Planning a mortal sin?

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outfctrl

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Ok, This is what happened. This woman called me and said she would like to have sex with me. I hemd and hawd and talked around my answer. Then she put me on the spot. She said “Do you or do you not want to have sex with me?”

I said OK and the date was planned. The day came around and I told her no. Now she said I hurt her very bad and that no one has ever turned her down before. She said to me that we were no longer friends.

At that moment I accepted (wednesday the week before), was I in Mortal sin? I received Communion that Sunday. Monday (the day after I received) was the meeting day that I backed out.

I am confused
 
For what it’s worth, in my opinion, planning to have sex with someone you are not married to, is indeed a sin.If you are concerned about it being a mortal sin, ask a priest.
Kathy
 
Well, did you have lust in your heart and mind? Possibly you did when you planned the get together. That is a sin.

You also avoided the near occasion of sin. Sins of the flesh are so hard to avoid. Fear not that her feelings are hurt and that she does not consider you a friend any longer. You were never actually her friend under those terms anyway.

Avoid this woman and say some prayers for her.
 
I know this sounds weird, but I really didnt have a desire for her. I have known her for years and before I went back to the Church months ago, I had relations with her in the past.

I guess I looked at it more of a service for a friend.

When she got mad that I refused her, it opened my eyes of really what kind of friend she was.

I know I am wretched. This new life I have found seems to get harder by the day.

The other day, I put a picture of Mother Mary on my desk to help me stay pure. Just the thought of never being with another woman, drives me crazy.
 
outfctrl said:
I know this sounds weird, but I really didnt have a desire for her. I have known her for years and before I went back to the Church months ago, I had relations with her in the past.

I guess I looked at it more of a service for a friend.

When she got mad that I refused her, it opened my eyes of really what kind of friend she was.

I know I am wretched. This new life I have found seems to get harder by the day.

The other day, I put a picture of Mother Mary on my desk to help me stay pure. Just the thought of never being with another woman, drives me crazy.
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You said No. Take some comfort in that. It’s a building block. The Holy Spirit is helping you with this. What do you think stopped you from just using her for recreation? Take heart. You stumbled a little but you recovered nicely.
 
I think it was probably a sin (don’t know if its Mortal or not) and you should take it to confession. Confession is important not just for absolution, but also for the graces to avoid sin in the future.

I’ll say a prayer for you.

God Bless
 
The reason I was concerned was that I did receive Communion prior to that Monday.

I knew I was going to back out ahead of time, but kept her hanging on. I had no intention of meeting her.

I was avoiding confrontation with her till the last minute. Basically, I was a coward.

Instead of admitting my Faith and love for Jesus, I copped out. I didnt want her to think of me as a religious person of some type. My image, for so many years, was at stake.

I have so many faults, its ridiculous.
 
You are fighting temtation, which is a good thing. This Christian life is a battle, you may have stumbled some, but did not fall hard, if you fell at all.

Sure, you could have probably done better, but you did OK. Temptation is hard stuff for the Christian.

That is why God in his mercy, gives us confession. Go to confession, lay this whole scenario out in front of the priest and follow his counsel.

Also, it would not hurt to pray for this lady.

And remember that it does not matter if you fall a thousand times as long as you love the fight and not the fall. You fought a tough fight, a very tough fight, imperfectly. But fight it you did and no doubt it was a courageous fight. Purity is a tough business.

Go to confession, be at peace and next time resolve to do better. It’s tough out here.
 
The big question is, when you accepted her invitation, did you really intend to have sex with her, or just to meet her and tell her no in person? Look deep inside yourself and answer this honestly.

I agree with the previous poster who advised you to tell the whole thing to the priest in confession, including receiving Holy Communion, and let him judge your guilt and forgive you!

I am so proud of you for working so hard at doing the right thing! ❤️

Betsy
 
outfctrl said:
The reason I was concerned was that I did receive Communion prior to that Monday.

I knew I was going to back out ahead of time, but kept her hanging on. I had no intention of meeting her.

I was avoiding confrontation with her till the last minute. Basically, I was a coward.

Instead of admitting my Faith and love for Jesus, I copped out. I didnt want her to think of me as a religious person of some type. My image, for so many years, was at stake.

I have so many faults, its ridiculous.
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I don’t see you as a coward. The cowardly thing would have been to take advatange of the offer. I think it takes a lot of strength (especially with the way the world thinks) to say no. And don’t beat yourself up with having many faults…we all do and the best thing to do is go to confession.
 
baltobetsy said:
The big question is, when you accepted her invitation, did you really intend to have sex with her,
Betsy
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To be honest with all of you, it did cross my mind, briefly. Considering it has been so long for me since I have been with a woman.

