Past bullying, OCD, Worry about others' opinions

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Hi. I’m wondering if there are resources you can recommend for not worrying about what other people think? I’m in my 40’s (was in 30’'s when I joined CAF), but am still dealing with trauma of being severely bullied in 6th grade (I developed early; was called a slut; wanted to commit suicide). I am working with my therapist on this, including EMDR therapy. But most of my OCD fears seem to stem around not being accepted, people hating me, etc. I do have a loving family and friends. But I constantly worry about people hating me again, being a source of malicious gossip again, etc.

I have been Catholic for 6 years and have tried to give my fears over to God. I do take medication which helps a bit, but when I’m premenstrual is when the OCD gets really bad. I catastrophize, etc.

Are there any resources, Saints stories, bible verses you recommend?

I feel very close to Jesus, am trying to develop a relationship with Blessed Mother; admire St. Therese and St. Padre Pio, just discovered the Litany of Humility. So, I do have some tools in my “toolbox”, but will continue to do therapy and am trying to grow more resilient and not worry so much.
 
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I heard a quote once, “how people treat you is a reflection on them not you”. I thought that was pretty accurate.

I’ve also found it good to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. When doing this peoples opinions just don’t mean as much.

Thirdly, praying for someone who mistreats you after forgiving them really does seem to take a lot of the energy out of their attack… nit saying it’s easy, but it does appear to work…
Best regards
 
You have a loving family and friends. Don’t they support you in this? They sound like a welcome port in a storm – do you take refuge in them? Are they a comfort for you?

But, there is probably only so much they can do.

I’ll let you in on a secret: I was bullied, too, in elementary school, junior high school (where I had property stolen from me and the Principal just looked the other way, wouldn’t help), even high school.

I was and am “different”. And now, approaching 70, I realize that all of those kids were immature. They were insecure. People who bully others are insecure. THEY’RE the ones to be pitied and prayed for.

You are fine. You are who you are, and if you developed early, that’s how you were made and put together. Nothing to be ashamed of.

If I were you, I would stop worrying about what other people think. So what if they hate you? What have you done? I would say it’s THEIR problem, not yours, if they want to be haters.

Anyone who gossips or believes gossip usually ends up lonely without anyone trusting them. If they were secure in their own skin, they wouldn’t need to gossip about others, and they wouldn’t need to listen to gossip.

OCD is a treatable condition, and so is PTSD, which sounds more like what you’re suffering from. Continue to take your meds, but also try to understand those who bully and gossip and are hateful. These are sad people who have probably experienced little kindness in their lives. Some time when you feel stronger, you might want to show them some kindness and what it’s like to be treated well. You might find friends you didn’t know it was possible to have.

In the meantime, please consider the source and don’t let them bother you. A lot of your worries are probably just that – worry. You might find a lot of nice people in the world if you would give them a chance and let them be nice, and embrace kindness when you find it.
 
Thank you! Yes, my family and friends are here for me, but sometimes they don’t know how to handle my OCD. I don’t focus too much on what actually happened in 6th grade, but I agree with you that I think I was traumatized and it affected how I look at the world. I am doing EMDR therapy at the moment, which has been proven to help with that.
 
I just got bullied out of a catholic moms group…(that I was the coordinator of). I share a lot of your fixations and always have. Ironically the group I just left was about to host a speaker who speaks on finding your tribe/forming life affirming friendships/ how to find and be a good friend. I can’t make myself show my face at this talk, but I am interested in the corresponding book, which last I looked was free on amazon with the free trial of audible. Maybe it will interest you too.

From the description:
These days more than ever, finding good friends is just plain hard. Even for those who are lucky enough to have found their people, making time to keep friendships strong and healthy can be a daunting task.

Can We Be Friends? tackles the issue head on, taking a fun and honest look at friendship: why we need friends, where we find friends, and even when to let friends go. Author Rebecca Frech details the different types of friends, ways to grow intentionally in friendship, and how to decide which friends really deserve a place in our inner circle. Ultimately, Can We Be Friends? reminds us that authentic, life-giving friendship not only gives us a stable “tribe” in which to belong, it helps us to become our true self.

