Pew Pet Peeve

[Sarabande]

That’s why you send someone to Mass early to save seats with all their stuff. I had plenty of room to sit without feeling squashed. The only time I give up my end sitting, is when my dad is at Mass because he always sits on the end. It’s something I’ve noticed with families. The husband/father always sits on the end.

You’re right. I’ve noticed that as well. My father used to always sit at the end, too. I think part of it might have to do with gentleman always letting women and children go ahead of them. I see it all the time when going up for communion. The men will usually step out and allow women and children go ahead of them. Then you wait for the man to come back so that he can sit with his family and not at the other end of the pew. The other thing I often see, which I’ve done with my family when I do have a chance to sit in the pews, is that the parents will bookend the young children. Makes sense because you want to keep the children in check.

 

[Castello]

My Pew Pet Peeve are those Catholics (mostly Adults) who either stand on Kneelers or use them as foot rests with dirty boots and shoes. That’s irritating. I was born with huge size 12 Bigfoot boots or shoes. I can’t stand comfortably when the Kneelers are down and nobody needs to use them during the Liturgy when we are required to stand. Another reason I sit at the end of the pew.

Cept for us Catholics with dwarfism. I really DO need to rest my feet on the kneeler (in fact, if I am at a church that does not have kneelers I bring in a small stepstool that I carry in the car just for the purpose of resting my feet).

We all come in different shapes and sizes

 

[Sarabande]

I think if people feel too intrusive to ask a person who won’t move on the ends to at least allow them to pass, this approach might work. It has been successful for me when on very crowded trains or other places where it seems that the people sitting or standing are either just rude or not paying attention.

Bend your body so that you’re a closer to their level, smile warmly and sincerely and say, “I’m sorry. I know I’m being a pain, but there are no seats left and I do need a place to sit. (if you have children focus on your children not being able to stand throughout the whole mass) I’ll get out of your way quickly so that I won’t be bothering you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.” It immediately disarms most of them because you are being very nice and warm to them, that they want to give you space so that you can move into the middle or window seat. It even makes them smile warmly back at you. The good feelings go all around.

If you do get the true curmudgeon who can’t even be swayed by that, still do the same thing, but gracefully begin to walk over and past them while you are telling them that you will be quickly out of their way. You don’t have to step on them. I’ve never had to step on people on the trains and they are more narrow than pews. (Although since I’m pregnant, I wouldn’t even try it, but I’m not riding the trains anymore because of that.) Thank them profusely for being so kind to let you in and you might even get a mumbled “You’re welcome.”

 

[Catholic90]

This could easily be solved by removing the pew back, turning the pews 90* so they are parallel with the walls and not perpendicular, and with a sign that says back to front, keep your buddy warm!"

Inappropriate! I don’t want that creepy weird guy sitting behind me then! Besides, those wearing dresses and skirts would not be comfortable like that. And some couples might get toooo comfortable…Nope. No way.

That’s why you send someone to Mass early to save seats with all their stuff. I had plenty of room to sit without feeling squashed.

Our parish no longer allows saving of seats by placement of coats, books, or bags. If the majority of the group is not there, the stuff WILL be removed, as it was this past Christmas season. The new policy now is the parish doors will be locked until 1 hour before the first mass starts.

It was ridiculous - people would send one representative to save 10 seats with stuff, and then when families would arrive, there was no seating available cuz all their stuff was spread out over the pews. When the people the seats were being saved for eventually straggled in, they often only took up a fraction of what was saved, leaving gaps for 1 here, 2 there, etc. Meanwhile, whole families who had arrived together early enough were forced to stand OR once the stragglers all came, they had to split up to fill the 1 space here, etc. So, the priest decided ENOUGH! Either your whole group comes early together at one time to sit, or you take your chances if you come later.

 

[lindaharry]

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[centurionguard]

I think if people feel too intrusive to ask a person who won’t move on the ends to at least allow them to pass, this approach might work. It has been successful for me when on very crowded trains or other places where it seems that the people sitting or standing are either just rude or not paying attention.

Bend your body so that you’re a closer to their level, smile warmly and sincerely and say, “I’m sorry. I know I’m being a pain, but there are no seats left and I do need a place to sit. (if you have children focus on your children not being able to stand throughout the whole mass) I’ll get out of your way quickly so that I won’t be bothering you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.” It immediately disarms most of them because you are being very nice and warm to them, that they want to give you space so that you can move into the middle or window seat. It even makes them smile warmly back at you. The good feelings go all around.

If you do get the true curmudgeon who can’t even be swayed by that, still do the same thing, but gracefully begin to walk over and past them while you are telling them that you will be quickly out of their way. You don’t have to step on them. I’ve never had to step on people on the trains and they are more narrow than pews. (Although since I’m pregnant, I wouldn’t even try it, but I’m not riding the trains anymore because of that.) Thank them profusely for being so kind to let you in and you might even get a mumbled “You’re welcome.”

