Planning ahead, just in case

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Eucharisted

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My girlfriend and I are planning to marry at the end of the year, Godwilling. Now, it might happen that God dosen’t want us to marry than. And I know I gotta stick to dead-lines. So what should I do if He wills us to not marry at the end of the year? Break up? Keep going? Pray for a sign? Eat a taco?
 
Yes, tacos are good. Eat a taco.

Now, are you doing the whole thing with marriage preparation and planning the wedding, or are you waiting until the end of the year to decide whether you should start those things? I’m confused (this is not new). As far as breaking up or staying together after deciding not to marry at that time, I’m gonna say ask God, because if you have the discernment to say you’re not supposed to marry, it will probably come with a “do this instead” kind of attachment. You may not recognize it right away, but it will be there.

And get me a taco too, wouldja? I like the birria from the stand on 9th. Y’know, right outside the Irish bar.
 
MissMichal said:
Yes, tacos are good. Eat a taco.

Now, are you doing the whole thing with marriage preparation and planning the wedding, or are you waiting until the end of the year to decide whether you should start those things? I’m confused (this is not new). As far as breaking up or staying together after deciding not to marry at that time, I’m gonna say ask God, because if you have the discernment to say you’re not supposed to marry, it will probably come with a “do this instead” kind of attachment. You may not recognize it right away, but it will be there.

And get me a taco too, wouldja? I like the birria from the stand on 9th. Y’know, right outside the Irish bar.
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Thanks!
 
If you’re having enough doubts now to need to ask this question, then perhaps you should re-consider this marriage.

Are you choosing a Catholic wife? If not, then you need to seriously consider the consequences of marrying outside the faith - having a spouse who doesn’t go to Church with you, doesn’t agree on matters of faith, won’t instruct the children in the faith, etc. This is serious business especially when it is the wife who tends to be the primary instructor of the children. Also, having a spouse who is not Catholic means you won’t have the kind of support for your own spiritual growth that you’d have with a faithful Catholic wife. If you’re going into a marriage with a non-Catholic thinking you’ll change her, you need to consider if you can handle the possibility that she may never convert.

:twocents:
 
Eucharisted - I’m not sure of the variables that make your wedding plans uncertain for the end of the year. If you love this woman, I see nothing in the world that could stop you from taking her as your wife either at the end of this year or some time in the future. If your goal is the end of the year, I would start preporation now by seeing the priest that would marry you. Explain the variables to him and seek his advice on how to proceed.
 
beckycmarie said:
If you’re having enough doubts now to need to ask this question, then perhaps you should re-consider this marriage.

Are you choosing a Catholic wife? If not, then you need to seriously consider the consequences of marrying outside the faith - having a spouse who doesn’t go to Church with you, doesn’t agree on matters of faith, won’t instruct the children in the faith, etc. This is serious business especially when it is the wife who tends to be the primary instructor of the children. Also, having a spouse who is not Catholic means you won’t have the kind of support for your own spiritual growth that you’d have with a faithful Catholic wife. If you’re going into a marriage with a non-Catholic thinking you’ll change her, you need to consider if you can handle the possibility that she may never convert.

:twocents:
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Good advice. May God give me more trust in Him! 🙂
 
MercyMia said:
Eucharisted - I’m not sure of the variables that make your wedding plans uncertain for the end of the year. If you love this woman, I see nothing in the world that could stop you from taking her as your wife either at the end of this year or some time in the future. If your goal is the end of the year, I would start preporation now by seeing the priest that would marry you. Explain the variables to him and seek his advice on how to proceed.
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How do I plan for a wedding? Can I have a private wedding? I would feel embarassed being married in front of my family, because I want to hide myself in Jesus’ Heart from the world.
 
The nature of a wedding is public, because the nature of marriage is public. So, it would be inappropriate to have a “private” wedding. This is why Mormon (my religion of origin) weddings puzzle me so much–they take place in the temple and the family is frequently not allowed to be there. There will be a time and a place for you and your bride to become one with each other and the Lord in private, but the wedding is where you make a public pledge to your wife and she makes one to you. This then forms the basis of your marriage which forms the basis of your family which forms the basis of society in general. So, as I said, there’s no such thing as a private wedding.

