Planning to move soon--which US cities are the least xenophobic to (most accepting of) Asian men?

[Xantippe]

CaliLobo,

I get the impression that you would probably not be happy in the smaller town in the Midwest or SE, but would do best on the West Coast (even in smaller city), a bigger city or a college town in a mountain state or Midwest or SE (Madison, for instance), or Houston or Austin. Dallas is probably a great place to find work, but it’s geographically a lot like an LA with bad weather, so I’m not recommending it.

I’m not totally sure if you’re really cut out for the big city NE, although you might do OK in a smaller town or city in the NE (once again, I suggest a college town). You don’t strike me as being the sort of cut-throat neurotic type that thrives in the NE (no offence to any cut-throat neurotic NE types on the forum–I’m sure you’re wonderful people), but I could be wrong.

I would like to see you try Hawaii, but I know some people get driven CRAZY by being on an island in the middle of nowhere. I also hear that Hawaii is much more fun when you have a lot of money, which means that it may not have much to recommend it over Southern California.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Thanks for the suggestion. I hear Houston has a reputation for being an obese city though? Also do you have any advice on how to get your foot into the energy industry? How much do you have to be in the know?

Well, Texas overall does have an obesity problem, yes. Again, though, it kind of depends on the group you’re with: in our immediate group of friends–most, admittedly, who work for energy companies and who therefore have somewhat Type A personalities about everything from work to fitness–I’m really the only overweight person, and though I am overweight, I am relatively fit because I eat well and (well, until I got pregnant) exercise regularly. I would probably go so far as to say that you’re more likely to encounter obesity in areas where it’s more difficult to work out, rather than in Houston where quite a lot of the companies have gyms in the office buildings for employee use, and where, if you live downtown, you can walk or bicycle to a lot of places. (For that matter, if you live downtown you’re living in an apartment unless you’re quite well off, and the apartments have gyms for resident use, too.) My husband, for example, is quite fit in no small part because until we got married and bought a house he walked a mile and a half each way to and from work every day, and he definitely wasn’t the exception. The obesity rates are further skewed by (though far from being entirely caused by) individuals who live near or below the poverty line and who rely on highly caloric foods as diet staples.

Insofar as getting into the energy companies, I can only offer very general advice since I don’t know your background. First, a master’s degree (MBA, master’s in accounting/finance/economics) is helpful, especially if you’re looking at one of the big companies, but definitely not required. Second, all of these companies are looking for leadership qualities in their applicants, so having some background in that and focusing somewhat on it during the cover letter/interview process is a very good idea. GPA is important, but from what I hear, leadership is even more so: in general, they’d rather have someone with a 3.2 and (just as an example) a background in student government than someone with a 3.9 who has no notable background in organizations of any kind. Do note, though, that what I just described applies more to the business side of things than to the actual geologic and technical side, in which I have no knowledge at all.

 

[EasterJoy]

You misinterpreted. I’m the one stopping by hickville to take pics and get food, and to say hello just to see if people react weird. Only once has someone asked for a pic with me because I’m Asian (it happened in Atlanta). If they’re really nice I might, but otherwise I’d be offended. I’m not an object for your amusement.

Also I’m looking to date interracially with white women, not Asian women…

Oh, OK…if you’re looking for someone who doesn’t care if you’re some particular nationality or not and are ready to date women without regards to race, I’d try the major cities of the West Coast, especially the Bay Area and Seattle. There were sizable Asian populations here even before WWII. In the rural areas…well, getting a job in the rural areas of the West is no picnic. I’d stick with the bigger cities west of the Cascades in the Pacific Northwest and along the coast in Califonia. Have a visit, see what you think. If you don’t like rain, don’t come to Oregon or Washington state, though.

(Hickville? Ahem. Not what you’d call a locally PC way to refer to the inhabitants of small towns! They do have internet service and television in rural areas. They don’t see Ichiro and Uehara as zoo animals, and most became accustomed to seeing Asians way back when Mr. Sulu was going boldly around far galaxies with Captain Kirk, speaking perfect English in the deep masculine voice of George Takai. So don’t draw too many conclusions from people who do things like that. There are people who can’t find the Pacific Ocean on a map, too, but they’re not the norm…)

 

[CaliLobo]

Here are my candidate cities. By the way I do have a post going on in another online forum. Thanks Xantippe for your (name removed by moderator)ut!

