"Perfect" boyfriend: The Ending

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Blusie

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This is in Re; to the thread I wrote a few posts below. I’d like to end…not the relationship, rather the end of that original post below. Except you can’t delete past 20 mins after submitting a post. Very frustrating rule.

Thank you for the advice everyone. Most was insightful. Some were judgemental. Yes let the one without sin throw the first stone. I know There is a difference between tough love advice, and downright judgemental ones.

WHAT I LEARNED:
  • singles could benefit from going to couples counseling even if marriage hasn’t come up in their vocabulary.
  • I should also look at my faults to improve as a person and future wife.
  • I will continue to read non-catholic (Christian) books, even more so when someone tells me not to, which I thought was out of line for that person to “advise” me of such. Some Catholics can come off like snobs. That’s not very Christ-like.
  • Its not the infraction the person commits. Everyone was raised differently. It’s how they’re willing to grow and change for the better that shows their true character. We’re headed in a good direction - thanks to God.
  • I really wish I could remove the post but I can’t, not according to the forum rules.
  • So, I will log off and people will continue to post and comment about a problem that is on its way to resolution.
  • Thanks and take care.
 
Blusie said:
This is in Re; to the thread I wrote a few posts below. I’d like to end…not the relationship, rather the end of that original post below. Except you can’t delete past 20 mins after submitting a post. Very frustrating rule.

Thank you for the advice everyone. Most was insightful. Some were judgemental. Yes let the one without sin throw the first stone. I know There is a difference between tough love advice, and downright judgemental ones.

WHAT I LEARNED:
  • singles could benefit from going to couples counseling even if marriage hasn’t come up in their vocabulary.
  • I should also look at my faults to improve as a person and future wife.
  • I will continue to read non-catholic (Christian) books, even more so when someone tells me not to, which I thought was out of line for that person to “advise” me of such. Some Catholics can come off like snobs. That’s not very Christ-like.
  • Its not the infraction the person commits. Everyone was raised differently. It’s how they’re willing to grow and change for the better that shows their true character. We’re headed in a good direction - thanks to God.
  • I really wish I could remove the post but I can’t, not according to the forum rules.
  • So, I will log off and people will continue to post and comment about a problem that is on its way to resolution.
  • Thanks and take care.
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I’m glad Blusie! Thanks for sharing this with us. Lessons learned…always a plus! I hope the best for you and your bf…just remember…no such thing as perfection, but also don’t ever let someone cause you to compromise your values. Good luck to you. 🙂
 
Thank you for the update. (I’m glad you didn’t put it in the original post – it would have gotten buried since it has taken on a life of its own.) As far as the counseling, regardless of if couples do that, they do need to figure out a way to be able to communicate with each other. You really need to know how to communicate with each other especially on fundamental values and ideas. It is easy to get sidetracked into day to day things. It’s a good thing to see both the forest and the trees.

A lot of times you can think you know the other person’s approach to a subject, I could really see your subject being one of them, but really not realize the full extent of their reasoning. I think I remember a girl in my critical reasoning class told me her parent’s gave her “religious reasons” why not to have sex outside marriage. I just read some of TOB and Pope JPII’s old book “Love and Responsibility.” I thought I dont think you have a full idea of the scope of the argument.
 
whatevergirl said:
I stand corrected. Only One who was/is perfect and without sin…our Lord and Savior.

I think you know what I meant though!😉
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HERETIC!!!😛

His Mother was perfect and without sin, as well.

But, I’m sure you knew that. I’m just posting it for the random non-catholic who might be viewing this thread!
 
Sure said:
HERETIC!!!😛

His Mother was perfect and without sin, as well.

But, I’m sure you knew that. I’m just posting it for the random non-catholic who might be viewing this thread!
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I wonder if it may be a bit different, like the difference between a no-hitter and a perfect game in baseball. Oh no, I think this thread is getting derailed too.
 
jman507 said:
I wonder if it may be a bit different, like the difference between a no-hitter and a perfect game in baseball. Oh no, I think this thread is getting derailed too.
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GREAT ANALOGY! 👍 wow! I’m impressed. 🙂 Yes, lol–this thread is going way off track. Sorry to you blusie!!😊
 
