Pew Study: Choosing a New Church or House of Worship

[Jeanne_S]

Having a Catholic family in law, I have been to more Catholic services I could count. I can say I have always found it very receiving and friendly, I have been from impressed to very disappointed with the homily. Not because the priest didn’t say what I wanted to hear, rather he didn’t say anything at all (Coming from a denomination where a Minister can talk for an hour on just one verse I would expect a bit more). But also, I have heard Priests (One I am very fond of) do the same. So it depends.

The a homily or sermon isn’t the focal point of the Mass.in fact most homilies shouldn’t exceed 15 minutes.

 

[MichaelP3]

The a homily or sermon isn’t the focal point of the Mass.in fact most homilies shouldn’t exceed 15 minutes.

I know! And that is my point.

 

[Jeanne_S]

I know! And that is my point.

I’m sorry what is your point? That the homilies are too short or lacking in content?

 

[MichaelP3]

I’m sorry what is your point? That the homilies are too short or lacking in content?

I am really sorry if I came across in a bad way. My apologies.

Just the question of “Looking for another Church”. If you are used to someone discussing the Bible/beliefs/whatever a 15 minute homily won’t do it. I am not arguing the correctness of this. Just pointing out the thinking of the human mind.

Obviously the sacrifice of the mass is the centre point of any Catholic service. That we all know. But not “getting” that part, won’t draw anyone closer. They will be listening to what is said.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

In looking at these messages it seems people equate “welcoming” with “having a greeter stationed at the door.” That’s an element, of course, and can be important. But regular pew sitters also have a role to play.

When I was working on my certification in RCIA one of the first assignments we had was to ask a friend – preferably non-Catholic – to visit our parish and report back on their experience. (Exactly what happens to someone who thinks they want to become Catholic!) The report I got back was eye opening both in terms of what the parish did well and what wasn’t so good.

One of the things she really liked was how friendly people seemed. For her it was not just the people officially standing at the door, but also the people in the pews. People who smiled or nodded at her as she walked in and sat down made her feel welcome. She wasn’t interested in joining a bunch of strangers for coffee and donuts, but she did appreciate feeling like she was wanted and welcome at church.

And I’m guessing that the people who did extend a welcome to a stranger didn’t ever think that it might influence whether they would ever return.

 

[EricF]

(I mean this with the most respect for Catholics as possible)

My experience, varying many Catholic churches as an outsider: no one talks to you. They usually get freaked if you talk to them. If you ask questions about thier faith, they deflect to someone else and some time a weeks or months away. A lot of people don’t even stay till the end of Mass. They seem very much in a hurry-get-it-done-I’m-done mindset. Doesn’t feel very welcoming or family like at all.

I had this experience as well, but after attending my first mass that wasn’t a wedding or a funeral, it became more clear to me. It was such a beautiful thing. We arrived early, sat in the back and observed. There was nobody talking with anyone. Most were kneeling in prayer, or sitting quietly. Mass started and of course we knew little of the gestures or postures, but we were familiar with liturgical worship. As I watched, I began to see something. I saw a visible unity, a body for lack of a better description, the body of Christ on earth. Then came the Eucharistic liturgy and communion. The respect and awe shown by these people for Jesus was otherworldly. I knew we had found the place where Christ dwells. The people weren’t there for social hour. They weren’t there to see or be seen by their friends. They weren’t there to see me. They were there to worship Jesus. We signed up for RCIA the next day.

 

[JD1789]

(I mean this with the most respect for Catholics as possible)

My experience, varying many Catholic churches as an outsider: no one talks to you. They usually get freaked if you talk to them. If you ask questions about thier faith, they deflect to someone else and some time a weeks or months away. A lot of people don’t even stay till the end of Mass. They seem very much in a hurry-get-it-done-I’m-done mindset. Doesn’t feel very welcoming or family like at all.

This is true. I’m one of those Catholics that is terrible about being welcoming. I don’t talk to anyone in the actual Church out of reverence and make no effort to talk to anyone after mass outside. This is a good reminder that I and many others should do better. I have noticed a great community within the Mormon faith. Many Catholic parishes has much to learn.

