Paying priest to preside at wedding

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I have NOTHING against giving $$ to our priest for the wedding; in fact I support it…

But what arguments can I use with people who object (ie. “we don’t pay for priests to baptize babies or hear confessions”)

Thanks in advance!!

(Also, any arguments for people who don’t even want to pay for the church for the wedding??)
 
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j802:
I have NOTHING against giving $$ to our priest for the wedding; in fact I support it…

But what arguments can I use with people who object (ie. “we don’t pay for priests to baptize babies or hear confessions”)

Thanks in advance!!

(Also, any arguments for people who don’t even want to pay for the church for the wedding??)
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Why the need to argue? Paying for a church, and giving a small donation to the priest for officiating at a nuptial mass (which often entails a lot of time, preparation and complications) is simple courtesy. If someone argued against leaving a tip at a restaurant, would you even entertain their objection?
 
The point is, you are not paying the priest for the sacrament. That would be wrong. The sacraments of the Church are not for sale. A priest could not deny the sacrament of marriage because the couple is unable to pay the stipend. If a priest ever did that, the bishop should be notified.

In charity, however, we ought to follow this custom of giving a donation to the priest for taking the time to witness your marriage for the Church. Priests don’t make much money. It is a good practice and it ought to be continued.
 
A lot of people today go into debt for weddings (:banghead: ). If a couple is spending thousands of dollars (often tens of thousands) on a party, why would they begrudge the Priest a consideration for his time and effort?
 
You don’t pay for it, it is an act of charity and appreciation to the Priest. It is not required.

One thought however - if you had gone to a couple for marriage prep for four sessions and you “tipped” the Priest - should the couple be also tipped?
 
Where I come from it is the custom to pay the priest for his work. The usual sum is one day’s wages.

If a Nun sings Ave Maria, you give her 1/2 day’s wages.

If the priest smokes cigars, give one box of cigars.
 
hmmm, I do give a small appreciation (not more than $25) at baptism and did same for my protestant wedding many years ago. I think the real issue is the attitude of the priest. Some act like they are being paid by the hour to perform some menial task and that certainly is not the proper way to handle a holy sacrament! It should be given due respect and all accomodation within church law, regardless of finances for any of the parties involved.

As for the church building itself, I think it depends on the situation. The actual ceremony should not take more than an 1 1/2 hours and we should encourage marriage in the church - so I’d think a small donation of about $50 would be in order, if there are arrangments to clean up after themselves. If they don’t clean up afterwards or want the building for a longer time, then I think it’d be reasonable to have a starting charge of $25 (maybe as much as $50 for some churches/situations) for every 1/2 hour extra needed. (This assuming it’s not a Kennedy wedding, complete with media or course! That’s a whole other fee write up I’m sure!)

As for priests not making much money - well that’s part of the job, so I’m not too sympathic there. Also, I believe they are not allowed to keep more than 1 donation per day anyhow??? Anything else goes to the parish at least that was my understanding… Although I do wonder if it is practiced as it should be…
 
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j802:
I have NOTHING against giving $$ to our priest for the wedding; in fact I support it…

But what arguments can I use with people who object (ie. “we don’t pay for priests to baptize babies or hear confessions”)

Thanks in advance!!

(Also, any arguments for people who don’t even want to pay for the church for the wedding??)
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actually, a donation is customary for all “one-time” sacraments and in the past was the priest’s only means of support. Now it is a donation used to partially cover the expenses incurred by the parish in providing the means to offer the sacraments. This is over and above the legitimate fee for use of the church, parish hall or other facilities for a wedding which is based on overhead and expenses. Anything given to the priest is a donation, not a fee, and he has rules and regs set by the diocese (and IRS) on how to report and handle such donations.

most parishes have a set fee for use of church or other facilities; we factor cost of custodian’s salary for extra work, A/C and lights (considerable in Texas for wedding and rehearsal, usually total of 2-3 hours at the hottest time of day), incidentals incurred in Mass or celebration - candles, laundering linens, hosts, wine, etc. If you ask the organist or cantor to play and sing you pay them separately whatever they ask. Also a tip to the altar servers is customary and greatly appreciated (even if they are family members). This is a matter of etiquette not a fee for sacraments. The sacraments are always free, but charging for use of facilities is legitimate.

in over 10 years of parish work I have never heard this complaint from regular parishioners who attend Mass, support the parish financially and with service. It only comes from people who never step foot in Church until they want something from us, and do not support the Church in any way shape or form.
 
The priest who officiated at my wedding charge a set fee of $150. So did the organist. Personally, I didn’t think it was too much because, as wedding expenses go these days, $150 is a drop in the bucket. I’m not saying that weddings should be expensive. I’m just saying that I’d rather give that money to the church than to the retailers who charge so much. I did buy many things at bargain basement prices–shoes at Pay Less for $8.99; weddomg gown marked down at David’s Bridal, etc.

Blessings to all,

Maria
 
I am sure that if a poor couple came in and wanted to have a simple marriage (no big reception or whatever), that a priets would do it at no charge – if they were unable to pay. Believe it or not, some people just plain don’t have the money. My parents were married without a dime to their name someplace on the Mexican border.

-Michael
 
I am a regular parishioner… and again, I have no complaints…jsut looking for points to use on a non-religious wedding online discussion group where “Catholic” brides are whining

The whole voluntary tip thing is fine with many of them but when it seems to be a set fee, they seem to get upset… and for some, ANY amount is not acceptable. It should be there “as a service”…ahhhh

Also, is it customary to give a priest $$ for a baby’s baptism (say outside of mass on a Sun aft)??? I know, not for the sacrament itself, but for his time etc. etc…

Again, I am onside… jsut looking for points for “Catholic In Name Only” (CINOs)

thx!!!
 
