Personal Vent About Parish Community

  • Thread starter Thread starter marci
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

marci

Guest
I don’t mean to sound unkind or uncharitable in any way, but I have to say this. I am sick to death of the modern day liturgy, or rather abuse of, that has become nothing more than a social hour.

Last Saturday I almost lost it. Just before the dismissal and final blessing we had to sit through the “does anyone have a birthday, is anyone celebrating an aniversary, are there any new babies that need to be introduced to the community, anyone visiting tonight”, which agrivates me to no end. But then after the dismissal we sat through 20 minutes of “announcements” all of which could be found in the bouliton and all of which were given in English and Spanish.
I am not exagerating, the announcements turned mass into an hour and forty minute ordeal. My kids, which are normaly very well behaved in mass, were about to lose it too. Now, I don’t mind a long mass, but the announcements are not part of mass.

I am tired of being made to feel like a felon if I don’t want to hold hands during the Our Father, or if I don’t want to spend 10minutes hugging everyone accross the way or 10 pews in front and behind me. And I don’t want to introduce myself to my neighbor after the entrance procession.

Now, this is going to sound REALLY bad, but I am sick of having the “community” cramed down my throat. When I go to mass I want to pray, listen to the gospel, recieve the Eucharist, meditate and contemplate the Sacrifice.

Before anyone says that I am not loving my neighbor, let me say that I give to the poor, I give to the priest, and the parish. I do volunteer work with a pro-life crisis pregnancy clinic. I promote teen chastity clinics. And I always let the parish priest know if there is any need, either with the church (ie electric bill, maintenance, etc.) or with a family in the parish he can come to me and I will do whatever I can.

I have helped pay for and helped in the mass distribution of booklets containing information about the “Five Non-negotiables” during election time. Now that my children are getting older, I will start teaching CCD classes next fall.

I am not trying to pat myself on the back or toot my own horn, but I do not want you to think that I am some hermit who doesn’t want to socialize or otherwize interact with people.

I am big on volunteer work and I am instilling this in my children. For example, I home school and this year our art project is to make rosaries which we hope to sell outside after mass. All of the money the kids earn (we our donating the supplies) will go to the crisis pregnancy center and other pro-life groups that my kids want to support.

I just don’t understand why it (socializing) has to be part of the mass. Please, any advice on how to approach the angst I have about this would be greatly appriciated. I don’t want to be uncharitable, but I am afraid it is not in my nature to accept the touchy feely lovey doveyness that goes on in mass.

I have prayed about this and asked God to help me be more accepting of the need some have for fellowship and community. If someone wants to start a parish group that visits the elderly in their homes to keep them company, I’ll be the first to sign up. I just think that all of this “community” and “fellowship” has now become (for many) the focus of the mass. Is it? Am I wrong to feel the way I do?
 
marci said:
I don’t mean to sound unkind or uncharitable in any way, but I have to say this. I am sick to death of the modern day liturgy, or rather abuse of, that has become nothing more than a social hour…

…I have prayed about this and asked God to help me be more accepting of the need some have for fellowship and community. If someone wants to start a parish group that visits the elderly in their homes to keep them company, I’ll be the first to sign up. I just think that all of this “community” and “fellowship” has now become (for many) the focus of the mass. Is it? Am I wrong to feel the way I do?
Click to expand...
You are not alone. MANY of us wish for the solemnity of the “old days.” It took me almost a year to find a Catholic Church here in Nashville that plain and simply presented the Mass and left out all the “extra” stuff. Still I have to deal with the looks when I don’t accept a person’s hand during the Our Father, but that’s okay. The only suggestion that I can make is to do what I did. Find a new parish. I have discovered that those Catholic Churches who call themselves “St. ___________ Catholic Community” (rather than Church) are usually too… umm… “modern.”
 
As far as I am concerned, you may vent here any time you want. The problem is, I have no solution for you.

