Past pornography problem and relationship

[catholique_1]

Hello everyone, I hope you’re well.

I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for a year now and have recently (within the past 3-4 months) come back to the Catholic faith. I’m so happy to be back and to be sharing in my partner’s faith. I’m really broken up about my past pornography addictions and how they now play into my relationship.

I have had a huge issue with masturbation and pornography up until the last few months when I realized the errors of my ways and stopped both completely and haven’t gone back since. I told my girlfriend my past struggles with masturbation but didn’t go into detail about how it was a continuing struggle in my life. And I completely left my involvement with pornography out of the conversation.

Thinking back on this now, I suppose I had been cheating on my girlfriend through the use of pornography for about 7-8 months and I never dreamed of hurting her or doing anything to make our relationship bad. I didn’t think of it as detrimental to the relationship at the time and was just a form of sexual release for me. But now it’s absolutely tearing me apart as I come to understand the Catholic faith and the way I was then. She has had complete faith and trust and me, and I in her. I’ve been discerning marriage with her as a very good possibility sometime in the future But now that I’m thinking back on the way I treated her with pornography and the mindset I had then, I don’t know how to go about with anything.

I don’t know if I should tell her about my past pornography problems now that I’m never going to fall back to them again. I don’t want to destroy our relationship over something that’s in the past, but I feel absolutely horrible for having betrayed her for so long.

Should I tell her what I did or just leave it as something in the past? I’m just so terrified of hurting her and us. Please pray for us.

 

[joeybaggz]

I have had a huge issue with masturbation and pornography up until the last few months when I realized the errors of my ways and stopped both completely and haven’t gone back since.

If this statement is true and you have put a stop to your abusive behavior, my advice; shut up! The past is the past. There is an old saying that even God can’t change the past, and neither can you. Live in the present moment, cherish your relationship with this young lady, and move forward. Only if your past behavior is directly influencing your present, do you need to bring it up. Confession may be good for the soul, but in your case, confine it to a priest in the confessional.
Besides, you didn’t say anything about how she reacted to your admission of your other faults. Maybe she is understanding that young men battle these problems all the time (I’m assuming you’re under 35), and she is willing to give you a pass on your past. Maybe she is only interested in the now, as you should be. Ask her!
Good luck.

 

[catholique_1]

Hi joeybaggz,

She was very understanding when I told her about my other issues and we’ve moved past it and I believe our relationship was strengthened because of it. I will definitely confide in a priest when I go to confession next and see what he says.

Thank you so much.

 

[mrdrifter]

Make a good confession in the confessional. Accept responsibility for the temporal consequences of your sins, and don’t try to offload them onto your girlfriend. Don’t seek advice regarding intimate matters in a public forum like CAF. Get a good spiritual director, or maybe find another reliable person who can provide guidance.

 

[catholique_1]

Thank you for the response mrdrifter,

I will definitely seek out some more guidance.

 

[joeybaggz]

Hi joeybaggz,

She was very understanding when I told her about my other issues and we’ve moved past it and I believe our relationship was strengthened because of it. I will definitely confide in a priest when I go to confession next and see what he says.

Thank you so much.

Good to hear. Sounds like you have found someone understanding and willing to forgive and forget. Here’s hoping you find good things together as you move forward with your relationship!