Personal self-realization and faith help

[JoyIsLikeRain]

I’m 26, male and single. I’d like to say I’m a practicing Catholic, but in the past few years I’ve had some ups and downs with my personal faith, even though I attend Mass regularly.

I guess I have reached the “quarter-life crisis.” I’m grateful for my family and education and health, but I cannot help shake off anxiety, self-pity, and hopelessness.

I’m going once a week for counseling, but I’m mainly talking for an hour and it’s over. The sessions have helped me with self-realization, though.

I’ve realized that I don’t know who I am or what I want anymore. I don’t like what I see in the mirror (too skinny, short and slight), I don’t like what I studied (wish I had done something more important), I am exhausted by my immediate family (too clingy/worrisome/unhappy/rigid/negative/unsupporting/dictatorial), I wish I had a extraordinary and interesting career (I’m lucky to have an office job, though), I do not feel (and possibly recognize) love, attraction or affection anymore. I pray every night, but it’s the same prayers for help.

I had lived with my family since birth until recently, and they strongly desire that I return to their house (even though I don’t live far away). I get ideas to improve myself or as hobbies, and then shoot them down for them being too risky/expensive/time consuming.

Basket case? Probably. I know there are far worse-off people in this world. So why am I posting here?

I’d like to know if anyone ever felt this way around my age? How did you repair yourself spiritually? How did you forge a deeper relationship with God?
How did you discover your real “self”? How did you find the strength to live the life you were born to lead? If you felt depressed and consumed with anxiety, how did you overcome it?

 

[bmullins]

I felt roughly the same during my early twenties. I went to school for electrical engineering and then ended up working as a commercial electrician for years. There I was with a college degree digging ditches and pulling wire. I came home sweaty and dirty every night, and really felt worthless. I spent my time playing computer games, living in fantasy worlds and really trying to find the next ‘best’ thing in my life.

It really wasn’t until I surrendered to God that I truly began to find peace, but I didn’t surrender completely for many years. I thought I had, and thought I knew peace, but real peace came later. I always wished I had studied a different thing in college, but then God showed me something. If I want better in my life (a better education, better relationships, a better job) that prayer isn’t the only thing I should be doing. I should be working to get those things. If I am not happy with my degree, go and get another. If my relationships are failing, then I need to make sure I’m doing the best I can in those relationships. That I need to give more of me, and less of expecting others to reciprocate. Giving out of love not want. I found that if I wanted a better job, I needed to work harder at the one God had already given me. To continue to work even when I didn’t feel like it.

I spent another ten years working decently hard, before I had back surgery and could no longer do that sort of work. It wasn’t until I started praying the Liturgy of the Hours to be honest that I TRULY found peace. When I started saying those prayers, reading those psalms, canticles and biblical readings; I found myself craving more and more of God. I had always wanted to be closer to God, but my idea of prayer was always God bless my family, take care of this person and this person, their sick. God help us pay our bills. Good night. When I started praying for, and with the Church I began to see another side to God. Lines began to pop out to me, and certain psalms literally brought me to tears. I find immense sorrow at times, and beautiful love and joy at others.

I have found over the years, the more I immerse myself in God, the closer I get to Him. We have to work at our relationship. Just like being married, if someone asked me where my wife was, or what her favorite color was and I said, “I don’t know. We got married then she went to some other town. Don’t remember where. Never really got to know her, but I love her.” Would you believe I was in love with that woman? The same with God. I used to say I loved God but spent no time with Him. No time in His word, no real time in prayer. I didn’t wake up in the morning and talk to Him, unless something bad was happening in my life.

My suggestion is to get the Bible and read it. Start with the gospels, and then continue on through the new testament. Get a breviary and start doing lauds, or matins or both. Spend real quality time with God. Not just the last few groggy minutes before falling asleep, but real time talking to Him while you’re alert and awake. Set times to spend with God and keep them. Then watch how your love for Him grows. And when your love for Him grows… your love for others will abound. You’ll find that love you aren’t feeling now, because you’ll see it’s everywhere. You’ll start to see the world through His eyes, and not our own frail human ones.

 

[TimothyH]

The only self realization you need is to realize who you are in relationship to Christ, which is absolutely nobody because Apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5)

It does not say that you can do little or that you can do some things but that you can do nothing. Rocks don’t disobey God, but you do. You sin. Rocks which don’t sin, have more merit before God than you do.

That’s a good place to start. And then God can start working with you, start pouring his spirit into you.

My self realization happened at my kitchen table, three years ago, at age 44. I realized the totality of myself, in light of who Christ was, and fell on the floor and cried for what I had done to Christ. And the next day I went to confession and poured out 37 years worth of sin. It’s been uphill since. $125 each week for six months; the counseling I got was a complete waste of money. All I really needed was some humility before God and a good confession.

How did you find the strength to live the life you were born to lead? If you felt depressed and consumed with anxiety, how did you overcome it?