I don’t know how old you are, but these problems go back forty years, and I remember every agonizing iota of it since then. It is no wonder that some people are nostalgic for the Traditional Latin Mass (I am not–it had its problems too and needed reform).

The best solution I have come up with, just for me, is ironically what would appear to be the “wrong” one for a professional church musician, as I am. I try to find the lowest, most perfunctory, sleepiest, minimalist Mass I can so I can at least imagine I am in a prayerful situation and not a circus. It gets harder all the time, and depending on where I am physically located, may be impossible. Then I go off and earn my moonlight living from the Anglicans, who have never had these problems.
 
jbuck919 said:
I try to find the lowest, most perfunctory, sleepiest, minimalist Mass I can so I can at least imagine I am in a prayerful situation and not a circus. It gets harder all the time, and depending on where I am physically located, may be impossible.
Click to expand...
Oh…I hear ya. Living where I do somtimes I feel the closest to God in the Mass when I attend that little country Catholic Mission somewhere at the end of a gravel road. No hub-bub just meat and taters Catholicism.

Oh Poo! now I am depressed.
 
Oh Marci! I know exactly where you’re coming from. Sometimes I leave mass in tears. Last week, my husband and I didn’t wait for the priest to process out. We just left. Neither of us can stand it anymore.
 
Marci, if you like, (no pressure at all) could you tell what Diocese you are in? People here might come up with a more reverent parish for you.

You are not alone. It has been my contention all along that there should be one “Historically Catholic” Holy Mass offered in every Vicariate. Period. If you had to drive an extra 20 minutes every Sunday not to have the “Happy Catholic” stuff, I’m sure you would. We have people who drive an hour each week (and that is no exageration) to come to a N. O. mass without innovations and focused on the Eucharist, not each other. We are expanding while other parishes are being closed and clustered. What does that tell you?

If this were done, the market would decide whether the parishioners want the “Communal” Mass or the “Historic”. Maybe people just want to network but I suspect many, like you are longing to network with Our Lord.
 
This whole thread makes me wonder about my parish. Right now it is reverant and definately without Modernism. With this in mind we are quite the anomaly in my diocese. Most of the towns our size have newer and more protestant like"services". We have a core of families in my pairish all in the 35 to 45 year old range of which are all very traditionalist in our views. We meet each Sunday night cordon off the children in a big room nearby and pray the Rosary as families together. ( the kids sometimes come in and pray a few licks then return to the play room.) I personally believe that this practice is keeping our parish the way it is…and that is… traditional in nature. Now if we could get that one H.S. aged boy who prays with us each sunday to consider a vocation perhaps our orthodoxy could spead to the parishes nearby.
 
I’m going to say something a bit different from everyone else. If this is your home parish, then you should attend there. You can find the quietest Mass time, but I really think we should attend the parish we belong to.

Also, you speak alot about giving money within your church, but I don’t hear too much about you actually being involved with the other people. Can you start the ministry to the homebound? Can you invite other families to make those rosarys with you?

Perhaps if there were more “real” community in your church, people would feel less need to add it on to the mass time.
marci said:
I don’t mean to sound unkind or uncharitable in any way, but I have to say this. I am sick to death of the modern day liturgy, or rather abuse of, that has become nothing more than a social hour.

I have prayed about this and asked God to help me be more accepting of the need some have for fellowship and community. If someone wants to start a parish group that visits the elderly in their homes to keep them company, I’ll be the first to sign up. I just think that all of this “community” and “fellowship” has now become (for many) the focus of the mass. Is it? Am I wrong to feel the way I do?
Click to expand...
 
yep, I know what you mean. I am ecstatic at the changes happening in my parish, slow as it may seem it is changing.

Our new music and liturgy director is bringing back great Catholic hymns (haven’t had a haugan and haas mistake in a few weeks now, well some of their MOC stuff, but those can be quite beautiful).

