Persistent Doubts and Depression

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DeoVindice1863

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Starting a few days ago, I have been having severe doubts and severe feelings of dryness and being totally alone and meaningless. I have not felt bad like that since before I became a Catholic. I do not know what is wrong with me. I just keep having doubts about God’s existence. I will read arguments in favour of God (which I have done many times before, even without this feeling) and find them very convincing and logical, like I always have. Yet I still persist in this doubt and depression. I would gladly take any advice anybody has for me, and any prayers. Also, just to give a background of myself, I pray the Rosary every day (all 3 mysteries), I go to Mass every Sunday and receive Communion kneeling and on the tongue (including today), and I watch Catholic programming at least once a week. I’m not saying this to be self righteous or boast, but just to show that I am very religious and deep in the Faith, which is what makes these doubts I have been having and this feeling of depression so much worse for me.
 
I’ll pray for you.

St. Teresa of Calcutta went through a very long dry spell…reading about her sometimes comforts me.
 
DeoVindice1863 said:
Starting a few days ago, I have been having severe doubts and severe feelings of dryness and being totally alone and meaningless. I have not felt bad like that since before I became a Catholic. I do not know what is wrong with me. I just keep having doubts about God’s existence. I will read arguments in favour of God (which I have done many times before, even without this feeling) and find them very convincing and logical, like I always have. Yet I still persist in this doubt and depression. I would gladly take any advice anybody has for me, and any prayers. Also, just to give a background of myself, I pray the Rosary every day (all 3 mysteries), I go to Mass every Sunday and receive Communion kneeling and on the tongue (including today), and I watch Catholic programming at least once a week. I’m not saying this to be self righteous or boast, but just to show that I am very religious and deep in the Faith, which is what makes these doubts I have been having and this feeling of depression so much worse for me.
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I will pray for you.
I’ve felt the same way before too. Sometimes I have to remember not to put too many expectations on myself, just to take one day at a time and ask the Lord to help me to see. All I can say is that Jesus is found not in a book, but in your heart. Keep your heart open to receive His love and you will find Him there. He is always there. He is always there waiting for us. Ask Him to show you. He will.
“If you believe, you will see.”

God bless.
 
Jesus will be there for you when you really need Him! Keep your faith strong!
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
You say you have depression. Have you mentioned this to your doctor?

Praying for you to have faith and an end to your depression.
 
I will share what someone here shared with me, read books written by the Saints or about the Saints. You will learn about their struggles and how they dealt with them. Mother Teresa, may her memory be eternal, was suggested.
 
DeoVindice1863 said:
Starting a few days ago, I have been having severe doubts and severe feelings of dryness and being totally alone and meaningless. I have not felt bad like that since before I became a Catholic. I do not know what is wrong with me. I just keep having doubts about God’s existence. I will read arguments in favour of God (which I have done many times before, even without this feeling) and find them very convincing and logical, like I always have. Yet I still persist in this doubt and depression. I would gladly take any advice anybody has for me, and any prayers. Also, just to give a background of myself, I pray the Rosary every day (all 3 mysteries), I go to Mass every Sunday and receive Communion kneeling and on the tongue (including today), and I watch Catholic programming at least once a week. I’m not saying this to be self righteous or boast, but just to show that I am very religious and deep in the Faith, which is what makes these doubts I have been having and this feeling of depression so much worse for me.
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Hello DeoVindice,

I too have felt these sudden bouts of dryness and abandonment. At first, these may bouts may seem oppressive and harmful, but they are, in fact an invitation by our Lord to deepen ourselves in our faith. You state that you are very faithful and I commend you for that. I also thought so of myself when I began my religious formation, but I realized quickly that the Faith is a pool into which you can cast a stone and never hit the bottom. The spiritual journey is a voyage into the heart of the infinite God. Thomas Merton put it nicely when he stated that we shall always be beginners when it comes to prayer.

Have you ever been blinded by a bright light? Your vision is obscured by its brilliance as you grope in the seeming of darkness for its source. So too is this spiritual darkness. In my experience, there are two possible purposes for our Lord to obscure himself from you in such a way. The first, which has usually been the case in my own life, is for you to deepen your search for Him. A new avenue of grace lies open to you now. It is simply the case that you must find it. He is offering you a new insight into himself. He is a loving God, and as such, he does not force that upon us. Instead, we must search and come to Him.

The second purpose for this dryness is a true dark night of the soul. Our Lord deprives us of spiritual pleasures so that we might not rely upon His consolations as the basis for our relationship with Him. He wishes for our Faith to no longer be dependent upon emotions or feelings of spiritual pleasure. Instead He wishes for our Faith to be firmly rooted in Love and conviction.

Either way, in these times of dryness and abandonment it is imperative that you are guided by a spiritual director. We are fallen human beings and we can become discouraged easily if we are not under the guidance and support of a spiritual father.

I will be praying for you,
Br. Ben
 
It’s not easy to get other Catholics to keep one company.

Our Father said.
 
My Lord Jesus, lead all souls to heaven
especially those most in need of thy mercy.
Our Father…Hail Mary x10
Glory Be…Fatima Prayer
Amen!
 
Thank you to everyone who responded, and thank you for all the prayers.
 
