People continue to ask me when I'm going to start dating

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thequietsinger

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Since mid December, I have had relatives and friends ask me when I’m finally going to start dating. I’m almost 17, and in my area many get married around the ages of 18-20, so it they expect me to date now, though my parents always told me to wait. I really want to say “I’m not dating a boy because I’m discerning the religious life,” but I know that wouldn’t go over well with any of them, and I’d like to avoid saying that because I also know they’d tell my Mom about what I said, and right now, I really want to avoid that. What else would be a good thing to say instead of “it’s just not for me.” I’ve continued to say that, and they continue to ask, and I could really use some help with this. Thank you so much, and God Bless!
 
thequietsinger said:
Since mid December, I have had relatives and friends ask me when I’m finally going to start dating. I’m almost 17, and in my area many get married around the ages of 18-20, so it they expect me to date now, though my parents always told me to wait. I really want to say “I’m not dating a boy because I’m discerning the religious life,” but I know that wouldn’t go over well with any of them, and I’d like to avoid saying that because I also know they’d tell my Mom about what I said, and right now, I really want to avoid that. What else would be a good thing to say instead of “it’s just not for me.” I’ve continued to say that, and they continue to ask, and I could really use some help with this. Thank you so much, and God Bless!
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How impolite of them! I would just laugh it off and politely decline to comment. It’s no use getting defensive, if people are that nosy, that impolite, and have such silly preconceived notions about what’s good for you, you’re surely better off avoiding discussing such personal matters with them.
 
DaddyGirl said:
Why don’t you say… “I haven’t met anyone yet I’d like to go on a date with…”

.
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Well, there are two things that have happened with that response:
  1. Two people told me, “You just need to get out more. You’ll never find anyone if you don’t go out with anyone or do anything.”
  2. Then another said, “I could fix you up with someone I know!”
Yeah, I’m not going through that last one again. Once is more than enough for me.
 
I would say, “with all due respect, it isn’t any of your business.” I would flash a nice smile and walk off.
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
I would say, “with all due respect, it isn’t any of your business.” I would flash a nice smile and walk off.
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I like this. 👍

(If you’re worried about coming off as rude, you can say, “I know you are asking because you care about me, but I really would rather not discuss it.” Repeat as necessary.)
 
The old “why do you need to know?” usually puts them off guard and makes them realize it’s a nosy thing.
Laughing always helps.
You could say “I’m not in a big hurry to date when my education means so much to me. I’d like to focus on bettering myself for now. That way, some day I’ll make the choice that’s right for me.”
🙂
 
Nosy relative/friend: “So, when are you going to start dating?”

You: “When I’m ready.” (Which is true, since that could be never if you do enter religious life.) Then change the subject. “So, how was your vacation?”
 
How about “I’m waiting to see what the Lord wants for me”

Or “In God’s good time”

Really, its all up to God to put someone in our lives, what He wills for us.
 
When I was around that age, others around the same age would ask me why I didn’t have a boyfriend. It was usually done with a compliment. “You’re so nice. Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” It also happened when I was in between my first and second boyfriend, which was about six years. I used to get a complex over it. It caused me to question myself, what was wrong with me, my looks, etc.

As I got older, the questions changed into why aren’t you married and why don’t you have children (even when they knew I wasn’t married). People are both inquisitive and rude.

The best answer I have come up with is a smile, a shrug and, “I don’t know.” To me, it is embarrassing and a feeling of wanting to remain private. I have shared so much of myself with people who asked personal questions, because one leads to another, or to suggestions that I would then need to explain why I would not want that.

I don’t know. Maybe, you can turn it around when someone asks. “I love talking to you and you will be one of the first to know if do start dating someone. Now, tell me how has life been treating you?” (Ask a specific question that focuses on them.) In a perfect world you could say, “That is too personal.” “None of your business.” Or the like. But most people are not only going to be offended by that, they will think you have something to hide.
 
Ah, relatives and friends, the well-meaning busybodies. Make it a joke. You won’t get rid of them, but at least you’ll discourage them a little and have some fun.

