K
kittyplant
Guest
hi. how do you deal with feeling grouchy / tired when raising babies and children? i love my baby and i feel awful after being impatient with him.
- Status
L
Lookingforjoy
Guest
I know that I get impatient with my kids mostly when I’m trying to do something else while watching them. When I find myself losing my temper I put aside anything else I’m doing - cleaning, laundry, writing on forums 
- and just concentrate on being with the kids. It really helps.
Also, have a break planned. It helps me keep things in perspective when I know I have something good waiting for me, whether it’s a movie and wine after the kids’ bedtime, my favorite hobby, going out with friends, etc. You need time to decompress.
Finally, you said you had a baby so he/she might be too young for this, but when my kids were toddler age and older (old enough to break rules intentionally) I had a formula for talking to them. I would identify the bad behavior, identify the consequence, and tell the behavior I want. Like, “You wrote on the walls. Now you won’t have your crayons. Next time just write on paper.” “You hit your sister. Now you get a time out. Next time ask if you need help with your sister.” Having a set script that I could automatically slip into helped me from just spouting off and yelling.
- and just concentrate on being with the kids. It really helps.Also, have a break planned. It helps me keep things in perspective when I know I have something good waiting for me, whether it’s a movie and wine after the kids’ bedtime, my favorite hobby, going out with friends, etc. You need time to decompress.
Finally, you said you had a baby so he/she might be too young for this, but when my kids were toddler age and older (old enough to break rules intentionally) I had a formula for talking to them. I would identify the bad behavior, identify the consequence, and tell the behavior I want. Like, “You wrote on the walls. Now you won’t have your crayons. Next time just write on paper.” “You hit your sister. Now you get a time out. Next time ask if you need help with your sister.” Having a set script that I could automatically slip into helped me from just spouting off and yelling.
P
pensmama87
Guest
These are all good. I remember my mother enforcing nap/rest time religiously for this purpose while we were growing up, way past the point where we “needed” a nap - if we were home after lunch, we had to go to our rooms and be quiet for at least an hour.I know that I get impatient with my kids mostly when I’m trying to do something else while watching them. When I find myself losing my temper I put aside anything else I’m doing - cleaning, laundry, writing on forums
Also, have a break planned. It helps me keep things in perspective when I know I have something good waiting for me, whether it’s a movie and wine after the kids’ bedtime, my favorite hobby, going out with friends, etc. You need time to decompress.
Finally, you said you had a baby so he/she might be too young for this, but when my kids were toddler age and older (old enough to break rules intentionally) I had a formula for talking to them. I would identify the bad behavior, identify the consequence, and tell the behavior I want. Like, “You wrote on the walls. Now you won’t have your crayons. Next time just write on paper.” “You hit your sister. Now you get a time out. Next time ask if you need help with your sister.” Having a set script that I could automatically slip into helped me from just spouting off and yelling.
Some days I feel like I live for naptime.
This varies by age, but I try really hard to match my expectations to what my children are capable of. When dealing with a newborn, I know that I’m not likely to get a full night’s sleep. By 2 years old, I let myself be a little annoyed when a kiddo tells me it’s time to get up at 2am, for no other reason than he’s decided it’s playtime.
I also have to manage my expectations for what I can do and accomplish with little kids underfoot. I really like having a clean, tidy house. I get irritated by things being chaotic. Kids bring chaos. Reminding myself that “this is just how it is” can be liberating - it’s not that I’m somehow failing as a housekeeper or a parent - it’s just my stage of life.
It also helps to have a support system because the reality is that you will be tired and you cannot do everything by yourself. Having a supportive spouse is really helpful, also family and friends you can rely on. I do tend to bring little bitty babies with me everywhere at first, but once they are older (6 months or so) I definitely try to get out of the house completely by myself/with DH every once in a while. It’s a breath of fresh air!
S
styrgwillidar
Guest
Well, if the other parent is around- hand off time!!! If you really need a break, don’t be afraid to ask the other parent to step in. Had a colicky child and we used to hand her off from one to another at night- she would cry for hours.
Take a breath and realize a lot of your feelings are coming from being tired. Tell yourself that and realize that other chores, tasks etc. that are on your mind will still be there. Again, let the other parent assist with them. Your kid is only going to be this age once, try to enjoy it and as others said- realize letting some of the other things slide isn’t going to be the end of the world.
Humorous comment someone made- “I never understood child abuse until I had my own”. A bit of truth to it. I don’t know how old your child is - but there is nothing wrong with putting them in their crib if you’re at the end of your rope/limits. Walk away, take a few deep breaths etc. even have a cup of tea. Crying won’t kill them, but a parent snapping can. Most frustrating time is when they’re too young to tell you what is wrong and they won’t stop crying.
Take a breath and realize a lot of your feelings are coming from being tired. Tell yourself that and realize that other chores, tasks etc. that are on your mind will still be there. Again, let the other parent assist with them. Your kid is only going to be this age once, try to enjoy it and as others said- realize letting some of the other things slide isn’t going to be the end of the world.
Humorous comment someone made- “I never understood child abuse until I had my own”. A bit of truth to it. I don’t know how old your child is - but there is nothing wrong with putting them in their crib if you’re at the end of your rope/limits. Walk away, take a few deep breaths etc. even have a cup of tea. Crying won’t kill them, but a parent snapping can. Most frustrating time is when they’re too young to tell you what is wrong and they won’t stop crying.
S
styrgwillidar
Guest
My mantra is- clean enough to be healthy, messy enough to be happy. Clutter does get to me at times, but clutter and mess is different than unclean and unsanitary. I try to focus my energies on the clean vice tidy when I’m up against the clock.
K
kittyplant
Guest
thank you, everybody
G
gardenswithkids
Guest
I just want to add a word of encouragement to tell the original poster (and others) that patience is a virtue similar to charity which can grow through use. Children give us plenty of opportunities to practice patience. They stretch our patience about as far as it can go–sometimes even farther. As it’s used and stretched, it can grow over time.
We can grow as our children, but we grow in different ways. We can grow in patience. In the meantime, while you are worried about being patient enough with your children, remember to be patient with yourself too.
We can grow as our children, but we grow in different ways. We can grow in patience. In the meantime, while you are worried about being patient enough with your children, remember to be patient with yourself too.
- Status