Psalms 34:9 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted, saves those whose spirit is crushed. 20 Many are the troubles of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him from them all.
This may be a very holy time for you. When I was at my most brokenhearted moment Jesus came to give me dignity, encouragement, power and a neverending ocean of love. I pray that for you.
The details were: My spouse was leaving me.
Other people, many of whom I never knew even liked me, were giving me love and encouragement. But I couldn’t receive it.
“They don’t know you like SHE does …” was the temptation that kept me in emotional hell.
And she had found it easy to leave.
One night, as I sat alone looking at my kitchen table, I did a sort of silent prayer of complaint (NOT the best kind of prayer mind you, but I was addressing it to God as He was the only other person there).
“She just doesn’t understand how much I love her!”
In my thoughts Jesus addressed me.
“Now we are closer my son, because that happens to me millions of time every day …” I heard, followed by " … and YOU (have rejected me too)."
At which point I began to say a repentant “Our Father …”
When I reached the “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive …” part; my thoughts were interrupted forcefully.
“You want me to forgive you like THAT?!”
And I realized that I had the opportunity to at least begin the process of forgiving my ex-wife (who after all was a self-professed agnostic and so not as likely to receive God’s graces as I … and I wasn’t REALLY receiving those graces offered me).
I found I’d perversely held on to a righteous resentment against her that didn’t please the Lord. And He was calling me to live OUT the “Our Father’s” forgiveness passage and receive as much from Him!
It was like being offered a ticket to heaven, and release of a great earthly burden in the meantime.
The second big part of my healing that night came when that " … she knows you better than anyone …" temptation came again. Making me deeply, hopelessly sad and alone.
“Not everyone …” came the holy thought.
“Oh, yeah …” I intellectually assented without much feeling “God knows me better.”
For some reason the moment was right for my tortured soul to turn to Jesus.
It was not a “Lt. Dan” from “Forrest Gump” angry challenge; more of a frustrated plea.
“All right Jesus …” and this was not the way I usually addressed the Lord, even in my thoughts, having been brought up in the reverent Catholic “Holy Name” 1950s when saying ‘Jesus’ was always accompanied by a bow of the head * " … who AM I?"
I really wanted to know. I was actually ready to LISTEN to the Lord. I was heart-broken, empty and ego free - and my opinion of myself was similar at that point to my wife’s " … not MUCH."
*I was not prepared for what happened next.
To my shock, I felt a wave of peace surround me and the feeling of an invisible loving hand on my head causing me to close my eyes …
THEN …TREMENDOUS power, joy, love, hope, happiness, and celebration were conferred upon me (I don’t know how else to put it …).
It was as if Jesus had said to me (with an over-the-top enthusiasm that reminded me of ME on a hyper day)* " OH! Who are you to ME?! YOU don’t understand! HERE is who you are to ME!"
In what must have been no more than 10 seconds I got a quick vision of what I would call “My Greatest Hits …” In a river running through me I was shown every good thing I’d ever done, my most unselfish moments, times I’d been a peacemaker, prayed for others, or was a channel of God’s love.
I physically stood up, almost dazed and drunk (as it were) awash in SUCH good feelings that seemed to be just the beginning of what the Lord was bringing me.
It was too much. MUCH as I loved it, I asked Him to stop. It was just TOO good! Lol.
So He “paused” and asked me " …are you SURE?" As if there was a LOT more love
to come if I’d let it. “Yes.” I replied inside myself. But I was quite happy and healed for the moment.
“THAT’S who you are to ME …”
was the message. And I knew it was not just for me. But for YOU dear readers.
I tell you MY story in hopes that you will remember it when you are “dying of loneliness” like our very humble and wise original poster Peter “Itulian” here. (Humble enough to confess his need, wise enough to bring his broken heart here to where the body of Christ is supposed to be) …or like Jesus Himself was in the Garden of Gethsemane.
Matt 26:36 Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, 22 and he said to his disciples, "Sit here while I go over there and pray."37 He took along Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and
began to feel sorrow and distress. 38Then he said to them,*** “My soul is sorrowful even to death. ***24 Remain here and keep watch with me.” 39 He advanced a little and fell prostrate in prayer, saying, “My Father, 25 if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.”
I’ll never forget my healing moment there, which was still just an oasis in a very difficult desert of a time for me. But from that moment, Jesus has been someone very different to me than He had been … and MUCH less distant.
I need Him still today. And unlike that moment, mostly He comes to me through other people acting in His spirit now.
Your cross Peter, is very much like His was. Well … probably without the external scourging, hatred, public humiliation and torture … but still it is YOUR cross and crosses are never easy.
This may actually be a very holy time for you. Your hour of heroism. I hope so. That is to say I hope that your going through these sorrowful moments are part of your “Greatest Hits” when you showed your faith in a dark hour … and not just a fog of hopelessness.
May the Lord lift your head and bless you immensely Peter. And QUICKLY too (that’s my happy prayer). :extrahappy:
Thank you for your humble sharing too. You are helping others by this.
**** In those days you could always tell what part of a Hail Mary a silent rosary sayer was on by the head bob. You bowed your head at the name of ‘Jesus’. On a GOOD day, I still do.***
