picky eaters

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If you keep your parenting focus on the issues that are most important, like expecting good Christian behavior- you'll have a much easier/happier life where the focus is where it belongs and your kids learn what is really important.

As far as kids learning to respect their parents, that can happen through many means, and IME (as a daughter, a parent, a teacher) parents who choose carefully where to place their emphasis gain more respect.

God Bless and I hope this helps in some small way.  Maybe you and your wife can sit down and have a heart to heart deciding what is truly most important to you and find a way to stop the focus on things that in the end are not soul-saving.

BTW- I just re-read this and realized I made it sound like my kids never eat "junk" not true--- ;) when we go to Grandma's she fills them full of junk, and when we go places (other people's homes) where junk is available, they have it, and occasionally, I'll buy some not-so-great things for here, we eat the not-so-great stuff when it is around, and we all survive.  By keeping the household food relatively healthy the majority of the time, we can be easy going about junk when it is around.

I really think this issue of forced eating is worth re-thinking, it seems to be  a battle no one wins, and a bit pointless to boot. 

Thanks for reading my rambling!

~Patty
 
I was a fussy eater; used to drive my mother crazy. And she was a fantastic cook, too. However, as I got into my teenage years, that changed, and it changed even more when I went away to college. Now my motto is, “I’ll try (almost) anything at least once.” Good thing, too, 'cause I’ve been exposed to some pretty exotic things in my travels, and it was either eat what’s there or go hungry.

There has been some good advice in this thread. The main thing to remember is that children will not starve themselves; they will eventually eat.

Hmm, one trick my mother never used, tho, was the scene from A Christmas Story: “That’s right, Randy, the piggy goes ‘Oink oink.’ Now how does the piggy eat? Show me how the piggy eats…Mommy’s little piggy!” Some of you with problem-eater children may want to give this a try 😉

DaveBj
 
Here’s an interesting twist. We have a nephew who is very picky. His parents can’t get him to eat a balanced diet. Consequently, he developed a bowel obstruction from lack of fiber (no fruit or veg) and not wanting to eliminate the hard stools that were a result of this poor diet. He ended up in the hospital and went through a painful procedure to clear the blockage. Parents need to be parents for the well-being of their children. Some of our kids tried to pull the picky eater thing. We went the re-heat or wait to next meal route. It doesn’t take long for them to get the messge if you stick to your guns. Now, if someone would please respond to my post about my teenager–it doesn’t seem as easy to deal with his issues now as it was to get him to finish his peas!!!
 
My son became a very picky eater when he was 18 months old and had been hospitalized 2 times. He wouldn´t open his mouth at dinner. I gave up the fight but let him sit at the dinnertable till we were done. Took 3 years before he started eating dinner again. The only “treats” he got were 2 special childrensvitamines. He still was active and healthy and gained weight normally so I didn´t worry cause also the pediatrician said he looked fine. Right now he is a six foot tall young man of 16 years old and my pride and joy.

😃

Emmy
 
I’m not telling you to indulge your child. I too have a picky eater, but I wanted to share a study I know about for what it’s worth. Sorry, but I can’t site the source; it’s been several years.

In this study the subjects’ tongues were dyed, photographed, and the taste buds were counted. There was a remarkble difference in the # of taste buds certain people had as compared to others. Those with the most taste buds were called Super Tasters. Those with the fewest were called No Tasters.

The Super Tasters found more foods offensive than the No Tasters so ate less & ate blander foods. Subsequently, they tended to be thinner.

Another interesting thing was done which really surprised me. A piece of paper was treated with a harmless substance. Different people were asked to place it on their tongue. Most people stated that it tasted like a piece of paper or cardboard. However, there were some who removed it very quickly contorting their faces & indicating that the taste was repulsive.

Oh well, just something interesting to think about.
 
Wow- that study is very interesting.

I must be a super taster, I do eat less food than most people, and more bland foods (plain pasta for example). I’m thin as well. Very interesting.