We now have candle bearers, though this one is a little tough since my parish isn’t a “family” parish, most of the congregation are young adults or elderly. We ordered a bunch of albs, so I guess we will see servers in them soon. The bells are back, and in a big way. We didn’t bother with the small hand held set, we have the large 20 bell tree, yeehaw. And the music director plays the camponile before Mass, utterly sublime.

Rosary is now being said before the 9am Sun Mass, and Msgr is looking for volunteers to take it up at other services.

I had personally thought I was going to have change parishes, not a pleasant feeling, in fact it is downright terrifying, and then I was asked to sponsor a Catechumen. I found that if I leave, all I am doing is letting the hand holding inclusive left wing nuts win, by chasing out the Catholics. I can do much more good by making suggestions to the Rector and the M/L director. I can also help insure that good Catholic teachings are being passed on by working in the RCIA program. I may get my lashings, but so be it, I’m a Catholic now, not a wuss.
 
OK so I am not the only one who cringes at the choir director saying, “Good Morning!!!” “Come on people let’s try that again” “Yes! Thats better, Now lets all greet our neighbors with a kiss, I mean handshake…well I guess a kiss is OK too…” In way way too cheery a voice. It just goes up my spine!
 
BlestOne said:
OK so I am not the only one who cringes at the choir director saying, “Good Morning!!!” “Come on people let’s try that again” “Yes! Thats better, Now lets all greet our neighbors with a kiss, I mean handshake…well I guess a kiss is OK too…” In way way too cheery a voice. It just goes up my spine!
Click to expand...
hahahaha We just have the usual
“Good Morning and Welcome to the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception. At this time we would ask that you silence all pagers and cell phones. If you are blessed with the gift of small children and should need a cry room, we ask that you use the vestibule or the glassed in Chapel area. Our presider for this morning’s Eucharist is Msgr X (the Rector, Rector Emeritus and priest in residence are Prelates of Honor). Please stand as we sing number XXX (processional song)”

I want to so get rid of the bingo song number calling, but one thing at a time.
 
marci said:
I don’t mean to sound unkind or uncharitable in any way, but I have to say this. I am sick to death of the modern day liturgy, or rather abuse of, that has become nothing more than a social hour.

Last Saturday I almost lost it. Just before the dismissal and final blessing we had to sit through the “does anyone have a birthday, is anyone celebrating an aniversary, are there any new babies that need to be introduced to the community, anyone visiting tonight”, which agrivates me to no end. But then after the dismissal we sat through 20 minutes of “announcements” all of which could be found in the bouliton and all of which were given in English and Spanish.
I am not exagerating, the announcements turned mass into an hour and forty minute ordeal. My kids, which are normaly very well behaved in mass, were about to lose it too. Now, I don’t mind a long mass, but the announcements are not part of mass.

I am tired of being made to feel like a felon if I don’t want to hold hands during the Our Father, or if I don’t want to spend 10minutes hugging everyone accross the way or 10 pews in front and behind me. And I don’t want to introduce myself to my neighbor after the entrance procession.

Now, this is going to sound REALLY bad, but I am sick of having the “community” cramed down my throat. When I go to mass I want to pray, listen to the gospel, recieve the Eucharist, meditate and contemplate the Sacrifice.

Before anyone says that I am not loving my neighbor, let me say that I give to the poor, I give to the priest, and the parish. I do volunteer work with a pro-life crisis pregnancy clinic. I promote teen chastity clinics. And I always let the parish priest know if there is any need, either with the church (ie electric bill, maintenance, etc.) or with a family in the parish he can come to me and I will do whatever I can.

I have helped pay for and helped in the mass distribution of booklets containing information about the “Five Non-negotiables” during election time. Now that my children are getting older, I will start teaching CCD classes next fall.

I am not trying to pat myself on the back or toot my own horn, but I do not want you to think that I am some hermit who doesn’t want to socialize or otherwize interact with people.