For doing a wedding, graveside service Etc, I am oftern asked, “How much do you charge?” I tell the people that I don’t charge anything. There is usually a fee for use of the church, I have no control over this. There are those who either make a donation or mail me something later. It is greatly appreciated, but never necessary.

“Freely give what you have been freely given.”
 
This is an immensely complicated problem for many of the reasons already mentioned. First of all, although priests in this country are no longer primarily supported by the donations from weddings, baptisms, funerals, etc., many dioceses work into their budget for priests’ salaries an approximation of how many stipends they’ll be receiving in the coming year. What many parishes and/or priests do then is divide that number by the average number of weddings/funerals/baptisms performed each year. That then becomes the “fee.” The use of the word “fee” should be avoided as that is part of what causes confusion. The other side of this equation is travel. Especially if you’re having a priest come in from away you need to offer him money for travel and a place to stay (either a hotel or a guest room; couches in this day simply won’t do).
 
Thx for all the help…

BTW, I think there could be a great ministry in going onto wedding discussion groups (esp for those like me who are getting married soon) and helping out giving info in a loving way (that is the hard part given how obstinate they sometimes are!)…
Many of these CINO brides are looking for any excuse to be angry at the Church (and this is often their 1st contact with the Church since Confirmation), so info and kindness go a long way…
this whole “donnation” vs “set fee” thing seems to cause probs
 
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FenianMan:
(either a hotel or a guest room; couches in this day simply won’t do).
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Do you mean on this day, as in “on the important occasion of a wedding” or that somehow allowing someone a couch on which to sleep is an unacceptable thing? If so, please don’t come to my house as a guest. I can point you to the nearest Motel 6. Not everyone has the privilege of having a large home with a completely un-used room to save for occasional overnight guests.

-Michael
 
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j802:
Also, is it customary to give a priest $$ for a baby’s baptism (say outside of mass on a Sun aft)??? I know, not for the sacrament itself, but for his time etc. etc…
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I’ve done so for each of my children’s Baptism’s. It’s been generally appreciated.
 
Our parish Pastor said that they frequently get requests for use of the church for a wedding from people they have literally never heard of. You know, inactive Catholics who probably only come for the major holidays and aren’t involved in the least bit in any church activity. I’m glad that he followed that up with – we don’t know those people, so they won’t be getting any kind of priority on the use of the facilities. He encouraged everyone to REGISTER with the parish and make themselves active in the parish. If you aren’t active in the parish, it’s not your church and you have no business asking to use it** for anything.** (that conclusion is mine, not my pastor’s)

THOSE people are the ones complaining about having to give a donation for the use of the facilities and for the priest’s time. Who in their right mind wouldn’t think it was worth it to pay, if they are able to do so, a donation for the use of the facility. Our parish seats 1,000+ people and has a massive vaulted ceiling and is in South Texas. Any ideas on what air conditioning costs?.. Lights?.. Custodial workers?.. And that’s not even considering any other aspect of it, such as respect for others time.

FYI, protestant churches charge for the use of their facilities, too. I’m not sure what the comparison here is supposed to be. Sure, if you are in a small protestant church (of which there are MANY MANY with as few as 100 members), then it’s possible they might not expect any specific donation. However, wouldn’t it be rude to not even OFFER a donation for the use of time and facilities???

The previous exception should still exist: the poor should not be denied marriage because they cannot afford the “fees”… It should always be a donation and it should always be up to the ability of the parishioner to pay. A rich person should be paying more than someone of modest means, etc. I have attended Catholic weddings where 10,000+ was spent on alcohol alone (to the potential encouragement of sin, BTW)… I should hope that some amount larger than that was donated to the parish.

-Michael
 
The whole idea of someone holding out there hand with expectation for money or gift at the time of ANY Sacrament is sickening 😦 .

The cost for items such as a booklet to aid in learning about a sacrament costs so little that it should not even be factored in.

A wedding in a church shouldn’t cost the bride and groom a penny. They already pay for the white carpet, flowers, organist/choir (if they want it), they ‘gift’ the altar servers.
The priest should get nothing for celebrating a wedding mass. It is his ministry! Where does the idea of extra $$ come in?
 
This may sounds cruel and heartless, but if one cannot afford a respectable donation for what is supposed to be the ONLY Wedding they will ever have, what are they going to do when they get a house, have kids and all the other bills that comes along with marriage? Most divorces happen because of finances. If a couple is unable to afford a respectable donation then perhaps they should wait a little longer before getting married.

Now with that being said, No good priest would ever deny a couple because they coudn’t afford the donation.
 
I belive that the custom in my area is that our priests often split or give entire donations or stipends with priests in less well off places. so really you shouldnt worry about priests greedily overbooking themselves with funerals and weddings, often they will give the money to their less fortunate brothers.

I think it is a matter of courtesy to give the priest a stipend for a service he is taking his time to offer to you specifically, but i would be kinda put off if a priest acted as if he deserved a stipend, and was offended when you give him one that he deems too small. if asked about a charge he shoudl say somthing like, “I cannot charge for sacriments or blessings. Some people see it as customary but definatly not mandatory, to freely give a donation to the parish or myself as a ‘thank you’ for our commitment of time.”

I like the rule of a full days wages (base it on your wage) for the celebrant. half a days wages for other religious who are involved (like the amazing singing nun). and a small tip for the altar servers, readers, and EHMC’s (if you need them) even if they are related. any laymen involved you pay what they charge.
 
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