Paying for funeral mass

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mizznicole

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Hi all,

This is 3rd hand info, but I’m looking for your experience.

A baptized relative recently died. He was not an active parishioner.

The church wanted $300 for a funeral mass. The family couldn’t pay, so the priest is coming to say prayers at the funeral home.

I find it hard to believe a parish wouldn’t have a payment plan or sliding scale for this. Isnt burying the dead pretty basic Christianity?

But I’m not convinced the family tried to work things out either.
 
mizznicole said:
Hi all,

This is 3rd hand info, but I’m looking for your experience.

A baptized relative recently died. He was not an active parishioner.

The church wanted $300 for a funeral mass. The family couldn’t pay, so the priest is coming to say prayers at the funeral home.

I find it hard to believe a parish wouldn’t have a payment plan or sliding scale for this. Isnt burying the dead pretty basic Christianity?

But I’m not convinced the family tried to work things out either.
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Most parishes have a stipend that is paid for any special Masses - funerals, weddings, etc. It generally covers the expenses of opening and running the church (heat, ac, lights, candles, etc.), paying the organists, etc. In my personal experience, it was one of the line items at the funeral home and the funeral director took care of the money exhange.

In most cases, the parish would work out a reduced fee or a payment plan for a family that couldn’t afford the stipend but if the deceased or the family were not really practicing Catholics in the parish, that conversation would be trickier. 😦 I know our pastor is very sensitive about using parish resources at the request of people who have not been part of parish life up til then.
 
If they were not a member of the parish then asking for 300 dollar is reasonable. The priest is doing the Christian thing but going to the funeral home.
 
I can give some perspective from the other side. My husband works in a church and covers weddings and funerals. Sometimes these happen on days off, which means he goes in to work specifically for the event. There are several people who are needed just for a basic funeral mass and they all need to be paid. I’m sure there are exceptions made for people who are active in the church though.
 
So because they are poor they can be turned down?

Sadly, this will turn out to be one more reason for the family cto stay away from church.
 
I should add that I doubt much of the $300 goes to the church or the priest himself – most of it is for the people who are working.
 
mizznicole said:
Sadly, this will turn out to be one more reason for the family cto stay away from church.
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It doesn’t sound like the person who passed away was active in the church. I can tell you that my husband wouldn’t hesitate to be charitable for an active parishioner who needed assistance.

Please consider the fact that it can be an imposition on those who must come in to work for such an event. On one occasion I was forced to miss a class while my husband, who had the day off, went in to work for a funeral. The family didn’t pay, and I was out the money I paid for my class.
 
When a couple can’t afford wedding stipends, they have a daily mass…why can’t this be the case for a funeral?

Why isn’t this a cost built into parish budgets?

I’m not denying that it’s a lot of work, or that $300 isn’t fair. It just seems like caring for a departed soul is an area where there should be a lot of charity exercised…and ability to pay shouldn’t block it.
 
My Dad’s funeral is going to be a part of the Daily Mass since he and Mom had not been very active in the Church-especially not since he got sick. They have asked for $250, $100 for the Priest and $150 for the Church.
 
mizznicole said:
When a couple can’t afford wedding stipends, they have a daily mass…why can’t this be the case for a funeral?

Why isn’t this a cost built into parish budgets?

I’m not denying that it’s a lot of work, or that $300 isn’t fair. It just seems like caring for a departed soul is an area where there should be a lot of charity exercised…and ability to pay shouldn’t block it.
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That’s why most parishes have a sliding scale or some way to work out payment. But in the OPs case, there is no question about caring for the departed soul. The priest is coming to the funeral home. But if the family wants a full funeral Mass, in the Church, with music, etc., there is a cost. If the parish is asking for only $300, it is likely that a portion of the true cost is already being paid for out of the parish budge. But parishes have to make choices with limited funds.
 
When we had my Mother’s then my Father’s funeral mass, we weren’t asked to pay anything. And it was a special mass, not part of daily mass. :confused:

I did give the priest, each time, a donation/stipend. But I was never asked to pay anything, not to the church or to the cantor. In fact, I was never told to give the priest anything, I just knew that I should.

Now I am an employee of the parish and I am very active in the parish, so maybe that had something to do with it. 🤷
 
mizznicole said:
So because they are poor they can be turned down?

Sadly, this will turn out to be one more reason for the family cto stay away from church.
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Well what happens at a Protestant funeral? Is there a fee for the ministers time, the organists time?
 
mizznicole said:
Hi all,

**This is 3rd hand info, but I’m looking for your experience. **

A baptized relative recently died. He was not an active parishioner.

The church wanted $300 for a funeral mass. The family couldn’t pay, so the priest is coming to say prayers at the funeral home.

I find it hard to believe a parish wouldn’t have a payment plan or sliding scale for this. Isnt burying the dead pretty basic Christianity?

But I’m not convinced the family tried to work things out either.
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3rd hand info. You are not convinced the family tried to work things out. So why are we here complaining about this?

