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Duke_of_Mantua
Guest
We won’t know unless she posts a picture of herself. Once we see her we can see if the priest is possibly attracted to her.
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surfinpure
Guest
I think it is inappropriate to ask the OP to post her photo. You asked once already. The fact that she has not done so by now ought to close the matter.
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rayne89
Guest
That’s a ridiculous request -plus it’s against forum rules to ask people for personal information.
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Duke_of_Mantua
Guest
The OP asked us for our thoughts. She thinks the priest might be attracted to her. Isn’t it fair to see if she is attractive enough to solicit this kind of reaction from the priest? If we don’t think she’s attractive, we can move on from there and explore other possibilities on why the priest is possibly avoiding her: vacation, Holy Week, Easter, etc.
If she thinks it’s inappropriate for me to ask, she can say it herself. In the meantime, she put the question out there and I am offering a guide for investigation.
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surfinpure
Guest
This is entirely unreasonable. She has already stated that she is attractive. It is not up to us to form some sort of judging panel to tell her if she is right or wrong. Even if we all decided one way or the other, that would have no bearing on whether the man in question would find her attractive, since taste can vary WIDELY.
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dbacks5439
Guest
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What we may think of her appearance may not be the same as the priest’s. It should be enough to take her word on it and leave it at that.
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catharina
Guest
You are being ridiculous, insensitive and possibly irreverent by suggesting a group-vote on appearance in regard to the possible desires of a priest. Plus - you MUST know that.
Not everything serves as a base for humor - especially for base humor.
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Like
Guest
I don’t wish to offend the OP’er, but one of the 1st. thoughts or question that came to me was,How do you dress, style, provocative, reveling such as short skirts, tight slacks or low cut tops? 
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catharina
Guest
One of my first questions was why your husband (or both of you) are not extending such invitations (for coffee, dinner, etc…)? That would be much more appropriate, wouldn’t it?I don’t wish to offend the OP’er, but one of the 1st. thoughts or question that came to me was,How do you dress, style, provocative, reveling such as short skirts, tight slacks or low cut tops?
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David_Poem
Guest
Well you know how besy Father can and will be .If he goes 4 coffee at your house then he will have to go to coffee at every ones house.if you have time to worry then you have time to prayHi Everyone and God Bless, I am new to this forum. I am a devout married church going Catholic. I am involved in the Liturgy committee of our Church and in many other ways. When I first started at the Parish the Assistant Priest who I’d say is around about my age was happy to answer any emails I had etc and he acted genuinely intersted, welcoming and open etc… I think in total I have sent mabye 4 in total. The last two being in regards to adding my Father to the deceased prayers list and the last to invite him and the senior Parish Priest to our home for coffee. I have had no response to either of these. I also detect a change in his attitude towards me as if he has to avoid me altogethor. At times I did notice him looking at me even when he was sitting up on the altar. I wonder if he has developed some feelings for me and now feels he has to stay away completely. I cannot understand though why it has to be done in such a hurtful way. I did nothing to encourage any feelings from him and have no problems in my marriage etc. I have read some other Priests articles on the web that they are recommended to cut off completely from a woman if they feel that their feelings are out of hand. I just feel that an explanation would help me feel not so hurt and perhaps understand? I guess I have been told I am quite attractive (I am 32 years old) I hate to say it because I feel embarrassed but in the interests of you good people getting a good background on this whole situation I thought I should mention it. I have been racking my brains as to what I did wrong and I can think of nothing. It’s made me feel very awkward and I have avoided going to Church events so much. Can anyone advise me what to do? The only other act of friendship I displayed was sending them both Easter Cards, I did not feel this was inappropriate. I know he is human but so am I and I feel that him cutting me off dead has made the situation actually more awkward. What are some of your thoughts please? Thanks so much for reading.
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EasterJoy
Guest
It is worthwhile for any woman of any age to examine whether she dresses modestly. Still, there is nothing to suggest that this lady hasn’t gone out of her way to be appropriate. She’s wracked her brains as to what she could have done wrong. I think short skirts and a low-cut blouse would occur to her pretty quickly, particularly since she thinks she is reasonably likely to attract a man of her own age.I don’t wish to offend the OP’er, but one of the 1st. thoughts or question that came to me was,How do you dress, style, provocative, revealing such as short skirts, tight slacks or low cut tops?
Also, she says he seemed pleased with her company at first, then seemed to have a change of attitude. That doesn’t seem to fit with her having been clearly inappropriate from the start.
I also should clarify my earlier posts: I have no reason to believe that this lady has ever had anything but the best of intentions. If her motives are not of the best, I do not think it is because she is aware that they could be better and chose to ignore that. She says she sought a mutually-beneficial relationship, and I believe she is telling the truth. If her attachment to the prospect of increasing this priest’s attentions toward her is excessive, I would be very much surprised if that doesn’t come as news to her. If the priest realized that he had developed feelings for her, I would think that came as something of a shock to him, too. Understanding is in order.