Great Advice But I think its a combination of people feeling both too intrusive and shy. However; I admit I’ve felt somewhat bad inside when there’s the occasion of me sitting at the end of the pew and the person leaning over to ask if they could sit in the empty space questioned if I thought they were a nuisance for asking to sit because they said I was guarding the pew for myself. Feels uncomfortable when someone (a fellow Catholic) judges you like that. Most often more than not its someone late for Mass.
And it makes me wonder Gee do I look that ugly. Maybe so.
Its all forgivable at any rate.

 

[Sarabande]

Great Advice But I think its a combination of people feeling both too intrusive and shy. However; I admit I’ve felt somewhat bad inside when there’s the occasion of me sitting at the end of the pew and the person leaning over to ask if they could sit in the empty space questioned if I thought they were a nuisance for asking to sit because they said I was guarding the pew for myself. Feels uncomfortable when someone (a fellow Catholic) judges you like that. Most often more than not its someone late for Mass.
And it makes me wonder Gee do I look that ugly. Maybe so.
Its all forgivable at any rate.

I think the important thing is that unless the person sitting at the end, no matter where it is, (church, train, etc.) is being blatantly rude and miserable to you, always assume the best of them and then you will come across as warm and kind and non-judgemental. For instance, assume they are just being unaware/oblivious rather than them trying to keep people out. I have just found that you achieve more in these kinds of situations, when you are apologetic and place any kind of “blame” on yourself. I don’t mind calling myself a pain or a bother in these instances because I’m not trying to be pushy and bossy and I want to make that clear to whomever I’m talking to. I even do it when I’m working with a musician who may be making a mistake that shouldn’t be ignored because it’s too blatant. Instead of just pointing out their mistakes, I’ll just say something like, “I’m so sorry. I think I must be doing something wrong. Can we check out measure x again to be sure that I’m not singing the wrong note(s).” Then when we check it out, the other musician will realize that he/she is actually making the mistake and will usually apologise, to which I’ll always say something like, “Gosh, it’s no problem at all. God only knows how many mistakes I’ve made. If we were perfect all the time, we’d be God.” Then we’ll have a nice little laugh about it, and then I always make sure to tell them, sincerely, that it was a pleasure to work with them. It’s just a good thing to do in my mind because we all make mistakes and I don’t think it’s nice to be rude and act like Miss Perfect. It also creates for a better working atmosphere and I find people want to work with you more and call you back because you are a kind colleague, along with being a competent one.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Cept for us Catholics with dwarfism. I really DO need to rest my feet on the kneeler (in fact, if I am at a church that does not have kneelers I bring in a small stepstool that I carry in the car just for the purpose of resting my feet).

We all come in different shapes and sizes

Or someone like me who right now has back issues…I’m in physical therapy for it…I rest my feet on the kneeler because it helps my lower back when I’m sitting. But no one would know that from just looking at me…because I try to not make a federal case out of the issue…

 

[marleelynn]

I sit on the end too when I go to mass since I am a little claustrophobic. I also rest my feet on the kneeler since I also have back issues and go to a chiropractor once a month.

what gets me is just before communion … I was taught to remain kneeling/not to get up until the people in the pew before me went to communion (I am in “prayer mode”)… when people at the other end of the pew get too close to me, I feel they are “invading my space”… I feel like “can’t you see I’m praying?”

 

[MacroConnectome]

Could part of the uneasiness of this be alleviated by those who for whatever reason need the end seats to make friendly gestures indicating that it would be no trouble for newcomers to scooch in-between them?

As someone who frequently uses public transportation I’ve noticed that quite often during rush hour on the subway there will be some individuals who sit on the end seat with the window seat empty yet there will be a couple dozen individuals standing. Invariably you hear some complain about how rude it is for them to take the end seat during such a busy hour yet more often than not such people won’t even bother asking the end-sitters if it is OK to scooch by them. It’s probably just bashfulness. I’m very up front so I have no problem asking, and I’ve never had anyone refuse me. Since I recognize that many people are uncomfortable asking, when I do find the need to sit on the end, when somebody walks by looking for a seat I make it a point to smile, and point to the empty seat, which I think takes away some of the worry about being imposing.

 

[PatrickSanDiego]

This is just so amusing sitting here reading all this on end-of-pew-sitters. I mean, it’s 11:52 PM, I’m vegging out. I need to sleep. But, I’m endlessly fascinated by this whole thing on end-of-pew-sitting…

I always sit fifth pew, right hand side. Or, fourth pew, right hand side. I rarely, rarely sit on the left hand side. I would prefer to sit near the end, but it doesn’t make a difference to me. I usually walk into the pew and sit at the middle. I like sitting at the right front quadrant because that way I can take Communion from the Pastor, and there’s still some wine left in the cup.