Anywho- I have tried to explain to people before that EVERYONE has certain foods that they find repulsive, some people just have more of them, why is that so hard to understand?

Surely, some kids are just engaging in a power struggle and are not truly repulsed by the food, as in the case of the OP, since the child eventually ate and liked it. The parents starting the power struggle is what I question. I choose to have power struggles with my kids over things I deem more important, like being kind and gentle with others. When I was pregnant with my first, a man my dh worked with told him that the best parenting advice he ever got was to pick a very few rules and stick with them, let everything unimportant go, and stick to the really truly important issues, that way your kids will know what you value most, when you fight them on everything, how will they even know what is most important? This is the best secular parenting advice we have gotten as well. Sure- it is easier said than done, and sometimes I have to bite my tounge when my ds wants just brocolli and dip and no chicken at dinner, or my dd wants to wear a horribly matched outfit to Mass, or they are both jumping on the couch, etc… But- I am trying to only argue the really important stuff, and I think it is a valuable goal.

As far as the child with bowel obstruction, that is horrible. However, I would not let an extreme example decide the way I parent. I would take the lesson from it that it is important to work to find fruits and veggies that your kids do like, and maintain a healthy open attitude about food. Also- fiber is not only had through fruits and veggies, you can use whole grains too. I make a healthy cookie, or buy some fig newtons when my kids are getting bound up. Creativity can do wonders. Yogurt dipped raisins would do nicely as well. I am not saying that the parents in the example didn’t try other things than fruits and veggies, I am simply saying that forcing a child to eat certain things is far from the only answer, so, I don’t find possible bowel obstruction to be a justification for forced feeding.

The teen problem? Was that in this thread, or on it’s own thread? I don’t have any teens, but I was one not too awfully long ago ;).
 
Hello again,

Thanks to those who have posted since I was last here.

Just an update. My son’s eating habits have definitely improved. I preface this by stating this is only my experience and I am not proposing any scientific basis.

We are over a week beyond Thanksgiving and he has pretty much eaten at every meal. We still accomodate him to some degree, but if we are having chops and rice (like last nite), that is what is served- of course with apples, bread, etc… Choices are always available. But I do not think it is unreasonable to expect a child to try a small portion of each entree served.

This is a social skill that is important in our culture. When going to someone’s home for a dinner, we as adults do not bring a bag lunch along because we do not like the food being prepared. We might only take a very small portion, or load up on other food choices. But we do not refuse all food options. That is what my son did, and my wife and I believe it is a point worth pursuing. Dr. Ray G. (Catholic child psych.) has stated why would we encourage or permit behavior patterns in children that we do not want for them as adults? Start forming positive behavior patterns for life when children are young.

At any rate, I am happier with his eating habits today than ever before. Not only for the social aspects, but for his health as well ( as pointed out above). The bottom line is that my son knows we will follow through. This is an important lesson in parenting far beyond the dinner table.

One of the best pieces of parenting advice I ever received was from my mother who stated some times some the actions we take to teach our children important lessons in life will be much harder on the parent than the child, even though it may appear the other way around. I think this was one of those times.

Blessings to all!
 
Hey, this is the thread for me!!😃

I myself was a very very picky eater as a child, and now at 22, I’m realizing that my parents did not handle this in a way that was benefical to me at all. I’m posting this for the benefit of parents on here who are learning how to deal with children that are picky eaters. It is completely different for each child, there’s no sure thing you can do to help your child through it.

In my case, as the youngest child and only girl of five kids, I of course got teased incensently. But add being a picky eater onto that, and it was alot worse for me to handle. It was always something that I was very self-consious about. I hated eating at other peoples houses because I knew that everyone would make a big deal about it. Looking back, the one thing I wish everyone would have done was NOT make a big deal about it. For my mom NOT to bring peanut butter sandwiches with her, or ask to cook for a bowl of cereal. I think I may have been a bit hurt if they just said, “eat what you like,. or don’t eat” and then I would have had a choice. If all eyes weren’t on me, I may have actually tried some of the foods. But being so self-consious, I felt everyone was always watching me eat…also being skinny as a rail everyone thought that I wasn’t getting enough food, which is prolly one of the reasons they would make things I liked.

