Please Help: Masturbating & Mortal Sin

[Catholic80]

I am 16 years old. I used to masturbate frequently, but since I found out it was a sin, I really started trying to stop. I’ve pretty much always had a very close relationship with God, but something happened last night. I always pray for forgiveness and the strength to stop masturbating each night, at times even when I don’t do it. Last night, I had the urge to masturbate, so I began reading about how masturbation is a sin online (to remind myself how wrong it is). The temptation was practically eating me alive. I read all about how it is grave matter and I got really scared. I kept trying to fight it and in the end I gave in and masturbated. I couldn’t believe it. I committed a mortal sin. I’ve been depressed ever since (and I’m a VERY happy person!) and last night after it happened I threw up numerous times because of the knot in my stomach, and I shed a few tears. I am so scared. I don’t know what I was even thinking (I didn’t really think it through), and now I’ve actually begun realizing that it’s something I REALLY need to stop immediately. I plan on never doing it again. My relationship with God means everything to me.

Being only 16, I can’t just drive to confession. This is not really something that I’m comfortable talking about with my parents, so I don’t know what to do. I also play guitar in my church’s youth mass… I can’t just not take the eucharist (which I understand is a sin when you’re under mortal sin). I am freaking out. I read so many posts that scare me about how I must go to confession right away or else I will go to Hell and I don’t have God’s grace… I’ve been praying ever since. Constantly.

Please give me some advice. I feel sick every time I think about it. I have never been so genuinely sorry about something in my entire life.

Thanks,
God Bless.

Andrew

A couple of things…

The anxiety you are feeling is not from God. It is a temptation from the enemy to keep you from turning to God and throwing yourself into His arms. In fact, this anxiety temptation is pretty “standard” when it comes to falling into a sin you don’t want to commit.

“For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.” - Romans 7:15

I also struggled for years with masturbation, and it took years before I finally stopped. Don’t give up hope. It is a terrible cross and struggle, but keep courage. The devil tempts us to sin by making the sin desirable, and then tempts us to despair afterwards by telling us how bad we are. But if you look at the Gospels, Christ showed the greatest mercy towards those with sexual sins! The prostitute… the woman at the well…

Sexual desire is normal, good, and beautiful, which is exactly why the devil wants to attack it so much and twist and distort it. He doesn’t want you to find the beauty that God created. The devil wants to torment you and tear you from this joy.

My first advice to you would NOT to look up how masturbation is a mortal sin. You already know this. As St. Therese says, “we shall reach much greater heights of virtue by thinking upon the virtue of God than if we stay in our own little plot of ground and tie ourselves down to it completely.” In other words? When we think of virtuous things, it leads us to virtue. When we think of dark things, it leads us to darkness.

Instead, ( and only if it doesn’t cause you greater struggle), maybe study JP II’s Theology of the Body and dwell on why the sexual act, as it was meant to be, is so pure and holy.

But overall, talk to a priest and have him direct you spiritually on what to do. And don’t be afraid to confess. There is nothing wrong with asking your parents to drive you to confession. They do not need to know why and if they ask (which they shouldn’t) just tell them that you would like to go to confession and it is between you and God.

Secondly, if you can’t make it to confession before Mass, there is no shame in not receiving the Eucharist. I have abstained many times from receiving the Eucharist (while in choir) and if anyone thinks twice about it, that actually is a sin because they are assuming and judging. You might be abstaining because you broke the fast, or you didn’t do an adequate preparation for communion, or it is simply in your conscience to abstain. Never mind what others think of you.

Be at peace about this. God is not staring down at you from heaven, angry that you gave in to your struggle. Christ loves us in our weaknesses and even more when we give our weaknesses to Him! Never forget this! When you give your weakness to another (Confession) you are giving it directly to Christ. Christ is more saddened when we are afraid to come to Him than of the sin we committed.

Don’t be afraid to go to confession, and do not let the devil tempt you into despair and anxiety. God loves you! He has great compassion for our weakness.

Ask the Blessed Mother to be with you and help you through this.

 

[andrewp13]

Hey everyone. Thanks again for all your replies. Unfortunately I have failed a couple times since, but I refuse to give up. That being said, I felt like both times I failed, I had horrible luck afterwords. Is this some sort of punishment from God, or something from the devil? Just random things have gone wrong each time I failed. I be sure to make it clear to the Lord in my prayer that I will continue to fight these temptations, and I will never leave Him, so I can’t imagine why he would punish me… unless God actually separates from YOU when you commit a mortal sin? Has anyone else been “punished” after giving in? Thanks.