 

[JD1789]

I had this experience as well, but after attending my first mass that wasn’t a wedding or a funeral, it became more clear to me. It was such a beautiful thing. We arrived early, sat in the back and observed. There was nobody talking with anyone. Most were kneeling in prayer, or sitting quietly. Mass started and of course we knew little of the gestures or postures, but we were familiar with liturgical worship. As I watched, I began to see something. I saw a visible unity, a body for lack of a better description, the body of Christ on earth. Then came the Eucharistic liturgy and communion. The respect and awe shown by these people for Jesus was otherworldly. I knew we had found the place where Christ dwells. The people weren’t there for social hour. They weren’t there to see or be seen by their friends. They weren’t there to see me. They were there to worship Jesus. We signed up for RCIA the next day.

This is a great witness. Thank you.

 

[ComplineSanFran]

This is true. I’m one of those Catholics that is terrible about being welcoming. I don’t talk to anyone in the actual Church out of reverence and make no effort to talk to anyone after mass outside. This is a good reminder that I and many others should do better. I have noticed a great community within the Mormon faith. Many Catholic parishes has much to learn.

I think hospitality is a good way to frame welcoming the stranger. The Church IS community, not just coming in the door to worship and then leaving. We are together the Body of Christ. Mormons are good at understanding this - I agree - as are others.

 

[Jeanne_S]

Before every Sunday Mass at my home parish we turn and greet those around us in the pews.Of coarse then we have the sign of peace after the Our Father…

 

[Monica4316]

I chose my parish because of the Mass and it being a Latin Mass. I guess that fits under type of worship. That for me is primary in my choice

I think people at my parish are also quite welcoming but that’s not the reason I chose it, and at first I didn’t speak to anyone at all

 

[Jeanne_S]

I chose my parish because of the Mass and it being a Latin Mass. I guess that fits under type of worship. That for me is primary in my choice

I think people at my parish are also quite welcoming but that’s not the reason I chose it, and at first I didn’t speak to anyone at all

For Catholics ,participating in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is THE reason we are there in the first place.Our fellowship consists of coming together as the Body of Christ.Fellowship ,it seems for other faiths is more highly emphasized along with the sermons.There is a time and place,because we believe Christ is truley present in the Tabernacle ,silence and meditation is encouraged prior to Mass. We actually have a few screens in our church reminding people to silently pray not converse while there.As I mentioned before ,we do greet and recognize fellow worshipes when it is appropriate.

 

[ComplineSanFran]

For Catholics ,participating in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is THE reason we are there in the first place.Our fellowship consists of coming together as the Body of Christ.Fellowship ,it seems for other faiths is more highly emphasized along with the sermons.There is a time and place,because we believe Christ is truley present in the Tabernacle ,silence and meditation is encouraged prior to Mass. We actually have a few screens in our church reminding people to silently pray not converse while there.As I mentioned before ,we do greet and recognize fellow worshipes when it is appropriate.

So how do you think that ‘angel unaware’ in your midst feels when you only greet her or him when it’s ‘appropriate’?

I think we’re forgetting the Gospel imperative here, to ‘welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you’, to feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, welcome the stranger, clothe the naked and visit the sick. Worship, yes, but if we do that only and ignore Christ the stranger sitting right next to us, I think something is terribly wrong.

 

[Jeanne_S]

So how do you think that ‘angel unaware’ in your midst feels when you only greet her or him when it’s ‘appropriate’?

I think we’re forgetting the Gospel imperative here, to ‘welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you’, to feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, welcome the stranger, clothe the naked and visit the sick. Worship, yes, but if we do that only and ignore Christ the stranger sitting right next to us, I think something is terribly wrong.

You are really over thinking this.I know you like to call out the Catholic Church on what you see are areas that it could improve. Personally,I find that uncharitable.You are making assumptions re the Catholic Church that are based on your biased opinion. Please stop.

 

[Sy_Noe]

(I mean this with the most respect for Catholics as possible)

My experience, varying many Catholic churches as an outsider: no one talks to you. They usually get freaked if you talk to them. If you ask questions about thier faith, they deflect to someone else and some time a weeks or months away. A lot of people don’t even stay till the end of Mass. They seem very much in a hurry-get-it-done-I’m-done mindset. Doesn’t feel very welcoming or family like at all.

I’ve sometimes wondered if such a “get it done” mindset that you describe some Catholics seemingly have to you, could be related to the belief that regular church-going Catholics have that they are obligated to be there under penalty of mortal sin. While with some of the other Christian faith communities, worshipers could be there under no such obligation. They are there to worship but as ComplineSanFran said, also to live that Gospel imperative ComplineSanFran referred to.

