Permission for divorce

  • Thread starter Thread starter Cmc1
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

Cmc1

Guest
My wife of 30 years told me she was a virgin when we married ,but now confessed she lied she was raped at 13 ish years old then ten years ago cheated were does this leave me, is this enough for permission from bishop to split I’m worried are the kids even mine there no other room for divorce
 
Your poor wife. Please don’t say she lied because she didn’t disclose to you that she was raped.

Talk to your Priest about your other issue. We can’t answer them here.
 
Gosh that’s quite a big jump to divorce over. A history of sexual abuse (even one time) is quite likely to result in trouble with later sexual commitment. try speaking to your priest and seeking counselling for both of you. It’s likely she needs your love and support now more than ever. Don’t jump to thinking that the reasons for her cheating are necessarily about you… get a counsellor to help you (preferably a Catholic one) as it’s is far more likely her rape had something to do with this seemingly unconnected inability to remain faithful. At least look into help. May God bless you both, I am so sorry you are hurting over this. Ask God to guide you and shelter you both in his all-consuming love.
 
Last edited:
Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.

So many give up on marriage when one spouse cheats. Why not try working things out? Didn’t you vow to love her “For better or worse”? Well, this is one of those times when your love is being tested.

Be a positive role model for your kids. Show them that an honorable man works through his marital problems with his wife and that the two can overcome these obstacles with their marriage being stronger than before.
 
Do you feel that this is worth throwing a 30 year marriage away?
What are the parameters of the ‘cheating’ 10 years ago? Was it one time? Is it still ongoing?
If this was something that happened 10 years ago I recommend leaving that in the past. As far as the rape is concerned that doesn’t take away her virginity in the eyes of God. Unless this incident that happened 10 years ago is still ongoing I think you should let it go. Remember no one is perfect and Jesus said that if we forgive those who sin against us God will forgive us our sins.
 
Lou2U said:
Talk to your Priest about your other issue. We can’t answer them here.
Click to expand...
Agreed. You need to talk to your Priest.
Bluebright said:
Don’t jump to thinking that the reasons for her cheating are necessarily about you
Click to expand...
The reason doesn’t make a difference. She has shown that she cannot be trusted and I would at least temporally seperate.
 
Sexual abuse is not a reason for an annulment Infidelity is not a reason for an annulment.
Trust has been lost for sure but unless the cheating is an ongiong thing she has had 10 years since then.
You married for better or worse. This is the worse.
You both need to see a priest and a counselor. Together and separately.
 
According to Servant of God,Fr.John Hardon SJ, lying about how many partners one has had before marriage makes the marriage invalid. Although it would be wise to talk to a priest about this.

If your marriage was valid, then infidelity after the marriage does not make grounds for a divorce according to the Council of Trent.
 
Last edited:
LittleFlower378 said:
According to Servant of God,Fr.John Hardon SJ, lying about how many partners one has had before marriage makes the marriage invalid. Although it would be wise to talk to a priest about this.
Click to expand...
I sincerely doubt that he would lump one’s rapist in as a sexual partner. If a woman can become a consecrated virgin even if she had previously been raped, why on earth would one have to disclose her rapist as a sexual partner for the sake of validity?
 
Last edited:
Speak with your pastor and make sure both you and your wife get to a good counseling support system for dealing with the terrible crime that was committed against your wife when she was a girl.

Rape does not change one’s status as a virgin.

Infidelity is not in and of itself a reason to divorce.

Please, speak to professionals.
 
Maybe your right, since it was a rape and not being promiscuous then maybe its different. Although being raped is a big deal, she should have told him.
 
You have two different issues.

The rape at age 13 is not her fault, and is irrelevant to the continuance of your marriage. Your job here is to give her love and compassion.

The cheating ten years ago is not okay and not defensible. So, you have to decide whether or not you can live with this knowledge.
Maybe consider marriage counseling?

God bless and I’ll remember you both in my prayers ❤️:pray:t2:
 
LittleFlower378 said:
Although being raped is a big deal, she should have told him.
Click to expand...
Easier said than done. Sure, ideally she should have, but disclosing a traumatic experience can be extremely difficult. Perhaps she feared his reaction. Given that he’s asking if it’s grounds for divorce, I can see why she would be.
 
After 30 years of marriage? No. If there was going to be a divorce, it would have happened sooner.
 
If you were raped, would you find it easy to discuss? “Hi, honey. I’ll have supper on a minute. By the way, I was raped when I was 13.” I don’t think so. It’s a traumatic experience that isn’t easily gotten over.
 
Last edited:
Well I stand corrected earlier, it may not be grounds for an annulment because it was a rape. But being raped is a big deal that affects a persons internal life and many other things. So this should have been talked about before they got married.
 
I’d say if you wish to get a divorce the cheating is grounds. I also think you deserved to know about the rape before marriage. Given the information you provided I probably would not divorce. But you are the one in your marriage so… as far as permission? I’m not sure. I dont think you need to seek permission for divorce. Getting an annulment would be something to look into. Unfortunately you cannot find out if you have a valid marriage unless you divorce first.
 
Elf01 said:
She has shown that she cannot be trusted and I would at least temporally seperate.
Click to expand...
No. There may not be trust now. But with counseling, together and separately, they can try to repair the damage and start fresh.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top