I am big on volunteer work and I am instilling this in my children. For example, I home school and this year our art project is to make rosaries which we hope to sell outside after mass. All of the money the kids earn (we our donating the supplies) will go to the crisis pregnancy center and other pro-life groups that my kids want to support.

I just don’t understand why it (socializing) has to be part of the mass. Please, any advice on how to approach the angst I have about this would be greatly appriciated. I don’t want to be uncharitable, but I am afraid it is not in my nature to accept the touchy feely lovey doveyness that goes on in mass.

I have prayed about this and asked God to help me be more accepting of the need some have for fellowship and community. If someone wants to start a parish group that visits the elderly in their homes to keep them company, I’ll be the first to sign up. I just think that all of this “community” and “fellowship” has now become (for many) the focus of the mass. Is it? Am I wrong to feel the way I do?
Click to expand...
This is an excellent post. Print it and provide a copy to your priest. If that does not work, after communion, just leave until he gets the message. Not the best solution but one that may get him to thinking.
 
Sr_Sally said:
I’m going to say something a bit different from everyone else. If this is your home parish, then you should attend there. You can find the quietest Mass time, but I really think we should attend the parish we belong to.

Also, you speak alot about giving money within your church, but I don’t hear too much about you actually being involved with the other people. Can you start the ministry to the homebound? Can you invite other families to make those rosarys with you?

Perhaps if there were more “real” community in your church, people would feel less need to add it on to the mass time.
Click to expand...
First, to the poster who asked which diocese I am in it is the Diocese of El Paso in west Texas.

The problem is I live in a small town about 45 miles from the city. There is only one catholic church in town. I attend the Saturday Vigil mass primarily, first, because it is most conveinient for my family, second because believe it or not, the choir is outstanding. Third, because I believe the parish priest to be a holy man who gives wonderful homilies. He never has a problem with talking about abortion, BC, pre-marital sex, or anything else that seem to have been forgotten about.
(Side note: the choir is comprised of some family members who sing very traditional music, most of which is latin. There are a large family and there is nothing like family harmonies.)

I don’t “blame” the priest for any of these things. I think that as in so many parishes these days, some of the looney laity get power hungry and start running things.

The Saturday mass used to be sparsely attended and was very reverent and done entirely in English. But, lately Father has been using more and more Spanish which makes it difficult for my kids. Plus, the whole atmosphere has begun to change from one of reverence and quiet to huggy kissy fellowship type atmosphere "when I say fellowship I mean protestant)

I do attend a parish in the city when we can, which is a very reverent NO with a good priest. However, I worry because he is getting up there and has had health problems lately. This parish is also 50 miles away so sometimes it is difficult for us to get to. (I have 4 young children)

As far as not just giving money to the parish and getting more involved with the local community. I wish I could. I would love it if my kids could have more involvement with the church community (after mass of course). Unfortunately, all of the parish organizations are spanish speaking, ie prayer groups. There is only one engish only mass a week, but that one is even worse (as far as reverence) than the Saturday Vigil. There is not any youth ministry, and even if there were it would be conducted in spanish as well. I speak spanish, but not well enough to participate. There is really no place in the parish community life for me and my family. That’s OK, I’m not upset about that. I have a very large, close family and like I said, I homeschool my kids and we are involved in volunteer organizations.

I realize that many people are not so blessed to have such ties as I do with family and friends, and that perhaps the parish community is all they have and that’s wonderful. What I am talking about here is the mass. I think fellowship and socializing are great. I just think it should be done after mass so that the rest of us who still want a solemn, reverant mass, which focuses on the Sacrifice are not forgotten.

Thanks to all who’ve posted. I guess I am not alone.
 
I completely understand! And I will go out on a limb and say that it has nothing to do with lacking community outside of Mass at all.