But it’s completely ruining me right now…everyday I pretty much eat the same things, whenever there’s potluck dinners at work, I bring my trusty peanut butter sandwhich and endure every single person that walks into the lunch room asking me if I’m going to have anything from the potluck. I know I should toughen up and just try some new things…but I still have that self-consious feeling that everyone will be watching me to see whether I like it or not.

Ugh, for a kid, it’s not a good thing, but for an adult even worse. I really do wish I wasn’t so picky…but it just gets harder and harder to get out of it.
 
Ana–I am in awe of you!! What a great reply and generous, kind and loving way to deal with a child–who by the way was clearly not being whiny or difficult, but dealing with a difficult challenge.

I have a picky eater after two eat-whatever-is-put-in-front-of-them kids. The picky eater was nursed for a very short time compared to the other two because of health problems. It was suggested to me by my pediatrician that factor could in part account for the child being less tolerant of a variety of flavors in his diet–in contrast to the other two who were exposed to my milk for a much longer time frame well before they could choose what they would and wouldn’t eat. Something to consider…
 
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IMAbeliever:
We still accomodate him to some degree, but if we are having chops and rice (like last nite), that is what is served- of course with apples, bread, etc… Choices are always available. But I do not think it is unreasonable to expect a child to try a small portion of each entree served.

This is a social skill that is important in our culture. When going to someone’s home for a dinner, we as adults do not bring a bag lunch along because we do not like the food being prepared. We might only take a very small portion, or load up on other food choices. But we do not refuse all food options. That is what my son did, and my wife and I believe it is a point worth pursuing.
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Absolutely. At our house, we teach this as respect to the cook: you try everything, and if you can’t say something nice about the food, you keep your mouth shut. The worst allowed is something along the lines of “I don’t really appreciate this” or “So far, it isn’t my favorite, but that’s just me”–if you’re asked. The word “yucky” is only used to describe something that is literally inedible: rotten, moldy, dirty, etc. (Actually, we expect them to act the same way every night that we’d expect them to act at a restaurant or if we had company… and we try to hold ourselves to that standard, too, in how we correct them.)

HOWEVER, our kids (5 1/2) get kudos when they try something they didn’t think they’ll like, especially if they’re right. We tell them that that is a nice thing to do for the cook, who does work very hard to feed them. And they don’t have to eat more than a bite of anything. We don’t force anybody in our home to eat, and I don’t know of an instance where polite behavior requires that.

My sister-in-law had a sign in their dining nook you might like:
We have two choices for dinner tonight:
What I cooked, and doing without.
 
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IMAbeliever:
Well, we rang in the holidays yesterday with our 51/2 year old son refusing to eat ANYTHING at Grandma’s. After 10 min. or so of figiting, going to BR, etc. my wife told him to go to the bedroom so as to not ruin everyone’s dinner.

Well, we are now approaching 24 hrs. and the kid has not eaten. We is whiny and miserable. I boxed up his dinner (very sm. portion of turkey and potato) and told him when he ate it he could have other food (dessert, etc…). This kid is stubborn! We have been thru this before, but never to this extreme. I am now feeling alittle bad, but I am not caving. (no, he is not sick, he is very picky about his eating habits- and we are not big meat/potato people).

This child is a real trial to my patience. I can’t believe he has not eaten- it is only 4-5 forkfuls. Anyone with similiar experience or willing to share ideas.

Iam already dreading Christmas dinner. …we all have our crosses to bear I guess. Thanks for letting me vent!
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Food is not a place you want to get into a power struggle with your kids. You’ll never win and it can lead to eating disorders.