 

[surritter]

I wouldn’t get too worked up by thinking about a “cause/effect” stuff. Sure, the devil is great at playing the discouragement game, but it’s highly likely that those things were just stuff that happens, or it could be that your mental discouragement at having fallen caused you to be more likely to bumble into bad things. Sort of like how dour and sad people sometimes seem to have bad stuff happen to them.
So it may or may not be related, but don’t think about it. A Christian’s goal is to constantly work at climbing the mountain, even right after falling a few steps backward.

 

[Rocky24]

From my experience, praying the rosary and having a strong devotion to St Michael and your Guardian angel helps a lot. The devil flees at the sight of them when you invoke them and pray to them! Get down on your knees and pray instantly whenever the temptation comes. Make sure you get to Confession soon and then receive the Eucharist, for these sacraments give you the graces to strengthen you when temptation strikes. God bless

 

[Catholic80]

Hey everyone. Thanks again for all your replies. Unfortunately I have failed a couple times since, but I refuse to give up. That being said, I felt like both times I failed, I had horrible luck afterwords. Is this some sort of punishment from God, or something from the devil? Just random things have gone wrong each time I failed. I be sure to make it clear to the Lord in my prayer that I will continue to fight these temptations, and I will never leave Him, so I can’t imagine why he would punish me… unless God actually separates from YOU when you commit a mortal sin? Has anyone else been “punished” after giving in? Thanks.

God doesn’t “punish,” per say. There are natural consequences all intended to bring us closer to Him. For example, if a person gets drunk and then has a hangover, the hangover is not a punishment, but a natural consequence reminding us that getting drunk is not healthy or good for us.

If you were a parent, would you beat your struggling child? If your child was struggling terribly with something, would you punish him and make him more miserable, or would you treat him with even more love and compassion?

My guess is your recent misfortune is simply the natural ups and downs of daily life that we all go through, but, your imagination leading you to believe that the two events are somehow related.

 

[Robert_Sock]

CHAPTER 13 – On Resisting Temptations [The Imitation of Christ]

So long as we live in this world, we cannot remain without trial and temptation: as Job says, “Man’s life on earth is a warfare.” We must therefore be on guard against temptations, and watchful in prayer, that the Devil find no means of deceiving us; for he never rests, but prowls around seeking whom he may devour. No one is so perfect and holy that he is never tempted, and we can never be secure from temptation.

Although temptations are so troublesome and grievous, yet they are often profitable to us, for by them we are humbled, cleansed, and instructed. All the Saints endured manly trials and temptations, and profited by them; but those who could not resist temptations became reprobate, and fell away. There is no Order so holy, nor place so secluded, where there are no troubles and temptations.

No man can be entirely free from temptation so long as he lives; for the source of temptation lies within our own nature, since we are born with an inclination towards evil. When one temptation or trial draws to a close, another takes its place; and we shall always have something to fight, for man has lost the blessing of original happiness. Many try to escape temptations, only to encounter them more fiercely, for no one can win victory by flight alone; it is only by patience and true humility that we can grow stronger than all our foes.

The man who only avoids the outward occasions of evil, but fails to uproot it in himself, will gain little advantage. Indeed, temptations will return upon him the sooner, and he will find himself in a worse state than before. Little by little and by patient endurance you will overcome them by God’s help, better than by your own violence and importunity. Seek regular advice in temptation, and never deal harshly with those who are tempted, but give them such encouragement as you would value yourself.

The beginning of all evil temptation is an unstable mind and lack of trust in God. Just as a ship without a helm is driven to and fro by the waves, so a careless man, who abandons his proper course, is tempted in countless ways. Fire tempers steel, and temptation the just man. We often do not know what we can bear, but temptation reveals our true nature. We need especially to be on our guard at the very onset of temptation, for then the Enemy may be more easily overcome, if he is not allowed to enter the gates of the mind: he must be repulsed at the threshold, as soon as he knocks. Thus the poet Ovid writes, “Resist at the beginning; the remedy may come too late.” For first there comes into the mind an evil thought: next, a vivid picture: then delight, and urge to evil, and finally consent. In this way the Enemy gradually gains complete mastery, when he is not resisted at first. And the longer a slothful man delays resistance, the weaker he becomes, and the stronger his enemy grows against him.

Some people undergo their heaviest temptations at the beginning of their conversion; some towards the end of their course; others are greatly troubled all their lives; while there are some whose temptations are but light. This is in accordance with the wisdom and justice of God’s ordinance, who weighs the condition and merits of every man, and disposes all things for the salvation of those whom He chooses.

We must not despair, therefore, when we are tempted, but earnestly pray God to grant us his help in every need. For, as Saint Paul says, “With the temptation, God will provide a way to overcome it, that we may be able to bear bear it.” So, let us humble ourselves under the hand of God, in every trial and trouble, for He will save and raise up the humble in Spirit. In all these trials, our progress is tested; in them great merit may be secured, and our virtue become evident. It is no great matter if we are devout and fervent when we have no troubles; but if we show patience in adversity, we can make great progress in virtue. Some are spared severe temptations, but are overcome in the lesser ones of every day, in order that they may be humble, and learn not to trust in themselves, but to recognize their frailty.

