Please help, give inspiration

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Charlotte408

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Tonight I’m attending a visitation/vigil for a friend that passed away last Friday. I’m really, very nervous because his mother has not only asked me to come, but she wants me to say something?? Oh my lord-

I’m at a loss for words, total loss of words. My heart hurts, of course, I mean, he was a Son, a Father of 4 beautiful girls (all under 8 poor babies)- a Brother, so SO many things to so many people- I just dont know where to start or WHAT to say.

I would LIKE to just be able to recall a fond memory, but…his wife might not appreciate that as ‘our’ memories were from back in the day before she came along…see where I’m going???

But I’m close with his ENTIRE family, his mother adores me, wants me there by her side… I just dont want to bring up anything that may be construed as ‘disrespectful’ to her and their relationship…idk…idk, WHAT to say.

Also, this is my FIRST funeral!! My nerves are racked, and you guys are so well versed in the ‘prayer’ field, can someone please give me some kind of, idk guideline or feel for what I should be saying, or not saying???
 
Also, and I’m so embarrassed right now I really hope you guys arent taking any of this the wrong way…but…

Do I have to wear all black tonight? Or just tomarrow for the mass and funeral??? or both??
 
I just dont want to do anything wrong…show up in all black when no one else is in black, or vice versa…

buries head in arms
 
**Since this is posted in the prayer intentions forum, and I don’t have advice otherwise, I will say a prayer for you :). May the Holy Spirit guide you and help you relax.

Remember, O gracious
Virgin Mary, that never was
it known that anyone who
fled to thy protection, implored thy
help or sought thy intercession was
left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly to thee,
O Virgin of Virgins and
my Mother; to thee I
come, before thee I kneel,
sinful and sorrowful;
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions, but
in thy mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen.**
 
Hi Charlotte408
I’m Sorry for you and your friend’s family. Reminiscing about a close friend can be difficult at the best of times but especially so at times like this. I’m sure the people there will understand if you struggle with what you say.
If it were me I would keep it general, mention attributes he had that others will recognise, but saying that I’m sure a story from the old days won’t hurt.
Wake customs vary around the world but in my home area we would say a decade or two of the glorious mysteries if appropriate to the situation.
As for dress code, at home we would go for smart clothes, not to colourful but doesn’t have to be black. I hope this is of some help. all in all I’m sure no one will be to critical of you if you miss something.

I will keep you all in my prayers.

God Bless
 
Peace be with you! What an honor for your friend’s mother to turn to you during this time of loss and pain. She trusts that whatever you say will be fine. I would suggest that you maybe recall 3 short, light memories; from your early days knowing each other, his feelings that he confided to you regarding what his family ment to him and maybe something recent within the last few years that everyone is familar with and can laugh with each other again. Wearing black is not required so much anymore, just something dark and conserative will be fine. You cannot make a mistake. :signofcross:
 
Close to his entire family … does that include his wife?

If you are not close to her, then out of respect, I wouldn’t speak.

If you are … then speak to her and see if it’s okay that you speak.

Prayers for you, of course!
 
I’m not close with his wife, but we dont have any problems, we are always civil and even friendly with eachother…But she wasnt there anyways.

Wooow…that was…crazy. I CANT believe nobody responded to this thread before I had to go in there. I was SO nervous…I was like, shaking. I’m sorry, I’m just kind of trippin’ right now…it made me think of SO many things…there were so many people there, 2 rooms of people, people all the way out the hall and down the corridor…out front…There wouldnt be that many people at my funeral…And they were showing pictures, on a slideshow…pictures of him when he was 5, 6…the same age as my daughter…birthday pictures where he’s at a table surrounded by friends blowing out the candles…and all I could think was- I HAVE birthday pictures of my daughter like that-that could be MY daughter, or my friends daughter…And then I went up to see him, and…it was like my heart dropped - it wasnt him anymore…I mean, there he was laying there but it was like, not even a person it was like a shell…I had this moment where, I FELT my soul…like, I realized my soul and my body were two totally different things…more than the way they talk about it but physically, really…Oh my god…I’m sorry for going off I’m sure you’ve all been there before but this was my first funeral and … dang…I just want to go crawl in bed and cuddle with my baby and breathe her hair…

Btw I did wear all black and no I did not speak…I couldnt get up the nerve…the whole thing was just…like it was hard to breath…I want to say ‘breath taking’ but that just doesnt describe it. I just sat next to his Mom & his cousin (my bff) and…cried…
 
Saying a prayer for the deceased …

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord. And may Your Perpetual Light shine upon him. May he rest in peace.
Amen.
 
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