Blusie said:
WHAT I LEARNED:
  • I will continue to read non-catholic (Christian) books, even more so when someone tells me not to, which I thought was out of line for that person to “advise” me of such. Some Catholics can come off like snobs. That’s not very Christ-like.
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Actually it is very Christ-like. This person was showing genuine concern for you by suggesting that you read a book on marriage written by one of the greatest Catholic writers ever. Their method of delivering this advice may have seemed harsh, but Christ delivered some pretty harsh admonishment in His time here on earth, much harsher than this suggestion to stop reading non-Catholic books on marriage.
Blusie said:
Although he does not go to stripclubs, he says he doesn’t see anything wrong with them. He thinks its okay to look at topless women and that its not a reflection of our relationship. We’ve also argued over his playboy magazines, which I think is a loosing battle.
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I’ve been in this guy’s shoes before, thinking as he is thinking. I only hope he gets the same smack over the head that I got. It doesn’t matter that “he doesn’t see anything wrong with” strip clubs, it matters that God sees something wrong with them. Their purpose is to sell sexual arousal! It cannot be simplified to “looking at topless women” as if it were some sort of art exhibit! Does this ring a bell?
Matthew 5:28:
But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.
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My suggestion to him (since it worked for me) is to get to confession regularly, get to Mass more often than the required Sunday obligation, burn the magazines, and pray to St Joseph, the most chaste of spouses!

I hope you and your boyfriend are working through this and that you are on your way to a blessed marriage.
 
I regret posting the original thread as well as the second one.

I came on here to hear some words of insight, which yes I received a few enlightening messages and I replied to those members individually thanking them. All others just went off on their fired-up tangents (with their halo’s blazing) speaking as if the rest of us are complete morons who just entered the Church yesterday.

Moreover, the option on this site that allows users to copy/paste phrases from other’s messages; that’s just another avenue to cause more havoc & turmoil. This one trying to prove that one wrong or right and inserting a previous phrase and then back and forth again. I’m getting dizzy.

What really got me (as if the above wasn’t annoying enough already) was how people on here had the nerve to TELL me not to read Christian books. I don’t know if I should be appalled, or if I should laugh at the lunacy.

My ‘Boundaries in Dating’ book is by far one of the best books written to guide singles to live a value-filled relationship with their significant other as they move towards possibly marriage. I shouldn’t even have to rationalize or explain to anyone why I love this book. It’s my business for heaven sake. More importantly b/c I lent it to Tom and he is grabbing quite a few principles from it….that’s the whole point. Moving in a positive Godly direction.

So I am offended when a perfect stranger tells me I shouldn’t read it. First of, I’m 35 I’m not your child. Second, who cares the author is not Catholic?? He’s Christian! Here’s a news flash people….Catholics are Christian. (gasp). Yes we have the same savior. I can be Catholic and know marriage is a sacrament and still read non- Catholic books. It will be okay.

As for me, I hope the comments on these threads cease – eventually. I will probably try to remove my account. My experience with this site was not as spiritual as I would have liked.

Blusie
 
Blusie said:
As for me, I hope the comments on these threads cease – eventually. I will probably try to remove my account. My experience with this site was not as spiritual as I would have liked.

Blusie
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I’m sorry to here you say that blusie. I have not been following your thread, but i gather from your post that somebody has a problem with you reading non-Catholic material. While i don’t rebuke anybody for reading Non-Catholic books (I have read Cs lewis and other authors), i do hope that you will be carefull, as not all Christians believe in the same thing.

Some Christians believe that its okay to have abortions and wear condoms. Ultimatly, we cannot define moral truth by books alone. We must define the truth by reason. For example, we all agree that a person ought to be loved, and should not be treated like an objects. Therefore it follows inescabably that we must dedicate are lives to loving a person before we have sexual intercourse. In otherwords, sex should be an expresion of love, and love implys an eternal union or gathering. This is why sex, and sexually proving nakedness, is something that can only be shared between two people who are married; since sex is a gift from love, a sacred gift from God; sex is personal. If we merely want to have sex, but are not interested in marriage, then this means that we are using eachother for pleasure, untill we get bord and move on. Now; although it may seem as if nothing wrong is ocurring, such behavior is in contradiction to the first premiss; the idea that a person ought to be loved. This way, by using the laws of reasoning, i cannot be decieved when sombody tells me that it is okay to sleep around or watch porno; since what they are really saying (possibly with out knowing it), is that people are merely objects which exist for our personal pleasure.

Please dont think i am judging you personally; i am just showing you an example. I am sure that you are inteligent enough that you know this already. My point is, we cannot just blindly follow books. We must also reason. So feel free to read any book, i encorage it aslong as you also use reason, so that you won’t be decieved.

