Physically assaulted during Mass?

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Okay, I could use some advice. My parish, which I live about five blocks from, is a bit over-zealous during the Our Father. Not only do people hold hands, but they actually attack you. They go across the aisles, between the pews from back to front, and into the the crying room. For a couple of reasons, some a bit personal, I am very uncomfortable with this practice and try to avoid it. In the past I have simply stood with my hands folded in front of me to pray. I felt this seemed natural and did not try to be offensive about things. I have also tended to stand up just a bit slowly, putting up my kneeler very quietly (since I also feel that it is ugly hearing all that banging while the priest is introducing the prayer) so that all the worst of the reaching around is over when I finally make it up. However, upon occasion I have been met with a hand in my face which I felt I should hold so as not to be overtly rude, even though I feel sticking a hand in somebody’s face during a prayer is certainly rude in the first place.

This does often work, or at least minimizes the impact of this activity on me. However, several times I have been treated in a way which I think amounts to assault. If treated this way in a store I would likely have threatened charges. One time, when the Church was rather empty, a woman came charging at me from twenty feet away while I was standing up and began scraping at my arm with her nails. I had to fight with everything I had not to tell her to get her lousy hands off of my person. After Mass I found that she had left long raking marks on my arms! Another time I was almost pushed over by someone trying to get me to take their hand. And yet again very recently another woman began raking at me with her nails. The only humor in all of it is that in all of these cases those people refused to exchange the peace with me!

What can I do? I am now leaving the Church during the Our Father. It is the only way I can focus on the Mass and avoid what I feel likely to be a physical assault during the worship. I am convinced because the Church will not address this crazy behaviour it is getting way out of hand and is being used now as a forum for spiritual bullying. Has anyone else here been faced with having to work around these things, and has anything else worked which I may not be trying?

Many thanks for any advice,

Patrick
 
I’m having a hard time picturing what your saying, I’ve never seen that happen before, so do these people come after just so you will take their hand? Again I’m having trouble picturing this.
 
I personally don’t have problems with this anymore. In addition to holding your hands together in prayer you can close your eyes in prayer. Instead of keeping your hands in front of you in prayer keep them low. Very few people will interrupt you in this pose. Another option is sitting on the end of a pew where you will only have to deal with one person.

But above all remain charitable. Remember that in their hearts they think they are doing the right thing by trying to include you. You can always explain to them afterwards why you don’t hold hands if they are insistant. Maybe they won’t be so insistant in the future.
 
I know of what you speak. Maybe you could convince the pastor that the latest thing is for the congregation to assume the orans position during the Our Father. I have no idea how this came about in my parish, maybe an infection spread by the Catholic school kids, but I am no longer assaulted. It’s almost like this hand grabbing has taken on a superstitous requirement to validate the communal prayer. 😦
 
Ugh! I feel for you!

I find that in my parish, the Masses that are “more reverent” (i.e. less noise, less talking, more worship), the congregates are less likely to hold hands during the Our Father. Maybe you can find another Mass in your parish that has this same type of tone?

Unless, of course, this occurs during daily Mass with you…in which case, I repeat…UGH!
 
I cannot recall being in a similar situation, but I am a strong believer in a whispered, but direct, “No, thank you.”

Perhaps you could fake a sneeze into your open hands at the opportune moment?

tee
 
Marauder said:
I personally don’t have problems with this anymore. In addition to holding your hands together in prayer you can close your eyes in prayer. Instead of keeping your hands in front of you in prayer keep them low. Very few people will interrupt you in this pose. Another option is sitting on the end of a pew where you will only have to deal with one person.
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I actually do basically that very tihing. I stand with my hands clasped low in front of me and with my eyes closed. That is when they usually reach out and grab me. And the last time this happened I was alone in the pew and the person came from across the middle aisle to grab me. That is why I have begun leaving the Church, but this just doesn’t seem to be the optimal solution.
But above all remain charitable. Remember that in their hearts they think they are doing the right thing by trying to include you.
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It is very uncomfortable for me, as I suffer from some fairly crippling phobias and anxieties, but when they stick their hand in my face, rude as it is, I have taken it in the past so as not to return rudeness with rudeness. But, I feel bullied about it, and since it is so distracting and troubling to me personally I sit dreading the possibility of the entire thing and sometimes feel I have to leave Mass rather than face it. But, even worse I feel that this is basically assault. If a person walked up to somebody in the local Post Office and starting pulling their wrist away from their body they would threaten charges. And this is happening in my parish. I actually feel personally violated.

Another aspect of the issue is the way this happens here. That is with a big chain of hand holding. The hands go from one side of the church to the other, across the aisles, then at the end to the pew behind and back the other way. This carries throughout the church and into the crying room. There is no escape from it, and apparently it is a mortal sin to break the chain. I sit in dread of the Our Father through the Mass, and choose my seat so that I can best escape. I ran late once and saw there was no space at the end of a pew and would have to sit in the middle so I went home. And since the crying room is involved in this I cannot go there during that portion and instead I have to stand in the only other area where I can hear the speakers and know when I can return to the pew, the toilet. Standing in the toilet to pray during Mass seems less than the best possible outcome and so I feel certain there must be another way. But so far I haven’t found it.

