Peet Peeve of mine about Mass

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pwlj_christ87

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Ok, honestly guys, i have a pet peeve here, I dont like it when you go out of your way to go to a parish to make confession, and partake in mass, and certain members ofthe parish there always look at you in disgust, they dont like you or look down upon you, or choose to look the other way as you walk by. Im not perfect, ineed the sacrament, im not perfect at kneelingand partaking either, isnt the point for everyone to get perfect, it justirritates me, because i want to get spiritual, but you cant feel safe of going to parish or church to worship without feeling scruples that your some outsider coming in and that they dont want to look at you.
 
I’m sorry you’re having that experience. .As long as you’re doing your best to be One in the Spirit with everyone else it might be the other persons problem and don’t let it bother you too much. Maybe you might be a greeter or something where you can make the Church more welcoming for others?
 
Hi pwlj,
I wonder if you are mis-reading the way that people look at you. Unless they are incredibly unwelcoming, I find it hard to imagine that a lot of people are looking at you with disgust at Mass. Maybe they are looking at you curiously because you are new to that parish or something, but I doubt that it is disgust. Unless you ended up at some really weird parish! Keep your focus on Christ, and don’t the other stuff worry you. too much. Assume the best instead of the worst, if you can!
Take care and hope things go better at whatever parish you end up in! : )
 
Are you dressed immodestly (e.g. exposing parts of your breasts, like the upper parts of them, or wearing a short skirt or short shorts, like stopping less than an inch below your buttocks), or cross dressing, or have plugs in your ears or other piercings? More description may help clarify why people are looking at you, and why you think they regard you with some sort of disgust.

At any rate, don’t let perceived disdain keep you from the sacraments, if you’re in good standing with God.
 
I travel a lot and go to a lot of different Catholic Churches, go to confession too. NEVER got a dirty look (or any look, for that matter) from anyone in 20 years.

I’m not sure what you’re experiencing or why, but since this is a “pet peeve” and seems to happen to you a lot, may I suggest you contact someone you know well, whom you trust and ASK them if you’re giving off some kind of “vibe” that brings out these “looks of disgust” from complete strangers (in church, no less). Very confusing.
 
ethereality said:
Are you dressed immodestly (e.g. exposing parts of your breasts, like the upper parts of them, or wearing a short skirt or short shorts, like stopping less than an inch below your buttocks), or cross dressing, or have plugs in your ears or other piercings? More description may help clarify why people are looking at you, and why you think they regard you with some sort of disgust.

At any rate, don’t let perceived disdain keep you from the sacraments, if you’re in good standing with God.
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I would second these questions. In my experience one could go to the same parish for 10 years, and in that time have basically no one speak to you or even notice you, let alone “look at you in disgust.” Is there something about you that would attract particular attention or reaction?
 
I am single, so sometimes people at one church for some reason give me lots of room, but after the service starts and I say the responses, especially the creed without even looking at the sheet, people relax and become friendlier.

In any case I don’t really mind. I am there for myself and God not the neighbors. I go to confession frequently, and again, I don’t care what anyone thinks. Few people go to confession that need to, so maybe what you are feeling is a wee bit of envy mixed with guilt by one or two people.

By the time they sit down, they have forgotten all about you. Relax. I used to project what others might be thinking or feeling about me. You’ll grow out of it with age.
 
i think its not so much disgust but its sort of like staying away from me, its not the whole church either its just a particular individual… it maybe beause om single, and because i find myself running there, he just seems not want to do anythin wit hme for some reasn, when iwalk by at the end of mass he’ll go out of his way to look the other way its more saddenning than anytyhing because i want to feel respected, i go there out of my way for the LORD and you dont cherise bonds with people with the LORD too often outside of mass so inside of it you watn to feel safe and liked by all, but its ok its no problem
 
i think if i am guilty of anything inthe beginning is to perhaps be running to the confessional, maybe he thinks that i am doing it far too often, and hes disgusted at that, maybe its also because i am single, and male, perhaps im not as settled in thefaith,

either way i dont mean to talk badly about him, i think hes a greatcatholic, hes very into the aprish, so its sort of his home, but for me its just the fact thati want to be whta he is, i want to be able to feel safe in goingto a parish without feeling like i am being observed in a negative way… maybe its just this parish maybe its God tellign me to stay to my own parish ?
 
When I’m at an English Mass, I feel at a disadvantage. Probably because I never found it worthwhile to learn the responses like I have with the Spanish and Latin Masses. The only reason I attend the English Mass is to fulfill the obligation. I find it difficult if not impossible to pray there. Too many negative feelings. But that’s me.
 
