Please help - I cannot live with my aunt anymore :(

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Thankfulness said:
I think that as the parents made decisions impacting on their child, all her growing life, that they should get the courage and wisdoms and the determination and plan to protect their daughter from the emotional abuse she is enduring.

She shouldn’t have to leave home before she is ready.

Her parents owe her ‘duty of care’.
She is suffering persecution at the abuse of this aunt. Because it is abuse.

She needs to be clear with her parents how intolerable this abuse has become and no accept procrastination and soft-soaping.
She feels driven to lying and hiding.

She should not have to endure this abuse in the supposed safety of her own home.

:stretcher:
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Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Did you understand that this has been the situation since the poster was a tiny little girl? That there was a boarder who was needing a temporary place to live and now has stayed for FOURTEEN YEARS? Not even having a room of her own? These parents are NOT going to draw a boundary for this sister/SIL. There’s what they SHOULD do, and what they WILL do, which is nothing. The OP has to take matters into her own hands and do what she can, which is leave the situation as soon as possible. Sometimes drawing a boundary means physically leaving a situation. I’m sorry it’s this way, but get real - her parents are not going to suddenly wake up and change, do a 180 from what they have done to this point.
 
phillipa31 said:
I didn’t have to read your whole post…but I did and my thoughts were the same: time to move.

^^ Uhhhh, say what? I moved out when I was 18. Granted, I enrolled in college. But I never found living on my own hard, even when I was 19 and had my own apartment. There seems to be a sentiment that women need to be “protected” and that’s not true for a lot of us.

I’m sorry your experience was to be in a relationship to not “feel” like men were after you. You seem to have had those “feelings” rather than actually experience that…Some of us are strong and confident from the get go and do not need anyone else to validate that for us…not that I am all “women’s lib” or anything, but your thinking is from the 1950’s or something. Women today can hold their own.
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It is very frustrating to ALWAYS have to hold your own and to always feel like men are trying to get you and, if you’re young , and attractive, they are! I find a lot of my mean streak developed during that time when I was having to reject all kinds of guys and stay clear of others. It helped to have a boyfriend because that kept the rest of the guys at bay for a while, but then you have the undesirable scenario of a boyfriend.

I would’ve probably handled it better at 25, but at 18 I was too raw and naive in many circumstances. I concede that it’s all subjective but based in my experience, in this day and age, I would not want my daughters on their own. Also I’m talking about the decade that just past, others on here are talking about being on their own several decades ago, times have changed. Many of my friends made very poor decisions once they went on their own, of course, our parents know nothing about them and they look at us now, degree in hand, married with children and think we did great for ourselves - and while I am earache about where I’ve gotten in life, through God’s grace, I have far too many regrets from those college days. I’d rather not be that naive about my own children.

It’s really the aunt that has no business bumming around, if that’s what she’s doing.
If she actually has some disorder or issue that keeps her from being on her own,i agree the OP should move out, but, definitely get a roomate and trusty guy friends (if they exist 😃 )
 
1inICXC said:
It is very frustrating to ALWAYS have to hold your own and to always feel like men are trying to get you and, if you’re young , and attractive, they are! I find a lot of my mean streak developed during that time when I was having to reject all kinds of guys and stay clear of others. It helped to have a boyfriend because that kept the rest of the guys at bay for a while, but then you have the undesirable scenario of a boyfriend.

I would’ve probably handled it better at 25, but at 18 I was too raw and naive in many circumstances. I concede that it’s all subjective but based in my experience, in this day and age, I would not want my daughters on their own. Also I’m talking about the decade that just past, others on here are talking about being on their own several decades ago, times have changed. Many of my friends made very poor decisions once they went on their own, of course, our parents know nothing about them and they look at us now, degree in hand, married with children and think we did great for ourselves - **and while I am earache about where I’ve gotten in life, **through God’s grace, I have far too many regrets from those college days. I’d rather not be that naive about my own children.

It’s really the aunt that has no business bumming around, if that’s what she’s doing.
If she actually has some disorder or issue that keeps her from being on her own,i agree the OP should move out, but, definitely get a roomate and trusty guy friends (if they exist 😃 )
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:confused::confused::confused: I assume the filler-in thingie messed this up somehow…
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Did you understand that this has been the situation since the poster was a tiny little girl? That there was a boarder who was needing a temporary place to live and now has stayed for FOURTEEN YEARS? Not even having a room of her own? These parents are NOT going to draw a boundary for this sister/SIL. There’s what they SHOULD do, and what they WILL do, which is nothing. The OP has to take matters into her own hands and do what she can, which is leave the situation as soon as possible. Sometimes drawing a boundary means physically leaving a situation. I’m sorry it’s this way, but get real - her parents are not going to suddenly wake up and change, do a 180 from what they have done to this point.
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I realize that but it stands as their parental responsibility. If they cannot or will not protect her, then she has to make her own choice to continue to endure, or to make other arrangements. Visiting home with the aunt still there to cross-examine and intrude, she cannot escape the situation altogether, unless the parents make other arrangements for her aunt.
 
Thankfulness said:
Some can, some can’t so well. Generalizations rarely reflect reality, to make a generalization
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👍

I’m a woman. If I hadn’t had amble support I would have failed on ‘my own’. But I was ‘on my own’ with provisions. That is, my family still took care of me in many ways until I figured out how to be independent. Not all women are ‘super women’. Every human being is created differently.
 
Thankfulness said:
Some can, some can’t so well. Generalizations rarely reflect reality, to make a generalization
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Thanks for generalizing my generalization 🙂 Maybe I should have said, “people are stronger than they think they are”? Maybe that would make saying ‘women are strong’ acceptable…
 
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