Permanent Deacons

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It unfortunate, but it seems like nearly half of all the threads on this site eventually degenerate into bitter arguments. It makes me sad to think that curious individuals who might want to convert to Catholicism or to learn more about their Catholic faith may likely be scandalized by the many childish arguments that take place here. 😦 As Paul said (paraphrasing) “Why not rather be wronged?” Why keep the arguments going? We are all Christian brothers and sisters here.

My heart goes out to the two deacons who have posted on this thread concerning the re-marriage question. May God continue to help you in your trials!

I am very close to my parish’s deacon and his wife (who is a wonderful lay leader in our community) and I don’t know what I would do if I heard he lost her. I think a point people must remember in this discussion is that deacons are not financially compensated for their work. So every hour they spend serving their parish is an hour they cannot spend earning money for their survival. It is a noble sacrifice on their part. To combine this sacrifice with the loss of their wife must be truly devastating on many levels. And though I know my personal opinion will not change a thing, I do feel that the deacons posting on this thread are not making unreasonable requests of the Church. It would be nice to see the Church allow such men to remarry, though I find it highly unlikely that this will happen.
 
jtodisco said:
It unfortunate, but it seems like nearly half of all the threads on this site eventually degenerate into bitter arguments. It makes me sad to think that curious individuals who might want to convert to Catholicism or to learn more about their Catholic faith may likely be scandalized by the many childish arguments that take place here. 😦 As Paul said (paraphrasing) “Why not rather be wronged?” Why keep the arguments going? We are all Christian brothers and sisters here.

My heart goes out to the two deacons who have posted on this thread concerning the re-marriage question. May God continue to help you in your trials!

I am very close to my parish’s deacon and his wife (who is a wonderful lay leader in our community) and I don’t know what I would do if I heard he lost her. I think a point people must remember in this discussion is that deacons are not financially compensated for their work. So every hour they spend serving their parish is an hour they cannot spend earning money for their survival. It is a noble sacrifice on their part. To combine this sacrifice with the loss of their wife must be truly devastating on many levels. And though I know my personal opinion will not change a thing, I do feel that the deacons posting on this thread are not making unreasonable requests of the Church. It would be nice to see the Church allow such men to remarry, though I find it highly unlikely that this will happen.
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I must say I agree with all in which you have said here. However I do not feel like we have been told anything through formation that would lead us to believe that an oportunity to re-marry would be afforded if we were to be widowed.

I am gald you brought up the fact that these men, deacons, are not paid in most cases. this is the case in my diocese as well; the joke is, the pay is good but you have to die to collect.👍

I would like to repeat my appology to all here. I didn’t do a good job of resisting the temptation and I have lived to regret it.😊
 
Lapey said:
I must say I agree with all in which you have said here. However I do not feel like we have been told anything through formation that would lead us to believe that an oportunity to re-marry would be afforded if we were to be widowed.
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So you have said in the previous thread that you would go on to study for the priesthood if your wife was to God forbid die.

Now you say you wish the Church allowed deacons whose wives die to remarry, and would presumably do so if you met a suitable partner.

It seems like the thing you would choose or want last is the one thing the Church insists should be the norm: remaining a celibate deacon until death. The other two options are considered exceptions and allowed only for the gravest reasons.
 
diamond_girl said:
This is a very near and dear to my heart subject. Before my husband was ordained we were interviewed and asked some questions. I was then asked if I had any questions or comments. Well…of course I did! I actually made my concern that if I passed away young, before my husband, my concern for him being alone.

I was told exactly what many Catholics would say, that he knew this before he went into the Deactican.

I do not agree…my husband said he could never find someone else to love so IF this should happen he wouldn’t have to worry about it. I quickly lashed “you don’t know that”. Life isn’t always how we plan it. We actually had two deacons who lost their wives and never intended to remarry. However both found love again. One was given a dispensation and is now happily married and still a deacon. The other was not given a dispensation and chose to marry and leave his orders…shame! I understand it is very hard to be granted a dispensation and the shame of it is the church will lose many good deacons due to the death of a spouse and finding a new unexpected life with a new potential spouse. A potential spouse who just may support her husband’s dedication to his vocation and share in his Ministries. I hope those who defend the right for a widowed deacon not to re marry see my point! I

MY OPINION-, if a Deacon should lose his wife and wish to re marry, it has to be done within the guild lines of the church, obviously! But he is not a priest and I honestly feel this is not fair. I do understand the vow of celabecy a deacon takes, but if the man is married before he takes his vows he should be allowed to marry again, within the church and retake the vow for THIS marriage. Mind you, this is my opinion! He is NOT a priest, but a married man, a lay minister!

Now for the whole divorce issue…that is a very, very difficult one but in my opinion- IF the Deacon was not at fault and his wife clearly left, cheated or was at fault, the deacon should be grated an annulment and be still be allowed to be a deacon and again, if he chooses to re marry do so. However IF the deacon cheated or was at fault then he loses his faculties!

Life isn’t always how we plan it and sometimes it’s not our fault. I hope people can stop judging us based on what is said to be vocations, vows, orders etc. because the shame of it is the church is having a hard time getting men to follow their calling or they simply chose not to hear it…ordained deacons hear the call and take the bat, it’s a shame they may have to be called out!

A Deacon’s Wife (husband ordained 2006 at 44 years old)

I know many will disagree with how I feel but life isn’t always how we plan it. And sometimes we don’t expect to be in a situation we didn’t plan for and is not our fault! I know my husband signed on and knew what he was getting into and I respect that. I do not agree though.