 

[Sy_Noe]

You are really over thinking this.I know you like to call out the Catholic Church on what you see are areas that it could improve. Personally,I find that uncharitable.You are making assumptions re the Catholic Church that are based on your biased opinion. Please stop.

I don’t think it’s fair to call out a poster for biased opinion when our experiences are all different. I don’t find ComplineSanFran being uncharitable at all. We each experience what we experience and our experiences may differ.

 

[Sy_Noe]

I’m curious about the other top 3 criteria: Sermons, location, and style of worship. Does it surprise you? Make a difference to you? In the study, Pew says that Catholics respond 75% to the location. But I would think that style of worship plays a role in that too. If your closest parish is 5 blocks away and it is mostly another ethnic group with mass in another language, does that factor into choosing to go there or not?

Most non-Catholic churches are not geography bound, so church shopping is quite common.

Sermons/homilies definitely make a difference to me. Even among Catholic churches, I would drive further if the homilies are better at one. Yet location does matter to me somewhat too simply as a matter of convenience for me and my vehicle. The nearest Catholic parish to me is a half mi. It is considered my geographical parish. But I would definitely drive 5 miles to another. I’ve driven 7 miles to one. Due to the priest(s), the atmosphere, the homilies and so forth. I’d drive further if need be. But my own limit might be more or less 10-15 miles which where I live can take 20-30 minutes. In terms of mainline-progressive Christian communities, there’s a UMC maybe 2 miles from me. But I’d drive further perhaps to another denomination if it was a better fit. Again with the same mileage limits. Style of worship would play a role too. So no, it doesn’t surprise me. Although a different ethnic group wouldn’t phase me in the least. I do prefer the language being English but that’s only because unfortunately I’m not bilingual or multilingual or in the case of Catholicism, I don’t know Latin. But there are both Roman Catholic and Episcopal churches in my area that hold Masses in both English and Spanish.

 

[ComplineSanFran]

You are really over thinking this.I know you like to call out the Catholic Church on what you see are areas that it could improve. Personally,I find that uncharitable.You are making assumptions re the Catholic Church that are based on your biased opinion. Please stop.

Jeanne, in this entire thread, I mentioned Catholic churches once. I wrote:

My experience has been that when I go to a Catholic church, I see someone at the doors of the church who says ‘hello’ and hands me a program. That is usually the last time a person will speak to me (no, I take that back. People will say something during the Peace.) When Mass ends, people are out of there, lickety-split.

It’s just different. Not every congregation fits into a stereotype, but on the whole, Catholic churches are not as focused in welcoming the stranger, as it were.

This thread is about a study which names things that people look for in a church, and being welcomed is way up there on the list - 2nd - with 79% saying it is very important. I think this is information that ALL churches need to hear.

I responded to your post specifically, but that was only to your experience in your church; you could have been speaking of a Baptist church or a Mennonite church or a Pentecostal church. That didn’t matter - what mattered to me was that you spoke of not giving precedence to honoring the stranger in your midst. Do you understand the difference?

I’m sorry you find my posts to be uncharitable. That is not what I desire at all.

 

[ComplineSanFran]

Although a different ethnic group wouldn’t phase me in the least.

I have been to churches where the services were entirely in Spanish, Vietnamese, or Korean. It would be hard for me to make that parish my home parish. And I’ve certainly gone to Orthodox liturgies where I didn’t understand the language or some of the cultural traditions, but being a visitor is different from taking on this parish as my church family.

 

[Jeanne_S]

I’ve sometimes wondered if such a “get it done” mindset that you describe some Catholics seemingly have to you, could be related to the belief that regular church-going Catholics have that they are obligated to be there under penalty of mortal sin. While with some of the other Christian faith communities, worshipers could be there under no such obligation. They are there to worship but as ComplineSanFran said, also to live that Gospel imperative ComplineSanFran referred to.

See my post # 31 I certainly don’t go to Mass with the “get it done” attitude.I love going to Mass.I belong to a large and vibrant parish.The Holy Spirit is very much present as is evidenced by our 24 hour Adoration Chapel. The hour I am committed to always has an abundance of people coming in and out.This is purely out of desire that they are there.So you are assumptions as to why Catholics attend Mass.I believe it is also out of desire not some dreadful obligation.Maybe you are projecting your own attitude towards attending Mass as a now non practicing Catholic.