People can't accept me wanting to be single

[Allegra]

I don’t know what to say to people when they try and match me up with dudes or keep telling me to go find a man when I feel at peace being on my own serving God. People tell me I’m strange or a weirdo (like my own non-Catholic family) or even suggest I might have sexuality issues or something which I don’t.
I don’t know what to say anymore, how can I stop people thinking I’m an abnormality?

You can’t stop people from thinking you are an abnormality. Most people want to have a family of their own. Those who don’t, often still want sex and romantic relationships. I wouldn’t use the word “strange” but your intentions are uncommon and lots of people aren’t going to understand. You can’t control what they think of your life choices, but you CAN choose to not need their approval. Instead of spending my time trying to convince others that my way is best for me, I would just focus my energy on accepting myself regardless of what others think.

 

[CRATUS]

I don’t know what to say to people when they try and match me up with dudes or keep telling me to go find a man when I feel at peace being on my own serving God. People tell me I’m strange or a weirdo (like my own non-Catholic family) or even suggest I might have sexuality issues or something which I don’t.
I don’t know what to say anymore, how can I stop people thinking I’m an abnormality?

I am sorry. Some of these people are well meaning. Maybe they think you should give love a chance or not give up. Or they think you do not know how to find a man. A young woman ( I assumed) being happy without a boyfriend is difficult for some to imagine. I doubt you would have this problem as a man.

 

[CRATUS]

You can’t stop people from thinking what they will, however you can be indifferent to their opinions.

You do not have to care about what they think.

Just stick to your convictions.

easier said than done especially coming from your family. Family always thinks they know better. Sometimes tight knit families can act this way. It is difficult for me to have friends that disapprove of my lifestyle or always seem to comment on it. I choose to tell them nothing or distance myself. Or I will cut them off. Some people must give their opinions on everything. That annoys me. I’d rather not deal with that honestly.

 

[AdamP88]

I don’t know what to say to people when they try and match me up with dudes or keep telling me to go find a man when I feel at peace being on my own serving God. People tell me I’m strange or a weirdo (like my own non-Catholic family) or even suggest I might have sexuality issues or something which I don’t.
I don’t know what to say anymore, how can I stop people thinking I’m an abnormality?

I’m guessing as one poster said, that people who try to set you up are coming from a place of wanting you to be happy. Perhaps they don’t believe you when you say that you want to be single.

In one sense, you are an abnormality, (not in a bad way, all faithful Catholics are “abnormal” in this day and age.) in the sense that most people really do have a desire to marry, even those who become priests or join religious orders often feel that they are giving up something in order to serve God. Very few religious, in my experience, feel no desire for a family and husband/wife.

It’s possible that people find this hard to understand. One of my closest friends is a Benedictine monk and I sometimes find it hard to understand when he tells me he never really felt a burning desire for a family.

I guess it’s because I always had that desire and probably most people do.

 

[Faxero]

Try not to worry about it too much. There are quite a lot of people, including myself, who may often feel suspicious toward those who adamantly refuse to get married, for whatever reason.

If you have developed the habit of explaining yourself to those who question your decision to remain ‘single’, then you might be feeding into their suspicion, making it more pronounced then it otherwise might have been. Under such circumstances, they may think that you are “just trying to validate yourself”, and such.

 

[Blue_Rose]

Try not to worry about it too much. There are quite a lot of people, including myself, who may often feel suspicious toward those who adamantly refuse to get married, for whatever reason.

If you have developed the habit of explaining yourself to those who question your decision to remain ‘single’, then you might be feeding into their suspicion, making it more pronounced then it otherwise might have been. Under such circumstances, they may think that you are “just trying to validate yourself”, and such.

Suspicious of what?

 

[Rosebud77]

Sometimes I think the reason married people want to see their single friends get married is because misery loves company .

Oh DEAR… I think the opposite. That they are so happy being married they cannot conceive ( !!) of anyone not being that way…

I get folk being HORRIFIED at my living up here alone… So I tell them er the cats and dogs… But the thought of aloneness terrifies them…

 

[Rosebud77]

reminds me of an old Lancashire saying… “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride…”

Marriage was security, and they were being very practical…

 

[Faxero]

Suspicious of what?