The tempter does use our lack of self-awareness when selecting points of attack, though. Prudence points us towards behavior that insists we are not any stronger or different than anyone else. All of us, not just the OP, need to continually examine ourselves on these things, that is, to discern whether we have been desiring what is really the best or only apparently good things that pose dangers of which we are not aware. “All of us” particularly includes parish priests.
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EasterJoy
Guest
I’m sorry, but it is naive to think nobody could fall for somebody you wouldn’t fall for. In fact, I would be careful, were I you: it is naive to be too sure that you couldn’t fall for someone of a type you never thought you could fall for! We must be prudent in all our relationships, and take nothing for granted. There have been tragic cases.
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catharina
Guest
I’m going to repeat what I said earlier. It seems far more prudent to issue an invitation to a priest (or priests) through one’s husband - even in something as casual as an email. Even an email can state: “We hope you can join us for … … . Regards from Bob and Ann.” I think most priests would be a bit uncomfortable recieiving an invitation for coffee from any woman. That’s my hunch. I think most priests need to be extra cautious for many reasons. It sounds like this one is being exactly that and there’s no need to assign dire personal reasons.
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AussieAnn
Guest
Hi there
Just to clear it up, the email was sent as a "we (Andrew and I and the kids) would like it if your would come over for a coffee) Regards, The Cook Family.
In regards to photos, I felt a bit weird being asked that. I had a look and don’t have any on this system anyway and will have to ask hubby to transfer them over still from old computer. Hope this clears things up. Things aren’t half as sinister as people seem them to be!. I dont dress immodestly. I dress like most of the other woman in my parish. I would say Smart Casual. Even when it gets really hot here,as it does in Sydney, I wouldn’t wear low cut or spaghetti straps or shorts etc. I usually wear long pants or skirt (not short) and a blouse or top. (Not low cut.) But I have to admit I do like shopping (sigh) so most of my clothes are current and fashionable. Also hubby and kids do come to Church,however they are not involved really in any other way than going to Mass at this stage.Good Morning, by the way.
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Nordar
Guest
Do you even realize what you said there?
Pleased with her company at first? You make it sound like they were courting each other.
This is a Priest who has many many things he has to do and many people he has to interact with. Because he did not return this woman’s e mails she has concluded he has an attraction to her. I bet if she went to him and told him she was feeling insulted because he was ignoring her, or not treating her the way she thinks she should be treated he would have no clue what she is talking about.
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catharina
Guest
The email sounds appropriate except for a lack of dates and times.
Please though, do not even THINK of posting a picture of yourself on this site. This is not a dating site nor is it a site that needs to satisfy the curiousity of any passing, bored male. The word for this issue and for your posting issue is: BOUNDARIES! As others have said, the priest might have a hundred other concerns that line up well before he thinks of you or your family. Maybe he’s “bonding” with a few other families who insure his ease because they ask him about Poland, or they’ve travelled to Poland or they have a 5 yr-old who reminds him of his favorite kid brother. In any event, it’s simply NOT about you.
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EasterJoy
Guest
It is never a bad idea to make an effort to see that one’s spouse has an involvement in every friendship. My husband and I have lunch dates alone with our friends, including priests, sisters, and friends of the opposite sex, but both spouses always know, both spouses may always veto on the grounds that they are not comfortable, we make an effort that gatherings with both spouses present do happen from time to time, and it is always understood that the other spouse is always welcome to join, even with no advance notice, if it becomes possible. There are couples who are even more cautious than that, choosing to do without even public one-on-one meetings with friends of the opposite sex, and I don’t see them as necessarily being excessive.
Differences in interests are a different matter, but I don’t even like to have women friends that make my husband uncomfortable. Sometimes a spouse senses unhealthy aspects in a friendship that are invisible to the friends themselves. That should never be ignored. (It goes without saying, of course, that if you can’t find friends that your spouse will approve of, you’ve got some problems of another sort!)
Excepting what routinely takes place in the confessional, any relationship that doesn’t admit the spouse is almost by definition a therapeutic relationship, and has to be conducted under professional restrictions. Actually, I even put some formality into a pastoral relationship that I wouldn’t necessary do with a priest that we as a couple only see socially, because of the closeness of the confessor/penitent relationship.
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catharina
Guest
Wise words, wise plan, wise actions.
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Nordar
Guest
What does this have to do with what this thread is about
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EasterJoy
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I meant that they were socially agreeable. You choose all your friends from those whose company pleases you, don’t you? Even Victorian invitations to dine requested “the pleasure of your company.” Since I would use the phrase that two men might be pleased with each other’s company without implying a homosexual attraction, I wouldn’t necessarily interpret pleasant company as a implying courtship.
There are those who are agreeable when we first meet them, but who wear on us after a few meetings. There is nothing wrong with that; friendships don’t blossom in every possible case. If the other party put some expectations on the friendship, though, and it didn’t turn out to go as they had hoped, they might be disappointed. That doesn’t imply that there was ever anything inappropriate on either side.
Having said that, I agree with you. I think it unlikely that he has anything like the investment in this that she thinks he does. He could, but I doubt it. If she thinks he should, and is not simply worried that she offended him without intending to, that is a red flag.
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