With relatable and personal anecdotes, this book will take you beyond the shallow faade of friendship and help you find your people on the other side.
Click to expand...
Can We Be Friends? https://www.amazon.com/dp/1681922622/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_7dcnEbX891PRF
 
@DisorientingSneeze, you have to go! Do not let them run you off. It was your choice to leave (which I support) and it should be your choice to attend. As Dr. Phil says “you teach people how to treat you.”

If you do not attend because of them, you are showing them that you are okay with their bullying. Going to this talk is the equivalent of fighting back. Go to it and show them that you are not afraid of them, even if you are!
 
I’m glad to hear your getting the help you need! Stick with it!!
 
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I’m glad you’re getting help with this! I still have lingering issues from childhood and always feeling that outside of my family, I wasn’t going to be accepted or that I wasn’t good enough. It certainly affected relationships in my adult life.

One thing that I might also suggest to you is the Mary, Undoer of Knots Novena. I’ve found it extremely helpful.
 
30+ years ago, I was bullied in high school too. I always sat near the driver on the school bus (actually a van). In spite of the fact that I always sat near the driver, one of the other kids set my hair on fire🔥. The driver stopped the bus, had the other kid sit in the back of the van and reported the incident. IIRC, the other kid was expelled from school but honestly it’s so long ago.

It took me a long time to get over bullying. Liguori Publications used to have a little booklet called “Valuing Yourself”. That plus prayer, the Sacraments and good spiritual reading really helped me overcome it.

Sending you a (virtual) hug.
 
Margaret_Ann said:
Sending you a (virtual) hug.
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I was also bullied at few times in life. I was on a championship rugby team in Hs and according to college science nerd bullies I was a “snowflake”… (seriously ??). Lol Bullying is lame.

I see this virtual hug and raise a two person knock us all over dogpile massive hug.
 
Very sorry to hear this. Those who are suffering from gross immaturity can make life horrible for some of us. Is your counselor Catholic? if not, you might make contact with:


It was established by Dr. Gregory Popcak. Anxiety, OCD, scrupulosity - all can be dealt with, normally drug-free and counseling can even be done over the phone. Counseling, prayer and the Sacraments are a three-fold attack on your uneasiness.
 
‘Whoever has God lacks nothing, only God suffices.’ - St Teresa of Avila
 
There is a lady at my parish who provides counseling. I also see a Christian therapist. Thank you!
 
Thank you for your replies everyone! I will hold all of you in prayer that you move past your hurts as well. God bless!
 
Wow, that really sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through that
 
There is no better counselor than the Divine Physician. I heartily recommend that you spend as much time as practicable before our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. The more you know that God loves you unconditionally and unreservedly; the more that you know His love is all that matters; the more you know that His love is the balm which heals all wounds, the more you will desire to be with Him, and the more you will experience the peace which surpasses all understanding.

Prayers ascending.
 
Thank you. I have only been Catholic for six years and so sometimes I feel very close to Christ and other times I feel myself going back to my secular way of thinking where I have to handle everything myself. I’ll admit sometimes I do get angry at God for allowing me to suffer this way but I am reading some books on suffering and its meaning and uniting our suffering with Christ.

I just read a fabulous book by Peter Kreeft called “making sense out of suffering”.
 
Perfect! Excellent book. Another is Arise from Darkness by Fr. Benedict Groeschel, C.F.R.† He was Franciscan monk, Priest and clinical psychologist.
https://www.amazon.com/Arise-Darkne.../ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
However, do not forget the best kept and greatest secret in all of Christendom: Adoration of Christ in the Blessed Sacrament.

Go before Him. Sit in silence. Read. Pray. It takes faith to believe that what appears to be bread is actually our Lord, alive in His sacramental presence. Tell Him of your difficulties, your struggles, your doubts. Then be as patient with Him as He has been with you. And, when you become aware that He is there, you will be changed.

He is waiting for you.
 
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