Today, at our Church, we had the Bishop of Monterey County (Northern California) conduct the Mass. A lady fainted in the back, it caused quite a stir. It was a great Mass though, he’s a great Bishop.

 

[acarlson]

As I’ve been reading the posts, I was asking myself why our members are feeling a need to justify sitting on the end. There are preferences and that’s perfectly alright. As long as the end pew sitters are respectful of others, there’s just no need to make excuses.

I don’t understand where people are coming from who want those end pew sitters to actually scootch over from their spot. I’m not saying that if someone who’s disabled or needs to go up to read needs the end pew… I’d have no problem with that as long as the person asked kindly.

Amen. If people sitting on the end of the pew - I do so myself, and I’m not ashamed, nor need I justify myself - is really such a bother for you, go earlier to Mass. It would be a great act of charity for yourself to help avoid judgmental thoughts of others.

 

[figs]

LOL

 

[grasscutter]

**No one attends Mass with me…I’m ALL alone at Mass.:sad_yes:
I didn’t know what Catholic Etiquette suggested that one do in these situations, so I tried BOTH!
The first Mass that I attended, I sat on the end of the pew.
The second Mass that I attended, I sat in the middle of the pew.

A woman came in, (with empty pews ALL over the church), and asked me if I would please move down to the end because she had a large group joining her.
She sat down on the end, and sure enough, a basketball team sized group joined her. There were SO many with her that I actually was squished up against the very end of the pew.
I don’t really care where I sit, I’m a convert and being Catholic and getting to attend Mass is SUCH A GIFT TO ME…how could I complain about where I’m sitting, or if I have to scoot my backside down to accommodate those who are supposed to be my fellow BROTHERS and SISTERS in CHRIST?!

Just my :twocents: though! **

Thank you for providing some much needed perspective! :thankyou:

 

[DeniseNY]

If people want to sit at the end of the pew that is fine. But why must they give us dirty looks when we have to climb over them to get to the middle? And I see that quite often.

Well, they shouldn’t!

I like to sit on the end, but I will gladly move to allow others to get past me. If there is an elderly or disabled person, I’ll scooch in and let them have the end.

But since I like to sit near there front, there aren’t many of my fellow parishoners in the pew with me!

 

[Faith1960]

This post expresses my feelings exactly!

Mine, too!

 

[dochawk]

That’s the thing. I have experienced only one time when the family gave dirty looks and refused to move when my family kindly asked to just sit in pew. We weren’t asking them to move in. My parents weren’t about to stand an entire mass with a toddler and two little ones, so they repeated “Excuse me,” smiled and walked past them. I remember them giving us even dirtier looks and made it difficult for our family to walk past them, by locking their legs and not moving them to the side so that we could easily walk past.

How horrible.

You see, there is only so much of His love & grace per pew. That family needed a pwe’s worth, and you took it from them!



hawk

 

[Hmgbrd]

Inspired by the responses on this thread, I thought that I would add my experience last Sunday. I, keeping in mind everyone’s various experiences on this thread, was prepared to be particularly aware of the pew preferences around me. As mentioned before, I come early and sit on the outer end because I cannot yet receive the Eucharist and so can move out into the aisle with ease when the people return to my pew after communion and let them smoothly enter without having to climb over me.

Sure enough shortly before the beginning of the Mass, a couple arrived and indicated that they wanted to enter the pew which was pretty full already. Thinking of this thread. I rose and stepped gingerly out into the aisle to let them pass me to enter the pew, which they did leaving me standing in the aisle. BUT then they stopped and occupied MY spot on the end. By that time there was no longer any room in the pew for me!! Needless to say, as everyone stood at the beginning of Mass I managed to squeeze myself far enough into the pew so that I could then just sit down when we all sat for the first time. It was a tight squeeze, but I made it! At the sign of peace our proximity made for a jolly encounter!

 

[dochawk]

Oh, and as far as fathers at the end–yes, as someone wondered, it’s much like why were the last one through the door–if we’ll-mannered, we open it for our wife, and the family follows through, and then we go. ntering the pew, or leaving it for communion, is much the same thing.

hawk

 

[jasonjessica09]

Talking before Mass is the worst for me. You are supposed to meditate and be in prayer, not chit chat. Fortunately at Latin Masses and Eastern Catholic litrugies this is not a problem. Even at week day daily Masses its not a problem.

This issue of talking seems to be coming from weekend Novus Ordo Masses. The worst experience of talking before Mass from what I’ve seen always came from two occasions: 1. Any litrugy at a college campus 2. Before a Christsmas Mass where people show up to sit an hour or so before Mass starts.