The people who seem angry with you, probably feel threatened by the idea of reading non-catholic books. Its not personal. please don’t blame them or leave on their account; it would be a shame.
 
I could really care less as to your opinion of what books I should read and why.

At no point did I come on here to request assistance with spiritual reading material. I assure you I am more than capable of choosing spiritual literature.

I’m not the type that likes to talk just for the sake of talking. But apparently a few people on here are b/c they keep throwing their comments as if all others are idiots or lost souls.

If you want to state your suggestions regarding reading materials, then start your own thread. give youir advice to someone who asked for it. B/c I did not.

Please do not respond to me, I’ve had about enough with this site already.
 
MindOverMatter said:
The people who seem angry with you, probably feel threatened by the idea of reading non-catholic books. Its not personal. please don’t blame them or leave on their account; it would be a shame.
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No one was “angry” with the OP, nor was anyone “threatened” by the idea of reading non-Catholic books.

The OP came on here, asked a question, got feedback and then didn’t like it. Such is the risk of asking questions on a public internet forum.

The suggestions that the OP received included Fulton Sheen’s Three To Get Married and Christopher West’s Good News About Sex And Marriage-- these choices were suggested in response to the fact that her boyfriend (a Catholic) does not see anything wrong with pornography. They were suggested as books that might be more helpful in addressing that **particular **issue she posted about than this non-Catholic dating book called “Boundaries in Dating”.

It was pointed out that books by non-Catholic Christians on reltaionships/marriage **may **include advice that is not appropriate for Catholics, especially on sexual issues. For example, the La Haye and Dobson books on relationships discuss things like contraception and giving oral sex to the man (without intercourse)-- which could lead someone astray morally.

To the OP:
I cannot imagine what advice you hoped to receive that you did not receive, why advice to read Catholic books offended you so terribly, or why you posted on a conservative Catholic website if you didn’t want advice from Catholics who follow the teachings of the Church and who want to help you. You yourself posted you ar “terrified” of divorce. That is why people suggested books dealing with the Sacrament of Marriage and Catholic sexuality. That is why people suggested that you work through this as a character issue.

Of course people also posted tangential things and some were more fired up than others. That’s because everyone brings their own experiences to the table. There are women on here who have experienced the failure of their marriage due in part to pornography and they don’t want to see the same happen to you. Of course they would feel strongly about the issue. Others are blowing it off saying “boys will be boys”. That happens on public forums.

What you have to do is read it all and **reflect **on it-- not get offended by it-- take what’s useful to you and ignore the rest. You absolutely cannot get offended by what people post on an anonymous site.

I wish you well, and hope you and your boyfriend have a nice life.
 
Another poster has THIS at the bottom of his/her posts:

NOTE: When asked for advice on CAF, I give it & my logic for it. Please don’t ask, then try to debate the advice, if you are the OP. You’re free to take it or not. This does not apply to debate threads. Thanks!

I think that pretty much sums it up. You can’t ask for advice, and then get mad when it’s given. Everyone has an opinion and they are on this forum because they obviously like sharing it.

Take what you can use - and leave behind what you think doesn’t apply.

Since I didn’t previously give an opinion - here is mine:
  1. Porn is gross - but alot of men apparently like it?
  2. Nice that he didn’t go to club because he knew you’d be :mad:
  3. Maybe when he gets to see you topless on a regular basis (after marriage) he won’t care to look at other women?
  4. Reading non-Catholic books probably won’t make you put down your rosary beads and head for the local Evangelical Church.
 
Blusie said:
I could really care less as to your opinion of what books I should read and why.

At no point did I come on here to request assistance with spiritual reading material. I assure you I am more than capable of choosing spiritual literature.

I’m not the type that likes to talk just for the sake of talking. But apparently a few people on here are b/c they keep throwing their comments as if all others are idiots or lost souls.

If you want to state your suggestions regarding reading materials, then start your own thread. give youir advice to someone who asked for it. B/c I did not.

Please do not respond to me, I’ve had about enough with this site already.
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Blusie–just imagine if we could all be in the same room. We could hear tones, etc…it can sometimes be hard to get the full meaning behind people’s words on these forums. But, hopefully, you’ll continue to stay. There’s lots of great people…and for those you disagree with, then just don’t pay attention to them. I must not have read through that entire thread…I don’t remember people talking about books. lol

Have a good weekend, Blusie!🙂
 
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