Please advise me on how to handle this situation regarding confession

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dolly_finn

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Hello all, I am hoping this is the proper place to post this. I am a convert to Catholicism and frequently I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. I have tried since my conversion to learn as much as possible about my faith but I often find my knowledge considerably lacking.

I am in a situation where at 45 I just realized I have a mortal sin on my soul from my non-catholic days in my early 20’s. I believe this became apparent to me last night due to my starting to pray the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows and have started asking Mary to show me my defects. At any rate, so here it is Tuesday and normal confession is held on Saturday. I feel sick to my stomach over not having ever confessed this before, but what do I do?

Should I call my parish and try to schedule an early confession? This is hard because I am a member of a huge parish that literally only has one priest. He is often so busy that you get the impression you are bugging him ( nothing against him, the poor man seems totally overwhelmed). Or, do I wait until normal Saturday confession time?

I would greatly appreciate some advice on how to handle this. I have so much anxiety since I realized this situation at 7pm last night that I feel sick to my stomach (yes, I am up at 2am worried about this). I really need some advice on how to navigate the whole thing. Thank you and God Bless!
 
Depending on where you live and your access to transportation, you could find out when confession is held at another parish and go there. Calling your parish priest and asking him when he would be free is another very good option, you don’t know if you don’t ask. If all else fails you can say an Act of Contrition and then go to confession when it is held at your parish.

Also it is important to know there is a difference between mortal and venial sin. Mortal is death because it destroys our relationship with God while venial sins are lesser but still burden the relationship without destroying it. To be a mortal sin it must be grave matter, done intentionally and with full consent of the will. If you did not know what you were doing at the time was a sin it cannot be a mortal sin.

It is good that you want to go to confession asap, but do not stress. Pray and put everything in God’s hands.
 
Thank you for your advice. I find all this stuff very confusing but I do try very hard to be a faithful Catholic. From what I have read, what I did is a Mortal sin but when I did it I didn’t think it was wrong. There are so many things like that in my past since I didn’t grow up in a Christian house. Now as a Christian it causes me so much grief and anxiety. At any rate, I will call my parish and see what I can arrange. I have looked at all the other parish information for my area and Saturday is the only day any of them have confession. In the meantime, I will do what you advise and say an act of contrition. Thank you so much for your help. God Bless You!
 
You stated that when you sinned, you didn’t think it was wrong. Therefore it is a venial sin and not a mortal one. May God grant you peace and rest assured that everything will be ok. Don’t feel like you have to rush to confession over a venial sin.
 
Sweet friend, God bless you in your eagerness.

The first thought I had when reading your post was to remind you that our God is one of mercy and compassion. He doesn’t wish to “catch us”, as if having a mortal sin on your soul at the hour of death is some sort of “Gotcha!” moment. He knows your heart. He knows your deepest wishes to honor and serve him. If you feel the need to attend reconciliation before Saturday, you certainly can look into other parishes an attend confession there. But if you must wait until Saturday, be at peace. Use this time to offer prayers of thanksgiving for bringing past sinfulness into light, and offer prayers of joy and gratitude for his Compassionate Mercy. Be at peace.
 
I am surprised that no one mentioned this. You mentioned that you are 45, a convert, and worrying about a sin that you committed in your 20s. That is almost a 25 year gap.

I assume you were baptised somewhere along the last 20 years- now. Sins that are committed before your baptism are immediately forgiven when you are baptised. Confession is only necessary for sins after baptism. So there you go, if you were baptised recently, you do not need to worry or confess, this sin. Of course, speaking to a priest can always do you some good.
 
ikoner4 said:
I am surprised that no one mentioned this. You mentioned that you are 45, a convert, and worrying about a sin that you committed in your 20s. That is almost a 25 year gap.

I assume you were baptised somewhere along the last 20 years- now. Sins that are committed before your baptism are immediately forgiven when you are baptised. Confession is only necessary for sins after baptism. So there you go, if you were baptised recently, you do not need to worry or confess, this sin. Of course, speaking to a priest can always do you some good.
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Yes. 🙂

Also, and others can tweak this if I’m close, but if you honestly don’t remember a sin during an otherwise valid confession until later, it is covered. I’ve heard some say we should go ahead and confess that next time, but others don’t understand why if it’s no longer a sin. 🤷

IOW don’t worry about a “bad confession” because you forgot something, only if you were intentionally trying to hide a mortal sin by intentionally leaving it out of a confession. I’m guessing but not assuming you have been to confession at least once since then, but either way it isn’t an issue considering what ikoner4 wrote. 👍
 
dolly_finn said:
Hello all, I am hoping this is the proper place to post this. I am a convert to Catholicism and frequently I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. I have tried since my conversion to learn as much as possible about my faith but I often find my knowledge considerably lacking.