That said, you don’t have to buy into the wedding industry and spend $100K on accoutrements. The wedding happens in church, and you’re just as validly married even if the bridesmaids’ eyes don’t match the tablecloths. Hubby and I had a reception at his sister’s home and the food, the cake, and the flowers were all gifts. SInce we werem’t wrapped around the axle about the party, we were free to enjoy the company of our friends who had come to congratulate us.

As far as the particulars of how to plan a wedding, get in touch with your parish. They’ll have someone (usually a deacon) who handles weddings and they’ll have the whole procedure worked out. You’ll have to go through marriage preparation, which will take a few months, and there will be paperwork and meetings with your priest and probably a group with other engaged couples and couples who are already married. In our diocese, you also have to take a class on natural family planning. This is the formation stage for your vocation as a married person and should be taken seriously and enjoyed.

Congratulations and have fun 😃 PM me if you feel like it.

-S-
 
Eucharisted said:
My girlfriend and I are planning to marry at the end of the year, Godwilling. Now, it might happen that God dosen’t want us to marry than. And I know I gotta stick to dead-lines. So what should I do if He wills us to not marry at the end of the year? Break up? Keep going? Pray for a sign? Eat a taco?
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Are the two of you praying together? Liturgy of the Hours/daily/weekly Mass/Rosary/spending a Holy Hour in Eucharistic Adoration together each week? If not I would highly suggest it…probably the best way to ***court ***and discern the vocation of marriage.

Promise to pray for you both.
 
BTW ~ if pray is not part of the courtship…HHUUMMMMM. I would consider waiting…and go ahead a eat a taco!
 
MissMichal said:
The nature of a wedding is public, because the nature of marriage is public. So, it would be inappropriate to have a “private” wedding. This is why Mormon (my religion of origin) weddings puzzle me so much–they take place in the temple and the family is frequently not allowed to be there. There will be a time and a place for you and your bride to become one with each other and the Lord in private, but the wedding is where you make a public pledge to your wife and she makes one to you. This then forms the basis of your marriage which forms the basis of your family which forms the basis of society in general. So, as I said, there’s no such thing as a private wedding.
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That makes sense. I guess I’m just nervous of making my vows in front of everyone. I think it stems from pride. Gotta be more selfless.
That said, you don’t have to buy into the wedding industry and spend $100K on accoutrements. The wedding happens in church, and you’re just as validly married even if the bridesmaids’ eyes don’t match the tablecloths. Hubby and I had a reception at his sister’s home and the food, the cake, and the flowers were all gifts. SInce we werem’t wrapped around the axle about the party, we were free to enjoy the company of our friends who had come to congratulate us.
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Oh, ok. So you don’t have to be fancy.
As far as the particulars of how to plan a wedding, get in touch with your parish. They’ll have someone (usually a deacon) who handles weddings and they’ll have the whole procedure worked out. You’ll have to go through marriage preparation, which will take a few months, and there will be paperwork and meetings with your priest and probably a group with other engaged couples and couples who are already married. In our diocese, you also have to take a class on natural family planning. This is the formation stage for your vocation as a married person and should be taken seriously and enjoyed.
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Congratulations and have fun 😃 PM me if you feel like it.
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-S-
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This is the hard part. I can’t get in contact with my new parish, and I’m a shut-in because I can’t make it to my parish (it’d be a four hour walk, a two hour bus ride, and I don’t have a car). I have sent a letter, but got nothing back. Should I send another letter?

Also, my girlfriend and I are having communication problems. We haven’t spoken in four months because she keeps losing the Internet and her mom won’t let her talk to me on the phone. I’m not blaming her mom, though. I mostly blame myself. I’d like to see her, but got no car or plane tickets. But I trust in God. Whatever He wills, it will have happen.
 
Eucharisted said:
My girlfriend and I are planning to marry at the end of the year, Godwilling. Now, it might happen that God dosen’t want us to marry than. And I know I gotta stick to dead-lines. So what should I do if He wills us to not marry at the end of the year? Break up? Keep going? Pray for a sign? Eat a taco?
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I do not understand this at all. What sign are you expecting from God to tell you not to marry? I why do you feel you “gotta stick to dead-lines” if they are dates that you and your finance picked together?