1. **Los Angeles **- My home, so I will always love it. Excellent cuisine! No shortage of things to do, still discovering it. Access to water. You can find your niche–every ethnicity, hobby, religion, and political view is represented. It’s a megacity but doesn’t feel like one with its vast suburbia. Aside from West Hollywood and West LA, it’s not as liberal as people think (though I agree with much of liberalism, the far left does annoy me).

But: Though most are still single up to their 30s, they tend to be unstable. The legal market isn’t that great. Living in LA means I return home for good; it’s the end of my adult adventures. It’s racially diverse but segregated. It’s possible to live here only having Asian friends, but I don’t like that. Remember, I’m not talking about cities with the most Asians; I’m talking about which cities tolerate and accept Asians.

1. **Denver **- Everyone seems to love it. No access to water, but outdoors and endurance sports are very popular. Seems like people are happy there! People aren’t as unstable as LA people, it seems.

But: Is the job market good? I hear mixed things about the dating scene; I hear people marry early in Denver. I hear it’s somewhat xenophobic and white-centric. Is Denver really all it’s cracked up to be?

1. **Kansas City **- Having lived in Kansas for two years, this is crazy but Kansas feels like my second home. I’ve grown to love it for what it is. I’ve found that the stereotypes about conservatism aren’t that true. Don’t know about the Midwest as a whole, but I don’t find KC to be that much more conservative, friendly, or slow than my hometown in suburban LA. Attitudes in KC are much like those in the coasts, and there are still quite a few 30s singles in KC! I’ve met some of my best friends in Kansas. When I return, I just feel a nice magical vibe. I actually love the winter snow and the greenery in summer. I even like the humidity, now that I live in NM!

But: Still, some Kansans are xenophobic, although the economy and society are open. (NM is not xenophobic, but its economy and society are closed and nepotistic.) Being a Jayhawk in Lawrence was fun for two years, but will actually settling down in Kansas be as fun??

1. **Florida **- Access to water and scuba diving! If I can take the FL bar and show commitment to moving there I can enter what is a protective legal market.

But: Florida is far-flung and it just seems too different culturally from where I’ve lived. Would a Korean fit in a Southern/Cuban/Puerto Rican/geriatric mix?

1. **Phoenix **- Kinda like Los Angeles but not so leftist, so I can understand the city well. Bigger and not as insular as Albuquerque. There seems to be a need for lawyers here, if I can take the AZ bar, I believe I can break in. People are beautiful and seem friendly! Rocky Point isn’t that far away. Access to outdoors, and it seems endurance sports are pretty popular here.

But: Does Phoenix accept Asians? And man it’s hot!

1. Are there any **other hidden gems **I should check out? How about Nashville, Austin, Indianapolis (Indiana seems very wholesome), or Milwaukee?
2. I know lots of people have recommended **Houston **and Minneapolis, thanks for those suggestions.

 

[ishii]

But, the hidden discrimination that Asians face is real. It is a major topic of discussion in universities that have sizable Asian populations.

Whereas Asian women are accepted by Western society for their exotic beauty and willingness to let men take the lead, Asian men are discriminated because of negative images in Hollywood (passive, effeminate, geeky, etc), and lack of media representation. The glass ceilings that Asian men face are real. It doesn’t help that Asian men are shorter and that the Asian culture is still seen as foreign in America.

If you don’t believe me, answer this question: Why are there many more white man-Asian woman couples than vice versa?

Why do you think that is?

No, most places in the US won’t lynch me for being Asian. Trust me, I’ve fearlessly driven through some Hickville cities, and deliberately stopped for gas, food, and touristy pictures (which most Asians hesitate to do!), and no one’s given me a dirty look. However, though I am open to getting to understand Hickville, would people in Hickville be my friend? Would they date me? Would they see me as an equal colleague at work? No. Hickville is xenophobic.

People in Hickville can be narrowminded and not understand other cultures, ethnic groups, etc. I know - I lived in a hickville town in Asia and I found the folks to be very narrow minded, if not Xenophobic.

But on the other hand, the more diverse cities, despite their diversity, are segregated.

So going back to my original question. Finding my future wife is a priority for me. I still feel young, but I feel I have no time to waste. I am an Asian man that wants to date white women.