Therefore, that I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-15)

-Tim-

 

[Edward_H]

I’m 26, male and single. I’d like to say I’m a practicing Catholic, but in the past few years I’ve had some ups and downs with my personal faith, even though I attend Mass regularly.

I guess I have reached the “quarter-life crisis.” I’m grateful for my family and education and health, but I cannot help shake off anxiety, self-pity, and hopelessness.

I’m going once a week for counseling, but I’m mainly talking for an hour and it’s over. The sessions have helped me with self-realization, though.

I’ve realized that I don’t know who I am or what I want anymore. I don’t like what I see in the mirror (too skinny, short and slight), I don’t like what I studied (wish I had done something more important), I am exhausted by my immediate family (too clingy/worrisome/unhappy/rigid/negative/unsupporting/dictatorial), I wish I had a extraordinary and interesting career (I’m lucky to have an office job, though), I do not feel (and possibly recognize) love, attraction or affection anymore. I pray every night, but it’s the same prayers for help.

I had lived with my family since birth until recently, and they strongly desire that I return to their house (even though I don’t live far away). I get ideas to improve myself or as hobbies, and then shoot them down for them being too risky/expensive/time consuming.

Basket case? Probably. I know there are far worse-off people in this world. So why am I posting here?

I’d like to know if anyone ever felt this way around my age? How did you repair yourself spiritually? How did you forge a deeper relationship with God?
How did you discover your real “self”? How did you find the strength to live the life you were born to lead? If you felt depressed and consumed with anxiety, how did you overcome it?

Focus on the happiness of others, for the love of God. Make this your intention. If you have any time to think about yourself at the end of a long day of giving for others - for the love of God - then say a prayer for yourself.

 

[JoyIsLikeRain]

I felt roughly the same during my early twenties. I went to school for electrical engineering and then ended up working as a commercial electrician for years. There I was with a college degree digging ditches and pulling wire. I came home sweaty and dirty every night, and really felt worthless. I spent my time playing computer games, living in fantasy worlds and really trying to find the next ‘best’ thing in my life.

Thanks for the inspiring post at length. That has been me, fantasizing about being something else.

There’s been many times, like TimothyH, where I wish I could have a sudden realization like a bolt of lightening, and I can see things with peace and clarity. Yet, I feel that I don’t recognize the feeling of love anymore. I’ve been through some terrible events as a child, and while many people have suffered in their lives, what I’ve been through still haunts me. Coupled with the fact I have a negative and anxious immediate family, I feel like I don’t know love, support, and self-acceptance anymore.

I want meaning to everything so badly, while I feel every moment is wasting away as I try in vain to slow time down, trying to find something that gives my life meaning and support to my faith.

 

[Edward_H]

I want meaning to everything so badly, while I feel every moment is wasting away as I try in vain to slow time down, trying to find something that gives my life meaning and support to my faith.

Don’t worry about self-acceptance. Who told you this was important…yes the secular world. The only thing you need to know is that you are a child of God. And that God loves you. He accepts you and wants you to be infinitely happy.

Give meaning to everything by offering God everything you do. Give everything you do a supernatural meaning, by giving it to Him to convert into something good for others.

 

[JoyIsLikeRain]

Don’t worry about self-acceptance. Who told you this was important…yes the secular world. The only thing you need to know is that you are a child of God. And that God loves you. He accepts you and wants you to be infinitely happy.

Thank you for the advice. Although, I think self-acceptance has some importance if we’re made in the image and likeness of God. I’m not talking about narcissism, but I’ve actually had priests call me out on my lack of self-love.

 

[Edward_H]

Thank you for the advice. Although, I think self-acceptance has some importance if we’re made in the image and likeness of God. I’m not talking about narcissism, but I’ve actually had priests call me out on my lack of self-love.

No, you’re right. We only have true and enduring (everlasting) value in the eyes of God.

Pride is putting your security in you, your ability to control things

Vanity is putting your security in others, what they think of you

Sensuality is putting your security in things…mainly things that affect our senses.

Faith is putting our security in God.

We should be more focused on what God is thinking about, than what we think about ourselves.

The I’m OK/You’re OK pablum in the 70s and 80s put more people into the Dr’s offices, all with the guise of “self acceptance”.

People who focus a lot on self acceptance, end up trying to stand on their own hand vs. God’s hand.

 

[JoyIsLikeRain]

No, you’re right. We only have true and enduring (everlasting) value in the eyes of God.

Pride is putting your security in you, your ability to control things

Vanity is putting your security in others, what they think of you

Sensuality is putting your security in things…mainly things that affect our senses.

Faith is putting our security in God.

We should be more focused on what God is thinking about, than what we think about ourselves.

The I’m OK/You’re OK pablum in the 70s and 80s put more people into the Dr’s offices, all with the guise of “self acceptance”.

People who focus a lot on self acceptance, end up trying to stand on their own hand vs. God’s hand.

Thanks for the insight. I’m glad I missed the “I’m ok-You’re ok/Up With People” stuff.