Perseverant writing problem

  • Thread starter Thread starter lynnehelen
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

lynnehelen

Guest
I have finally shut down my last blog site, at least for the time being. It was about an experience from my past and how it continued to “persevere” in the present, while also about struggling to live IN the present, something I have mostly conquered. I started writing about all kinds of perseverance of things from the past and then it got too personal again. That’s “perseverance” in the clinical sense, I think that’s how it’s pronounced, as opposed to “perseverance.”

Then I suddenly realized that among so many perseverant problems, actions, thoughts, ideas and emotions that I am subject to is the problem of perseverant writing–and talking, I realize, even as I write. Too much talking to too many strangers about my problems in psych settings; combined with my ill-founded ambition to write from college days, leads me to write (and talk) what and when I shouldn’t.

A very kind person here pushed me to deal with someone face to face, and that helped me get started with Project Rachel, I realized I really needed to do that, you can hide behind yr computer.

But I sense it as a loss. I wanted to come here after my husband scared me horribly a few minutes ago and pray about the evil in this situation; then I realized that I have posted so many threads already, and my counselor indicated I should not place my personal situation before the public, and that I needed to learn to pray for myself, and she is helping me learn how.

But that leaves a big void. And the perseverance* is *clinical, in other words a disorder of my personality at this point. When I started blogging a year ago it was a real tug of war: God, as I understood things at that time, was telling me he “was not calling me to write.” But that I could write if I wanted to. That felt like a real mind-bender to me, but I did blog, and it got me into big trouble but I didn’t know what else to do for myself and it was such a relief to write it all out…but to total strangers…Here at least I know you mean to be good to me and I have felt the benefit of your so-many prayers, and now Jesus, through my coming here, has led me to a real person, that is to say, face to face, to talk it out with, I won’t say more.

So yes I am scared right now but please pray for me that I can obsolesce the perseverant writng. If you want to say a little prayer for me about my husband who is TERRIFYING me you can do that too, and I will continue to work on turning more and more to the loving arms of the Lord on my own.

Thank you, A great good thing has been done here, but I need to be moving on and branching out. Thank you again. God Bless.
 
It sounds like you’re in some sort of abusive situation at the moment. If you are, you need to get away from your husband, and if you need some help doing so from, say, the police, I urge you to get it immediately.

That is the most immediate concern on my mind after reading your post.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace
The Lord is with You
Blessed are You among women
And blessed is the fruit of Your womb, Jesus
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death
AMEN
 
Lord, please bring to completion the good work you have already begun in Lynnehelen. Help her to break out of the habits that keep her from depending on you in prayer. May she place her complete confidence in you. If she seeks first your kingdom and your justice, then all things will be added unto her - and she need not blog with highly personal information to get the results she desires. Please help Lynnehelen to grow into the perfect daughter of yours. Protect her from her husband who is frightening her. Please help him to repent and to change his ways. Bless Lynnehelen and her husband and grant them good things in this life and in the next. Thank you, Lord, for hearing my prayer.
 
someoneorother said:
It sounds like you’re in some sort of abusive situation at the moment. If you are, you need to get away from your husband, and if you need some help doing so from, say, the police, I urge you to get it immediately.

That is the most immediate concern on my mind after reading your post.
Click to expand...
I didn’t go to the police so they came to me, but it left me confused and uncertain. I told them that this situation has been going on so long I am leaving it in the hands of the Lord.

Now my husband is angry. He came and hassled and threatened me in the most horrible way for 30 minutes, with innuendo, using words like “slut” and saying about what would happen to my son in jail, and turning my words around on me, all in the course of a seemingly innocuous conversation–and I’m no syaing all of it. Then he said something that could be interpreteted as a blatant threat, and I told him I only had to press “1” on my phone and the cops would be here, which was sort of bluffing, but I had left it on 9-1, and there it was by my right hand, and there was a dramatic silence. finally I went up to my room, I did blog again earlier, keeping it less personal and more congenial, and left it on the note that I was waiting on “the Paraclete (the Holy Spirit) as to how to proceed with my night”, he may have read it. I was. I have a new prayer to the Holy Spirit which I have been taking comfort from and guidance iny. Sometimes I just say “Paraclete” to myself and I know what to do. But I saw the image of the Paraclete like a bird flying away, and thought that meant I should go to the shelter, but something interfered and I wasn’t sure and I would up listening to my own logic until I dropped off asleep.

Now I fear I have sinned against the Holy Spirit and that first of all, I will die, second of all, I can’t talk to God. Only Mother Mary would listen–after some frantic crying–and she brought me here.

My husband was mostly talking about his youth and what a bad character he was and the people he hooked up on his recent trip to jail. I was genuinely afraid he might hurt me in the night. But here I am, only I am scared and don’t want to see him. This is a horrible situation and I don’t know what to do. It’s partly his brain injury. He doesn’t make a whole lot of sense any more and I think he is going back to long term memories.

I am asking Mother Mary to help me to press the submit button.
 
So now he’s gone, I’m stuck with the house and no help, he promised a marital settlement but that could turn out to be pure b.s., in other words I should have opted for the shelter and given up the home, instead, he gets away scot free and does all this to some other poor female, or worse, maybe I end up dead. I’m confused because last year when I thought I was listening to the Lord He promised me this land, then I wanted to leave but felt obligated to stay. “He” (was it the Lord?) said other things to, could have been the devil interfering, now I just don’t know where I stand.

I felt relieved that he left but then he came back to pick up something, he and his friends still have the keys, he said he’ll be back to stay over Wed, anyway he tried to give me a verbal kick on the way out which I avoided but I fear he has “finessed” me out of the whole game he has been playing with me, he’s also saying threatening things about my son.

My Project Rachel counselor broke her arm and I don’t think I will be seeing her tomorrow. Please pray for her and for her getting involved with this situation. She is elderly and a dear and a strong Catholic.

My husband belonged to the “Satan’s Choice” motorcycle gang in Canada when he was a youth and was a very bad character, I pray all that is truly in the past.

I am trying to get in to see my regular psychotherapist, who has both the police angle and the Catholic angle covered and maybe he can help me sort out what has happened here. But I won’t be able to talk with him until tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the second abortion; Tuesday, the anniversary of my marriage.

:frighten: :bighanky:
 
I would go somewhere where I know for sure I’d be safe and where your husband couldn’t be able to reach me, and/or at least with other people who care and who could help, or could get help and who could vouch for your whereabouts and safety at all times.

Basically, don’t suffer alone, or try to do everything on your own. I actually think the shelter might still be a good idea, and yes, meet with your psychotherapist when you can.

And at this point, it’d be best to stay off the computer until you’ve gotten help and are somewhere secure and safe.

As you can see, prayers are with you, but please now get some help offline and in person.

May the Lord bless and keep you.
 
In my family’s prayers for this week. All the best, and God bless.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top