T
Takemyhand
Guest
I need hope and positivity from people with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), or prayers to find hope. I have been desperately searching for someone who has been in a similar situation, to hear or read what I need to hear. I am 20 years old, have noninsulin resistant PCOS, am thin, am about to start taking meds, and have hair on my face and body. I knew I was hairy but I also knew this is common in women and nothing to be ashamed of…I was happy that I had come so far in accepting my appearance, hair and all, and I always knew my future husband would love me as I am and be happy I was at peace with myself. I realized I may have PCOS through the internet a year ago by accident…I was on a sort of body positivity website and it went along the lines of “having extra body hair is normal, unless it’s this much and it increases past this age; then it’s problematic.” Suddenly, it was as if a wall of dread, constant fear that never goes away, fell down in my brain that I haven’t been able to lift yet. I had never realized what PCOS causes. Suddenly, my extra hair was not “normal” but a cause of continual concern, and it would have never bothered me before. I wish I had never found this out through the internet…I turned to the internet to find out more, to find how other people have positively dealt with this, and I am so saddened by what I have found. I have spent nearly every day of the past year reading nothing helpful even though I desperately seek hope. There is ONLY negativity!! And even when an article or forum tries to be positive, it’s still so negative! For instance, you can get it under control with exercise and eating right, but it will always be a daily struggle. And everyone over and over again just saying it gets worse and it’s hard to deal with, or if you learn to deal with it, accept it, you come to terms with not being fully content, never fully free or happy. Just google “It gets better pcos” and you get articles about how PCOS gets worse during childbearing years!
What bothers me is that PCOS is relatively common, estimated that 10% of women have it, even 1/5 of Indian women have it…if so much of the world deals with it, how can you consider the symptoms as “not normal?” How can such a large portion of the globe be at war with themselves? Why does it have to be an ordeal? Why fight it? Why can’t you find the right meds and the right method of hair removal and move on as the symptoms improve? Why can’t I convince myself that continual upkeep isn’t the end of the world, just like we have to keep on brushing our teeth? Why can’t I convince myself that I’m no less free than I used to be? (Ah, so many questions!!!) In reality, it’s not that big of a deal. While yes, knowing will help me be able to live a healthier lifestyle and it offered me an explanation for what was going on, if I didn’t know I had PCOS, I could easily accept the symptoms as they came without having the label of PCOS to weight me down and cause me to dread my future. I would have accepted the hair as me, as the reality of aging, not panic every hair I see because it’s a reminder it will constantly get worse and soon I’ll have a full beard. I always wanted to adopt kids and loved how I could love any child as if they were my own…what’s the use of worrying now that I might not be able to have my own children? I have not been able to find one person, ONE person!! who says yes, I have PCOS but it doesn’t have to be an ordeal. I want to hear someone say that yes, I lived in total fear at first, worry consumed me, but then it subsided and I was able to go on with my life as before, with extra courage…not permanent self-consciousness and lack of confidence and complete dread about the future. I want to hear what you have to say! What I’ve only seen right now is negativity, panic, people who are constantly bothered by the increasing symptoms every day for the rest of their life. I’m hoping that the people who tend to post in these forums are a misrepresentation of people with PCOS, that they write because they need help, and that the people that successfully thrive in their life don’t post because they don’t see a need to. I need to hear that this is possible! I know that it is possible, but right now I can’t convince myself because it doesn’t seem like anyone has done it! I cannot disentangle myself from these constant fears even though I want to and I know that it doesn’t make sense.
I know what I’m going through right now is not right; it’s my cross but you should be able to progress in life with your cross…to carry your cross, not be at a standstill with your cross. For me to have to deal with this always would prevent me from accomplishing God’s purpose for me as well as I could. The past year has led me to cling to God, trust Him wholeheartedly with anything He says because nearly all my hope for my future “reserve” is gone. I live in fear of my dreams because right now I know that if I continue to be in this state, as it seems all people with PCOS continue to be in, I would not be able to thrive, to think clearly and about other things that matter, and to fulfill the vocation God had promised me.
Thank-you for reading through this, and thank-you for your prayers! :grouphug:
What bothers me is that PCOS is relatively common, estimated that 10% of women have it, even 1/5 of Indian women have it…if so much of the world deals with it, how can you consider the symptoms as “not normal?” How can such a large portion of the globe be at war with themselves? Why does it have to be an ordeal? Why fight it? Why can’t you find the right meds and the right method of hair removal and move on as the symptoms improve? Why can’t I convince myself that continual upkeep isn’t the end of the world, just like we have to keep on brushing our teeth? Why can’t I convince myself that I’m no less free than I used to be? (Ah, so many questions!!!) In reality, it’s not that big of a deal. While yes, knowing will help me be able to live a healthier lifestyle and it offered me an explanation for what was going on, if I didn’t know I had PCOS, I could easily accept the symptoms as they came without having the label of PCOS to weight me down and cause me to dread my future. I would have accepted the hair as me, as the reality of aging, not panic every hair I see because it’s a reminder it will constantly get worse and soon I’ll have a full beard. I always wanted to adopt kids and loved how I could love any child as if they were my own…what’s the use of worrying now that I might not be able to have my own children? I have not been able to find one person, ONE person!! who says yes, I have PCOS but it doesn’t have to be an ordeal. I want to hear someone say that yes, I lived in total fear at first, worry consumed me, but then it subsided and I was able to go on with my life as before, with extra courage…not permanent self-consciousness and lack of confidence and complete dread about the future. I want to hear what you have to say! What I’ve only seen right now is negativity, panic, people who are constantly bothered by the increasing symptoms every day for the rest of their life. I’m hoping that the people who tend to post in these forums are a misrepresentation of people with PCOS, that they write because they need help, and that the people that successfully thrive in their life don’t post because they don’t see a need to. I need to hear that this is possible! I know that it is possible, but right now I can’t convince myself because it doesn’t seem like anyone has done it! I cannot disentangle myself from these constant fears even though I want to and I know that it doesn’t make sense.
I know what I’m going through right now is not right; it’s my cross but you should be able to progress in life with your cross…to carry your cross, not be at a standstill with your cross. For me to have to deal with this always would prevent me from accomplishing God’s purpose for me as well as I could. The past year has led me to cling to God, trust Him wholeheartedly with anything He says because nearly all my hope for my future “reserve” is gone. I live in fear of my dreams because right now I know that if I continue to be in this state, as it seems all people with PCOS continue to be in, I would not be able to thrive, to think clearly and about other things that matter, and to fulfill the vocation God had promised me.
Thank-you for reading through this, and thank-you for your prayers! :grouphug:
. Prayer of Apology and Thanksgiving because of human forgetfulness to say “thank You” to Our Lord. . . . 