Patrick
 
I will allow this thread to procede but ONLY if there is no discussion regarding the rightness or wrongness, etc. of holding hands during the Our Father. Please stick to the OP’s dilemma only. Thank you everyone.
 
I would give the pastor an earful on this. This is not right.
 
I am seldom interrupted when my eyes are closed and head down, but, if so, would respond by looking directly at the person, give a slight smile, and shake my head “no.” Then go back to what I was doing. I have arthritis in my hands and nobody is going to grab them as long as that is something I can control!

If I were in a parish which sets great store on all being included in the chain, I would certainly sit in a spot where I could easily step to the side so as to not “break” their chain.
 
I agree with Peregrinus. This is way out of hand, and he needs to say something about it from the ambo. It may be that he supports the hand holding, but this is way beyond ordinary hand holding.

Peace,
Linda

PS Don’t forget to mention the nail scratches.
 
reff said:
I’m having a hard time picturing what your saying, I’ve never seen that happen before, so do these people come after just so you will take their hand? Again I’m having trouble picturing this.
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I just got finished posting about this on another thread. I attend a reverent OF cathedral parish and we do not hold hands nor do we pray the Lords Prayer in the orans position. My hands are clasped with my fingers knotted and we get visitors from other parishes who forcibly try to spread my hands apart. No, I am not making that up. I will shake my head, slightly, no, and more often than not they continue. I don’t wan’t to cause scandal so I submit. It does happen folks. It does.
 
Our parish does not go out of their way to hold hands during the Our Father but if I happen to be in a pew with people who don’t normally sit around me and who don’t know that I don’t hold hands during the Our Father, I just keep my head bowed, eyes closed, and hands folded in prayer. This usually works at home or even when I’ve visited parishes similar to what you experience. 👍
 
IrishAm said:
I am seldom interrupted when my eyes are closed and head down, but, if so, would respond by looking directly at the person, give a slight smile, and shake my head “no.” Then go back to what I was doing. I have arthritis in my hands and nobody is going to grab them as long as that is something I can control!

If I were in a parish which sets great store on all being included in the chain, I would certainly sit in a spot where I could easily step to the side so as to not “break” their chain.
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I agree–I have nerve damage in my right hand such that someone could hold my right hand and injure me and I would be unaware until I saw the physical evidence (early when I was learning to cope with this, I actually burned myself to second degree burns while cooking with no awareness until I saw blisters). I just don’t trust strangers to not unintentionally cause injury since they are unaware of my condition and you can’t really tell by looking and I’m unable to notice and try to resolve the matter before there’s physical evidence of harm (and fingernail marks certainly count as physical harm).

Perhaps the best thing would be to have a conversation w/ the pastor and plead with him to speak from the ambo or write in his column in the bulletin that those who do not wish to hold hands should take the classic hands-folded prayer posture and anyone who does want to hold hands should respect the ‘hands folded’ and only hold hands with those who stretch out to meet them, and mention within this announcement that there may be physical infirmities precluding some from participating in the hand-holding (even though it isn’t at all obligatory, perhaps the appeal to care for the physical infirmities will dissuade those ‘must include everyone like it or no’ folk) and no offense should be taken.
 
That sounds just awful! I have never been exposed to that; even in parishes where they do the “human chain” during the Our Father, I have never been “forced” to hold hands. Simply keeping my hands folded & not making eye contact has sufficed. However, there is a solution, which I can sum up for you in one word: TRIDENTINE.

No hand holding, no group sings, no chatting during Mass (although I’ve found that people are very friendly AFTER Mass at TLM parishes). And the Pater Noster is simply beautiful when the priest sings it…
 
I believe there is currently a moratorium on hand-holding threads. Please check the forum rules.
 
rpp said:
I believe there is currently a moratorium on hand-holding threads. Please check the forum rules.
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A mod has spoken up-thread. As long as the thread remains on topic of attempting to find resolution to the specific dilemma of the OP, it’s being allowed.
 
brotherhrolf said:
I just got finished posting about this on another thread. I attend a reverent OF cathedral parish and we do not hold hands nor do we pray the Lords Prayer in the orans position. My hands are clasped with my fingers knotted and we get visitors from other parishes who forcibly try to spread my hands apart. No, I am not making that up. I will shake my head, slightly, no, and more often than not they continue. I don’t wan’t to cause scandal so I submit. It does happen folks. It does.
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That in no way is irreverent…
 
The larger the crowd, the more likely that a few people will be rude.

I had a similar thing happen to me on Ash Wednesday - I left my seat to go up & get Communion, and when I came back, a woman who’d obviously just come in had taken my seat. When I tried to politely tell her (stammering a bit as I was surprised) that this was where I’d been sitting since Mass started, she stood up and PUSHED her way past me to the middle of the aisle, where she glared at me till the dismissal.

She got her ashes, though! :rolleyes:
 
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