 

[Wojo42]

Yes its a sin. I went through this same problem. Finally, I decided that enough was enough and that I was going to struggle against the urge no matter how long it took. And It was a serious struggle, sometimes becoming very physical.

When the temptation comes if you are in bed get out of bed and take a walk around the house. grab a tennis ball and toss it back and forth to each hand as you walk to keep your hands occupied. Read the bible. Do push ups and sit ups on your floor, while saying the rosary. Try to do something to get you mind off of it. Try fasting from a meal once a week or from a favorite food. Don’t do anything extreme though.

If you give into the temptation and fall, say an act of contrition right there and be truly sorry for the sin, then tell your parents that you want to go to confession on Saturday or whenever they offer it at you’re church You don’t have to tell them why just tell them you want to prepare for a good Sunday communion. Do the penance the priest gives you.
And go to communion on Sunday. God will give you the grace to overcome.

When I had this problem I ended up going to confession once a week and then going to communion on Sundays after confession. It took months to overcome this. But with God’s grace I finally did. As long as you continue to actively resist this vice God’s grace will continue to move you closer to overcoming it But you must keep the intention to continually resist it. If you stop resisting and struggling you will get nowhere.

 

[sowinskija]

Hi Andrew. My story is similar. I am 16 and male. Here’s some help.

1. At the first moment turn away from unclean thought. At the first moment. (10 commandments for teenagers)
2. Hand it all to Jesus. Just ask Him, with faith, to take the hormones away.
3. Run a mile, keeping Christ in your mind. Burns those hormones off real fast.
4. As for keeping your mind clean, just train your thoughts on Jesus and His sacrifice for us.
5. Pray instead.
6. Plan ahead of time how you are going to overcome the next hour of temptation, keeping your hope in Christ and walking with integrity. Say to yourself, “I’m going to go into my room to pray and do my homework, then have a nice dinner with my family, then pray and go to sleep, I know Christ is with me every step of the way” btw, most of the last idea was from Tebow’s book, not my head

God Bless, bro. Ur in my prayers

 

[presidentjlh]

As a 21 year old man (I still feel weird referring to myself as “man” instead of “boy”, lol.) who has himself suffered from anxieties over sin, I hope I can give you some advice and ease your mind on this matter.

Certainly it is a serious sin, and even when it is venial due to reduced culpability, it is one that must still be fought against, but you would do well to remember a few things.

First, you are human. You will make mistakes regularly throughout your life. I make mistakes regularly. Your family and friends will make mistakes regularly. The Pope will make mistakes regularly. All of the saints made mistakes regularly when they were alive. There are only two individuals throughout all of human history that lived a life completely without sin: Jesus Christ and his mother, Mary. And I think it is safe to assume that no individuals now or in the future will live lives without mistakes. And God, being the omniscient type, knows you make mistakes.

Of course we know this doesn’t mean that mistakes are no big deal. Of course sin’s a big deal.

But I’m reminded of a quote that was repeated throughout the Batman trilogy:

“Why do we fall down? To learn how to get up.”

That is the mindset you must take upon yourself. There’s a reason why Christ’s falling and getting back up again is in the Bible. The most important thing for us to do after we make a mistake is to pick ourselves back up and move forward, resolute in our goal of not making that mistake again. And even then, we will fall, often to that same type of mistake. No matter what, though, we must still pick ourselves up and be better in the future.

Second, let’s face it. That type of sin is one that most men probably have committed before in their life, and many of them will struggle with it for a good portion of their life. Does this mean that no matter how many confessions they go to, they’re probably doomed? How often we forget that God is not only justice, He is also mercy. Those that constantly seek His mercy with honest hearts, no matter how many times they fall, will receive His mercy. I am no theologian, neither am I the Pope nor a member of the Magisterium. But I was taught by this Church that God is infinite in mercy, so much so that Christ came to die for us so as to save us from ourselves. If He was willing to die for on the cross, why do you think that if you struggle with a sin, but are still honestly fighting it and trying to live as Christ did, that God will forsake you? I would say that Christ probably wants to be even closer to you, just like He always has no matter what. No matter what sin you may commit, there is nothing worse than despair, for when we despair, we choose to close ourselves off to God’s mercy.

I suggest you look into the devotion of Divine Mercy. What Christ said to St. Faustina are words that should bring comfort to all who struggle with sin.

 

[Julian_Peters]

For additional insight and advice, please see the following thread:

• [ Specific Questions About an Old Topic: Masturbation (http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=208045)