Then I knew it was the wrong thing to do. Normally, I would’nt think twice, since I,ve known her for such a long time.
I guess I need to get use to these temptations.

Being single is really tough
 
outfctrl said:
To be honest with all of you, it did cross my mind, briefly. Considering it has been so long for me since I have been with a woman.

Then I knew it was the wrong thing to do. Normally, I would’nt think twice, since I,ve known her for such a long time.
I guess I need to get use to these temptations.

Being single is really tough
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Don’t be too hard on yourself. Sins cross our minds all the time. That’s temptation, not sin, unless we engage the thoughts, entertain them and take pleasure in them. If it just crossed your mind, but you never really planned on doing it, it’s probably not a sin. In any case, confession can never hurt.

God Bless
 
outfctrl said:
Being single is really tough
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And so is marriage.

And for that matter, if one is truly honest with oneself (and that is not easy), so is simply sleeping around; deep down one knows that one is not being honest with the other person - and I don’t mean that they both may have said to each other that “it is only for the sex”; if we are truly honest with ourselves, we know and acknowledge the emptiness of those relationships, and that we are using the other person for our own ends. Further, there are extremely few situations where at least one party doesn’t get emotionally involved, and then burned; or emotionally involved and then they both get in where they don’t really want to go - trying to make a bad situation into a good one.
 
Maybe it would be a good idea to speak with your Priest about investigating your past marriage? Many prayers for you.

Kage
 
Yes, some women I became intimate with did get a little attached, some became obsessed, as in stalkers. Some fell in love with me. All went away, because I didnt want to get attached. I have hurt many.

I still love my ex and always will, but she has a new life now. My kids are almost grown. Her life is misereable with that other guy. They dont even sleep in the same room. Plus she drinks a little heavy. Anyways…
Its just a cross I have to bear. I really dont think I could ever fall in love again.

That other woman emailed me last night and said she took my B-day present back and it saved her $160.00. I guess she is still mad. She said I was selfish because I didnt go over to her house. How can I be selfish? Whats that all about?

Gonna talk to a priest this Sat at Confession about this whole mess.
 
Katie1723 said:
For what it’s worth, in my opinion, planning to have sex with someone you are not married to, is indeed a sin.If you are concerned about it being a mortal sin, ask a priest.
Kathy
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I agree with Kathy,

I’ve been in the exact same situation… and it didn’t happen… Praise God!

but it is still Adultry (Lust)… you like myself most likely fantasise about the situation before the said date…

So it does require the confessional… it is a Mortal Sin… imo…

But remember we are “human”… thats not an excuse… just reality… learn from the weakness… you will get stonger!
 
Daniel_Kane said:
You are fighting temtation, which is a good thing. This Christian life is a battle, you may have stumbled some, but did not fall hard, if you fell at all.

Sure, you could have probably done better, but you did OK. Temptation is hard stuff for the Christian.

That is why God in his mercy, gives us confession. Go to confession, lay this whole scenario out in front of the priest and follow his counsel.

Also, it would not hurt to pray for this lady.

And remember that it does not matter if you fall a thousand times as long as you love the fight and not the fall. You fought a tough fight, a very tough fight, imperfectly. But fight it you did and no doubt it was a courageous fight. Purity is a tough business.

Go to confession, be at peace and next time resolve to do better. It’s tough out here.
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Daniel… I just want to say… thats just beautiful… couldn’t put it better myself 🙂

I can see the Holy Spirit burning fierce when you posted this… 🙂 👍
 
The Holy Spirit is working in your life to convict you and guide you to a place where you can seek pardon and forgiveness. That place is the confessional, not an open public forum where the prudes and the holy rollers will judge every word you say. If you want forgiveness, you will not find it here, all you will find is condemnation and criticism. For every good bit of advise you get here, you will get at least one bad one.

And if your conscience allows for you to consider having sex with a woman outside of marriage, then how can you judge what is good and bad advise is here?

The best bit of advise rendered here is for you to pray for the woman. God loves her too.
 
Lesswes said:
The Holy Spirit is working in your life to convict you and guide you to a place where you can seek pardon and forgiveness. That place is the confessional, not an open public forum where the prudes and the holy rollers will judge every word you say. If you want forgiveness, you will not find it here, all you will find is condemnation and criticism. For every good bit of advise you get here, you will get at least one bad one.

And if your conscience allows for you to consider having sex with a woman outside of marriage, then how can you judge what is good and bad advise is here?

The best bit of advise rendered here is for you to pray for the woman. God loves her too.
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Besides the advice of the Confessional… everything you have said is VERY negative… very sad 😦

All I see on this post is support… something you really haven’t delivered imo.
 
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