Planning a Catholic wedding? read this

[NewEnglandPriest]

I’m wondering if it’s more the mothers or other family of the priests rather than the priests, themselves, wanting/encouraging/influencing the extravagant receptions. That’s not to say there are probably some priests who are just as into it as their mothers as I’ve worked with some bridal couples where the groom pretty much took over the planning, but I don’t know many men who are into that kind of thing.

Grooms and priests are different animals. One example: the wedding ring for a groom doesn’t cost the $1,000’s that a chalice might.

In regards to extravagant 1st masses, I think that would be the place to give the best possible. I don’t see any problem with beautiful masses.

This forum is full of posts bewailing priests who think the Mass is about them instead of Christ. Well, sometimes that starts right after ordination…

 

[Sarabande]

Grooms and priests are different animals. One example: the wedding ring for a groom doesn’t cost the $1,000’s that a chalice might.

Well, I don’t know enough priests to say otherwise. It just seems a little strange that the majority of new priests or men in general would be into that kind of thing, if that is true. But I’m neither a man nor a priest, so what do I know?

This forum is full of posts bewailing priests who think the Mass is about them instead of Christ. Well, sometimes that starts right after ordination…

I think I’m misunderstanding by what you mean by an extravagant mass. The last 1st mass I attended was absolutely beautiful. He had a wonderful organist and a choir who sang motets, polyphony, chants. I don’t think that is making it about them. It’s giving the best to God, but perhaps there were some people thinking it was extravagant.

 

[agapewolf]

That’s how I took what you said.

Unless they’re not dating and having friendships then they are indeed preparing to be married. People date to discover how to be in a relationship with another. They have friends to learn healthy dynamics. These aren’t necessarily stated purposes, but those are the underlying purposes and lessons nonetheless.

LOL, yes, every generation is accused of being lazy, immature, and irresponsible. Nothing new under the sun here. Yet somehow some way, centuries of people have managed to marry and settle down.

Most are not? I think that’s a rather presumptive and judgmental statement. I can say that most people I’ve married were coming forward to receive a sacrament. Were many of them caught up in the details? Yup, but that’s the times we live in. And as I said, its also a trap that many newly ordained fall into. Human beings will be human beings.

The original priest’s letter was humorous but it was, as most humor is, an exaggeration.

I completely disagree that “dating” around, the way most people do it today is preparing to be married. The majority of them are sleeping around, not courting. They are not dating looking for a spouse. The marriage is sort of, as this letter suggests, just the next step. Not the intended vocation. This is not marriage preparation the same way that seminary formation, studies, and spiritual direction happen. I can’t believe you would even suggest such a thing. The equivalent, as I said before, is for 6 years in the seminary, a couple attends a 1/2 weekend marriage retreat. (and even that is suspect in content many times).

It is absolutely NOT presumptive nor judgemental to say that most are living as I said. Its the truth. One just needs to look around.

Every generation may be accused of being lazy, but none have had the amount of divorces today. They “marry” today, but they don’t stay married. Why so many annulments? because people are actually incapable of entering validly into marriages.

 

[GEddie]

I completely disagree that “dating” around, the way most people do it today is preparing to be married. The majority of them are sleeping around, not courting. They are not dating looking for a spouse. The marriage is sort of, as this letter suggests, just the next step. Not the intended vocation. This is not marriage preparation the same way that seminary formation, studies, and spiritual direction happen. I can’t believe you would even suggest such a thing. The equivalent, as I said before, is for 6 years in the seminary, a couple attends a 1/2 weekend marriage retreat. (and even that is suspect in content many times).

It is absolutely NOT presumptive nor judgemental to say that most are living as I said. Its the truth. One just needs to look around.

agree wholeheadedly

To compare the wild-oat sowing, yuppie lifestyle, live-in realtionships et al to the seminary as vocational “preparation” is an affront, IMNAAHO, not only to seminarians but also to those few who save themselves for marriage.

Every generation may be accused of being lazy, but none have had the amount of divorces today. They “marry” today, but they don’t stay married. Why so many annulments? because people are actually incapable of entering validly into marriages.

In all fairness, there was less divorce then, because the civil society did not allow it so easily. While there was less divorce, there was probably more adultery than now.

ICXC NIKA

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

I completely disagree that “dating” around, the way most people do it today is preparing to be married. The majority of them are sleeping around, not courting. They are not dating looking for a spouse.

Peope tend to date to eventually find a spouse. And all the good and the bad are opportunities to learn about themselves and what is healthy and life giving and what is not. Even in the midst of sin, people are still good and are seeking goodness.

The marriage is sort of, as this letter suggests, just the next step. Not the intended vocation.

The majority of people looking to get married in a church do indeed view it as a vocation, otherwise they’d be getting married on the beach or in Vegas.

This is not marriage preparation the same way that seminary formation, studies, and spiritual direction happen.

Of course not. They’re different vocations and there’s different things involved. Seminary formation could be whittled down to less than 6 years, but there’s lot of book education that needs to be done that isn’t necessary for marriage.

I can’t believe you would even suggest such a thing.

Couples don’t need a master’s degree from an accredited school to get married. To be a priest in the US you do. Apples and oranges.

The equivalent, as I said before, is for 6 years in the seminary, a couple attends a 1/2 weekend marriage retreat. (and even that is suspect in content many times).

There is no equivalent, they’re two separate and distinct vocations. They’re prepared for in different ways.

It is absolutely NOT presumptive nor judgemental to say that most are living as I said. Its the truth. One just needs to look around.

To say that it exists is the truth. To say that perhaps many fit the description may be true. But to say most is indeed presumptive and judgmental, IMHO.

Every generation may be accused of being lazy, but none have had the amount of divorces today. They “marry” today, but they don’t stay married. Why so many annulments? because people are actually incapable of entering validly into marriages.

Divorce is easier to obtain today and its more socially acceptable. So its hard to compare. In days of yore the nobility of Europe routinely married, had affairs, dismissed wives and obtained anulments. There’s nothing new under the sun. its just available to a wider group of people.

The original letter was a humorous exaggeration. But within that letter is contained the fact that there is a backlash against opulent weddings, that’s why destination weddings with just close friends are becoming more and more preferred (which the priest hates as well).

 

[agapewolf]

Couples don’t need a master’s degree from an accredited school to get married. To be a priest in the US you do. Apples and oranges.

There is no equivalent, they’re two separate and distinct vocations. They’re prepared for in different ways.
).

YOU were the one to compare them in the first place!

dating, emotionally investing, and dumping, while one can learn from it, is NOT the ideal— all that brokenness…broken bonds to be brought into the next relationship and eventually into marriage is also NOT marriage preparation.

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

YOU were the one to compare them in the first place!

I compared the extravagance of weddings to 1st masses. The sometimes shared focus on self instead of sacrament. That’s all.

dating, emotionally investing, and dumping, while one can learn from it, is NOT the ideal— all that brokenness…broken bonds to be brought into the next relationship and eventually into marriage is also NOT marriage preparation.

We’ll just have to disagree on this one.