People continue to ask me when I'm going to start dating

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Ragamuffingirl said:
Well, tell your mom you want to go hang out at Barnes and Noble because you think you would be more likely to meet someone you would actually be interested in getting to know in a bookstore than in some other type of hangout. You don’t have to specify that you’re only interested in friendships My old CS Lewis Society met in a Barnes and Noble. They still do, but I moved to another state and our local BN is not as cool.
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Our B&N used to have all kinds of clubs and fun nights, but they did away with them years ago, even though they had a ton a people show up for the events. It really is a shame that more of the B&N’s around the US don’t give their all like they used to. Thank you so much!
 
bstorm said:
“Maybe later” is a perfectly acceptable answer to “When are you going to start dating?” That does not really answer the question and does not commit you to anything.
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You’re right; it doesn’t really give an answer, but it also doesn’t pull me into an awkward conversation. Thank you! 🙂
 
MomaMary8 said:
My daughter has discerned a single vocation and she has many strategies to avoid some uncomfortable queries. Devoting your life to God is a very personal decision, and it is not always easy to open your inner most feelings to people who casually/rudely/inconsiderately ask about your “dating life.” The biggest pickle was her Lit. teacher asking the class if they think they would get married, and why or why not! (Marriage was a bit topic of the book they were reading.) Luckily the teacher likes my daughter and quickly understood a note my daughter passed to her.

Some things my daughter says/does:
  • plans special outings on days of High School dances
  • schedules work for Saturday nights
  • brings homework to family gatherings to bolster the claim “focusing on my future” right now
  • avoids girl-boy parties except for special circumstances
  • has a spiritual director to bounce off ideas when awkward situations arise
A recent dilemma she is worried about is being labeled “gay” if she’s not “interested” in boys. She’s decided to keep her self looking feminine and attractive without being over-board on the fashion scale. Just being a pretty teenagers 🙂

God Bless you! I’ll pray for your discernment.
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Your daughter sounds like a very amazing person. And clever, too! 😉 I work on weekends, and that seems to help me out a bit. I am fortunate enough to be homeschooled, so I don’t have to worry about avoiding High School boy - girl dances/activities. Having a Spiritual Director was definitely wonderful for me, but he ended up being transferred to another parish before I left to come back home (summer break).

Recently, I had a guy try to ask me out twice while I was at work. I told one of my co-workers about it, as she’s my age and it happens to both of us every weekend. After I told her about it, she asked if I was interested in dating. I said no, and then she asked vague questions about me being a lesbian. I was able to worm my way out of answering since we got really busy. I do want to say that if it ever happens to your daughter, tell her to not let it get to her. It is so common for people to make a false statement about you, but you should really try to not feed into comments/assumptions like that, especially when you know it isn’t true. It hurts so much, and praying always helps, as God will provide the peace you need in a situation like that.

Thank you so much! I appreciate your prayers, and your advice. 🙂
 
AuditVocemMeam said:
I think there’s a more graceful way to handle this.

How about “I just don’t want to right now”? “I’m focused on other things”? Since it is presumably an innocent question, I would expect you want to resolve the situation amicably, without delivering some sort of putdown.
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Very true. I know a previous poster said mentioning about my studies would be a wonderful way to avoid the topic, though sometimes it takes a lot to get some people off the subject. And you know, it really does amaze me that they are so concerned about me being married.
 
Cricket2 said:
You are under no obligation to answer this. You could simply state that you are not interested right now, and advise them to stop worrying about something you are not worried about.

You have plenty of time to consider this option in your life. I actually suggest to young people that it is a good idea to live on your own for a couple of years before dating, even going to college, and when discerning a religious vocation. You will learn a lot about yourself if you live on your own first.

You will discover strengths you don’t know you have, weaknesses you would rather not have, good sides to your personality and some bad. But you will learn and mature.

Good luck. It really is not their business, and it would be horrible to rush into a relationship just to meet their demands.
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My spiritual director/priest advised me to do the same. He told me that going to college and living on my own would really help me to discover myself fully, and would also help me in making a decision when I’m permitted to enter an order. Thank you for your advice! 🙂
 
One thing strange to me in this, is most parents are rather relieved to have a teenager that is not interested in dating. They hope their son or daughter will go to college and live on their own first.

Stick to your guns and principals.
 
thequietsinger said:
Since mid December, I have had relatives and friends ask me when I’m finally going to start dating. I’m almost 17, and in my area many get married around the ages of 18-20, so it they expect me to date now, though my parents always told me to wait. I really want to say “I’m not dating a boy because I’m discerning the religious life,” but I know that wouldn’t go over well with any of them, and I’d like to avoid saying that because I also know they’d tell my Mom about what I said, and right now, I really want to avoid that. What else would be a good thing to say instead of “it’s just not for me.” I’ve continued to say that, and they continue to ask, and I could really use some help with this. Thank you so much, and God Bless!
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Just say you’re focusing on your studies and will worry about it in college…
 
thequietsinger said:
Very true. I know a previous poster said mentioning about my studies would be a wonderful way to avoid the topic, though sometimes it takes a lot to get some people off the subject. And you know, it really does amaze me that they are so concerned about me being married.
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Maybe, just maybe they have an idea, consciously or unconsciously that you might have a vocation to religious life. It could be making them a little nervous. 😊
 
thequietsinger said:
Since mid December, I have had relatives and friends ask me when I’m finally going to start dating. I’m almost 17, and in my area many get married around the ages of 18-20, so it they expect me to date now, though my parents always told me to wait. I really want to say “I’m not dating a boy because I’m discerning the religious life,” but I know that wouldn’t go over well with any of them, and I’d like to avoid saying that because I also know they’d tell my Mom about what I said, and right now, I really want to avoid that. What else would be a good thing to say instead of “it’s just not for me.” I’ve continued to say that, and they continue to ask, and I could really use some help with this. Thank you so much, and God Bless!
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“I’ve no idea. When I’m good and ready I suppose”.
 
pianistclare said:
The old “why do you need to know?” usually puts them off guard and makes them realize it’s a nosy thing.
Laughing always helps.
You could say “I’m not in a big hurry to date when my education means so much to me. I’d like to focus on bettering myself for now. That way, some day I’ll make the choice that’s right for me.”
🙂
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The question does not warrant a serious answer, and certainly does not warrant you offering excuses.
 
Cricket2 said:
Maybe, just maybe they have an idea, consciously or unconsciously that you might have a vocation to religious life. It could be making them a little nervous. 😊
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Or it could be that they have an idea, and are praying that the OP realizes it too.
 
maryjk said:
Or it could be that they have an idea, and are praying that the OP realizes it too.
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I would believe that if with my Catholic relatives, but not my friends. Unfortunately, many of my friends have abandoned religion all together. 😦
 
I used to get this all the time! I didn’t start dating until I was 18 (to my now husband actually), and people used to antagonize me all the time. My pre-dementia grandmother was going around seriously telling people that I was gay, or going to be a nun, or both haha! My answer was always that I hadn’t found someone I wanted to date yet, and that I had a very busy school and social life. People usually accepted this with no further comment
 
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