I am very blessed to go to a wonderful parish that, for the most part, does not have any of this “community” stuff beyond the holding hands at the Our Father (during which I fold my hands together and bow my head, so I have no idea if I am receiving dirty looks or not). We do however have a Mass during the same time in our ministry center’s chapel (big chapel - also incredibly huge parish itself) that I cringe to think of going to (but have to due to RCIA commitments) because so many abuses are made (ie. no kneeling during the ENTIRE consecration!).

However, going to my husband’s diocese and other places, I have come across this “community” attitude one too many times. And these parishes have PLENTY of community time outside of the Mass. I don’t think the remedy, even if there were lacking things to do, is to add this sense of community within the Mass. All that does is turn the beautiful Holy Sacrifice into a Protestant service more and more.

To the OP: If I were you, I’d leave as soon as the priest processes out and before the announcements if possible and not care about the looks you get. You have young children and they can only handle so much, so why wait around for something that is unnecessary. With the other things, my only suggestion is to pray, pray, pray for change and to “offer it up” :). Glad to hear you have an excellent priest though :D.
 
marci said:
I don’t mean to sound unkind or uncharitable in any way, but I have to say this. I am sick to death of the modern day liturgy, or rather abuse of, that has become nothing more than a social hour.

Last Saturday I almost lost it. Just before the dismissal and final blessing we had to sit through the “does anyone have a birthday, is anyone celebrating an aniversary, are there any new babies that need to be introduced to the community, anyone visiting tonight”, which agrivates me to no end. But then after the dismissal we sat through 20 minutes of “announcements” all of which could be found in the bouliton and all of which were given in English and Spanish.
I am not exagerating, the announcements turned mass into an hour and forty minute ordeal. My kids, which are normaly very well behaved in mass, were about to lose it too. Now, I don’t mind a long mass, but the announcements are not part of mass.

I am tired of being made to feel like a felon if I don’t want to hold hands during the Our Father, or if I don’t want to spend 10minutes hugging everyone accross the way or 10 pews in front and behind me. And I don’t want to introduce myself to my neighbor after the entrance procession.

Now, this is going to sound REALLY bad, but I am sick of having the “community” cramed down my throat. When I go to mass I want to pray, listen to the gospel, recieve the Eucharist, meditate and contemplate the Sacrifice.

Before anyone says that I am not loving my neighbor, let me say that I give to the poor, I give to the priest, and the parish. I do volunteer work with a pro-life crisis pregnancy clinic. I promote teen chastity clinics. And I always let the parish priest know if there is any need, either with the church (ie electric bill, maintenance, etc.) or with a family in the parish he can come to me and I will do whatever I can.

I have helped pay for and helped in the mass distribution of booklets containing information about the “Five Non-negotiables” during election time. Now that my children are getting older, I will start teaching CCD classes next fall.

I am not trying to pat myself on the back or toot my own horn, but I do not want you to think that I am some hermit who doesn’t want to socialize or otherwize interact with people.

I am big on volunteer work and I am instilling this in my children. For example, I home school and this year our art project is to make rosaries which we hope to sell outside after mass. All of the money the kids earn (we our donating the supplies) will go to the crisis pregnancy center and other pro-life groups that my kids want to support.

I just don’t understand why it (socializing) has to be part of the mass. Please, any advice on how to approach the angst I have about this would be greatly appriciated. I don’t want to be uncharitable, but I am afraid it is not in my nature to accept the touchy feely lovey doveyness that goes on in mass.

I have prayed about this and asked God to help me be more accepting of the need some have for fellowship and community. If someone wants to start a parish group that visits the elderly in their homes to keep them company, I’ll be the first to sign up. I just think that all of this “community” and “fellowship” has now become (for many) the focus of the mass. Is it? Am I wrong to feel the way I do?
Click to expand...
No you are not wrong to feel this way. Try telling the priest exactly what you have said here. It can’t hurt - at most he’ll think ill of you, but so what. It’s time to tell’em that this garbage has to stop.

As for those who try to put the onus back on you for this continued de-sacralization of Mass such as one of the posts above - They are wrong to continue to promote this sort of stuff.
 