It sounds to me that you are assuming another person’s feelings without knowing anything for certain. This other person probably doesn’t even notice you at all. If he turns away it probably has nothing to do with you, but rather he simply turned away. It’s never a good idea to guess what others intend, even with people we know well. You cannot possibly know what he is thinking merely because he takes no notice of you. If he’s an older person and you are young he has little in common with you and so ignores you. Unless you know each other well enough to greet one another why should he take any notice of you any more than anyone else? Stop worrying about what you think others think about you, and concentrate on why you’re at Mass–to worship God, to hear his word proclaimed, to receive the Body and Blood of Christ and so gain the graces you need to be holy and do good in love. The same with confession. Confess your sins, do your penance and let nothing else bother you. For indeed, nothing else matters in the least.
 
Look, ignore everyone in the church. Remember, you are there for your love of God! You are not there to worry what others think of you! Put them out of your mind and concentrate on God. On why you are there

God bless you
 
pwlj_christ87 said:
i think if i am guilty of anything inthe beginning is to perhaps be running to the confessional, maybe he thinks that i am doing it far too often, and hes disgusted at that, maybe its also because i am single, and male, perhaps im not as settled in thefaith,

either way i dont mean to talk badly about him, i think hes a greatcatholic, hes very into the aprish, so its sort of his home, but for me its just the fact thati want to be whta he is, i want to be able to feel safe in goingto a parish without feeling like i am being observed in a negative way… maybe its just this parish maybe its God tellign me to stay to my own parish ?
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I am on my way to ‘‘coming back home’’ myself and I understand what you mean.When I first showed up at my parish and wanted to talk to the priest, there was a deacon who didn’t even make it a point to hide his disgust, … even went as far as to yell across the pews for the priest, grabbing everyone who was still there('s) attention, making it very uncomfortable for me. This made going to mass very uncomfortable, with me sitting as far in the back as I could get, with my head down, even having some kind of panic attacks or something?

You stated, ''maybe it was God telling me to stay in my own parish"… well I have a comment on that… through going through RCIA and having one very knowledgeable sponsor, hasn’t anyone ever taught you why you are to stay with-in your own parish? Your parish is most commonly very close within your neighborhood, most likely with your catholic peers and neighbors, with good reasoning too. Is there any reason that you aren’t staying with one parish, your own? I’m not condoning the actions towards to you that pain you enough for you to have it brought to CA. That’s what these forums are for. However, I would consider staying in your parish, and building a relationship with a few people who ARE in fact accepting of you. I know they are there because much like you, I’ve experienced this … at first… but now when I go to mass, it is far less noticeable, as even the deacon who could have treated me much kinder and could have been more accepting actually IS now.

I don’t have all of the answers, or even close … One of the first questions I had was why do we have our own parishes according to our home address, etc… The answer is one that I could have guessed correctly if I had pondered it a bit more. I’m sorry that you have had this experience and at the same time, I pray that someone can answer this for you better than me. I remind myself that I am there to honor God and His will. If I make a friend, that’s a bonus (compared to all the so-called friends I thought I had, and lost, because I was converting)!

God Bless,
Piper
 
Maybe it’s just your perception on what others are thinking when you attend their parish

Most Catholics try to mind their own business when they attend church and perhaps they only look at you because they’ve never seen you there before.

Either way, don’t pay attention to them, but stay focused on what you’re doing.

Jim
 
PiperJane said:
I am on my way to ‘‘coming back home’’ myself and I understand what you mean.When I first showed up at my parish and wanted to talk to the priest, there was a deacon who didn’t even make it a point to hide his disgust, … even went as far as to yell across the pews for the priest, grabbing everyone who was still there('s) attention, making it very uncomfortable for me. This made going to mass very uncomfortable, with me sitting as far in the back as I could get, with my head down, even having some kind of panic attacks or something?

God Bless,
Piper
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I’ve edited merely because I’m only commenting on this part of your post. 🙂

I want to put your mind at rest about this incident. I think we need to keep in mind that clergy, just like us, are people with flaws and faults. Sometimes they are impatient because they feel pressured. Especially after Mass or just before. People want to talk to them about things they really should make an appointment for. His “disgust” was probably motived by the fact that he couldn’t answer your concerns right then and there, besides, it appears he felt the pastor was the appropriate person for you to talk to. Was he insensitive? I’d say he was, but was it personal? No, I don’t think so. If you have concerns that need some time to discuss with clergy, you should make an appointment so he can give you the time you need without him feeling he has been put on the spot–not that that was your intention. Does that sound like what happened to you or am I way off?
 
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