🤷
 
mizznicole said:
When a couple can’t afford wedding stipends, they have a daily mass…why can’t this be the case for a funeral?

Why isn’t this a cost built into parish budgets?

I’m not denying that it’s a lot of work, or that $300 isn’t fair. It just seems like caring for a departed soul is an area where there should be a lot of charity exercised…and ability to pay shouldn’t block it.
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Well a couple planning to get married just doesn’t call up the priest and say we want to get married this week, work us into the schedule. And a priest can certainly turn down a couple if they are not active members in the parish regardless of their finances. Just because a non-practicing Catholic wants a certain sacrament or a funeral mass at a moment’s notice doesn’t mean the priest has to oblige, regardless if the family can afford the stipend or not. Usually when there has a been a death in the family of an active parishoner, the wishes for a funeral mass are well documented and if its been a lengthy illness or condition, the priest is well aware of the situation and plans have been arranged for the funeral mass and finances. When my dad died, all the funeral arrangements were made through the funeral home and included in the burial costs. $300 dollars was just a drop in the bucket compared to all the other costs of burying my dad.

Since you are also hearing this via third hand, you don’t know the actual conversation that has taken place between the priest and the family making the arrangements. Saying its because it costs $300 and the family can’t afford the funeral mass is a very easy excuse to give if the priest was uncomfortable with having a funeral mass for someone that hasn’t practiced their faith for some time and was only baptized a Catholic but may have not received the other sacraments, especially if the remaining family members are not practicing Catholics themselves. To have a funeral mass when a majority of the Catholic members may not be able to receive the Eucharist is problematic and may be more of the reason why a funeral mass is not being made available and the priest has agreed to come to the funeral home to say the proper prayers for the deceased.
 
I gave you first hand info. My Dad’s funeral is $250 per our funeral director. $100 for the priest, $250 for the church and the service is incorporated into the Daily Mass. Mom’s neighbor lost her husband 3 weeks ago and it was done the same way-and they were active members.

They were not frequent church goers and had not joined a church since they moved. They went to Mass off and on, until Dad got sick but not always at the same church.

Now, we can afford it, but I think it’s valid to question the cost and if it is the most pastoral thing in terms of a grieving family. Would a more compassionate approach perhaps help bring the family back?

I see the difference with a wedding.
 
mizznicole said:
Hi all,

This is 3rd hand info, but I’m looking for your experience.

A baptized relative recently died. He was not an active parishioner.

The church wanted $300 for a funeral mass. The family couldn’t pay, so the priest is coming to say prayers at the funeral home.

I find it hard to believe a parish wouldn’t have a payment plan or sliding scale for this. Isnt burying the dead pretty basic Christianity?

But I’m not convinced the family tried to work things out either.
Click to expand...
Can. 1181 Regarding offerings on the occasion of funeral rites, the prescripts of ⇒ can. 1264 are to be observed, with the caution, however, that there is to be no favoritism toward persons in funerals and that the poor are not deprived of fitting funerals.

Being baptised and physically residing in the geographic boundaries of a parish makes one a parishioner, with all the rights of the baptised, including a fitting funeral.
 
EasterJoy said:
Can. 1181 Regarding offerings on the occasion of funeral rites, the prescripts of ⇒ can. 1264 are to be observed, with the caution, however, that there is to be no favoritism toward persons in funerals and that the poor are not deprived of fitting funerals.

Being baptised and physically residing in the geographic boundaries of a parish makes one a parishioner, with all the rights of the baptised, including a fitting funeral.
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For a price…
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Of COURSE there is!

:rolleyes:
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Not necessarily. In my experiences growing up as a Protestant, no money whatsoever would be paid by the family to the parish-not to the pastor, to the musicians, not to anyone. I’m not saying that this is always the case, but the congregations I grew up in would have considered the idea of a family having to pay for the use of the church for a funeral to be offensive.
 
EasterJoy said:
Can. 1181 Regarding offerings on the occasion of funeral rites, the prescripts of ⇒ can. 1264 are to be observed, with the caution, however, that there is to be no favoritism toward persons in funerals and that the poor are not deprived of fitting funerals.

Being baptised and physically residing in the geographic boundaries of a parish makes one a parishioner, with all the rights of the baptised, including a fitting funeral.
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**Can. 1264 **Unless the law has provided otherwise, it is for a meeting of the bishops of a province:

**1/ **to fix the fees for acts of executive power granting a favor or for the execution of rescripts of the Apostolic See, to be approved by the Apostolic See itself;

**2/ **to set a limit on the offerings on the occasion of the administration of sacraments and sacramentals.

Any person who is concerned about a Catholic being denied a fitting funeral due to cost ought to call the diocesan office for advice. There is no way that a Catholic ought to be denied a funeral Mass due to inability of his estate to pay a fee, nor should the fees even for those able to pay be exorbitant. That practice is called simony, and it is morally repugnant. This is why Catholics are required to support the Church; so that no one is or supplied or denied the ministries of the Church because of financial reasons.
 
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