"Pastor" at niece's wedding stated no bible readings and joked about weddings that included them

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I attended the wedding of my 28 year old niece yesterday. We are a close knit family and I am actually a part of her mother’s household now. None of my sister’s children live in the household, just her second husband and I, although their children and grandchildren are over quite often - just to give you an idea of how tight the family is.

I have been hearing about and seeing wedding preparations for weeks. I knew that they were not having a church wedding, which was the same choice as my sister’s other three children (all Catholic and confirmed, but no longer practicing or attending Mass). I knew that is was going to be a lovely outdoor wedding with indoor dinner at a country club. I even knew many details including that the officiant was a friend who is a licensed pastor and a fellow musician. My niece and her now husband are part of a small blues band. But I was surprised by what the “pastor” said as the ceremony began.

He said in a cheery voice that there would be no readings from the bible at this wedding. Then he said, still cheery, that he was at a wedding the day before that was 90 minutes long with many bible readings and he would not make us “sit through that”. I have no idea why, but some people did giggle a bit at that. He picked up a book that looked like a coffee table book and said, “So today I brought a book that I will read a few passages from, one that holds the key to many joys of life, the Big Book of Guitar.” He got a few laughs with that, as he started to open it, mostly from the groom’s side of the aisle. He didn’t actually read anything from the book, though. He had sheets of paper inside that he read from. From there on the ceremony was pretty much normal, but no mention of God.

I was pretty stunned by this. I don’t know if the couple even knew beforehand what this “pastor” was going to say, but they didn’t seem phased by it nor did they seem to expect it.

Please tell me what you think of this. I am kind of mad about it, mostly because I feel not only was God ignored or not acknowledged at all during the ceremony, but His word was ridiculed.
 
It is insulting. I probably would have been irritated if this had happened, but truthfully, there’s not much you can do except pray for the “pastor” and the new husband and wife. (And even if people did laugh, that’s not a guarantee that those people genuinely thought it was funny. Sometimes people laugh because they don’t know what else to do.)

I haven’t heard precisely this, but I’ve been to enough weddings to know that if it isn’t a Catholic wedding, there is no knowing what will happen. Usually there’s a white dress and rings and an exchange of vows (the content of which can vary rather significantly.) They’re usually surprisingly short. Sometimes the minister says something uplifting, but that’s not a guarantee either.

We had a nuptial Mass, and none of my family is Catholic (except one aunt married in) and almost all of my husband’s family is fallen away. We received so many compliments on the ceremony itself, from other Christians to Jews and atheists. They liked the ritual and they liked that it took longer than 15 minutes. They liked that the words weren’t just made up on the spot by the priest. And to think, we didn’t have any say on most of the content of the wedding!

Going to non-Catholic weddings has really helped me to love liturgy and appreciate the traditions that we have as Catholics. I would find the apparent need to reinvent the wheel while planning the ceremony exhausting, and I had enough stuff to plan as it was!
 
I think it was probably not prudent to attend this invalid attempt at marriage at all.
 
At least they are getting married, which is more than we can say about a lot of people that age. I wouldn’t fret about the tacky comments of the pastor.

People do some wacky things at weddings, write their own vows, get married jumping out of an airplane, all kinds of nutty stuff.

I have to admit, I do find long ceremonies tedious. I think I have ADD, I just get fidgety and bored by them. Brevity is always most welcome. Maybe others have the same feelings and he was lightheartedly referring to that. 🤷
 
I went to a wedding like this and wondered out loud if the “pastor” had done many weddings. It turned out it was a family friend who had a “Homer Simpson” ordination.
 
I knew that they were not having a church wedding,
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That’s your clue right there. Even a few years ago you could count on a mainstream protestant wedding (Lutheran, Methodist, Baptist, etc.) being fully Christian and something like the old-fashoined weddings you see in the movies. Now it is very hard to know in advance what will happen. Many churches in the mainstream denominations are totally new-agey, and non-denominational churches have never had a very good sense of tradition or liturgy. While they might talk about God and have a Bible reading, the vows and the order of things would be whatever that couple decided.

I agree with 1ke, since the bride is a baptised Catholic, the marriage is invalid. You’ve already been to this wedding, but maybe next time offer to be the person who meets the caterer at the reception place instead.
 
It doesn’t sound like you attended a wedding. It sounds to me like you attended a parody of a wedding.

And not Catholic.

May God have mercy on these people and lead them to the true faith in God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Praying for these people…

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

:crossrc:
 
Michael57 said:
It doesn’t sound like you attended a wedding. It sounds to me like you attended a parody of a wedding.

And not Catholic.

May God have mercy on these people and lead them to the true faith in God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Praying for these people…

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

thewimn.com/bride-and-groom-play-guitar-duet-before-tying-the-knot/ This wedding looked pretty tacky.
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“It doesn’t sound like you attended a wedding. It sounds to me like you attended a parody of a wedding.”

This sounds about right.

I was at a wedding in which the wedding rings were Ring Pops, and were blessed by the pastor.
 
Evania said:
“It doesn’t sound like you attended a wedding. It sounds to me like you attended a parody of a wedding.”

This sounds about right.

I was at a wedding in which the wedding rings were Ring Pops, and were blessed by the pastor.
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My brother and his wife used ring pops as well. Unfortunately she was diagnosed with breast cancer about a year ago and although it was in the early stages and she’s clear now, they both missed a lot of work and it set them back a lot financially. They have their rings picked out and are making payments, but they didn’t want to put off their wedding because of jewelry.

Exchanging ring pops was a way to have fun and portray the symbolism of the rings. It didn’t make them any less serious or any less married.
 
there is nothing much to say here, your family isn’t practicing their Catholic faith and since the couple was into biking probably thought they were clever and cute and original. It’s over now.
 