Therese of Lisieux went through this before she died. She said she daily had to keep herself from blasphemy, and she had major doubts that heaven even existed. Remember that she was a nun–so the temptation was that she had thrown away her life for a pure illusion. She just kept on praying the Creed, over and over.
As others have mentioned, such spiritual depression, dryness, apathy for spiritual things, are quite common with the saints. God withdraws, as it were, to see whether you were just being faithful because of the good feelings He was giving you. The real test is clinging to God when He seems not to care. It does help to read about this in the saints’ lives! Again, it is pretty “normal” to them in the course of the spiritual life.
 
anon90438963 said:
As others have mentioned, such spiritual depression, dryness, apathy for spiritual things, are quite common with the saints. God withdraws, as it were, to see whether you were just being faithful because of the good feelings He was giving you. The real test is clinging to God when He seems not to care.
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I don’t think this is just in Saints’ lives. I experience it as well (and I’m no saint!). Especially now, as I’m praying more and more and saying the 54-day Rosary Novena, I have noticed my family members have been much meaner to me. They scream at me and say I’m the worst person ever and who do I think I am by praying, that I will never change and am a terrible person to the end of time. I just continue to pray and stay by myself. I’ve lost most everything else in my life, losing family members is no big deal anymore.

I just keep praying for peace and purpose. It’s just God and I.
 
Try to make an act of faith that God allows everything for our good! Even extreme dryness, which can help to detach us from our feelings. Acts of faith and trust contrary to all your feelings during this time can be very meritorious.
 
You are not alone, i too stuggle with the little faith that i have, i have tried to immerse myself in scripture, songs of praise, praying and going to church, i’ve even cut down on alcohol consumpion, masterurbation and facebook use to little avail, i get angry at God for the life i’ve lived and all the suffereing i’ve felt and witnessed in my life which continues, i can’t help having a lack of faith, i want to have faith and when i do have a little bit of it, it’s easily rattled.

I’m really sorry guys and i know it’s wrong to say this but it’s how i feel, when you feel like you’ve been s**t on in life, you expect someone or something will help, a SIGN! SOMETHING! how can i help it?

But maybe just maybe, all this suffering and doubt we feel is a test, in other words maybe God is allowing the devil to torture us, hopefully we breakout of it and become stronger for it.
 
I watched a show on ewtn this afternoon where the guest was speaking about death and that death is a desert and that we need to go into/cross the desert to get to the promised land.
I’ve been pondering or meditating on this thought for much of the rest of the day today. However when I read the word dryness in several posts of this thread I’m equating dryness with desert. Is dryness the desert that we need to enter into and cross in order the make it to the promised land? Is this dryness people experience a good thing?
I suppose the answer is yes if God really does “withdraw” for our benefit. I suppose we should be grateful for the dryness, for the desert. Just thinking out loud (sort of). 🙂
 
peaceandmercy said:
i get angry at God for the life i’ve lived and all the suffereing i’ve felt and witnessed in my life which continues, i can’t help having a lack of faith, i want to have faith and when i do have a little bit of it, it’s easily rattled.
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Faith. I know what you mean about being angry at God for your life. There are many people who live much worse lives than other people, even when they did not ask for it. It seems like some people are destined to suffer more than others. Why? We are told to have faith that God knows best for us. But I don’t think that means God will EVER reward us on planet earth. Just have faith that someday you can go to heaven. Through all your troubles, that is the only faith that makes sense.
peaceandmercy said:
I’m really sorry guys and i know it’s wrong to say this but it’s how i feel, when you feel like you’ve been s**t on in life, you expect someone or something will help, a SIGN! SOMETHING! how can i help it?
But maybe just maybe, all this suffering and doubt we feel is a test, in other words maybe God is allowing the devil to torture us, hopefully we breakout of it and become stronger for it.
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Do we ever break out of it? When is that corner turned? When we die? I am in the middle of a desert as I type this. Two years and counting… the signs of the oasis are not there. But I keep stumbling ahead, to where, I don’t have a clue. I guess I wish I could hear at least one testimony from someone who prayed and prayed and God turned their life around while they were still alive.

I want something good to happen someday before I leave this planet, but that is not what the Church teaches. “Be in this world but not of it.” But then I really don’t know what I’m talking about most times. I’m just stumbling around in thirst.
 
ClearWater said:
You say you have depression. Have you mentioned this to your doctor?

Praying for you to have faith and an end to your depression.
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OP; get a proper physical check up? These kind of feeling s can be part of any simple physical illness. I get so many dark feelings that I know are not spiritual but because if a major illness. And while that does not ease the it makes them easier to ear and less frightening

And please, ease off the intense rote prayer? You can do too much. Make sure you get outside in God’s good fresh air, see beauty, Look after your whole being.

As He does. Give Him space to love.
 
Nap66 said:
Faith. I know what you mean about being angry at God for your life. There are many people who live much worse lives than other people, even when they did not ask for it. It seems like some people are destined to suffer more than others. Why? We are told to have faith that God knows best for us. But I don’t think that means God will EVER reward us on planet earth. Just have faith that someday you can go to heaven. Through all your troubles, that is the only faith that makes sense.

Do we ever break out of it? When is that corner turned? When we die? I am in the middle of a desert as I type this. Two years and counting… the signs of the oasis are not there. But I keep stumbling ahead, to where, I don’t have a clue. I guess I wish I could hear at least one testimony from someone who prayed and prayed and God turned their life around while they were still alive.

I want something good to happen someday before I leave this planet, but that is not what the Church teaches. “Be in this world but not of it.” But then I really don’t know what I’m talking about most times. I’m just stumbling around in thirst.
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I could be wrong here but, i think at time’s we have to do the leg work, the holy spirit guides us in the right direction when we’re looking for a solution to our problem (the thing/things we pray for) but the ‘solution’ might not be what you had in mind, perhaps it’s something we find to take some of the perceived problem away.

It’s God’s will if he answers your prayer’s or not, you have to be patient with God.
 
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