Which cities have a thriving legal job market, and have many single women who are open-minded to dating Asian men? Where can I find work as an attorney, and maximize my dating chances?

I’m NOT asking which cities have the highest Asian population. Instead, which cities are the least xenophobic to (most accepting of) Asian men, in terms of dating? It’s a fine distinction.

I wouldn’t know, as I’m not interested in helping Asian men find dates. That said, I would like to better understand why some Asian men feel that they are victims because more Asian women date white men than vice versa.

Ishii

 

[CaliLobo]

Why do you think that is?

People in Hickville can be narrowminded and not understand other cultures, ethnic groups, etc. I know - I lived in a hickville town in Asia and I found the folks to be very narrow minded, if not Xenophobic.

I wouldn’t know, as I’m not interested in helping Asian men find dates. That said, I would like to better understand why some Asian men feel that they are victims because more Asian women date white men than vice versa.

Ishii

Well, it’s hurtful when you notice a pattern that makes it appear that **Western women as a whole **aren’t interested in dating Asian men in general…

 

[ishii]

Well, it’s hurtful when you notice a pattern that makes it appear that **Western women as a whole **aren’t interested in dating Asian men in general…

I am interested as to why you think that is. Is it because of the separation of ethnic groups/races? In Seattle, there are lots of Asians. Is there pressure on Asian men to marry another Asian woman?

Ishii

 

[RPRPsych]

People in Hickville can be narrowminded and not understand other cultures, ethnic groups, etc. I know - I lived in a hickville town in Asia and I found the folks to be very narrow minded, if not Xenophobic.

Don’t I know. The idea that racism is confined to European / Caucasian folks is a huge error.

I’ve heard some pretty cringe-worthy comments from my own countrymen about Europeans, Asians (of the South-East / Chinese kind) and especially people of African origin. Indian men tend to be obsessed with “skin colour”, and even if they’re as brown as I am, they insist that their mothers find them a “fair girl”.

[ETA: I realize that this sounds hypocritical since I have a picture of exactly such a girl as my forum avatar, but she’s a fictional character!]

 

[EnglishTeacher]

I am hearing good things about Minneapolis, but “Minnesota nice”, if I understand it right, would really annoy me. I’m annoyed with fake friendliness, “don’t rock the boat”, and especially fake friendships. I also hear mixed reviews… some say it’s diverse and welcoming, others say it’s insular and racist, and that the natives don’t leave MN very much so their view is narrow?

I would recommend the Twin Cities area, if you don’t mind chilly winters. Lots to do, good shopping, great culture, and (I would assume) plenty of job opportunities for attorneys. People in the Midwest are genuinely friendly (I’ve not seen the "fake friendliness that you mention.) No one really cares about race; I think you’d be fine in that department.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

Well, it’s hurtful when you notice a pattern that makes it appear that **Western women as a whole **aren’t interested in dating Asian men in general…

Two of my good friends are married to Asian men, but I know at least in one case, his parents were very upset about him marrying a non-Chinese woman. I wonder if in some Asian cultures, there is more pressure on the sons than there is on the daughters to marry someone of their own ethnic background? (I don’t know; just speculating.) What do you think, OP?

 

[Xantippe]

It’s true that there may be concerns about the special difficulties involved for a Western woman with having an Asian MIL. I am your garden variety non-cooking, non-scrubbing American woman (the microwave is my favorite household appliance and I have cleaning help) and I have “ethnic” European in-laws and there are definitely expectations that I do not meet.

Speaking of which, do you cook? If you work up a small repertoire of homemade dishes, you could knock the socks off the single ladies in your next city. Any domestic talents should also go in your dating profile, by the way, once you settle in. Work those stereotypes! (My husband makes crepes–they are AMAZING.)

 

[dans0622]

…Only once has someone asked for a pic with me because I’m Asian (it happened in Atlanta). If they’re really nice I might, but otherwise I’d be offended. I’m not an object for your amusement. …

Hello,

That would happen to me (a rather tall, white person) in Korea every now and then. Once, it was with some “police officers” who had nothing better to do. I never cared for the stares and all that but…it’s just the way it is.

As for the purpose of this thread–I really don’t think there are necessarily better places. Every community will have good and bad, trusting and suspicious, welcoming and exclusionary, people. As such, I have no suggestions.

Dan