I have been to two non-religious weddings of friends and I have very limited expectations. The Pastor probably thought he was being funny. Surprising how many registered marriage celebrants think they have been engaged as a form of entertainment. Looking for relevance I suppose.
One of the ceremonies was brief and in a beautiful setting. For a couple with no religious belief it was appropriately solemn and becoming as a celebration for family and friends of their heartfelt commitment to each other.
The other one tried to unintentionally parody a formal religious ceremony, going to extremes with symbolism. First there was the formal exchange of rings; then the crushing underfoot of two inscribed champagne glasses; then the exchange of the longest long winded vows only imagined in the mind of a greeting card manufacturer. Then it went on to the release of the twin turtle doves, one flying directly into the window and passing out. Then the cutting of the cake; the formal toast with champagne; the witnessing of the paperwork and then the exchange of lighted candles. It went on and on and to top it off this Groom had the same lack of foresight as that Groom at the Marriage Feast at Cana…
Need I say I wished that God would intervene in righteous anger at not being invited, but I explained to Him later, he missed nothing.
 
Cohabitating couples seem more prone to go for non-religious ceremonies, whether or not they employ someone with the title “pastor” to do the honors. When I went to the wedding of a relative who had graduated from a Catholic high school and they had no Bible readings and no mention whatsoever of God, though, it broke my heart. It seemed so rootless and trite.
 
I attended a non-denom wedding this past Friday. I have never been to a non-denom wedding before and the bride and groom are really good friends so I guess maybe I was expecting more. My husband and I both felt that something was missing in the ceremony, if you could call it that. It was nice and they had 2 pastors doing the wedding together. They did pray but no reading from the Bible at all. The pastors and the groom kept joking around all through the vows and it felt weird and kind of irked me. Seemed like they were diminishing marriage with all the joking. I know they were not but that is the thought that came to my mind. The wedding was outside in a corral and was kind of a cowboy themed wedding.

Seems like a lot of people are opting for non-religious weddings these days, especially if the people have been married before. By having a “pastor” it seems like they are still traditional but then if you look at the service for what it is, God is really pretty absent. 🤷
 
BlueEyedLady said:
My brother and his wife used ring pops as well. Unfortunately she was diagnosed with breast cancer about a year ago and although it was in the early stages and she’s clear now, they both missed a lot of work and it set them back a lot financially. They have their rings picked out and are making payments, but they didn’t want to put off their wedding because of jewelry.

Exchanging ring pops was a way to have fun and portray the symbolism of the rings. It didn’t make them any less serious or any less married.
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Good for them.

In the case I referenced, it was a trick by the groom.
I think it’s great to keep an element of fun in the ceremony, but I think there should be an element of sacredness too. It’s wonderful to have a “party” atmosphere to keep your guests at ease, but I think that’s what the reception is for. Maybe the Ring Pops could have been exchanged there. The ceremony itself should be about the sacredness of a union under God. The bride would agree with me, although she publicly laughed, she was hurt.

I just think there’s a time and a place.
 
Thank you for your replies and for sharing. It is nice to know other people may have had a similar feeling as mine.

Some thoughts:

Yes, they ARE married and I did attend a wedding. No, it wasn’t a sacramental wedding, but it is legal. They had a marriage license and the man who called himself a pastor was licensed through the State of California and declared the marriage, “through the power invested in me through the State of California, etc.” (Something which I don’t remember hearing at any of my niece’s siblings’ weddings, probably due to the others had actual ministers of some church - i.e. non-denominational.) As said in my OP, I knew she was not getting married in a church, in other words she was not having a Catholic wedding.

The couple was living together and in love and I agree that it is better they are legally married in a secular wedding than just co-habitating. I am happy they are married because it forms a stronger commitment and, who knows, maybe down the road she will return to the church and bring him along with her. I am only really upset that this man who married them seems to be a pastor without a flock, just as a side line for marrying people, and that he - I thought - spit in the eye of God with what he said and smiled while doing it.

After my niece recieved the proposal, she (or they) really just wanted to go to city hall or the county courthouse. Mostly because they don’t have much money and she is a simple girl who says she never dreamed of what a wedding would be like. Right around that point, I said to my sister that I would love to see at least one of them get married in the church (meaning one of my nieces or nephews, as I don’t have children). It is very frustrating talking to this sister about anyone in her family going to church because what she tells me is that I don’t understand that she and the kids have their own feelings. I am not pushy at all, so I really don’t get it, except that I get the message to bud out and I do, since I am not pushy. Also, she is kind enough to allow me to live in her house, which not only prevents me from being homeless and gives me a comfortable existence, but also brings me close to my little great nephews and niece. Someone here mentioned I should not have attended the wedding. How could I do that when I love my sister and niece, see them all the time, and it would insult them and be rude?

The wedding plans went from perhaps at city hall, to a small ceremony at a historic city venue (with a refundable deposit down and date), to a larger wedding at a country club type setting on a golf course. My niece had no idea for awhile what she wanted and her step-mom pushed the bigger wedding idea as well as putting my sister through a lot of stress during the planning. Of course, my sister wanted to see her youngest have a special day, but was satisfied with the smaller and less expensive venue. The wedding ended up costing over $6000, which was split between my sister and the girl’s dad. In addition, my sister has been helping her with finances lately. When I heard about that, I felt sick mostly because I just hate to see money going to waste and it seems like the priorities are mixed up. On the other hand, my sister was happy to do this for her.

One more note, someone said the couple are bikers. They are not. They are part time musicians. She sing blues and he plays blues on the guitar. She has a full time government job and he is not working but just accepted a job with a long commute.
 
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