Physical Attractiveness

[Metatron]

What is the proper Christian attitude toward woman’s looks / beauty? How much does it matter? Can a Christian be picky about it (for instance, if I make a new female friend and I feel “attracted” to her soul, find her very interesting ,but not “pretty enough” and therefore I do not pursue or I dismiss the idea of attempting anything romantic - is that erroneous thinking or sinful or …?) Is it Christian? To let physical appearance play an important role? Does the Bible anywhere talk about it? Does it ever say anything nice about female beauty? Thanks!

 

[Bookcat]

What is the proper Christian attitude toward woman’s looks / beauty? How much does it matter? Can a Christian be picky about it (for instance, if I make a new female friend and I feel “attracted” to her soul, find her very interesting ,but not “pretty enough” and therefore I do not pursue or I dismiss the idea of attempting anything romantic - is that erroneous thinking or sinful or …?) Is it Christian? To let physical appearance play an important role? Does the Bible anywhere talk about it? Does it ever say anything nice about female beauty? Thanks!

not sinful. no pursuit required.

beauty in its various forms is a gift. and it is an aspect of the person…so yes one can take it into account…but remember …beauty of form fades with age…but that of virtue and goodness does not … (unless one goes down hill morally too!)

but it is possible for one to marry a person that one is not initially attracted too…

one marries a “PERSON” not just an aspect of the person…

and also a person can find various ways the person is beautiful with time…even in form…



the Sacred Scriptures run the gamet here… in certain places warning not to be taken in by beauty…and in others praising beauty…including that of women!

Sirach for instance…

 

[CatofAlexandria]

This is one passage that just came to mind as I was reading your post:

Proverbs 5: 18-19:
May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love.

God made us both physical and spiritual beings. At Mass, we eat Jesus’ flesh, we smell incense, we kneel in prayer, and we see symbols of heaven all around us. Physical experience is important in our faith and it’s important in marriage as well. There is nothing wrong with considering physical beauty. Just remember that physical beauty (as our culture defines it) may fade.

 

[Moontown_Rabbit]

While it is generally inadvisable to pluck a single verse from Scripture, in this case I believe it is fitting. In John chapter 6 Christ says “It is the spirit that gives life, while the flesh is of no avail.”

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

You don’t have to pursue someone you aren’t attracted to. You should be attracted to anyone you marry. You don’t want to have to lie every time she asks “am I pretty.”

However, make sure that you examine your standards for beauty closely. Are you “holding out” for a supermodel? This is a good way to end up very lonely, or with a very shallow/godless woman (not that all gorgeous woman are, but if physical attractiveness is the major thing here, this is a likely outcome). You need to find a woman who you both find attractive AND want as a mother for your children.

However, I’d find it advisable for your friendship with the girl that you never tell her that you don’t think she’s “pretty enough.” This will likely land you in a hospital!

 

[Metatron]

Are you “holding out” for a supermodel? This is a good way to end up very lonely, or with a very shallow/godless woman (not that all gorgeous woman are, but if physical attractiveness is the major thing here, this is a likely outcome). You need to find a woman who you both find attractive AND want as a mother for your children.

I might be guilty of this if it means that I find only a small percentage of women really attractive. I don’t want a “supermodel” though! I was at the dentists’ today for instance and the dentist’s assistant was perfect according to my tastes (much older than me, though, and perhaps married). - So obviously it’s not too high if I do see one I actually like from time to time? - Should I attempt to “lower” my standards? The ones interested in me never seem to be the ones I’m interested in. I feel so lonely, have been for so many years.I want Love and a Family. - Friends say it’s my fault because I “miss all good chances” when girls show interest, but I’m still waiting for The One. — I know this quantifying of attractiveness is kind of disgusting since people aren’t objects to be compared like clothes… but I am really confused whether I am doing something wrong or I just should be patient.

 

[Bookcat]

I might be guilty of this. There are many girls I keep contact with or go out but I never had anything with any of them. I don’t want a “supermodel” though! I was at the dentists’ today for instance and the dentist’s assistant was perfect according to my tastes (much older than me, though, and perhaps married). - So obviously it’s not too high if I do see one I actually like from time to time? - Should I attempt to “lower” my standards? The one interested in me never seem to be the ones I’m interested in. I feel so lonely, have been for so many years.I want Love and a Family. — I know this quantifying of attractiveness is kind of disgusting since people aren’t objects to be compared clothes… but I am really confused whether I am doing something wrong or I just should be patient.

i was serious when i said in my post…

be open.

friendship is of great importance.

here is one good source www.avemariasingles.com

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

I might be guilty of this if it means that I find only a small percentage of women really attractive. I don’t want a “supermodel” though! I was at the dentists’ today for instance and the dentist’s assistant was perfect according to my tastes (much older than me, though, and perhaps married). - So obviously it’s not too high if I do see one I actually like from time to time? - Should I attempt to “lower” my standards? The ones interested in me never seem to be the ones I’m interested in. I feel so lonely, have been for so many years.I want Love and a Family. - Friends say it’s my fault because I “miss all good chances” when girls show interest, but I’m still waiting for The One. — I know this quantifying of attractiveness is kind of disgusting since people aren’t objects to be compared like clothes… but I am really confused whether I am doing something wrong or I just should be patient.

Well…just focus on making friends and getting out there and meeting people. Lots of girl friends can mean an eventual girlfriend. Just remember to keep an open mind and be open to possibilities.

 

[buckr02]

Metatron, how old are you? If you are in high school, I would not worry about this concern. I remember when I was younger and up until maybe my senior year of high school, I found very few women to be very attractive and I had very high standards. Starting my senior year though, I started appreciating the beauty of many more women and did not hold them to an unreachable standard. I think if you are younger you will find this to happen as well.

 

[Metatron]

Oh I’m not that young sir, I’m 26.

 

[Metatron]

Thank you Whitacre and Bookcat. I will do what you say: work on friendships and try to keep my heart open.

 

[puzzleannie]

What is the proper Christian attitude toward woman’s looks / beauty? How much does it matter? Can a Christian be picky about it (for instance, if I make a new female friend and I feel “attracted” to her soul, find her very interesting ,but not “pretty enough” and therefore I do not pursue or I dismiss the idea of attempting anything romantic - is that erroneous thinking or sinful or!

generally when you begin to know and appreciate someone of the opposite sex because of their personality, intellect, spiritual qualities etc. and this leads to love, you find her attractive physically through that love and this dilemma resolves itself. If you are still at the stage of accepting or rejecting as potential dating partners women based merely on looks marriage is not on your radar yet.

 

[Reuben_J]

What is the proper Christian attitude toward woman’s looks / beauty? How much does it matter? Can a Christian be picky about it (for instance, if I make a new female friend and I feel “attracted” to her soul, find her very interesting ,but not “pretty enough” and therefore I do not pursue or I dismiss the idea of attempting anything romantic - is that erroneous thinking or sinful or …?) Is it Christian? To let physical appearance play an important role? Does the Bible anywhere talk about it? Does it ever say anything nice about female beauty? Thanks!

I would lie to myself if I say that beauty does not matter. Fortunately at my age, and I am married, I don’t have to look for a life partner anymore, therefore what I am going to say may be easier said than done.

I would take the principle about what come from our heart and not from our mouth that matters. Similarly, beauty comes from within. Of course by being practical we should not go into the extreme … as long a person is normal, he/she may be included here (and this is not to say that we should despise the abnormals).

And who is more beautiful than God? So a beautiful person is a person who loves God. I have a young daughter. One day she will perhaps get married if she is not going for any religious vocation. If she does, my only hope for her would be to marry a man who loves God.

God bless.