Dear Sister in Christ: This is a not uncommon problem among those who have had heart attacks or heart surgery. It isn’t always due to meds, either, although that can also contribute to the problem. My husband had a heart attack 3 years before he passed away (NOT from heart problems). He was afraid of having intimate relations because he feared his heart would stop if he did. He was upfront about this fear with me, but most men (and a lot of women) don’t want to admit to the fear they feel. After a year, the Cardiologist told him his heart was undamaged and in good shape, but he had 7 - yes 7 - blockages in major arteries below the heart. He feared that getting his heart pumping harder (which it would during sex) would either cause a clot to break loose or stop his heart. We would kiss a few times each day, and hug a few times, but that was all. We never had intimate relations again. His first wife had open heart surgery (4 bypasses), they were both Nurses, as I was, and she never wanted to have relations again. Several years later she became ill with a terminal illness, and eventually died. They had not had relations for over 10 years. Even though she had a M.S. in Nursing, and specialized in Cardiology, the fear was still there. I knew this, and when he got the same fear, I understood it. We continued to love each other tremendously, but had no intimacy again. He also died of a terminal disease (cancer) 3 years later. As long as he loves you, you can, indeed live without the intimacy for as long as necessary. Eventually, his cardiologist may be able to convince him it is safe (if it is), but meantime, please realize that those with a heart problem are actually terrified of dying if they have sexual relations. He doesn’t want to die at such an intimate time and leave you with that memory! Be patient with him, talk to his cardiologist, and in the meantime live a chaste life. The promises at marriage are for “better or worse, and in sickness and in health”. You are now getting the downside, but the promises you both made are still valid. Don’t get so uptight about it, just try to talk to him, but first talk to his cardiologist. It may take him months to get over the fears involved, as they can run very deeply. I will say a prayer for you both.
