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decn2b
Guest
You suffered when your cat died. Your suffering IS redemptive. So your cats suffering was redemptive by proxy in a sense…
Maybe the Holy One can heal this horrific memory or bring a good out of it, maybe by making you even more like Jesus in His Compassion. I’m awfully sorry for your loss. I hope you will be comforted.I just want to thank everyone for being sensitive to my pain. What makes this particularly hard is that not only have I lost a good friend but I feel as though I’ve lost my church. When the priest rejected my simple request it was as though God Himself was refusing to bless the ashes. I know my can’t isn’t in heaven because that’s what I’m told by priests. But I just don’t understand what would have been so bad about blessing them. Other priests have blessed my dead pets. Priests bless houses that don’t go to heaven. It wasn’t so much for the cat as it was for me I guess, and it left me feeling turned away by the one place on earth that I thought I could find comfort. Then, I have a spiritual director who I’ve been emailing like crazy with no reply. I understand he may be busy but one little line of sympathy would have meant something, some kind of solace from a priest to show me that the church hasn’t completely turned her back on me, but nothing. I’m heartbroken from the rejection I think even more than the loss of my cat. I really believe that the devil caused this suffering but I don’t know why God allowed it. You see the night before the cat died I spent an hour in adoration and I had never felt closer to Jesus than I did that night. I wanted to stay forever. When the Exposition was over I just wanted them to leave Him there in the monstrance so that I could tell Him over and over how very much I love Him. Then to wake up to such a contrast was almost more than I could bear. I don’t trust anyone with my cats but I told God right off that I trust Him with my cat and to please take care of Him, to please end his suffering. I prayed for St Francis to intercede…nothing for 2hr and 10min I bore witness to a scene that even Stephen King could not have created. It was horror at the core and as much as I try to stop the memory…hearing the cries, seeing what I saw, it keeps haunting me. I continue to pray. I continue to try to feel Jesus in spite of this void that I feel toward the church right now. I’m lying to my family about his death telling them that he died a peaceful easy death because I can’t bear to put someone I love through what God allowed me to go through. I didn’t go to confession for the lying because I intend to hold onto that lie for the rest of my life, I’m just not that cruel. Will God forgive me this, I don’t know but it’s a chance I’ve decided to take. I pray that Mary will console me, She above all women understands suffering. I pray she will help me. I’ve never been married and even if I were I can’t have children, I became sterile with the chemo and bone marrow transplant, my cats are my children. Maybe She can understand this, maybe She will give me comfort. I’ve prayed the rosary many times, maybe She can help me. But thank you all for your posts, they have helped a great deal.