Suspicious of why and how persons don’t care about or prefer not to get married.

Given that God created Males and Females to complement each other, it can be understandable why those who don’t seem to care about marriage (which is the highest state of male-and-female compatibility), or in some cases, would prefer not to get married, may be seen as abnormal, unless a specific reason for such a decision exists (e.g priesthood, nun.)

For those who are burning with desire, like myself, it can be difficult to relate to those like yourself, who are seemingly devoid of desire. Most people burn with desire at some point in their lives. The few that never did may be seen as abnormal, which isn’t necessarily bad, but abnormal all the same.

 

[Blue_Rose]

Suspicious of why and how persons don’t care about or prefer not to get married.

Given that God created Males and Females to complement each other, it can be understandable why those who don’t seem to care about marriage (which is the highest state of male-and-female compatibility), or in some cases, would prefer not to get married, may be seen as abnormal, unless a specific reason for such a decision exists (e.g priesthood, nun.)

For those who are burning with desire, like myself, it can be difficult to relate to those like yourself, who are seemingly devoid of desire. Most people burn with desire at some point in their lives. The few that never did may be seen as abnormal, which isn’t necessarily bad, but abnormal all the same.

You say it’s abnormal unless a specific reasons exists such as being a priest or nun… well not all people can enter into that life. For me, it’s not possible due to past health issues and I have student debts which will take years to pay off.
What do you say of saints who did not marry then? Or the fact that when we go to heaven we will not be married and be as the angels, so do you not consider it perhaps a blessing to be free of desires of the flesh, to focus on serving God and be prepared for heaven?
Of course most peoples vocation is marriage but due to some circumstances as I pointed out it’s not always possible to enter religious life.

Also, I’ll add here that I said in my original post that I’m at peace with being single not that I plan to be this way forever nor that I’m closed to the idea of marriage.
I have given in to pressure in the past and dated and I fell into depression and fell away from God.
Serving God and focusing on him fully make me feel at peace. If a man comes along who seems right then sure I’ll give it a go but I’m not actively searching or pining away until then.

I guess people will never understand unless they are in the same position as me.

 

[Faxero]

Of course most peoples vocation is marriage but due to some circumstances as I pointed out it’s not always possible to enter religious life.

The key word is ‘most’. The majority of Mankind would prefer the married life. The minority who don’t are seen as abnormal.

Being abnormal; having an abnormal viewpoint or making abnormal decisions, isn’t necessarily good or bad. It just happens. People tend to notice those who are unconventional.

Serving God and focusing on him fully make me feel at peace. If a man comes along who seems right then sure I’ll give it a go but I’m not actively searching or pining away until then.

:doh2: Tell that to your family, and they’re better understand your position.

Your 1st post may give off the impression that you actively avoid marriage, which is what people consider abnormal. Once the family realizes that you are open to marriage, just not actively pursuing it, then you should be better understood.

 

[Rosebud77]

Suspicious of why and how persons don’t care about or prefer not to get married.

Given that God created Males and Females to complement each other, it can be understandable why those who don’t seem to care about marriage (which is the highest state of male-and-female compatibility), or in some cases, would prefer not to get married, may be seen as abnormal, unless a specific reason for such a decision exists (e.g priesthood, nun.)

For those who are burning with desire, like myself, it can be difficult to relate to those like yourself, who are seemingly devoid of desire. Most people burn with desire at some point in their lives. The few that never did may be seen as abnormal, which isn’t necessarily bad, but abnormal all the same.

difference is between burning with desire ( although never ben there for a man or a woman) and letting a flame turn into a wild fire.

We do not either wear our sexuality on our sleeves,

 

[Jerusha]

For those who are called to the single life, it bucks the worldly tradition to not declare in what direction one’s sexual proclivities lie. We have the right to say that we rarely act on our sexual feelings, and what they are is our own business. They just don’t get it.

Faxero said:
The key word is ‘most’. The majority of Mankind would prefer the married life. The minority who don’t are seen as abnormal.

Being abnormal; having an abnormal viewpoint or making abnormal decisions, isn’t necessarily good or bad. It just happens. People tend to notice those who are unconventional.

There is a wide range of normal. People just have to get over it. Social pressure to conform, when the individual’s non-conformity doesn’t harm others, does harm to others.