I have to say I agreed only because I know he was called and he has a right to be a deacon. This is his decision IF he is ever in the situation he has to deal with it, but I feel they should have a choice.
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Not correct at all. A deacon is the first of the three sacred orders: diaconate, presbyterate, and episcopate. He is ordained, and no longer belongs to the laity.
 
angelic06 said:
Not correct at all. A deacon is the first of the three sacred orders: diaconate, presbyterate, and episcopate. He is ordained, and no longer belongs to the laity.
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That has already been pointed out and she has already corrected herself. You should always browse the rest of the thread to see if that has already been responded to - it was a glaring enough error that chances are, someone else corrected her and you would not need to.

Also, if you want to respond to only one thing she said, edit the quote so that it reads just the one sentence you are responding to. You should not leave the entire post in the shaded “diamondgirl said:” portion - which besides taking up space is actually against forum rules.
 
I am married with 2 children and my wife is alive.

Both my wife and me are willing to practice celibacy from now onwards.

We are certain that we don’t want to remarry if widowed in future.

Can I become a permanent deacon? How?

Pitcharan:)
 
Hello, everyone…please keep me in your prayers…without going into the hardship of my situation…i would like all who visit here to please pray for me.

After aproximately six years of being ordained…

Divorced and annulled…

I will ask the Church for a dispensation to marry.

Through prayer and guidance and the love of my adult children i have come to this decision.

It has become unbearble to sustain myself financially and i would like the opportunity to

search for a christian life partner.

The Lord has never abandoned me and I am sure that God does not want my life to continue this way.

My mother who is 87 said to me if you have to leave your duties as a deacon, then live life

to the fullest by sharing the love of God to all who will listen…If denied dispensation …as a lay person i will continue follow Jesus the best I can…

Keep me in your prayers please…
 
Michael_Saint said:
That has already been pointed out and she has already corrected herself. You should always browse the rest of the thread to see if that has already been responded to - it was a glaring enough error that chances are, someone else corrected her and you would not need to.

Also, if you want to respond to only one thing she said, edit the quote so that it reads just the one sentence you are responding to. You should not leave the entire post in the shaded “diamondgirl said:” portion - which besides taking up space is actually against forum rules.
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My apologies. I’ve reported my post to the moderators to free up some room.
 
Deacon (ineedofanswers),

My sincere condolences in your sorrowful state of affairs. Be assured of all of our prayers here at CAF.
 
Pitcharan said:
…We are certain that we don’t want to remarry if widowed in future.

Can I become a permanent deacon?

Pitcharan:)
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The prohibition against remarriage applies only to you, Pitcharan, if you, by God’s grace, are ordained to the sacred diaconate.

If you aspire to the sacred diaconate, then you need to contact your diocesan director of the diaconate in order to schedule an appointment to see if you have a true vocation from God to the sacred diaconate.

May God soon lead you to whatever vocation he wishes you to be in, and having served it faithfully may you come to the blessedness of everlasting life.
 
Inneedofanswers, I will say a prayer for you today. I truly hope that you may receive a dispensation from the Church, but either way I hope that God will make it clear to you what path it is He would like you to walk down in this life.

Also, you may want to consider posting this prayer request in the Prayer Intentions forum (if you haven’t done so already). I am confident you would have many more people praying for you that way since people looking through that forum are doing so specifically so that they may offer prayers for their Christian brothers and sisters.
 
I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of marriage, and to others he gives the gift of singleness.

Now I say to those who aren’t married and to widows – it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.

Apostle Paul

This is one of many scriptures that I have meditated on for years now…it is the Word of God that is consoling me…I have searched the scriptures as well as the Magisterium of the the Church…Lord have mercy on me…
 
ineedofanswers said:
Hello, everyone…please keep me in your prayers…without going into the hardship of my situation…i would like all who visit here to please pray for me.

After aproximately six years of being ordained…

Divorced and annulled…

I will ask the Church for a dispensation to marry.

Through prayer and guidance and the love of my adult children i have come to this decision.

It has become unbearble to sustain myself financially and i would like the opportunity to

search for a christian life partner.

The Lord has never abandoned me and I am sure that God does not want my life to continue this way.

My mother who is 87 said to me if you have to leave your duties as a deacon, then live life

to the fullest by sharing the love of God to all who will listen…If denied dispensation …as a lay person i will continue follow Jesus the best I can…

Keep me in your prayers please…
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I sincerely hope you can get your dispensation. May God Bless you and be with you along this journey. Like I mentioned I know of two deacons who applied. One got the dispensation the other did not and chose to marry again and leave his orders.

To everyone else I truly apologize for the trouble my post has caused, it was never meant to cause so much anger and trouble.

Thank You Lapey, and best of luck! I understand your thoughts and opinions and why.

God Bless all the Permanent Deacons!
 
To Pitcharan,

I hope you haven’t misunderstood the celibacy part of being a deacon. If you become a deacon, of course you can still participate in the sexual union between you and your spouse…the celibacy part only comes into play IF your wife would die leaving you a widowed deacon. Then, you would not be able to remarry and must remain celibate for the rest of your life…

I actually know someone who was a permanent deacon with wife and children whose wife died. He received a dispensation but not to remarry, to go on and enter the priesthood! He now is the pastor of a church nearby and has grown children.

For that matter, my former priest in another state where we lived had his marriage annulled and then entered the priesthood. He also has grown children, one of whom is also a priest!
 
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