Pierced Ears On Kids?

[hasikelee]

My seven year old daughter has been lobbying for pierced ears, recently. Mom said no, so she runs to me for a different ruling. Perhaps I could have thought of a more thoughtful way to refuse, but I just laughed and said, ‘maybe when you’re eighteen.’ Of course, she thinks that is “totally unfair” and gives me the old “everybody else does” routine.

Upon closer inspection of ‘everybody else’, I see that it is not at all uncommon for girls her age to have pierced ears. As it stands, the answer is still no, but I just wanted to get y’all’s (name removed by moderator)ut. Am I being fair or unfair?

My dad’s side of the family culturally expects all girls to have their ears pierced, usually at birth.

My mom’s side of the family considers it borderline defiant or “iffy” behavior, something you can do when you’re 18 and living on your own.

What a mix.

The compromise: dad whisks away the girls around their 6th or 7th birthday for piercings.

An important question to ask is this: who will (can) take care of the piercings? I used to work for a company that pierced ears along with selling jewelry. I’ve pierced maybe 1000 pairs of ears, young and old. I would say 7 yaers old is the most popular age by far, with babies a close second.

One thing, they can get pretty nasty. If it gets snagged, infected, cut or ripped, or if she has an allergic reaction, it can be painful and annoying. So you need to think about your 7yo and figure out if she can clean them, wear the proper earrings, play carefully, etc. So long as everything is done correctly, they are surprisingly simple to maintain.

My sisters all could do it at 7 years. But if you’ve got a wild firebomb, extending the age is a good idea.

 

[WenckebachCath]

I think you’ve got two issues here.

One is whether or not pierced ears are appropriate for kids. The other is that your daughter is trying to play you against your wife.

Pierced ears for girls is fairly common in our society and is practically a requirement in some cultures. But apparently your wife has a different viewpoint and it needs to be respected.

But I think the bigger problem is that your daughter thinks she can get something from one parent when the other says no. I think that, in and of itself, is a reason to deny her for the time being.

You and your wife should discuss this when your daughter is not around. I wouldn’t even let her know that you are discussing it. Perhaps you and your wife will decide that pierced ears are out of the question. Or perhaps you will decide that there is some occasion coming up which merits pierced ears and then you can both tell your daughter that the time has come.

I want to acknowledge this sensible post. The matter is already decided because your wife has nixed the idea. If you were to decide otherwise at this point you would seriously undermine her as a parent.

There is no right and wrong in this matter. My policy is that they can do this at age 12, when they can fully do all ear care themselves without assistance. I have very sensitive skin and do not tolerate pierced ears and earrings, and had enough trouble when I had my own ears pierced in my twenties. I let them close up. I have no desire to relive that through my own daughters, they are on their own as far as pierced ears.

 

[ecp007]

When she can take care of them herself. I often see girls who get their ears pierced and then they close over because they aren’t mature enough to care for them. I would think 7 is a tad young, but only you can determine the maturity of your daughter.

How do you “take care” of pierced ears? As a Hispanic, every girl I have ever known (including my mother and grandmother) had their earspierced as a baby. Most by the doctor, immediately after delivery. If you keep the earrings in, there is no chance of the ears closing. Baby earings have screw posts so the earings can’t fall out.

Also, by doing it as a baby, your daughter will not have any recollection of pain. As an adult, I got my ears pierced with a 2nd whole, and IT HURT!

Why wouldn’t you let your daughter pierce her ears … a small pearl or gold ball is very appropriate for even a baby.

 

[aboverubies]

I agree with the posters who said that Mum and Dad must stand united. To pierce or not to pierce is a personal decision. But don’t let dear daughter use the issue to come between you and your dear wife. Say “No - I agree with your mother. She has already said no so there is no point in coming to me for a different answer. Mum and I will discuss it again when you are X yrs old and we will decide together if you are allowed.” Repeat this phrase whenever your daughter seeks a second opinion and ask your wife to use a corresponding phrase. DD may need proof that you really mean it if she has been able to seek “second opinions” in the past so stick to your word! Mother and Father are united and can never be divided!

 

[mom2boyz]

The posters daughter isn’t a baby. She is a young girl age 7 so it would be impossible for her to get her ears pierced as a baby.

I do also agree with those who have said if your wife said no, then it is no. But it might be a good idea if you and your wife came to an agreement about when your daughter could get her ears pierced.