Here’s what I do with my two picky eaters. I make dinner. They either eat it or they don’t. If they don’t they’re done until the next meal. If they should happen to ask for something to eat before that (which they virtually never do because they know what they’ll be offered) they may have some of what I made for dinner. You could even keep their plate in the fridge after dinner if you know they’ll be asking. I used to do that, but since my kids never ask I stopped. My kids are 7 and 9. I’ve been doing this with each of them since they were 18 months old.

Once the next meal rolls around they start over with a clean slate. They aren’t required to eat what was served the previous meal.

You might also consider letting him fill his own plate. Our rules are you eat what you take and no seconds of anything until you’ve had firsts of everything.

Good luck!

In Christ,
Nancy 🙂
 
Island Oak:
Ana–I am in awe of you!! What a great reply and generous, kind and loving way to deal with a child–who by the way was clearly not being whiny or difficult, but dealing with a difficult challenge.
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Thank you for your kind words. I’m not so sure you would use the word awe if you saw me stumbling and bumbling through life. I joke around that it’s exactly because I know I don’t know anything and know how incompetent I am that God helps me so much. My complete utter helplessness and dependence gives Him LOTS of room to move.😃

VERY often, I am bawling while I am in prayer because I just don’t know how to parent and be a wife and PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME, and He always does. I just know He feels sorry for me.:o
Island Oak:
I have a picky eater after two eat-whatever-is-put-in-front-of-them kids.
The picky eater was nursed for a very short time compared to the other two because of health problems. It was suggested to me by my pediatrician that factor could in part account for the child being less tolerant of a variety of flavors in his diet–in contrast to the other two who were exposed to my milk for a much longer time frame well before they could choose what they would and wouldn’t eat. Something to consider…
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That is interesting, except in my case my only picky eater was the one that DID nurse.:confused: I guess it goes to show that no matter how hard we try to figure this kid thing out, there’s always going to be children to poke “holes” in our theories about children.😃

My girlfriend (with no children) is always fond of sharing her ABSOLUTES of her theories in child rearing. I laugh and tell her, until you get there … it’s ALL speculation!😉

God bless!
 
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Catholic4aReasn:
Food is not a place you want to get into a power struggle with your kids. You’ll never win and it can lead to eating disorders.

Here’s what I do with my two picky eaters. I make dinner. They either eat it or they don’t. If they don’t they’re done until the next meal. If they should happen to ask for something to eat before that (which they virtually never do because they know what they’ll be offered) they may have some of what I made for dinner. You could even keep their plate in the fridge after dinner if you know they’ll be asking. I used to do that, but since my kids never ask I stopped. My kids are 7 and 9. I’ve been doing this with each of them since they were 18 months old.

Once the next meal rolls around they start over with a clean slate. They aren’t required to eat what was served the previous meal.

You might also consider letting him fill his own plate. Our rules are you eat what you take and no seconds of anything until you’ve had firsts of everything.

Good luck!

In Christ,
Nancy 🙂
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couldn’t agree more! 👍

http://www.e-cookbooks.net/mousepad/packers.gif
 
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Ana:
VERY often, I am bawling while I am in prayer because I just don’t know how to parent and be a wife and PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME, and He always does. I just know He feels sorry for me.:o
That is interesting, except in my case my only picky eater was the one that DID nurse.:confused: I guess it goes to show that no matter how hard we try to figure this kid thing out, there’s always going to be children to poke “holes” in our theories about children.😃

My girlfriend (with no children) is always fond of sharing her ABSOLUTES of her theories in child rearing. I laugh and tell her, until you get there … it’s ALL speculation!😉

God bless!
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That’s the best prayer, “HELP!!!”
(Petition and humility, all rolled into one!!)

I have identical twins and when people ask me to describe their differences, I always finish with: except when they’re not. For instance, it used to be that one loved bananas, the other wouldn’t touch them, then neither much cared for them or hated them, then the one that used to love them won’t choose them and the other one has declared them a favorite.

