Is it considered OK within the Church to pay for spiritual direction? There are a group of women at my parish who have supposedly been trained by “Spiritual Directors International” who often have a notice in the parish bulletin. I suspect that “business is not good.” The ad says:
“Companions or Spiritual Directors who have completed a period of formation are available for you. At XYX, we are blessed with people who are willing to walk with you on your faith journey.”
I looked at some of the names and they didn’t appear to be competent enough to teach RCIA.
We have four priests at my parish and two deacons. Seems like maybe they should be taking this on? At the very least the “formed” laity shouldn’t be paying for the “service.” Thoughts?
Be careful. Ask for people who have been trained as spiritual directors. No one should be calling themselves a “spiritual director” without certification/classes in direction. I had a spiritual “advisor” for a time and it was a huge disaster. She encouraged a co-dependence that was unhealthy–I got to the point where I truly felt I could not do anything without talking to her first and we exchanged 20-30 emails a day. She was connected to my home parish priest and sadly, he encouraged the relationship. She had tremendous gifts but was a seriously damaged soul herself. She often prayed over people for healing and was looked up to as a “guru” of sorts. Yet she encouraged my total dependence on her. Needless to say I became more and more dysfunctional, angry, confused, and argumentative. I wasn’t growing I was regressing. Sadly neither her nor the priest saw it for what it was and it ended in a huge fallout with the priest, because I wanted him to “tell me what to do” in regards to Confession. Sadly he should have done that and discouraged the dependency in the other areas. It was like I was being overly monitored in every area except where the priest should have been advising; the sacraments. After the huge blow up, the priest cut me off of everything…confession, advising, praying over me, etc.
I wrote this “advisor” in tears after being yelled at and chewed out in the priest’s office. I told her what happened and she completely cut me off cold turkey. No notice, nothing. I was in very serious condition psychologically. I contemplated suicide because I caved in to self-hatred. Instead of seeing my part in it and dealing with that I took it all on. After all, who dumps you like that? I must be a real loser with no hope of eternal life with God. I remember going to another church for adoration and sobbing in that church for over an hour. I remember my terror, “Jesus I can’t access you anymore. Please give me a sign if you are here. I’m scared. Oh I don’t care, ring a bell, give me some tissue, whatever.” Suddenly a woman came over and handed me tissue, and said, “I don’t know what you’re struggling with honey but it’s OK” she pointed to the monstrance, “Jesus is here”. Immediately the church bells started ringing. So there it was, my flip requests/signs were given that I CAN come to Jesus on my own. I have slowly found my way back. I am now on a mood stabilizing medication and I have found a loving friend and she helps me with spiritual advise now and again (she’s a busy mom of teenagers) and is balanced and healthy. I have a couple priests that I found that are helpful, loving, and keep healthy boundaries. The other priest was moved and I’m just now meeting our new priest. I’m torn between 2 parishes right now and not receiving any word on where I should go.
I would say be very careful, as people who call themselves “spiritual directors” should have completed a course of study and someone who says they are an “advisor” is strictly a lay person and may not have a lick of training.
I still have much forgiveness work to do re this priest and so-called advisor but I am now hating myself less and less and growing in my faith. It’s about balance and I had to learn that the hard way. I can find God…He’s never far away.
Take care and I will pray for you–and yes, most spiritual directors do ask for a donation but they should be up front about that from the start. It’s probably good so that you don’t become too dependent on them. Meeting once a month for an hour to an hour and a half is probably healthy and can give much insight. Just make sure they are certified in order to avoid the pain I went through.
Blessings to you,
Lorrie