I am in a situation where at 45 I just realized I have a mortal sin on my soul from my non-catholic days in my early 20’s. I believe this became apparent to me last night due to my starting to pray the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows and have started asking Mary to show me my defects. At any rate, so here it is Tuesday and normal confession is held on Saturday. I feel sick to my stomach over not having ever confessed this before, but what do I do?

Should I call my parish and try to schedule an early confession? This is hard because I am a member of a huge parish that literally only has one priest. He is often so busy that you get the impression you are bugging him ( nothing against him, the poor man seems totally overwhelmed). Or, do I wait until normal Saturday confession time?

I would greatly appreciate some advice on how to handle this. I have so much anxiety since I realized this situation at 7pm last night that I feel sick to my stomach (yes, I am up at 2am worried about this). I really need some advice on how to navigate the whole thing. Thank you and God Bless!
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Were you baptized when you came into the Church or were you already baptized?
 
About the baptism issue. While my parents were not religious they had me baptized in the Lutheran church when I was 4 yrs old for some unknown reason. In fact, I was asking my father what their motivation was just a week ago since they never went to church and he didn’t even remember that I had been baptized ( but I know I was and had to get the paper work from the Lutheran church in order to be confirmed in my 20’s). So, I will go to confession this Saturday. I called my parish and my priest is on vacation so Saturday is the best I can do. I did a good act of contrition last night and feel much more at peace now. Thank you all for your help and advice. I know God is loving it is just all the law really confuses me. None of this stuff was really gone over during my conversion and now I am frequently feel lost. But, I just really appreciate all of your help!
 
My opinion is you tell the priest what you told us- that you have been praying to know your defects and that you have been reminded that you have an old, unconfessed sin. Then confess it. My understanding is that if you legitimately had forgotten it, your previous confessions are still valid, but now that you have recalled it, you do need to confess it.

I’m not sure why you feel it needs to be done outside the normal time for confession, unless you feel it will be really lengthy, but if you feel that’s necessary then you could do that. You will lose your anonymity if you schedule a confession outside the normal hour, but perhaps you don’t mind that.
 
Try not to get discouraged about knowledge, or lack of amount known.

Though it’s fun to learn details, the key is what you profess in the creed. Let that foundation toss away discouragement.

I can relate to feeling sick, I felt that way recently about a sin.

I am lucky to have many options in my area including one church with daily confession times.

If you have the ability (as noted above), it is not against your congregation or priest to seek confession elsewhere.

But I also wouldn’t feel bad about asking the priest, quick call to the office and if the priest is available, great. If not, no harm in asking.

Take care,

Mike
 
dolly_finn said:
I believe this became apparent to me last night due to my starting to pray the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows and have started asking Mary to show me my defects.
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And you say you don’t know what you’re doing! 🙂 Unfortunately, many Catholics today have no idea that they should pray to Our Lady of Sorrows for the sake of having their biggest defects revealed to them. I’m actually pretty surprised you’ve heard of this.

As others have pointed out: if you were baptized before committing these sins in your 20’s (and you say that you have) then you *would *need to confess them if they were mortal. If, due to whatever reason, you’ve simply forgotten to confess the sins, or simply hadn’t thought of them, then you’ve already been absolved of them at your first good confession upon entering the Church. However, now that you do remember them, you should of course confess them at your earliest opportunity.

This always applies to all forgotten mortal sins: so long as we don’t **willfully **hide them from the priest, then we are absolved of them. We can therefore freely receive Holy Communion. However, we should confess them at some point, preferably sooner rather than later.

It seems to me, of course, that this is quite what you’ve decided on doing: but I just wanted to echo some of the good advice you’ve been given, and perhaps flesh it out a bit more. 🙂
 
I just want to thank everyone again for all of your advice and kindness. You have all been so good to me. I think I sometimes get close to scrupulosity simply because I don’t really understand it all. But, all of your kindness and advice has helped me to relax and remember God’s love in all of this. Thank you all and God Bless!!!
 
AdorateDominum said:
… Unfortunately, many Catholics today have no idea that they should pray to Our Lady of Sorrows for the sake of having their biggest defects revealed to them. I’m actually pretty surprised you’ve heard of this. … QUOTE]

Dolly Finn and Adorate D, thank you for flagging this up! 🙂
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