Kids are just people. They change their minds, they have moods, they surprise you, they spend time thinking about things, they look at things differently sometimes, they make mountains out of molehills. The most edifying thing about being a parent is watching them grow and realizing how it is I look to God – just like them, only more so. It helps so much when I have to meet them where they are, instead of where I wish they were. And once you learn to do it with your kids, you somehow get taken down enough to learn to do it for other people, too.

And you know what? We moms, we’re just people, too.
Hang in there, all.
 
my father in law loved the holidays, loved to cook elaborate meals, it drove him nuts when his beloved granddaughter ate only pickles and rolls.

don’t put your kid in charge at meal time. you are the parent. Put moderate, age appropriate servings of the food you are cooking for the family on a plate, put it in front of her, say grace, and allow no comments about the food except, “thanks, mom, this is delicicious”. also nothing to drink at meals except water. milk and pop fill up the stomach and depress the appetite. when the meal is over, say grace after meals, excuse everyone, and do the dishes. no desserts except on special occassions. no snacking in front of TV, at breakfast start the same routine. when she is hungry she will eat. offer a healthy snack after school, then nothing until dinner. put and end to continuous random snacking (even if it means putting duct tape over the mouths of some of the adults in your household)

daughter says her breastfed baby (now 5 months old) is a fussy eater and has been since birth. He lets her know when she eats something he doesn’t like (I think he learned it from her 2 cats)
 
this goes back to the attage one must know their kid. and find out the reasons why thier kid isnt eating. I come out of a family where the adults are pickier than typical kids. my mom wants food to be as bland as possible. anything hot or spicy makes her absolutlely sick. with my dad if it wanst around being eaten by most 100 years ago he doesnt like it, little house on the prary food suits him fine. I wish I could remember them, but theres 7 genes that control a humans taste for food, based on whether one has that gene or not. example theres a ceartain gene that makes one dislike bitter foods if you have thsi gene you are not going to like brocoli and thats totally byond your control. Id like to know what gene is ivolved with my wife and her older sister, they both love that taste of cabbage, and cant stand the taste of chocolate!
I say have your kid try different things and if he doesnt like something find out why. if its because its too bitter, salty, hot, etc leave it there, if its a made up reason like my firnds dont like it, or the other bs kids can give, dont let him have it his way. when they become adults they are to like what they like, and dislike what what they dislike. forcing a kid to eat something that they dont like the taste of isnt going to do any good. Im prime example of that. I eat lots of fast food, pizza, and fried foods, because I got tired of the health thing being forced on me as a kid. I eat all the red meat, fried foods, etc, and my wife eats all the rabbit food, and my cholesterol runs in the 180s all the time , and her’s runs in the 250s.and she is sick much more often than I am, and has had her galvbladder out this year.while my only health concearns are oxalate caused kidney stones, and a bit of hypoglycemia inherited from my mothers side of the family.your kid is going to have to learn to be agreeable to an extent, but dont sweat it, if he is picky.it would be wrong for anyone to be punished because of thier genetics.
 
Ana said:
:bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:
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Oh, c’mon now. I’m just a mom.
When the twins were little, I used to hear, “You have your hands full!”
To which I replied “Hey,* all* moms have their hands full!”

Really, though, it isn’t fair to compare the work of twins to the work of one child. You have to compare it to two kids of different ages. At that point, you’re talking trade-offs. Now that the kids are older, they always have someone their own age to play with, I only have one school to deal with, and so on. It is tough when they’re little, but I’m not so sure that moms with little ones ten or twelve months apart don’t have it harder even then.
 
Ours were never too picky, though our oldest wouldn’t try gravy on anything until she was at least 8. She loved it once she tried it!

My nephew is a horribly picky eater, so much so that he used to bring his own milk and cereal with him when he came to spend the night. I remember one awful holiday (Christmas, I think) when his parents cajoled him endlessly to eat something. It about ruined the meal for the rest of us. All he said over and over was, “Want rice!” (he was old enough to use complete sentences but talked like a baby) Not every kid will remain picky, but he’s not getting any better and he’s now 15. —KCT
 
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