Planning a funeral Mass

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We actually paid more, but is was for what they call an estate plot the allows up to four people. It has a sidewalk, granite family headstone, a granite bench and individual markers. You can plant flowers and such in a garden bed surrounding the plots.
Why? I know that if my wife predeceases me, I will go every day to pray and talk to her.
 
What do you mean by your tombs? I don’t understand, if you have a plot already, why would you need a tomb?
 
Interesting. So when you say you have your tomb already? Do you mean picked out? Or in the ground already? Wouldn’t there be two charges then! One for putting the tomb in now and one to open the grave later for burial? 🥴
 
So why wouldn’t someone just wait and do it all at once though? That is how it is done in New York where my family is buried. I don’t understand why you need to save your spot that way. If you paid for it already, isn’t it “yours?”
 
Well I wasn’t asking why you are doing it ahead of time and prepaying, I get that. I don’t understand how people can come in and use your spot if it is yours, that’s what I was asking. Who is in charge of the cemetery that is allowing that to happen? That’s very odd.
 
Back to the OP,

I used a parish “fill in the blank” guide for all of the readings, music and who was going to be asked to do what duties (gifts, readings, etc.). It’s printed out and in a designated folder along with instructions to purchase the casket from Trappist monks who specialize in that capacity. I did go through the list of songs that were “authorized” I suppose of the parish and made sure I had those narrowed down to what I wanted and thought was appropriate.

Hopefully by doing these things, along with the cemetery location which the funeral home will coordinate with, will take the pressure off of the family and leave no room for what my intentions are.

If they don’t follow through, well then, I guess I’ll end up wherever and even that’s not a huge concern for me. But seriously though, follow the USCCB guide or parish guide if the States and it will make putting this altogether easy.
 
it’s only a plan, a starting point, but I appreciate what you’re saying

The cantor or organist might call in sick that day really throwing things out of kilter 🤣
 
I like a cemetery where people can put a tombstone of their liking, within reason. My family loves to visit and read tombstones of people we don’t even know. You can piece family stories together in some cases. In the ground plaques are boring, as are bud vases.

The only place I like it all the same is at the VA cemetery. 🙂
 
Yep, that’s why I said within reason. And usually, I think there are rules in a Catholic cemetery. Don’t know about elsewhere though. Those are pretty wild.
 
I would like to share this resource that I came by unexpectedly. Caitlin Doughty is a mortician with a practice in L.A., and she advocates for her “Order of the Good Death”. She believes in correcting misinformation about the funeral industry and the laws governing it. Especially that of enbalming; she is an advocate of natural burials with no enbalming, no casket, nothing but a shroud and a hole in the woods.

She is not religious herself, but she seems sensitive and respectful enough of religious traditions, as a mortician must be. As I have watched her channel, I’ve gained an appreciation for the decisions and logistics that go into pre-planning or decisions made at the time of need at a funeral home.

 
yes, you’re welcome,

but what I have done is just the recommendation of one Parish, something they have decided upon with their cantor and organist. It most likely makes it easier on them, and the family, so they the musicians are not researching obscure songs while at the same time, providing simple guidance to a family in time of sorrow.

So for example mine would be
  • Gathering Hymn I Heard the Voice of Jesus
  • Preparation of Gifts Prayer of St. Francis
  • Communion Now We Remain
  • Song of Farewell May the Choirs of Angels
  • Recessional Hymn Lift High the Cross
It is not a universal or diocese requirement on the music whereas the readings are specific and limited. Same with obituaries, why leave it up to someone else to write it? Go ahead and write your own, if it’s published it will be archived and known for a long time.
 
Our Township (maybe the county) has regulations against natural burials. They require a vault, even if burying an urn.
The cemetery we chose has different sections, most of which just allow a bronze plaque and a flower vase. A few sections allow uniform headstones with just the last name for a family and bronze plaques. There are a few custom above ground tombs for families. There are mausoleums for caskets or urns and niches. Pedestals with a variety of designs for cremains are permitted in certain areas. They have a chapel for services if needed too. There is even a section for pets.
Our township has many smaller church cemeteries scattered around with a variety of headstones, some dating back hundreds of years and hard to read.
 
Convert3 said:
Even better if you can pay for it in advance and pick out exactly what you desire. It saves your family from making emotional choices in a hurry.
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Not to quibble, but I believe pre-paying might not be wise. Pre-plan, yes, but don’t pre-pay.
https://funerals.org/?consumers=should-you-prepay-for-your-funeral/#:~:text=We%20don’t%20recommend%20prepaying,in%20a%20federally-insured%20bank.&text=Your%20money%20(trust%20or%20insurance,mind%2C%20or%20the%20firm%20closes.
 
Having used prepaid plans for my parents, it was easy for me and the only additional cost was for flowers I wanted to buy. State law where I live requires funeral homes to accept the plan if the original funeral home goes under. The costs of what we paid for are inflation protected in the contract. We didn’t do it to protect assets from Medicaid, since that won’t be needed by us, but for ease of use by our kids. The kids know what we have done as well as my sister-in-law.
The concerns in the article are easily mitigated. The only issue is if someone were to move to a diff location. The contract is transferable if we moved more that fifty miles, so the funeral home costs are still covered. The gravesites themselves are not transferable. However, we are not moving away from this area. If we died elsewhere, the funeral home would ship the body home. That would incur an additional charge paid for out of the estate.
 
It’s a smaller urn and costs much less, but still costs. We have mostly clay soil here, and they say it’s to ensure the caskets and urns don’t rise up in a flood and float away. But I think we all know the real reason it’s required. 💰
 
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I find the American style of sealed-casket-burial-forever to be over the top. Most burial customs involve placing the body for a while, like a few years, until it desiccates and the skin rots away, then you have a pile of bones, which you exhume and put in a place of honor. Then you reuse the grave for another freshly dead loved one. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The charnel houses in some places are legendary. Everything constructed of skulls and bones. They’re a magnificent sight to see, but just unheard-of in these United States, where funeral houses cash in on very expensive burials (and like Jharek recounts of the UK.)
 
Anesti33 said:
I find the American style of sealed-casket-burial-forever to be over the top. Most burial customs involve placing the body for a while, like a few years, until it desiccates and the skin rots away, then you have a pile of bones, which you exhume and put in a place of honor. Then you reuse the grave for another freshly dead loved one. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The charnel houses in some places are legendary. Everything constructed of skulls and bones. They’re a magnificent sight to see, but just unheard-of in these United States, where funeral houses cash in on very expensive burials (and like Jharek recounts of the UK.)
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I’ve been to enough cemeteries in the Caribbean, Europe, and even Russia to challenge your assertion that “most” burials outside the U. S. currently involve the “dig up and put the bones somewhere else” approach. Nor do I think making designs out of a loved ones bones, as in a charnel house, is respectful or “magnificent.”
 
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