Answer, “Ah, when the time is right, when the time is right. I suppose you are hoping you can marry me off and perhaps get rid of me! What, are you going to ask Mom for my bedroom when you have me married off? Maybe you just want a big wedding reception to go to? You young people are always so impatient!” And so on…:“Oh, no, I know what it is! You are afraid I will be a spinster, and have to come live with you! Your horse-faced cousin who waited too long and never got a man! That’s what you think, that I’m already losing my looks!” Joke that they can’t wait to get rid of you, that they think you’ll be an old maid, that kind of thing, that it is all about looking out for their own self-interest, and stick with that. If they insist, you can say, “Really, I am flattered that you think I would make some young man happy, but you are not helping that fellow by hurrying me! I have a stubborn nature, I will be ready when I am ready, you know that!” If they seriously are afraid that you’ll be an old maid, then you can say, “Do not worry, if I don’t marry then some convent will take me. The Lord will not care about my looks, only that I have a big heart. I won’t show up on your doorstep with my hand out!”
 
I don’t really have an answer, but I would say this: “Why do you wish for me to date so badly? You have no right, even though I am your friend (or daughter), to push me into dating someone. Maybe I would like to become a Nun and not get married. After all, the Lord may be calling me to the religious life. Should I deny Him or follow Him?”

I know you said you didn’t want to mention about yourself planning to be of the religious life, but even if they do yell or fight you, just tell the truth. Whatever the Lord is calling you to do, go do it! What God decides is greater than man’s. This is just my opinion, though. God bless! 😉
 
If they do freak out when you say you aren’t afraid of the convent, turn that around on them, but still in a teasing way: “Oh, nice! I suppose you’re going to tell Fr. John that people with a lot going for them shouldn’t be priests or nuns! Very nice–so I guess he’s chopped liver? Or Sr. Mary Eucharista! She would be thrilled to know that she’s wasted her life! How awful you are! You had better go to confession!” IOW, do not take them seriously if they freak out about you even mentioning religious life. You can even act as if you enjoy pulling their chain by bringing it up.

You can’t make them quiet, but you can make them squirm. You may as well make it fun.
 
18-20 in this day, age and country is extremely young to be married. In most instances in the developed world today, an 18 year old is not mature enough to handle a marriage. Even 20 is pushing the boundary for maturity. Most people at age 17 are worried about getting into college or what they are going to do on the weekend with friends. Marriage seems so far off. Most dating and relationships don’t even have a marital goal in mind in late high school.

Marriage at 18-20 is something that people did in this country when college wasn’t an option for most, factory jobs were standard, and women were supposed to be housewives.
 
18-20 is still a pretty average age in some rural areas.

Is there a Barnes and Noble near where you live? Go hide out at Barnes and Noble. Read a good book and sometimes you get into cool conversations with people. That way you’re out and about, and you can maintain that you haven’t met anyone you’re interested in.
 
The main thing is to realize that you cannot come up with enough answers to keep nosy people from asking questions. You run their gauntlet and “any landing you walk away from is a good one.” Teasing them about asking in the first place and refusing to give a straight answer is as good a way to handle their interrogations as any, but the idea that busybodies are every going to stop grilling you is probably not realistic. That goes double for the kind of busybodies that you can’t tell to just buzz off! 😃
 
Ragamuffingirl said:
18-20 is still a pretty average age in some rural areas.

Is there a Barnes and Noble near where you live? Go hide out at Barnes and Noble. Read a good book and sometimes you get into cool conversations with people. That way you’re out and about, and you can maintain that you haven’t met anyone you’re interested in.
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There’s one about 20 minutes away, but I’m not allowed to drive to that part of town myself with a parent. And, my Mom has a huge dislike for B&N now, and I do miss it! I do like your idea, though.
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
I would say, “with all due respect, it isn’t any of your business.” I would flash a nice smile and walk off.
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I probably wouldn’t have the guts to say that exactly, but something along the lines of that would definitely give them at least a minor hint. :rolleyes:
 
pianistclare said:
The old “why do you need to know?” usually puts them off guard and makes them realize it’s a nosy thing.
Laughing always helps.
You could say “I’m not in a big hurry to date when my education means so much to me. I’d like to focus on bettering myself for now. That way, some day I’ll make the choice that’s right for me.”
🙂
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👍
 
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