Past sexual sin causing problems in new relationship

  • Thread starter Thread starter lizdog
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If the boyfriend is the one having trouble accepting her past, it is his problem to work out. Perhaps with a priest or a counselor. There is nothing the OP can say that is going to change how he feels. It is on him. And if he can’t deal with it, they should know this now before the relationship goes any further. See another thread from recent days where the couple is already married and the wife can’t get over her husband’s past if you need to see how wrong this can go.
 
Not sure if this is here or there at this point, but how did he find out?
 
My two cents:
If your boyfriend can’t accept that before you even met him, you sinned (in a way that sounds unlikely to affect him as you did not actually have sex or go “super far” so you probably did not contract an STD), but repented and resolved to not do it again, then he isn’t a good partner for you.

Unfortunately, some people are not as able as God to forgive past sexual conduct. They get all hung up thinking about their partner with another person or worrying that their partner might do this type of thing again. This type of person really needs an exclusive partner who has never done anything sexual with anyone but them. There are plenty of other people out there who will say the past is past and not mind as long as you act morally now going forward.

You also did not do this while you were with your current boyfriend, so you could not have had any intent to hurt him or any hurtful disregard of his feelings when you had not even met him.

I would tell the boyfriend that you’re sorry he feels upset, but as this happened before you two met and you have already repented and been forgiven by God and are not repeating the behavior, you think it would be better to break up as you cannot be with a man who is unable to “meet you where you are” and accept you. Good luck.
 
adamhovey1988 said:
if you don’t mind me asking, about how old are you?
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I wondered this too. This sort of thing is often, though not always, more of a problem for very young people in their teens and early 20s. A guy can be very worried if his girl turns out to be “less than perfect” or is even a little more sexually experienced than him. By contrast, two people in their late 20s or early 30s are more likely to have both committed some sins and not have idealistic and possibly unrealistic expectations for a partner’s past life.
 
If your bf is unable to reconcile himself with your past and cannot forgive you for it, there is something seriously amiss, in my opinion. It seems one would want to be with someone who is able to forgive. As others have said, you are not in the wrong here. You have sought reconciliation (I assume) for your sins. God has forgiven you. We are called to forgive. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure that your bf is in a position to forgive you for something that happened before you met him. (This is not an umbrella statement, mind you.) Anyway, do you really want to be with a person who cannot forgive? Or is your plan to assist him to learn this?
 
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