Ph.D. daddy

[TreeHugger]

Hi everyone,
My fiance and I are getting married next summer. I will be finishing up my school, and he will have about 8 years left because he is getting his Ph.D in Theology.
I was just curious…were any of your married with a significant number of years of school remaining? And, did any of you travel for your schooling? We are talking about going to Ireland and/or Rome for his, but we’ll first have to see which schools are in his best interest. Lastly, do any of you have any tips for us? I’d be particularly happy to hear from those who had babies while finishing school.
Thanks a lot!

 

[Minerva]

hi treehugger,

sorry no one’s responded to your post yet. My situation is similar, doubly so. Both my husband of two weeks and I are PhD students. He’s in his fourth year of a PhD program, has about two years (at least) left, whereas I will be starting my second year in a PhD program this fall. I have at least four years left He studies anglo-saxon literature and I study philosophy. The baby issue is something we talk about ALL the time. Right now he makes less than 10K a year, so financially a child just isn’t possible. I can’t wait for him to finish his doctorate and get a “real job” so we can have a baby. Balancing a baby and grad school should be interesting, but I’m up for it, since I’ve always wanted to be a scholar and a mom. I just wish we didn’t have to wait so long. This morning we went to Mass and then brunch afterwards. It seemed as though cute babies were in season - they were everywhere and I was like I WANT A BABY NOW!! But all in good time.

that’s really cool that you two might be going abroad for his studies. Rome is a wonderful marvelous city - I studied for a semester there in college - you’ll love it!

 

[Meghan]

I must have missed your post! My situation was sort of similar.

My husband and I got married the summer before I started a combined law and business graduate program (4 years). He was working as a high school teacher so we had some income. I had our first child two months after receiving my law degree and the last semester of school was extremely difficult for me since it was the hottest spring on record, I was carrying 50 extra lbs, and the school’s A/C broke!

It was tough but I got through it and I’m glad I didn’t quit school. My husband was a big encourager and I couldn’t have done it without him. Keep the lines of communication open, realize that things are going to get rough and money will be tight, but YOU CAN DO IT!!

 

[naprous]

I got married about a year before finishing my PhD. My H already had one PhD, but being European, he is still finishing up a second PhD… And Minerva, I should have realized someone as cool as you would have a medievalist in the family! (H and I are both medievalists – one in history, and one in lit). Congratulations on your recent wedding.

It’s certainly difficult to combine babies and graduate stipends, but I know some who have managed. Since I was on the final diss push when we got married, it could only make sense to wait. Now that I have a tenure-track job, however…

Getting a chance to live abroad is one of the great things about being an academic! I spent a year in France, and have the opportunity to spend a year in Italy for my next leave. Can’t wait!

Best,

Naprous

 

[MorningGlory]

TreeHugger,

I may be in this situation soon! My husband is going to be applying to graduate school (or law school) soon - and we just had our first child 6 months ago! I’m a stay-at-home-mom (actually, I put a few hours of work in a day, if I can)…

I would also definitely be interested in hearing other stories of people who have “been there, done that” – tips, suggestions, etc.!!!

(Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!)

 

[TreeHugger]

Thanks, everyone, for your replies! I was wondering if perhaps i was alone in this situation when my post was left unanswered for so long. (ahhhh, sigh of relief). It’s good to see other people share a similar situation ours. Since we got engaged, many other couples we know talk about how they want to get married, but they don’t have the money/they’re not done school, etc., and so they’re waiting 1 or 2 years. I know our lifestyle won’t be extravagant, but I’m pretty confident that we can do it. Many people have tried to persuade us to wait until we have more money or one of us has a steady job, but in the long run, i don’t think it matters. we could both have jobs, get married, and then lose them afterwards. Jobs and money can come and go at any time (at least that’s the way we see it). We truly feel God’s been leading us throughout our engagement, but it’s still a little intimidating to be planning our lives together unlike any other couples that we know (e.g. not being done school, not having already established a career, not waiting until we are 30 when we marry). Then again, we are one of the first of our couple friends to marry who are actually practicing Catholics.