Planning a funeral for a Catholic whose family is not practicing

[Phemie]

Phemie:

I’ll call one of the other readers and you two can do a better job of the readings than people who aren’t interested in reading in church."

Ouf! That’s a load off my mind.

Good, they were insistent for a while (probably thinking there was more flexibility in the rules) but you stuck with it, and they realized that the church had rules about this.

And now they are fine with it.

No, no. They don’t know about it yet.

 

[ShowersofRoses]

If they don’t like it they can lump it.

While I am very sorry for their grief and shock at losing their loved one so suddenly, I do love what the niece said here. I agree and it made me laugh.

 

[TheLittleLady]

In the US, “Amazing Grace” and “How Great Thou Art” are often selected by non-practicing family for funerals.

 

[Pup7]

I’ve read the whole thread and the one thing that is really bugging me is how anyone can think that, of all the Johnny Cash songs one could choose (and he did do some hymns), one wants “Ring of Fire” as a funeral recessional.

 

[Phemie]

I’ve read the whole thread and the one thing that is really bugging me is how anyone can think that, of all the Johnny Cash songs one could choose (and he did do some hymns), one wants “Ring of Fire” as a funeral recessional.

I know, right? It didn’t really hit me at first, it was just when I was telling my husband about it that it suddenly hit me that “I fell into a burning ring of fire; I went down, down, down, the flames went higher…” at a funeral might be saying what you think of the deceased. “What the hell are they thinking?” I said to my husband. “Hell is the appropriate word here,” was his reply.

 

[Pup7]

I was so incredulous I literally laughed. Not because it was funny, but because - seriously??

 

[Phemie]

In the US, “Amazing Grace” and “How Great Thou Art” are often selected by non-practicing family for funerals.

We often do those even for practicing Catholics. We had an Ordination several years ago and “How Great Thou Art” (I’m surprised they haven’t updated that language as they’ve done with every other hymn) was sung by the new priest’s uncle as the post-Communion hymn.

 

[TheLittleLady]

“How Great Thou Art” (I’m surprised they haven’t updated that language, they’ve done it on every other hymn)

Because “How Great You Are” is more for a birthday card than a hymn.

 

[Phemie]

I can’t bring myself to sing “Holy God We Praise Your Name” as it is in our hymnal. It will always be Thy and Thee.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Thank heavens our parish uses hymnals with that don’t mess (much) with classic language. Some of the Christmas Carols are tinkered with a bit.

 

[Gorgias]

They were given a binder with all the appropriate readings. They don’t want that. They want to do their own thing, including not using the Canadian Lectionary for the one reading that they’ve agreed to. They don’t like that translation apparently.

There’s a certain amount of sensitivity that is pastorally appropriate at funeral liturgies, especially when the death is sudden or unexpected. Moreso when the deceased’s relatives are unfamiliar with the Catholic Church.

Then again, ‘pastoral sensitivity’ doesn’t imply ‘anything goes’. “I’m sorry, but in a Catholic funeral liturgy, we are only able to play hymns” and “… we are only able to proclaim readings from the Canadian Lectionary” can be delivered in a pastorally sensitive way, and followed up with “might I suggest, instead, …?”

If the answer is “nope”, then the only reasonable response is, “I’m sorry… I’m unable to accommodate those requests” is a pastorally sensitive response…!

(Note to self: if I’m ever asked whether we can play ‘Ring of Fire’ at a funeral at my parish, I need to be ready to go all google-eyed and jaw-dropped and ask, “wait – are you asking us to sing that your dad is in hell?!?!?” )

 

[Phemie]

Family has been informed by the niece. They thought she just wanted things her own way so she finally showed the detailed instructions to the widow, who now saw that it was in fact what the Church wants and not what niece wants. So she has grudgingly agreed to us being the readers, the readings, the music, etc.

Not happy and thinks the Church needs to bend more, to which the niece responded, “If they did everything you want would it make you go to church more? No? Then what’s the problem? You asked me to do this and I’m not going against the Church. If your daughter doesn’t like that she can organize it herself and have it elsewhere. Are we good? OK, then.”

Guess I’m doing the reading from Maccabees.

 

[Augustinian]

Guess I’m doing the reading from Maccabees.

Glad to see the matter is resolved.

Let me riddle you this, if you ask the family what readings/hymns they want, and they say “whatever you think is appropriate will be fine”, is there a default that you automatically go to?

 

[Phemie]

Let me riddle you this, if you ask the family what readings/hymns they want, and they say “whatever you think is appropriate will be fine”, is there a default that you automatically go to?

It’s never happened before, so, no.

I’m not usually involved in funeral planning but am helping out because the person who normally does it is in Guatemala visiting a priest in an area where she had a school built.

 

[QwertyGirl]

Glad it all worked out. I know funeral planning isn’t easy, mostly because of the living family members left behind who have their ideas about what they want and how it should be. My family has recently suffered a couple of losses, and I have to say their Catholic parishes were wonderful to all of us (those who weren’t Catholic; those who were) during the planning process. We were made to feel so welcome. Of course, those who weren’t Catholic took a back seat to the actual planning of the liturgy, music, etc. Imagine going to a new city where nothing was familiar…that is sort of what it must feel like to those who haven’t had much interaction with the Catholic church. Add to it the distress of losng a loved one, and it is a real opportunity for Church staff to show kindness, charity and patience. It sounds like you did a good job with all of that, so I commend you on that.

One last thing…Ring of Fire? Really??? That is actually hilarious. Thanks for sharing! :0

 

[joeybaggz]

Your priest needs to take a stand here. Popular songs are not proper in a Catholic Church funeral mass. And I for many years was of the opposite belief.
I went to a memorial service for a friend, not Catholic, and several songs were played. “My Way” by Frank Sinatra, “Into the Mystic”, Bright Side of the Road" and “Days Like This” all by Van Morrison, “People Get Ready” by Curtis Mayfield and the Impressions, and Bridge Over Trouble Waters" by Simon and Garfunkel (although listen to Aretha Franklin’s version - unreal) And “You Raise Me Up” by Josh Groban, and “Angel” by Sara Mclaghlan are wonderful songs. Suggest they play them at a social after the actual funeral mass. Many churches have bereavement committees that organize post funeral services luncheons. Perfect place for this.

 

[Gorgias]

Let me riddle you this, if you ask the family what readings/hymns they want, and they say “whatever you think is appropriate will be fine”, is there a default that you automatically go to?

Yep – a dramatic reading from Jonathan Livingston Seagull, with ‘Ring of Fire’ playing quietly in the background.

 

[Phemie]

Augustinian:

Let me riddle you this, if you ask the family what readings/hymns they want, and they say “whatever you think is appropriate will be fine”, is there a default that you automatically go to?

Yep – a dramatic reading from Jonathan Livingston Seagull, with ‘Ring of Fire’ playing quietly in the background.

Good grief, no! It would have to be a reading from Khalil Gibran’s “The Prophet”, of course.

 

[Loud-living-dogma]

“Why not both?”

 

[Glennon_P]

“Why not both?”

First reading…second reading.

Done.

Next?