I sometimes feel the very same way as Marci. I can’t say that I am moved to tears, but I do get extremely frustrated and irritable. Before Mass the church is filled with a low hum of conversation. This causes me problems with my kids as they question why they can’t chat too since everyone else is.

My big pet peeve is when they read the announcements on events that are contained in the bulletin. (If you choose to announce about an event that was left out of the bulletin in error or ask for prayers for the recently deceased that is a completely different matter ) However, I believe if you are not interested in the parish and its activities, reading the bulletin out loud is not going to change things.
 
Keep your parish/Diocese orthodox and this won’t be a problem. Once a parish/Diocese gets away from this it is a slippery slope and very difficult to get back. 👍
 
My parish did the birthday thing for a few weeks in a row a while back, luckily that quickly died out.

And I just give into the holding hands in the Our Father. I know it’s not called for, and I don’t if I am not near anyone, but if someone is near, I just go ahead and do it…it’s not that difficult, and is nothing to offend anyone over.

I would just pray. Keep in mind that there could be alot of innocent ignorance inside the parish. Inform people where they are ignorant, but do it with charity. You catch more flies with honey after all.
 
marci said:
I don’t mean to sound unkind or uncharitable in any way, but I have to say this. I am sick to death of the modern day liturgy, or rather abuse of, that has become nothing more than a social hour.

Last Saturday I almost lost it. Just before the dismissal and final blessing we had to sit through the “does anyone have a birthday, is anyone celebrating an aniversary, are there any new babies that need to be introduced to the community, anyone visiting tonight”, which agrivates me to no end. But then after the dismissal we sat through 20 minutes of “announcements” all of which could be found in the bouliton and all of which were given in English and Spanish.
I am not exagerating, the announcements turned mass into an hour and forty minute ordeal. My kids, which are normaly very well behaved in mass, were about to lose it too. Now, I don’t mind a long mass, but the announcements are not part of mass.

I am tired of being made to feel like a felon if I don’t want to hold hands during the Our Father, or if I don’t want to spend 10minutes hugging everyone accross the way or 10 pews in front and behind me. And I don’t want to introduce myself to my neighbor after the entrance procession.

Now, this is going to sound REALLY bad, but I am sick of having the “community” cramed down my throat. When I go to mass I want to pray, listen to the gospel, recieve the Eucharist, meditate and contemplate the Sacrifice.

Before anyone says that I am not loving my neighbor, let me say that I give to the poor, I give to the priest, and the parish. I do volunteer work with a pro-life crisis pregnancy clinic. I promote teen chastity clinics. And I always let the parish priest know if there is any need, either with the church (ie electric bill, maintenance, etc.) or with a family in the parish he can come to me and I will do whatever I can.

I have helped pay for and helped in the mass distribution of booklets containing information about the “Five Non-negotiables” during election time. Now that my children are getting older, I will start teaching CCD classes next fall.

I am not trying to pat myself on the back or toot my own horn, but I do not want you to think that I am some hermit who doesn’t want to socialize or otherwize interact with people.

I am big on volunteer work and I am instilling this in my children. For example, I home school and this year our art project is to make rosaries which we hope to sell outside after mass. All of the money the kids earn (we our donating the supplies) will go to the crisis pregnancy center and other pro-life groups that my kids want to support.

I just don’t understand why it (socializing) has to be part of the mass. Please, any advice on how to approach the angst I have about this would be greatly appriciated. I don’t want to be uncharitable, but I am afraid it is not in my nature to accept the touchy feely lovey doveyness that goes on in mass.

I have prayed about this and asked God to help me be more accepting of the need some have for fellowship and community. If someone wants to start a parish group that visits the elderly in their homes to keep them company, I’ll be the first to sign up. I just think that all of this “community” and “fellowship” has now become (for many) the focus of the mass. Is it? Am I wrong to feel the way I do?
Click to expand...
Amen.

Thats why I attend a TLM.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top