Pentecost Guilt

[lauralh4]

Hey everyone… So, I’m not really sure why I’m posting this, but I guess I didn’t know where else to turn to. I’ve been going through a rough time lately, trying to figure out my vocation. Work has been driving me insane (I’m the administrator of a yoga studio), tomorrow it will be a year since I started working there and I keep trying to figure out if I want to quit or not. I dropped out of school at the beginning of this year because I wasn’t sure I wanted to be there and decided to take some time off. Now I’m just…unsure of what to do. I’m thinking a LOT about studying Theology, but I feel so insecure about everything…I just don’t know and it’s getting me really down…

Point of this post: I was so down today I was barely able to get out of bed. I’ve been sort of depressed all day and started actually feeling physically ill. I didn’t wake up early enough to go to Mass in the morning (I always go to Mass at 8:30am). Then was in bed all morning until lunch, so I missed all morning Masses. Fell asleep again in the afternoon, and then convinced myself it was too cold outside and my throat was bugging me too much to go out, get on a bus, and go to Church for any evening Mass.

So yeah, I skipped Mass today. I have in the past, but because I’ve been truly sick. I think today I was, more than anything, emotionally sick instead of physically sick (even though I might be about to catch a cold). I felt guilty, but tried not to think much about it.

Thing is I sort of came back to Catholicism about a year ago, and did my Confirmation 2 weeks ago (which makes me SO happy!), so I’m not super knowledgeable of the Catholic feasts yet (my family aren’t practicing Catholics). I knew today was Pentecost, but didn’t know exactly what that meant. A little while ago I started looking into it and when I read it was the “birth of the Christian Church”, when I read it was all about the Holy Spirit descending upong the apostles…I broke down in tears. I missed my chance of celebrating this feast for the first time as a 100% Warrior of Christ and member of the Christian Church (after my Confirmation). I skipped Mass when something I need so much is being celebrated…the Holy Spirit. I missed Mass on a day that I probably needed it more than ever.

I don’t know… I feel really down. I feel I need God so much to figure out so many things in my life, and I just can’t feel Him with me right now, I can’t hear Him. And instead of going out to look for Him, I lock myself in my house, and I lock Him out of my heart. I don’t know what to do… And I still can’t figure out if I sinned today or not. I can’t figure out if I was/am feeling sick enough for it to be “ok” for me to skip Mass. In a way, I don’t even care…all I know is it hurts that I missed this celebration.

Bleh, don’t know what else to say. But, please, send some prayers my way. I need them so much to help me discern what to do with my life…and, I don’t know, I just need them. Thanks so much. Love and blessings to all.

 

[erine]

I will pray for you

Maybe go to confession and talk to the priest the Holy Spirit speaks through him and the guidance in the confessional is so helpful for me.

 

[Lady_Marchmain]

Exhaustion and depression are illnesses that are legitimate excuses when they affected you like today, unmotivated, needing extra sleep, physical fatigue, sore throat, etc.

Plain old laziness sometimes can be used as an excuse for depression. But it sounds to me you truly are depressed and run down. Of course I’m not your spiritual adviser, but I would allow yourself an excuse for missing Mass. No sin or only a venial sin because you were incapacitated and not feeling well. So don’t worry about that.

I’m so sorry you missed Pentecost. It’s nice because the vestments and altar cloths are red. Don’t feel too bad, next year will come around sooner than you know it.

OK, switching to your career life. You sound young. In that case, go to school. Go before it’s too late. Trust me, no matter how vague your ultimate career goal is, school is the right choice if you are lucky enough to have that option.

I don’t care what degree you get, theology (takes a special school) or anything, it hardly matters to tell you the truth, if you’re talking the baccalaureate level, just get a degree. Decide along the way which major.

If you are thinking of some other kind of school, a certificate, something to do with the yoga, or some training skills, OK, good, go back and finish that. (Of course if we’re talking PhD level this is a different discussion.) You will never regret getting a solid education!!! You will regret being middle aged and making a few dollars more than you do now in a yoga center.

Also - and some priests might know about this, others may not - You need to read a simple, reliable source on the dangers of eastern mysticism for Christians…not some hysterical source that says a foot massage will send you to hell, but one pointing out you must be careful of the origins of things like yoga, especially certain types of yoga. These practices are rooted in religious beliefs that are not always compatible with Christianity. Even though it seems only like physical exercise, the energy is there. Maybe the yoga is what’s draining you and making you feel off.

Now, I am sorry to seem bossy, but one has to try to be concise in these posts when there is so much to be concerned over. You’re distressed and so I’m trying to be clear. You just focus on what I told you above and don’t worry about looking farther right now. That’s too much and too overwhelming for you now. You do not need to discern what to do with your life, you only need to discern what would be an acceptable next step that is a good thing, be it school, job training, working.

Your entire life is going to have unexpected twists and turns and very few of us are brilliant enough and have the resources to create a master plan. I don’t know why, but I feel if you would get into some school or learning program you like, that is going to be the next right step. From there, other vistas will become clear with time.

God bless you.

 

[Holly3278]

Speaking of guilt, I feel guilty because I didn’t go to Mass today. I went to the Vigil Mass yesterday but I didn’t go on Sunday. I feel a little guilty about that as I had planned to go on Sunday as well.