PLEASE HELP: Advice on teens and confession

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dean24us

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Hello! As the thread title denotes, my question is regarding teens and confession. As the parent of a 13 year old daughter, do I have the right (if not obligation) to require my child to go to confession? I realize that in any other circumstance that answer would be a resounding ‘NO’, but (like any parent) I am often called upon to make decisions for her that she is not mature enough to make herself. Would going to confession be one of those types of decisions?

In addition, does anyone have any ideas on how to encourage (i.e. not force, but motivate) teens to attend confession?

Dean
 
You can do nothing but say, “I’m goign to confession, you’re comming with me. You can take the time to go, but you’re not required.”

The answer Michelle Arnold gave was one about a 9yo (typically too young to start such grand defiance) who loved confession and then woke up one day and hated it. Which is very concerning and would require councelling, as with any unexpected change in a child that dosn’t seem pre-pubescent related (the child still liked Mass).

I would be careful to ascribel mortal sin. I am peeved at parents on this board who refuse to let their child go to communion becuase the child “disobeyed” …it feels too much like judge, jury and executioner.
 
Thanks for the replies. I read the link provided, and my situation is a bit different. Perhaps my parenting hasn’t instilled a great enough love of the Church and sacraments, but she has never been the “type” to go to confession. I’ve always held the attitude that I would give her the opportunity to go and do it if she wanted to, but she has never shown any interest in going to confession. On top of that, I have only been a Catholic for around a year; my wife is a cradle Catholic, but I have converted only recently, so I haven’t been setting a good example up until the past year or so (e.g., “if dad doesn’t have to do it, why should I?”).

Couple that with the fact that she is now a teen and has all the narcissistic attitudes that go along with it, and I’m not sure where to go from this point. As a parent, I can’t help but think “what if something happens to her and she goes in to the next life without absolution of her sins?” It might sound like a morbid question, but the thought that she couldn’t be with God because of something I did (or failed to do) as a parent is, well, heartbreaking. 😦

I’m sure I’m not the only person who has been, or currently is, in this situation. Any words of wisdom?

Dean
 
Be comforted by the fact that from the age of 13-25 a child’s brain leaves their body and is replaced by mush.

In all seriousness though, mortal sins aren’t collectable like pokemon cards. Culpability is a HUGE factor. It would be very wrong for a 29yo to tell her mother that she was stupid, but very normal for a 15yo.

I’m not saying a teen can’t commit a mortal sin, but that it’s very difficult since they are still developing their brains…much harder than someone who is a full grown adult. And since she wasn’t raised Catholic the other pieces of a mortal sin like “full knowlege” are also on shaky ground.

Couple with that you’ve pulled the rug out from your child by changing. Kids, especally teens, long for stability. While the Catholic religion offers stability you’ve changed and that’s tough on a teen even if it’s for the better.

Entrust her to God and make options easily available. For instance, “Honey, lets go shopping, hit confession and go out to dinner.” Sanwich it inbetween to fun thigns so DD can learn that it’s just an ordnary part of life adn not something that’s a punishment that she has to stop life for.
 
I would say sandwich going to Confession between 2 or 3 activities, and make the last activity after Confession something that is pleasurable like going to get a snack or a meal as an example.

Some kids thrive on rewards for doing things that they don’t like, and that may work for you. But they also need to learn eventually that going to Confession is not a bad thing but a good & necessary thing without a reward of a snack after doing it.
 
Yep, I think parents forget to treat confession as a NORMAL part of life though. If we make something ritualistic or habitual it REALLY does alot.

For instance “agent cool blue plaquefighter” is great for 4-10yo’s but I’d hope by the time the kid is 30 they aren’t relying on agent cool blue to remember to brush their teeth.
 
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