Perplexing marriage difficulty

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My husband of 27 years is 81. For aabout ten to twleve yrs. now I’ve suspected that he is bi-sexual, at the very least, and homosexual at his core. (He admitted that the only time that he hit his first wife was when she accused him of being homosexual and used a vile name.) As his mind diminishes, I’m noticing more and more mannerisms that suggest his homosexuality. This, undoubtedly, strained our marriage in more than one instance. I’m 17 yrs. younger. He has moderate Alzheimer’s now and is in care so he can be supervised 24/7. (His Mom lived to 92 with the same disease.) I’m a cradle Catholic; he converted in 1989 but stoppped practicing his faith altogether about seven yrs. ago. No explanation except that he “couldn’t follow the Mass.” (I suggested a Eucharistic Minister could bring tHoly Communion on Sun. and he sd no.) My question is this: I know that we promised to be married “until death do us part” but I recently renewed acquaintance with a “college flame” via Internet. He never married. It’s been more than 40 yrs. since we spoke but recent calls and e-mails make it seem like the time never passed. My husband’s history of stroke plus dementia has meant that our lives have revolved around his diseases for ten plus years. I have been very lonely. Is it wrong if I continue my interest in my former boyfriend? (He lives five hrs. from here and is considering coming to visit. He sd, “Let’s be friends and spend the rest of our lives figuring out what happened after college” (when we went our sseparate ways.) He, too, is sensitive that I’m married. Perplexed.
 
Do you love your husband? While this may seem like a rude question it is really your answer. Love does not quit or leave because of any health or mental issues. Does your friend know that if he were to deteriorate to some degree that you might find another “old” friend as this is your answer to issues that do not resolve easlily? Do you love your husband? You are married and there really is nothing more that can be said. What is perplexing is your question…teachccd
 
I started this off by making a few rude comments, so I’ll start over. Walking away because of health matters is not an option. If it was the other way around, wouldn’t you have wanted him to stick around?
 
What a difficult time this must be for you. You and your husband will be in our prayers.

As for the relationship with this old college friend – CUT IT OFF!!! Unless you are planning on committing mortal sin, there is nothing good here. You are playing with fire! Your whole post suggests you are looking for some way to justify leaving your husband to seek happiness in this life. But you absolutely must consider the eternity of your soul.

If you talk to enough people, you will find those who will support you whole-heartedly in dating someone else now that your husband is in nursing care. But the agreement of others does not alter the Truth. Please resist this temptation to break your marriage vows.

Talk with a faithful priest. Associate yourself with those who are involved in your parish’s activities, such as prayer groups, service groups, prolife groups, and take up daily prayer and frequent mass attendance. Fill your mind with books such as the life of a saint, or the Catechism, or reflections on Jesus’ passion, or the beauty of God’s love – anything to keep yourself focused on God instead of on the temptations you are facing.

I am only 41, am extremely sensual, and am divorced from my son’s father. I know loneliness. I know the difficulties of celibacy. I also know rejection and bitterness. But thanks be to God, He has given me the grace to follow His ways, rather than the ways of our society that is constantly telling me that it’s OK to fool around, to seek my own happiness in sensual pleasure, etc.

Dear one, I am praying for you, and I will remember you in prayer each time I am tempted in a way similar to what you are experiencing. You can get through this, with God’s grace, and find such peace and joy in following Him alone. God bless you.

Gertie
 
I am not judging you but marriage vows say “in sickness and in health”…There’s no harm in talking to this person, just don’t let it go any further than friendship…🙂
 
dashso40 said:
I am not judging you but marriage vows say “in sickness and in health”…There’s no harm in talking to this person, just don’t let it go any further than friendship…🙂
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Well, there is harm if it will lead to temptation, or prove to be a near occasion of sin.

OP: Your vows were “in sickness and in health.” I really don’t see how your husband being bisexual or homosexual is applicable to this situation. As long as he is alive, you are married to him and should be acting as a married woman. I realize it’s a difficult situation, but this is your cross to bear for now. Pray to Jesus for the strength to bear it with grace and dignity. I will pray for you.
 
Speaking as someone who has serious health issues including a stroke at age 37 (I’m 41 now) and the fact that I can not have children due to a serious clotting disorder, if my husband told me that he wanted to leave me to be with someone else who was healthy and could give him children, I would be DEVASTATED as we took vows before the Lord to be there for each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.

There have been times when I lost my patience and temper w/DH due to my not feeling well but I made sure to apologize right away because he has done so much for me over the 11 1/2 yrs. we’ve been married. He cooks, takes me to my doctor appts., goes grocery shopping, works full time, etc. when I can’t do the simple things. When I have my good days, I take over so he can have some time to himself to relax.

Marriage isn’t easy especially if one spouse has a serious illness but as long as you have Christ in the center of it, you can get through the tough times.

Definitely find someone to talk to, even a marriage counselor if need be and pray. Good luck to you.
 
Love is an act of the will, not a feeling. The right thing to do is stay with your husband as you promised. In the end you will be rewarded for it. Keep the Faith. God Bless!
 
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