in my prayers. 
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@ Miss_Felicity -** I’m a writer too, extremely attuned to nuances of words, majored in creative writing at a time when “partner” was just creeping into everyday parlance. I’ve watched its connotations morph over the decades, and I’ve watched it squeeze out traditional terminology for single and married relationships. Our language both reflects and creates the social context in which we live. That’s why I made that thread, I know not everybody’s going to see it the same way I did, but those are my reasons.
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EasterJoy
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Do you realize that he could have been lying, and was sending the “better of dead” message as one last guilt trip as a parting gift? Whatever the case, he doesn’t want you in his life, you don’t want him in yours, and you’re terrible for each other. GO WITH THAT!!
You wouldn’t run, but he did. Thank Heaven for delivering you, and leave this man alone. Do not accept any more communications from him, ever. Get some counselling; you need a real person for the debriefing. Without debriefing, this whole incident is going to take up way too much real estate in your mind. Your work is to hand his care and feeding over to Heaven and get on with your life.
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Sarah_Sinner
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You’re right. He had no intention of killing himself. For starters, that would involve giving up porn! :crying:
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Sarah_Sinner
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I would like to gently suggest that you yourself seek out counseling to help overcome a possible tendency to be attracted to, then overly desperate to hold onto, troubled people instead of more healthy people. Give yourself that gift. You can still pray for those who are troubled, placing them in God’s hands and trusting Him to look after them, but you don’t have to let them keep hurting you. But you seem as if you might need some training in how to recognize red flags, possibly how not to be addicted to the drama of a dysfunctional relationship rather than seeking a genuine, peaceful, Godly relationship, and other things that will help you grow and become a strong woman.
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@ Miss_Felicity -** I’m a writer too, extremely attuned to nuances of words, majored in creative writing at a time when “partner” was just creeping into everyday parlance. I’ve watched its connotations morph over the decades, and I’ve watched it squeeze out traditional terminology for single and married relationships. Our language both reflects and creates the social context in which we live. That’s why I made that thread, I know not everybody’s going to see it the same way I did, but those are my reasons.
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Sarah_Sinner
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I fell for him coz he seemed very holy.I would like to gently suggest that you yourself seek out counseling to help overcome a possible tendency to be attracted to, then overly desperate to hold onto, troubled people instead of more healthy people. Give yourself that gift. You can still pray for those who are troubled, placing them in God’s hands and trusting Him to look after them, but you don’t have to let them keep hurting you. But you seem as if you might need some training in how to recognize red flags, possibly how not to be addicted to the drama of a dysfunctional relationship rather than seeking a genuine, peaceful, Godly relationship, and other things that will help you grow and become a strong woman.
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@ Miss_Felicity -** I’m a writer too, extremely attuned to nuances of words, majored in creative writing at a time when “partner” was just creeping into everyday parlance. I’ve watched its connotations morph over the decades, and I’ve watched it squeeze out traditional terminology for single and married relationships. Our language both reflects and creates the social context in which we live. That’s why I made that thread, I know not everybody’s going to see it the same way I did, but those are my reasons.
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EasterJoy
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It is good to hand him over to Heaven. Looking back on my life and my breakups, I’d say the best thing is to either look straight at what just happened, drawing lessons from it, or otherwise to turn your mind to other things. The sooner you can discard the sidelong glances that are neither profitable thinking about him nor forgetting the whole thing, the better.
Pray that he lives long enough to repent and accept his deliverance. Resolve that you will never ever put him in a position of trust again. Look at the path you just took, and ask where the signposts were that you missed this time, but should be on the lookout for next time, so that you ever again find yourself on the wrong freeway you will not miss the closest off ramp. Besides that, move on. Find a thought to think on when he comes to your mind, and gradually replace his place in your head with those things better suited to your current life.
Do take the time and find the right counsellor to go through the debriefing with you, though. You’ll be glad you did.
Mazel tov, BTW! It may be hard to see when the salty water of the Red Sea is still clinging to your feet, but you have been given a deliverance. Praise the Lord for it!!
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NFPWife
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You handled that so well by involving the police. You called his bluff on the emotional blackmail. Well done! Block him from your phone, social media, everything. He may escalate again. Are you safe?
I agree that looking at your patterns in how you choose potential mates is important. Dating and courtship should be a discernment process for whether or not someone would make a good spouse. Not whether we can make them into a good spouse. You deserve a finished product. Not a few raw ingredients.
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Sarah_Sinner
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Isn’t it scary how 
a “holy” Eucharistic minister could have such a disturbed secret life?
a “holy” Eucharistic minister could have such a disturbed secret life?
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EasterJoy
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Just for the record, not all victims of schizophrenia (or bipolar disorder or alcoholism or what have you) are unable to function in a position of trust. They do pilot ships that should not be boarded if the captain does not have things buttoned down.
This is true of everyone, but especially those with very hard psyches to guide: None of us can make a go of a life of virtue by our own power and without any help, but no one can keep any of us on course if we don’t act so as to steer ourselves so as to stay on course. For those who can only get a short ways from a ditch on a good day, though, this is even more obviously true.
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