Personal Question

[Gianna_MarieJMJ]

Hello,

I am almost 21 years old and my boyfriend and I are talking about getting married soon, but we’ve run into a problem. ( First off I’ll say that I AM older than him…he is 19) We have been together for almost 4 years in May and my boyfriend has just recently asked our Parish Priest (with whom we are also friends with and have known for quite sometime) for some spiritual direction regarding him proposing. Well, to sum it up our Priest said that he feels even though we are young, we shouldn’t wait much longer and for my boyfriend to be in control of this and not to let my father or anyone try and make this decision for him. My boyfriend, being the gentlemen he is, wanted to get my dad’s blessing before jumping into this and it turns out my dad wants us to wait a couple more years before engagement/marriage. Now…we both have decent jobs for our age and have saved up quite a bit. My boyfriend is starting school this spring as well. Now…Im not even sure if this is the correct place to even talk about this or ask this but…what should I do? My boyfriend is stressed out because even though we feel that we’re ready…my dad doesnt understand. You know? We don’t want to upset anyone but at the same time we’re old enough to make this decision ourselves.

Thank you all so much! God Bless!

 

[Robert_Sock]

Listen with your heart! (Worked well for Pocahontas!)

 

[Immacolata]

Listen with your heart! (Worked well for Pocahontas!)

I agree, this would be a logical approach. You are over eighteen, as is your boyfriend (albeit younger than you are), and you are allowed to make your decisions about your life. Your father feels you should wait a few more years until your engagement (and eventual marriage), and you should have a discussion with him as to why he feels that way. Your priest, himself, said that your boyfriend should not have your father interfere with his decision.

As said, you should follow your heart - and have a discussion between yourself, your father, and your boyfriend.

 

[1ke]

Listen to the counsel of your pastor.

Permission of parents is not needed, that is not part of Catholic teaching.

 

[edwest2]

Hello,

I am almost 21 years old and my boyfriend and I are talking about getting married soon, but we’ve run into a problem. ( First off I’ll say that I AM older than him…he is 19) We have been together for almost 4 years in May and my boyfriend has just recently asked our Parish Priest (with whom we are also friends with and have known for quite sometime) for some spiritual direction regarding him proposing. Well, to sum it up our Priest said that he feels even though we are young, we shouldn’t wait much longer and for my boyfriend to be in control of this and not to let my father or anyone try and make this decision for him. My boyfriend, being the gentlemen he is, wanted to get my dad’s blessing before jumping into this and it turns out my dad wants us to wait a couple more years before engagement/marriage. Now…we both have decent jobs for our age and have saved up quite a bit. My boyfriend is starting school this spring as well. Now…Im not even sure if this is the correct place to even talk about this or ask this but…what should I do? My boyfriend is stressed out because even though we feel that we’re ready…my dad doesnt understand. You know? We don’t want to upset anyone but at the same time we’re old enough to make this decision ourselves.

Thank you all so much! God Bless!

The control issue is not the issue. Traditionally, the man goes to the young lady’s father to ask for her hand in marriage. It is up to the father to look past the feelings (after all, he was 21 once) and make sure the practical ground is covered, like “Where will you live? Have you talked about children? Even though you make ‘good money,’ what happens if one of you get sick?” And so on.

You say “my dad doesnt understand” so, what exactly, does he not understand? Just because the two of you are over 18 doesn’t mean anything. I know people twice your age that still act like immature teenagers (not referring to you two, of course). I have a close friend who married a real doll, but he went to her father who asked him about his plans. Too often, this is overlooked and leads to disappointment down the road. Have you asked each other about how you expect your lives to be after the ceremony?

I asked my last girlfriend what she was looking forward to and she gave me a list. I had to let her go because I knew she would have been very, very disappointed if we had gotten married. In another case, a friend told me about her engagement, the girls at work threw her a little party and off she went to get married followed by her honeymoon. Well, after she came back, we were in the break room together and I casually asked her if she was OK because she looked a little sad. After all, I said, you just came back from your honeymoon. She told me that before the ceremony they lived apart, and now they live together… (???) So I said, “What’s wrong?” Her reply: “I thought things would be different but they aren’t. He goes to work and I go to work and things didn’t change.” I felt it wasn’t my place to ask her anything further. A year later, she announced she was divorcing.

Peace,
Ed

 

[Bezant]

Strictly speaking you don’t need your father’s permission to marry, let alone mine.

As for Dad, maybe he doesn’t understand. Maybe he sees something you lot don’t. I say this not to cast doubt on your maturity. My grandparents married in their late teens, and it worked very well for them.

But you should take Dad’s views into consideration, especially if marrying soon will rock the boat–it’s just not worth the trouble.

I’d suggest a compromise – go ahead with the engagement, delay the wedding – but it would be helpful if you could explain why you prefer to get married soon.

 

[vsedriver]

Hello,

I am almost 21 years old and my boyfriend and I are talking about getting married soon, but we’ve run into a problem. ( First off I’ll say that I AM older than him…he is 19)

19 is very young for males. Women mature much faster than men. He needs more time to mature. I have a 19 year old son and I would be dead set against him marrying at this age.

My boyfriend is starting school this spring as well. Now…Im not even sure if this is the correct place to even talk about this or ask this but…what should I do? My boyfriend is stressed out because even though we feel that we’re ready…my dad doesnt understand. You know? We don’t want to upset anyone but at the same time we’re old enough to make this decision ourselves.

Your boyfriend is going to be in school then he definitely should not be getting married. A man should be prepared to support his family before he marries. Yes, I know, a weird concept in this modern day and age but when the babies come a long life takes a real twist and what looks doable today will be next to impossible tomorrow. Financial problems split up more couples than infidelity.

You should both complete any education you plan to get before marriage. School on top of work leaves very little time or money for a family. People do a lot of growing up between 19 and 25. Wait, work and save. When he completes school and you have a nice nest egg then get married.

 

[Julia_Mae]

Now…Im not even sure if this is the correct place to even talk about this or ask this but…what should I do? My boyfriend is stressed out because even though we feel that we’re ready…my dad doesnt understand. You know? We don’t want to upset anyone but at the same time we’re old enough to make this decision ourselves.

Thank you all so much! God Bless!

I think when you are both really ready to marry, you won’t need to ask anyone what to do.

 

[Gianna_MarieJMJ]

Well I guess I really shouldnt have said, ‘What should I do’…the reason for this post was for the sole purpose of getting others opinions ( Nothing wrong with that Not picking and choosing answers to see which I like best.
We’ve been praying about this and I have personally talked to my father about this and he said because him and my mother started off rough by making very wrong decisions he’s afraid the same will happen to me. But the next breath he said he trusts whatever our decision may be as well. So…all in all, I want to thank everyone for their opinions…it’s calmed me down a bit, and I will continue to pray to leave things in Gods hands and see where he leads us.