Start at the beginning–have you met with your priest? Begun your pre-cana preparation? If your preparation shows that there is a reason for delay, then you delay while you rectify whatever the issue is. If your prepartion shows that you two are not compatable at all, then you move forward separately.

I suggest you start making a regular Holy Hour with or without your fiance for the purpose of discernment before you get to 2 weeks before the wedding.
 
Sr_Sally said:
I suggest you start making a regular Holy Hour with or without your fiance for the purpose of discernment before you get to 2 weeks before the wedding.
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This is a good idea. As I mentioned, you’re discerning a vocation. Praying together and apart for discernment should be at the top of the list.

Also, your long-distance relationship is interesting, as is your relationship with your parish. Is there a church closer at hand? I have been in certain counties in Utah where there isn’t a Catholic church for many miles. If they haven’t returned your letter, I suggest making a phone call. Also, as a matter of tradition, the couple is usually married in the bride’s parish. Is your intended Catholic?

Can’t wait to hear more.
-S-
 
Eucharisted said:
This is the hard part. I can’t get in contact with my new parish, and I’m a shut-in because I can’t make it to my parish (it’d be a four hour walk, a two hour bus ride, and I don’t have a car). I have sent a letter, but got nothing back. Should I send another letter?

Also, my girlfriend and I are having communication problems. We haven’t spoken in four months because she keeps losing the Internet and her mom won’t let her talk to me on the phone. I’m not blaming her mom, though. I mostly blame myself. I’d like to see her, but got no car or plane tickets. But I trust in God. Whatever He wills, it will have happen.
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Step 1: If you haven’t spoken to your fiance in four months, I think you have more to worry about than tacos. Why won’t her mom let ou speak to her on the phone? It is probably not a good sign that her family is that set against you. Hopefully fiance can get to the library and an internet connection there so that you can make a few more plans before step 2.

Step 2: Can you just call the parish directly? You need to get started by speaking to the priest. Is there no parish closer than a 2 hour bus ride? You are going to have to get there at least a few times before the wedding. And while you finace can do part of the preparation at her local parish, the priest will wnt to see the two of you together probably a few times before the wedding.

So maybe start writing letters to your finace and use the phone for the priest.
 
I have called my parish, but got no return phone call. I’ll call again, though.

Our Lady of Refuge is the closest parish to me.

Her mom dosen’t like me because we used to do cybering. I thought it was okay, but than I learned it was a sin. Maybe God is calling us to seperate? Or maybe it’s just a cross?
 
Eucharisted said:
Also, my girlfriend and I are having communication problems. We haven’t spoken in four months because she keeps losing the Internet and her mom won’t let her talk to me on the phone. I’m not blaming her mom, though. I mostly blame myself. I’d like to see her, but got no car or plane tickets. But I trust in God. Whatever He wills, it will have happen.
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Eucharisted ~ I must be honest with you…because I have always held your posts in high regard. If you and your future spouse are having communication problems now and have not spoken in four months…please consider waiting. It is not the right time. A sacramental marriage is centered on honest and constant communication. That is not something that will suddenly appear on the wedding day…it needs to be developed during the courtship. If that is not happening perhaps it is the sign to wait.

I will pray.
 
Eucharisted said:
Her mom dosen’t like me because we used to do cybering. I thought it was okay, but than I learned it was a sin. Maybe God is calling us to seperate? Or maybe it’s just a cross?
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My dad, who is formerly Mormon and is now Buddhist (but speaks fluent Catholic), explains that Karma is the idea that God doesn’t punish you for your sins, because your sin will punish you all by itself. File under “temporal punishment.” You’re going to have to earn Mom’s trust back. I suggest calling her. You can’t start a marriage under her radar, and you’re going to have to spend your entire life as her son-in-law if you get married, so you may have to ask what it will take to get back on the right page with her. If she says you can’t and won’t change her mind, you may have to just honor that and go your separate ways.

Good luck. I will say a Rosary and eat a taco.

-S-
 
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